Codemasters’ rally racing game Dirt 3 is out this week. The previous Dirt games, and Codemasters’ racing games in general, have all been excellent. And given how awful the drift events are in Need for Speed: Shift 2, I’m ready for something with a little slide that isn’t completely unmanageable.
Also out this week is a downloadable action RPG from Atari called Dungeons and Dragons: Daggerdale, made by the creators of Scratch: the Ultimate DJ, which is mostly famous for a lawsuit against Activision’s DJ Hero. That description is a rollercoaster ride of expectations. “Downloadable action RPG”? Yes! Tell me more! “From Atari”? Oh. “Dungeons and Dragons license”? Hmm. Well. “From the creators of Scratch: the Ultimate DJ”? Uhh…
So, yeah, how about that Dirt 3?
The only thing consistent about Rockstar’s games is that they’re wildly inconsistent. There’s something manic about the company’s swings from excellence to amateurish, from smart to clumsy, from transcendent to boorish, often in the same game. Red Dead Redemption, for instance, is a sprawling saga of uneven brilliance that I wouldn’t dream of commenting on without acknowledging that the conclusion is very nearly one of the most brilliant conclusions ever to grace a videogame, except for the fact that it turns out it isn’t at all. Grand Theft Auto IV is a collapsing triumph of storytelling, presenting one of the most vividly realized videogame characters before dropping him into some low-rent goombah yarn and then abandoning him entirely for two middling add-ons, presumably because Rockstar is too arrogant to concede the importance of their fantastic voice actors. San Andreas was a stunning technical achievement undermined by an absurd Bond in the Hood endgame. Midnight Club: Los Angeles is one of the most amazing virtual cities ever created and then hidden away in a goofy arcade racing game that no one played because it didn’t have the marketing confidence that went into, say, Electronic Arts’ lousy Need for Speed franchise. As for that ping pong game, well, who ever even played that thing, much less realized it was a Rockstar game? Then there’s Bully, which is a work of unadulterated genius.
So when LA Noire arrived at 9am this morning, I greeted it with a mixture of anticipation and apprehension. And now, having spent an entire Monday with it, I’m ready to pronounce it…
After the jump, I’ll finish that sentence Continue reading →
Apparently some game called Brink is out, maybe you’ve heard of it? Early reviews have been less than kind, however that may be due to reviewers playing the 360 version prior to the Day 1 patch for it (since, you know, nobody can play it on the PS3… or can they?). Then again playing it on the PC is rife with the usual seemingly random technical pitfalls – this time it’s ATI graphic cards. Oh, PC gaming. You do so amuse.
As does Sony, of course. I mean, what kind of clueless jerks let themselves get hacked? Wait, someone besides Sony!
Find out what kind of non-Sony jerks get hacked after the jump. Continue reading →
The week is expecting a commitment from you. L.A. Noire and The Witcher 2 are the kind of mutually exclusive drawn-out videogames that you probably can’t play simultaneously. You must choose. Do you opt for Rockstar’s latest open-world saga in a historical setting? Or CD Projekt’s adult RPG about which I can’t really say much because I didn’t play the first one? Or will you be stranded between them like the proverbial donkey transfixed between two bales of hay?
For lighter fare and easier decisions, this week offers plenty of downloadable content. At the top of my own personal list is the Fantastic Four table for Pinball FX 2. Even though I’m all superhero’ed out, Zen Studios knows how to make a good table beyond just sticking superhero dolls on the table. And if that’s your bag, now you’ll get superhero dolls for, uh, let’s see…I know these. Pictured above, from left to right, are Stretch Man, Robot Robin Hood, Stone Guy, Jessica Alba, and Chris Evans. Wait, that’s five. Either one of them isn’t fantastic or someone miscounted.
The next entry on my own personal Week of May 16th DLC list is the Speedhunters add-on for Shift 2. In addition to new cars and tracks, you’ll get quarter-mile drag races and mile-long runs to see who can get the highest speed. Neither of these seems particularly dramatic when there’s already plenty of racing to do, but I like the idea of shorter challenges that rely more on tuning than knowing the track.
You’ll also get DLC for Crysis 2, one of this year’s most forgettable shooters. I think that one had aliens or something. Wait, no, I’m thinking about Halo. I forget what Crysis 2 had. Robots? Koreans? I’m pretty sure it had bullet time or upgradeable weapons.
A new adventure for Fallout New Vegas might be a grand time for people who can play the game. I’m not one of those people, since my copy on the Xbox 360 locks up whenever I get into combat. Ladies and gentlemen, let’s hear it for Bethesda’s quality assurance and Microsoft’s certification process!
Also out this week is Sony’s online service for the Playstation 3 which will allow you to play PS3 games online, against and with players from around the world. Eventually, you’ll even be able to buy and download games, movies, and TV shows!
If you’re going to review Portal 2, that’s cool with me if you don’t bring up Jesus. Seriously, I’m totally okay with that. I reviewed Portal 2 here and I didn’t once mention Jesus, or any other religious figure. It’s a perfectly viable approach. So why would I have a problem with this Jesusless review of Portal 2?
