One of the Battlefield servers I frequent is hosted by the [ISI] Christian Clan. I figure religious folks are more inclined to good sportsmanship. For instance, I accidentally team-killed someone on a non-religious server and was told “thanks for the tk nigger”. I had even typed “sry”. Sometimes friendly fire isn’t.
But the [ISI] Christian Clan server runs a looping message that reads, “Please watch your language, as we do not give warnings”. Which is fine by me. I don’t really cuss around folks I don’t know. The server also loops a verse from Proverbs, but it’s a good one that even a Buddhist or Muslim could dig on: “As iron sharpens iron, one man sharpens another”. In other words, it’s more fun to play with people who don’t type “thanks for the tk nigger”.
Is it bad that I find some of the contextual dialogue particularly hilarious on this server? When you’re playing the Americans and squad members are getting killed or taking damage, they will scream “I’m getting my shit pushed in!” or “We’re really getting fucked in the ass over here!” I love the voice acting in these games, and I support making it as gritty it needs to be. Let’s get all Generation Kill up in here! But on this server, when they say those things, I put my fingertips over my pursed lips and give a wide-eyed Church Lady take to the camera.
Since I’ve been hitting my internet connection hard and heavy with some serious Battlefield 3, I didn’t think anything of another connection problem when I tried to log in to Xbox Live. I got some odd message about my profile being locked and needing to recover it. Whatever. Sounded pretty straightforward once I found the “recover profile” option. It took a while. I just played a few rounds of Battlefield 3.
So I eventually get back onto Xbox Live and, being a wanna-be Batman nerd, I head over to buy the Nightwing DLC for Arkham City. But for some reason, the 4000+ Microsoft spacebucks I had in my account are listed as 120 points. What? A quick check of my purchase history reveals that earlier today I tapped out my account by purchasing NBA Jam: On Fire Edition, the Gears of War 3 Season Pass, the Horde Command Pack, the Retro Lancer Launch Collection Weapon Skin Set, and Bastion. Except, of course, that I didn’t. But I applaud my thief’s choice of Bastion. That’s a seriously great game.
Anyway, here’s hoping Microsoft’s spacebuck theft department is more efficient than their broken Xbox department, which has repeatedly been a thorn in my side. I understand that Microsoft hasn’t acknowledged any widespread hacking issues, so as with my broken Xbox 360s, I appear to have been that one in a million guy. Again. I should play the lottery.
fuck u tomchick
That message was delivered over the chat function in Battlefield 3 from someone on the opposite team who had been killed by me during a battle at the Capsian border. My first reaction was basically “Well, I never…“. I was on a server recommended by a friend for mature players who I didn’t think would type that sort of thing.
But my second reaction was to type something about how he should stop sucking and learn to play the game. I was ready to go there. But my third reaction, which kicked in only because I didn’t have time to type in stuff about stopping sucking and learning to play, was delight that he was irked, so I should just type in “u mad?”. My fourth reaction, which kicked in only because I had people to shoot, flags to cap, tanks to spot, ammo bags to chuck, and no time to look up the chat key, was that I should really try to rise above that sort of silliness.
Multiplayer shooters makes me as stupid as the other people playing them. I really enjoyed aggravating someone because I’m as good as I am*. But I should keep that to myself. If there’s one thing worse than a sore loser, it’s a sore winner. The worst stupidity comes from people crowing because they’re winning, which is worse than the more common stupidity where someone is berating his team because they’re losing. Competitive videogames aren’t just for kids. They’re for people with no sense of sportsmanship.
But for all the icky juvenile behavior that can be as infectious as cooties, I love Battlefield 3. And by way of a teaser, I also love another high-profile shooter coming out next week that I’ve had the opportunity to play. To me, they’re not quite direct competitors. They offer different kinds of experiences, and dramatically different ways to play. I suspect I’ll be playing both, trying desperately to retain the level of dignity that befits a grown man.
By the way, the chat key in Battlefield 3 is “K”. Next time, I’ll be ready when someone comes at me.
* I mean every word of that, but not as a boast
If I’m ever going to be a villain, I want to know where Uncharted 3 villain Marlowe hired her henchmen. These are some of the most dedicated henchmen in the world. They will not be deterred. If they’re in a burning building, sinking ship, plummeting airplane, or crumbling ruin, their number one order of business is to shoot the hero.
At one point, after a plane crash in the desert, Drake finds a gun sticking out of the sand. He grabs it, put has to tug a bit to get it loose. It turns out it was still grasped by a dead body. Here is a man who fell out of an airplane and did not let go of his gun as he was falling, or even at the moment his body hit the ground. That’s dedication!
