Wait a minute, do we go on three, or after three? Playing Rhythm Heaven Fever, I feel a bit like Elizabeth Berkley in that scene in Showgirls where she first joins the show. The rehearsal swirls around her and she looks ridiculous and out of place because director Paul Verhoeven probably has as much contempt for her as Rhythm Heaven Fever has for me.
After the jump, why am I actually playing it then? Continue reading →
The dwarven life cycle starts with diamonds, which is kind of like real life. Diamonds come from mines. Well, some mines. You might instead find rubies, sapphires, and emeralds. Save these for later. For now, you need diamonds for the Dvala, which is what you call a dwarf queen. She wants diamonds before she’ll put out. Lots of diamonds.
After the jump, everything you always wanted to know about dwarf sex but were afraid to ask Continue reading →
Epic Quest is an easy table, with relatively simple mechanics and a reluctance to let go of the ball. Serious pinballers might find it too easy as their games drag out into virtually risk-free sessions of grinding away at a high score. The rest of us will appreciate the chance to wrap our flippers around a table as if we were serious pinballers ourselves.
Then of course, there’s the gimmick, which is a formidable one indeed.
After the jump, bat country! Let’s stop here! Continue reading →
After a strong opening and then a long lull, Anno 2070 finally gets some cool new online content today. When the game launched, it had a really neat voting gimmick for global bonuses, a friends list, achievements, and the promise of free scenarios called world events. The first world event was about fighting pirates. The pirates got beat, the world event ended, and it was time for the second world event. The second world event was…uh…dilatory. For months, Anno 2070’s world was eventless.
Not to say that the game lacks content. It doesn’t. It’s a generous package, but part of that package is the promise of nifty new online features. The unfulfilled promise of nifty online features. The friends list is still useless, there’s no way to admire other people’s cities, and the world events stopped.
That changes a bit today with the next world event! The Eden Initiative wants you to repair some busted structures called formers (pictured), which are super eco-friendly anti-pollution devices. As you finish the three scenarios in the Eden world event, you’ll unlock plans for new devices including the formers themselves. You can then research these plans in your other scenarios and build the new doo-dads. At least that’s how I think it works. I finished the first scenario and then loaded up the neverending city I’ve spent 20 hours building. I didn’t see any option to research my new plans yet. I blame the incredibly intricate research and crafting in Anno 2070.
Ubisoft is also selling some cosmetic frippery, upgraded versions of the tech you get by completing the world event, and even the option to just buy your way around the world event. More details here. Or just boot up the game and read all about it on the front-end.
Finally, someone wake up the Senate. They don’t have anything to vote for? The World Council is making them look bad.
In Conquest of Elysium 3, the new turn-based strategy fantasy game from indie developer Illwinter due out next week, each of the 16 factions is unique. This means unique troops, unique leaders, unique abilities, and so forth. It also sometimes means unique resources no one else can use.
For instance, Hands of Glory. These are the severed left hands of executed murderers. Necromancers gather them from any settlement large enough to have murders. Cities are great for this. Peaceful hamlets not so much. The real motherlode is the occasional gallows, a location on the map apparently dedicated to hanging murderers. Necormancers start with a gallows next to their dark citadel. Track down a few more gallows, conquer a few cities, and soon you’ll be rolling in Hands of Glory.
After the jump, the horror, the horror Continue reading →
Crusader Kings 2 is the sequel to what is probably Paradox’s finest game. I’ve spent quite a bit of time with it, but I feel like I’ve only scratched the surface. Which is par for the course for a Paradox game. But I can definitively say this is Paradox’s best interface yet. Not that I don’t have a list of improvements I’d like to see! It’s just that the list is shorter than it’s ever been.
Epic Quest is the new pinball table from Zen Studios for the Xbox 360, PS3, iOS, and Android. It’s a surprisingly simple and accessible table, but with a persistent RPG gimmick. I’m not convinced the gimmick adds much, but I’ve been playing it over and over and over just to be sure. I need an epic shield to round out my inventory. And I’m really close to dinging up to level 17, as I can tell by the xp bar at the bottom of the table.
Twisted Metal for the Playstation 3 is out this week. It’s a pretty awful single-player game, but it has potential as a multiplayer game, assuming you’re willing to meet it on its own terms. Sony hosted a few multiplayer sessions for media, but these didn’t really capture the full experience. So I’ll be back later this week with the final word. But for the most part, Twisted Metal sure is another Twisted Metal game! Take that as you will.
If you’re into Underground Farting Contests, which is what I’m told UFC stands for, THQ is releasing UFC Undisputed 3. Speaking of rhythm-based minigames, Rhythm Heaven Fever is not the throwaway Wii minigame collection you might expect. Check back tomorrow for more.
The Nintendo 3DS is going strong with Tales of the Abyss, a port of a JRPG from the Tales series, and Tekken 3D Prime Edition, a bona fide “yep, it’s Tekken” game. The release of Grand Slam Tennis 2 from EA surprises me, because I had no idea EA was doing tennis games. It’s hard to see over the towering awesomeness of Virtua Tennis 4. And because I missed its release last week, I should point out that the Jagged Alliance series is back in action with Jagged Alliance: Back in Action.
Us three dudes without superpowers discuss Chronicle, a movie about three dudes with superpowers. That’s hardly fair. Our 3×3 this week, which starts at the 51-minute mark, is movies that cop out.