Because the site is called Christ Centered Gamer. I followed a link to the review because I was genuinely curious to read a Christian perspective on Portal 2. Doesn’t a game about an all-powerful being putting her hapless subject through trails resonate with a religion that sees fit to include the story of Job in its bible? Isn’t there a cute analog to the Incarnation of Christ when GlaDOS is made flesh in a potato, tormented by a bird, bereft of much of her power, and brought to a closer relationship with Chell? Do I detect something Christian in Portal 2’s vertical movement, plunged into the depths and eventually reaching into the heavens? Doesn’t Wheatley’s easy descent into cruelty say something about human sin, even if he’s a man-made simulacrum of humanity? Isn’t Cave Johnson about as big a blowhard as Paul? Okay, I’m not really a Christian, so it’s not my job to come up with that stuff, but that’s the sort of thing I’d like to read about.
Instead, I got a review that’s no different from what I could read on a boring ass secular site like Gamespot or IGN. It’s all stuff that may as well be on the back of a box. Not a shred of insight, much less Christian insight. Which is really nothing new. So many reviews are dryly observational, minus any meaningful perspective, or much insight, or even context.
I poked around Christ Centered Gaming in vain, hoping to read about how Alan Wake’s dark world might resonate with a Christian, or how a Christian might feel about the historical representation of his religion in Paradox’s strategy games like Victoria II. No such luck. Instead, the Christian perspective is reduced to an absurd morality score, explained here, in which points are docked based on the presence of occult themes, profanity, violence, homosexuality, or disrespect for family values. In other words, the only potentially interesting observations are reduced to a numerical score that equates Christianity with facile morality. I suppose it’s about as helpful as any review score.
Why the Hell aren’t you people playing Yakuza 4? It’s so goddamned joyously weird it nearly defies explanation. I mean, Yak 3 was like this (courtesy of Lizard King):
There is no way to describe this game accurately in a manner that is going to make it sound anything but ludicrous for most people, but…any game where boss fights are frequently heralded by mutual shirt ripping and flexing of lavishly illustrated yakuza tattoos and you don’t run screaming out of the madness vortex that ought to create has to be doing something right.
And Yakuza 4 is Yakuza 3 turned up to 11, simmered in man what sauce, dressed in all pink and sporting a sweet afro. I am mixing metaphors because Yakuza 4 just doesn’t give a fuck.
Mew Shoes, Noire, sexy Hillary and Ambrose Burnside’s greatest victory after the jump. Continue reading →
If you haven’t had your fill of Legos or Pirates of the Caribbean, you’ll have to let me know how Legos: Pirates of the Caribbean is. I can’t be bothered to try it not just because I’ve had my fill of Legos and Pirates of the Caribbean, but because I’m already busy with two really good games.
The first is Brink. It’s no surprise that Brink is really good. It’s from Splash Damage, the folks who made Wolfenstein: Enemy Territory and Quake Wars. They know what they’re doing: making sure players are thrown together in a carefully crafted multiplayer experience. The second is Virtua Tennis 4, which has a cool career mode that puts Virtua Tennis’ tennis onto a sort of turn-based board game.
The players in Virtua Tennis 4 look less zombie-like than ever and the animation is as good as it’s ever been. And I’m really digging the latest campaign mode, even though my custom tenniseer ended her long tour through Asia by crashing and burning at the Melbourne tournament. We’ll do better in Europe.
But I’m not convinced by one of Virtua Tennis’ boldest and grossest innovations: sweat. You know how characters in Dragon Age get spattered with red droplets, and then they go about their business and look ridiculous? Imagine that the droplets are white. Now apply them to famous tennis players like Roger Federer, Andy Roddick, Boris Becker, and Caroline Wozniacki.
I see what Virtua Tennis is getting at, but I’m not convinced it works. The best case scenario is that these players are sweating off liberally applied sunblock. The next best case scenario is that they have buboes from some horrible plague. The next best case scenario is that they’re goddamn robots. And all of these are preferable to the first thing I thought when I saw these white droplets spattered on my tennis player’s face. I think it’s best if I just leave that to your imagination rather than actually write the Japanese term, partly because I can never remember how many K’s are in that word.
Virtua Tennis 4 is out next week and aside from the really gross sweat technology, I’m pretty well won over.
I’ve spent some time recently checking out the latest patch for Civilization V. To Firaxis’ credit, they’ve been trying to address some of the game’s problems. However, I kept running into situations like the above screenshot. If you’re a Civilization V aficionado, that should look pretty familiar by now. If you’re not, let me explain what you’re seeing.
I’m playing the Aztecs. Russia has just declared war on me, which is exactly what she should do, since I’ve been pushing against her borders and harassing her allies. What’s more, I’m playing one of the more advanced difficulty levels that gives computer players an advantage, so Russia has a solid economic and military lead on me. At this point in the game, I should be worried.