Nathan Drake is back in what is, so far, the weakest Uncharted of them all. More on that later, but as of about two-thirds through the campaign, it’s not looking good.
If you’ve only got an Xbox 360 or PS3, you can finally play the Wii version of Goldeneye. This means that instead of going, “Hey, this isn’t bad for a Wii game…”, you can just go, “Hey, this is pretty bad…”. But at least someone is keeping the James Bond franchise alive, since MGM isn’t quite up to the task.
After gladly skipping games with Sonic’s name on them for the last several years, I wonder if its time to revisit that policy. Sonic Generations’ blend of classic retro 2D levels and rebooted 3D levels might be just what the tired old hedgehog needs.
Finally, there’s a Lord of the Rings action RPG with co-operative multiplayer called War in the North. It’s made by the folks who did Baldur’s Gate: Dark Alliance and Champions of Norrath, so they’ve already gotten their feet wet with action RPGs. And now they’ve got a license.
I don’t want to embarrass anyone who may or may not be the online gaming service OnLive, but I noticed a recent Halloween related press release missing the point of trick-or-treating. The company promised “All Tricks No Treats With [insert name of a certain online gaming service] Halloween This Week”. That doesn’t exactly encourage me to knock on their door.
On the flip side, if you play Space Pirates and Zombies this weekend, you’ll notice the option for a Halloween mod is enabled by default. Leave that on. When the game starts, head for the nearest space station and dig the new “Trick or Treat” option. And don’t expect All Treats No Tricks. You’ll find a bunch of other adorable Halloween touches in Space Pirates and Zombies this weekend.
Another one of my favorite indie games, Dungeon Defenders, features costumes for the characters and a new Halloween mission, but only for PC users. Thanks, Microsoft, for no treats this Halloween!
Though Halloween isn’t until Monday, a large portion of the holiday will be celebrated this weekend. For those who don’t have children or are lacking a slutty kitty cat costume, the night might be less exciting. That’s why I want to provide you with Jason McMaster’s Fun Guide to Halloween Stuff!
After the jump, we get spooky up in this piece! Continue reading →
I did not write the following article, which is a grossly inappropriate way to cover a charming Nintendo title like Kirby’s Return to Dream Land. Instead, it was written by my potty mouthed twin brother, who asked me to post it on his behalf.
After the jump, grossly inappropriate stuff Continue reading →
I recently moved from my house to an apartment. During this move, we had to throw away a lot of clutter, some of it dating back to my childhood. One particular box held many of my old PC game boxes. I ended up throwing away most of my collection as I just don’t have the space for them. Some of that process makes me feel ill. I still feel ill just thinking about it. I did keep a handful of the boxes that I couldn’t bear to part with, one of which was The Bard’s Tale.
After the jump, I remember Skara Brae Continue reading →
MOBA is a term that’s becoming more popular in gaming, but how many know what it means and where it comes from? Quite a few I’m sure, but for those that might not know this article is for you. However, I guess we should take a minute to talk about what the hell a MOBA is and what does it have to do with gaming.
After the jump, the Arcane History of MOBA
Continue reading →
The real wallet threat this week is Kirby’s Return to Dreamland. I wasn’t aware he’d left, but I’m glad he’s back. This is Nintendo platforming at its finest. Mario who?
I’m mostly curious this week about The Haunted: Hell’s Reach (pictured), a mod-gone-pro supposedly published by THQ. I say supposedly, because when I searched for the game’s name on THQ’s site, the only result was a zombie unlife sim for tween girls called Monster High Ghoul Spirit for the Nintendo Wii. “This semester, there’s a new ghoul hitting the haunted halls of Monster High — you!” So, like, Bully, but you’re a zombie? I would totally play that. Err, uh, I mean, that sounds stupid. Pfft. Anyway, that’s out this week as well. But The Haunted: Hell’s Reach, not for tween girls, is a horror-themed PC shooter with co-op multiplayer. I watch the trailer and think about how great Painkiller would have been with co-op multiplayer or how good Bulletstorm should have been.
I’m also curious about a downloadable War of the Worlds side-scrolling adventure for Xbox Live Arcade and PSN called, fittingly enough, War of the Worlds. It’s published by Paramount, but it’s based on the 1953 movie instead of the Spielberg movie. I would like to think this was a creative choice made by the developer, but I’ll bet you dollars to donuts it was an easy way to sidestep the rights to Tom Cruise’s likeness.