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At the end of one of the levels in Shank 2, a lively and challenging grindhouse cartoon platformer/brawler, you’re pretty obviously headed for a boss battle against a helicopter. Which is a shame, because I have yet to fight a boss battle against a helicopter that wasn’t awful. If I never have to fight another helicopter, that’s fine by me. But I eventually figured out the flamethrower boss battle in Shank 2’s previous level. I’m sure I can handle yet another helicopter boss battle.
So first you have to run along the level and dodge the helicopter’s missiles (pictured). And then you get to the part where you have to fight the actual helicopter and — surprise! — it’s a cutscene. And as if that weren’t a pleasant enough surprise, the cutscene that follows is another boss battle that’s absolutely precious in Shank’s distinctive grindhouse cartoon way. Suffice to say Shank would win in a fight between a beefy taciturn action hero reluctantly championing a plucky rebel group and a shark.
After tweeting that the Valentine’s Day DLC for Rock Band would include the “single most requested song in 3+ years of tracking Rockband.com/request”, Harmonix reveals that it’s Rick Astley’s “Never Gonna Give You Up”.
My first reaction is, “Oh, internet, you are so stupid”. My second reaction is, “You know, that song is kind of catchy and I bet it would be fun on keyboards”. My third and most enduring reaction is “Wait a minute, does that mean I can do that opening drum riff? Sold!”.
But really, here’s the song I wish they would finally add.
You might think Unstoppable Gorg is just another tower defense game with a circular gimmick. You’re only partly right.
After the jump, how you’re wrong Continue reading →
What had me most excited about The River, ABC’s latest post-Lost paranormal activity, is the team behind it. One of the creators is Oren Peli, the director of Paranormal Activity, a horror movie every bit as effective, iconic, and ill-suited to a franchise as Blair Witch Project. The first two episodes of The River were directed by Jaume Collet-Serra, who put some creative visual styling into his House of Wax remake. But where he really got my attention was with Orphan, a splendid slice of latter-day Hitchcock with some really good actors thrown in for good measure. When Peli and Collet-Serra are pressed into service for TV, I want to be there.
But executive producer Steven Speilberg, fresh off executive producing Falling Skies and directing Tintin, should have been a red flag. Because The River is thoroughly TV in the worst sense of the word. It has no edge. It plays out with a soft safe made-for-TV feel, from the Lostly lush locale; to the ghost-of-the-week episodic format; to the convenient found-footage conceit recalling dopey reality TV ghost hunters; to the blandly telegenic and unremarkable cast. It’s all as menace-free as horror can be. Nice try killing the Jewish guy in the first episode. It’s so obvious that any character’s lifespan is proportionate to the number of lines he or she has.
Furthermore, it even fails as a haunted house fun ride. Peli uses tricks from Paranormal Activity, like fast forwarded film, sleeping people dragged out of bed, and bodies flung forcefully, usually at the camera. I expect footprints in flour next week. When the only memorable scare — and it’s not a scare so much as a mildly creepy shudder — is a monkey peering out from under a mask, I might as well just watch that scene from The Omen where baboons freak out on Lee Remick’s car.
Chris Gardiner spearheads the British invasion of the Qt3 Games Podcast, joining us from rainy Queen-loving England, where he helps make Echo Bazaar as good as it is. How good is it? Listen to find out! For our news of the week, we discuss eccentric game-loving millionaires, sleeping dogs, and unrealistic sci-fi. For games of the week, Jason fondly recounts his latest honeymoon, Tom insists that maps of America suck, and Chris changes his mind.
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I haven’t played Space Marine, but if I do, I need to remember to bring a few extra bucks for multiplayer games. Because, as of today, here’s what three dollars will get me:
Unlock the deadly Power Sword weapon in multiplayer. Sheathed in a power field, it cuts through armor and flesh alike and features unique animations, combos and damage output.
I’m pretty sure I know what “unique damage output” means. THQ has all sorts of cosmetic DLC for Space Marine, but as near as I can tell, this is their first time selling something that gives the buyer an advantage in multiplayer.
Justin Gary, the founder of Gary Games and designer of Ascension, talks about his inspiration for the game, some of the changes introduced in the two expansions, and what’s next for fans of this breakout deck-building game and iPhone app. He’s also kind enough to humor Tom Chick’s observations on game balance, the mechana construct nerf in the latest expansion, and interpretive readings of the new card art. Which Mr. Gary doesn’t confirm, but neither does he deny. Victory!
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The surprising thing about this list of inaccuracies in the latest Mass Effect novel, Mass Effect: Deception, isn’t that it’s so long. The surprising thing is that some of the inaccuracies are so egregious. And the even more surprising thing is that Bioware has conceded that some of them are actual mistakes. They’ve promised to address some of the issues in a later print run. It’s almost as if George Lucas admitted that Greedo didn’t shoot first.
I don’t have enough insight into the Mass Effect universe to understand some of these complaints, but then again I haven’t been contracted to write a Mass Effect novel. But I have to wonder why Bioware didn’t catch author William Deitz’ errors of krogan anatomy, batarian isolationism, quarian largesse, volus couture, and even the sexual predilection of at least one character. Bioware’s lore keepers should be at least as astute as the Amazon.com police.