The closest point of contact between our empires is my city, Tlatelolco, which is tucked between mountains and a coastline. A hilly hex is the approach from the south, where I’ve parked a relatively weak unit of jaguar warriors. Russia has showed up with a unit of superior pikemen that should be able to easily punch through the jaguar warriors, especially with the help of an accompanying catapult and archer. However, the incompetent AI positions the catapult and the archer in front, with the pikemen trapped behind them. Furthermore, as the turns go by, it doesn’t swap their positions. I easily take out the ranged units, and the pikemen wait patiently for me to bring in reinforcements. Russia has essentially marched its army into war backwards.
I still love parts of Civilization V, but the tactical combat plays a significant part of overall design. When it falls apart, the game teeters to one side and eventually topples. The result is like a foot race against a one-legged man. Winning is the easy part. Doing it without feeling foolish is the real challenge.
Listen, what I have to tell you right now must be kept in the strictest confidence. They are onto me, I can feel it. They have spies everywhere. They are legion. Soon they will overtake me and it will be as if I was never here, as if I had never spoken nor written a word. I’m talking about the front page articles, of course. What did you think I was talking about? Grab a tinfoil hat and let’s do this. Mine’s the one with the propeller sticking out of the top. Let’s blow the lid off the whole damned thing!
After the jump through the blue portal, Sony kills Osama bin Laden to cover up Donald Trump’s forged copy of Brave New World. Continue reading →
Assuming you’re not in it for the multiplayer, I suspect the Playstation 3 exclusive, Motorstorm: Apocalypse, is the game to get this week. The previous Motorstorms have had great arcade driving physics and even greater graphics. This latest version’s disaster theme — the idea is that you’re racing through ruined city environments — has probably had a lot of its thunder stolen by the excellent Split/Second, but you can never have too many cutting edge driving games.
If you missed Bangai-O on the Nintendo DS and the Dreamcast before that, you missed one of Treasure’s unique treasures. The Bangai-O games are a cross between a puzzle game, a platformer, a bullet hell shooter, and a giant robot game. And now they’re in high-definition and on Xbox Live with Bangai-O HD: Missile Fury.
If you aren’t interested in playing Section 8: Prejudice on the Xbox 360, you’ll be able to get it on the PC this week. And if you want another overpriced Call of Duty map pack, this time it comes with a new zombie level featuring horror movie celebrities instead of Cold War politicians. Personally, I think it’s hard to top Robert McNamara fighting hordes of faceless zombies, but politically canny metaphors can only get you so far in videogames. At some point, it’s time to resort to the more obvious choices like Sarah Michelle Geller and Robert Englund.
I don’t think Bethesda is clear on how patches for videogames are supposed to work. Ideally, a patch makes a game work better. But with each successive patch for Fallout: New Vegas, Bethesda has made is increasingly difficult for me to play the game on the Xbox 360, where Microsoft’s certification process is doing a fine job being asleep at the switch.
With the first patch, Fallout: New Vegas locked up every time I went into the main city hub. With the second patch, the game locked up every time I entered combat. Now, with the patch that was just released today, Fallout: New Vegas locks up every time I try to load a saved game. Bethesda is nothing if not consistent!
You know it’s a slow week when the only cause for excitement is a downloadable game from the folks who made Super Stardust and Dead Nation. Outland seems like a mostly typical side-scrolling platformer, but with trippy graphics that recall Out of this World*. It’ll be available from Xbox Live on Tuesday and from the Playstation Network whenever Sony gets their act together.
Also out this week are add-ons for Operation Flashpoint and IL-2. And whatever Dark Spore is.
* If you have to ask, you’re too young to know.
For no particularly good reason, several of us will be jumping into an ancient Sony MMO called Vanguard, a relic from the ancient days of yore known as “2007”. Sign up for a free 14-day trial and post your character name here to join us. Furthermore, it’s a bonus experience point weekend, so what better time to get started than now? And stay tuned to this space for a game diary in the coming weeks.
When it was released, I reviewed Vanguard for Computer Games Magazine. It was a collaborative review written with Kelly Wand and editor Steve Bauman. They made fun of me for liking it as much as I did. Well, who’s laughing now? Okay, they are. But who’s playing again Vanguard four years later? That’s right. Me.
And lest you think Vanguard is just another MMO, well…you’re only partly right. It has a hearty combat system, varied character classes, a cool collectible card game to model diplomacy, some of the most interesting crafting you will ever do, and a pretty well realized and expansive world. And with only a single server for the US, it’s not nearly successful enough that you won’t be able to find the other people who happen to be playing.
One of the writers for this site, Christien Murawski, claims to be color blind. I’ve always suspected it was a ruse to explain why he’s terrible at shooters. But then I saw this piece from BBC journalist Dave Lee, who claims to be colorblind. Or “colourblind”, as he puts it. A short video shows how Call of Duty: Black Ops looks to colorblind folks. That explains a lot! Fortunately, Black Ops is one of a handful of games with settings that help colorblind players. In Lee’s article and video, Nintendo plays the role of the insensitive publisher who can’t be arsed to the accommodate colorblind players.
I remember how this was a big issue in Alpha Centauri, a strategy game where the location of pink fungus, which is invisible to colorblind players, is hugely important. That game also got a patch to enable settings for colorblind players.
(Thanks, Peter!)
