Despised Lightning Storm
All I do is burn and die
Again and again
Rather than just being crass and busting out with a statement about hating my latest level, lightning bolt storm, I’ve channeled my emotional response into a Haiku. I feel a little guilty about quitting this level without completing it, or even coming close. I never do that. I’ll stick with a wretched movie to the bitter end, usually staying through the end credits. I can think of only three books I was too annoyed to complete. I like to complete things. One of the great things about these community levels is they’re bite-sized. Even if a level is annoying, it probably won’t take long to complete. Even if its tricky, it won’t require too much of a time investment to work it out.
A quick look at my profile page on the Little Big Planet website reveals that I played this level twenty times. I’m shocked to see that, no pun intended, because I can’t imagine I played the thing for longer than five minutes in total. The level is made up of huge chunks of electrified metal falling from the sky. As far as I know, that’s all there is to the level. I never got more than three jumps in without dying. Here’s the thing. When my little sackbot dies by electrocution, ugh, the sound is horrible. And horrifying. Please note that I’m not using words like “irritating” or “annoying” or “irksome”. I chose those words deliberately. I’ve come to like my little sack dude. A lot. It’s hard not to. The little guy is adorable. His electrocution screams get under my skin. In a level where this happens intermittently this is bad enough. On this level it was constant. I’m befuddled by the life limit on these community levels. I usually wonder, in frustration, why an amateur designer would do that. Here, at last, I became grateful for it.
As I said, I’m usually driven to complete these things. This time I just felt that life’s too short to hear that awful screaming of my sackbot any longer.
Hoo-ah!
Eco-Thecno factory’s inside run race. Or as I like to call it, the Chatty Cathy Level. The little characters in this level have plenty to say to me, warning me of danger and being surprised I got so far. I’m pressing the circle button like crazy and still the danger guy won’t shut up, repeating his warning in another language. One of the characters eventually tells her little friend to shut up. Thanks. But don’t bother. You’re just adding to the text noise and reaction time is a factor here. You’d think that these little dudes would chill now that I’ve reached double-digits in replaying. But no. They chatter on uselessly every time. They get on my nerves so. Or they did. Until I found…
Flame hat. Oh flame hat, how I love thee. I didn’t even know what you were at first. You just glommed onto my head at a save point. Took me several deaths to figure you out. But now, oh now how I wish I could take you out into the world. Because sometimes I need to set something on fire over there, but I’m way too far away to get the job done.
Oh well, I’ll just have to be content with our time together here in Eco-Thecno blah blah blah. Don’t worry. I’ll return. Since you helped me off one of those Chatty Cathies with a sliding electified platform–it was an accident, I swear–I’m forever in your debt. Plus, now that my zero first-place score has been knocked off, you can bet I’ll be back.
I heart you, flame hat.
The problem with that screenshot from my latest level, Punkteparadies, is that it really doesn’t give a proper sense of the speed of the moment. This was my first time driving a vehicle in LBP2. That thing took off like a shot. I had no idea I was in for that kind of speed. But then again, I have no idea what I’m in for in most of these community levels. Because often the directions for said levels are like the following,
Hohe Geschwindigkeit, grosse Hohen und viel Punke. Das findest du alles hier. Wunsche viel Spass!
One of the people I live with happens to know German, having lived there, but she wasn’t home. She would eventually tell me the blurb was talking about great heights and far points or something, but left to my own devices I just decided I was supposed to shoot the glass. When no glass presented itself, I drove that truck. I went straight up a mountainy point–that would be the great height–and got launched into the air. Falling. Falling. Falling. Crushed by truck.
The speed though. Nice. Also I got my 4,000 community bubbles pin in this one. So it worked out.
According to the Internets, a sports game called Madden 11 has run a simulation of Sunday’s upcoming big game, Super Bowl XLV (thanks Romans!). In that simulation, the Pittsburgh Steelers beat the Green Bay Packers, 24-20. Apparently the folks at Madden do this every year, with great success:
EA Sports has been using Madden to predict the Super Bowl winner for years now, and the famed football franchise is proving eerily good at it. Not only has Madden correctly picked six of the last seven winners, it’s actually been quite close on the final scores in a few of them.
That particular article, from Yahoo! Games, also reveals that the simulation predicts the game’s MVP. Spoiler alert…it’s Mike Wallace. Mike Wallace? That guy has to be in his nineties. Talk about getting it done! Eat it, Andy Rooney.