Stronghold 3 is out this week for any castle building needs not being met in Minecraft. Folks with Kinects might care about Dance Central 2. Cursed Crusade looks like Atlus’ attempt at a slice of the Assassins Creed and Dark Souls pies. Pokemon Rumble Blast is probably the worst game name this year. Also, Electronic Arts’ Modern Warfare 3 is out this week.
* In Saints Row 3, every day can be Talk Like a Zombie Day when you pick the zombie voice for your character. You won’t be able to understand a word you say, because you’ll sound like a cross between Scooby Doo and Chewbacca. But that’s okay, since everyone else can understand you.
* Remember the name Oleg. You’ll be seeing a lot of him. In more ways than one.
* You have never seen a hacking minigame quite like this.
Those are a few tidbits from my time with Saints Row 3, which I got to spend a day playing. And I was surprised at what THQ had done to my over-the-top open-world action game. Read about it here.
The spectacularly good tower defense game Dungeon Defenders just came out today, so I can’t fault people online for not yet knowing the ins and outs of the four classes, each of which makes very specific contributions to the defense. But when some idiot wizard — it’s always a wizard, isn’t it? — takes his crystal and uses it to build frail magic missile towers right in front of a spawn point instead of back at the defensive line the other three players have established, it’s almost enough to make me go back to playing horde mode in Gears of War 3. Hey wizard, why don’t you look up “tactics” in your spellbook? Or maybe check the index for “overlapping fields of fire”, “killzones”, and “combined arms”.
It’s hard to be patient with new or bad players in a tower defense game, where your defenses are only as strong as their weakest link. As I said, it’s always a wizard. Next to boss raids in World of Warcraft, tower defense is one of the worst genres for multiplayer with random online people.
Fortunately, Dungeon Defenders doesn’t just have dynamic join to make it easy to find and create multiplayer games. It also lets you to swap in your different characters between waves, when you’re building your defenses. So even if you’re playing solo, you can avail yourself of unique assets like a wizard’s towers, a hunter’s traps, a monk’s auras, and a knight’s barricades. And then you can actually play the level with whichever character you want to level up. And since all four characters share an inventory, scoop up everything you find and divvy up the loot when you get back to the tavern.
And speaking of jerks in multiplayer, I’ve been putting points into my knight’s running speed so he can more quickly scoop up the cash in multiplayer games. I can’t trust those silly little wizards to make the best use of our resources!
Guess what you’re getting for free for a week? Zen Studios is finally bringing Paranormal from Zen Pinball for the PS3 into Pinball FX 2 on the Xbox 360. And it’s free to play from October 26th until November 2nd.
It’s not a particularly attractive table. It’s got a distinct lack of bright colors and blatantly flashy bits. Instead, it has the Jersey Devil, the Loch Ness Monster, an old plane going down in the Bermuda Triangle, a Hellraiser cube, a cutaway haunted house, those clacky balls that a weird occultist might have in his office, a reverse gravity pocket, and a goofy pop-eyed chupacabra hiding in the bushes. I couldn’t begin to say whether Paranormal is Zen’s best table — there are too many that are too different — but it’s one my favorites along with Secrets of the Deep and Earth Defense Force because of their clear affection for their cheesy theme.
Introversion’s Chris Delay confesses that Subversion, their high-tech heist game, is on hiatus.
…the first thing I plan to do is gut the thing from top to bottom of all the tech fluff that we forced in over the years. Without a core game it’s all a worthless distraction, and I will NEVER again spend so long making tech for a game without having a solid core game in place first. Subversion needs a total rethink from top to bottom, and some long standing sacred cows need slaughtering.
…somewhere along the 6 years of part-time development, we had lost our way. We couldn’t even remember what sort of game it was supposed to be anymore. We’d ended up with a game that looked and sounded brilliant, classic Introversion with its blue wireframe and sinister faceless characters. But there was a massive gaping hole where you would normally see a “core game”. We’d tried and tried to fill that hole with ambitious tech and experimental systems, but you couldn’t escape it.
In the end, after all that development and years of work, you still completed the bank heist by walking up to the first door, cracking it with a pin cracker tool, then walking into the vault and stealing the money. There was no other way to complete that level. And this would be the essential method by which you would complete every level after that. Technology 1, Gameplay 0 – we’ve made the fatal mistake of having more fun making the game than gamers would ever have playing it.
I deeply admire any developer who can say and do what Delay has just said and done. Most companies would throw a few more years of development into the game and then release it to recoup their expenses. Developers should learn to slaughter sacred cows more often.
(Thanks Blues News!)