So we can all relax and hit the movies on Sunday. Unless Green Bay’s phenomenal quarterback, Aaron Rodgers (pictured), has something to say about it. Wait, the game is inside? Oops. I’m thinking he will.
I have decided to let the game decide which of these community levels I’m going to try. You can do this using a feature in the LBP2 Community area called “Lucky Dip”. I’m not going to try to sort based on what the community thinks is hot, or look for specific subjects. I’m going on a roll of the dice here. I’ve been called a “braver man” for doing this.
That’s how I wound up playing DOOM 333. DOOM 333 is an exceedingly simple little level. That’s me up there in that picture, about to fall headfirst onto a jump pad. It’s basically all jumping and running, and it’s very quick. I was a little put off by it, actually, because there’s nothing to it. You get a couple goodies, go through a gate, and then jump over some giant things. That’s it. I was about to leave it behind and try another Lucky Dip when I saw that I was in second place on the scoreboard. Yes, second out of two. But still second. So…I played again. And again. And again. Now I’m in first, a position I’ve held for almost a day. With at least three other sack creatures trailing me. I like being first.
Looks like I’m hooked.
You’re not an asshole, Mark. You’re just trying so hard to be.
I’m so charmed by this demo. I can’t help it. It brings to mind that friend who tries really really hard to be tough, especially to talk tough, but never quite gets there. He knows the words. He’s heard them all before. In movies probably. Or more likely he’s read them. But when he says them…not so much. It just doesn’t translate. It’s like he’s forcing little puzzle pieces together that clearly don’t fit. You like him so much, though, you let it slide. And eventually this becomes an endearing part of his personality.
This Xbox Bulletstorm demo is trying its darndest to be hardcore funny, but it’s such a dork. Dick-tits? Really? I should dismiss you out of hand, Bulletstorm. But I can’t. Because I think I love you, man. You’re just trying so hard with that pseudo-gruff pirate-voiced narrator. Grayson Hunt is the name? I’ll try not to giggle. Come over here so I can give you a noogy. What was that you wanted me to do? Bury my boot* in that freak’s poop passage? Poop passage? Did you really say that? Fine. You’re invited to the party Saturday night. You’re adorable.
Also, that leash thing. I like.
*pictured
My wife ducked her head under the blankets, trying to hide her laughter.
“What?” I’m a bit annoyed at the lack of respect for my enthusiasm, and my accomplishment.
“You’re fighting zombies with a guy named Frank!” I couldn’t understand every one of those words as she said them at the time, because of the unbelievable amount of laughter, but I was able to piece her sentence together nonetheless.
“So?”
“Frank!” More laughter. I kissed her goodnight, clicked off the light, and left the room. My victory over Case West was clearly not going to be lauded appropriately at this time. Better to quit the field.
After the break, a soccer match breaks out Continue reading →
“There is no way of knowing where a survivor is, so you’ll have to explore to find them”
I like that. I really like that. I’m totally up for exploring every nook and cranny of this place. Of finding every survivor and combo-ing every combo. Except that now I’m afraid to explore. I know something is happening at four o’clock. I have no idea what four o’clock actually means in this world, though, and I’m pretty sure if I set off exploring, that Casio-watch alarm beep is going to sound and I’m going to find myself in the red and I’m going to have to start running.
Which is really too bad, because I want to do some good.
Though we never thought that we could lose,
There’s no regret,
If I had to do the same again,
I would my friend, Hernando.
Scratch that. No I wouldn’t. Ungrateful jerk.
After the jump, I have some words with Hernando Continue reading →
-“Shouldn’t you be in school today?”
-“It’s Sunday.”
Welcome to Gamespotting. Here we not only spot games in other media, but we also consider the context. Videogames often appear as props, and gameplay is used as generic behavior. A couple of guys on a couch waving about controllers when they could just as easily be pointing a remote at a football game. But sometimes an artist includes a game and shows gameplay for a reason. Sometimes videogames matter. That’s what we’re looking for here.
After the jump, Sofia Coppola knows the orange button Continue reading →
“Hey! He’s playing a video game in there!”
I snap out of my haze to see a seven-year old with his face pressed against the sliding glass door of my office. I blink, wondering briefly if my eyes are registering bloodlust and if the kid, and now my son who has joined him, can see the television screen. We’ve always been careful about what we show our little guy, what we allow him to watch. I’m pretty sure exploding zombie heads isn’t on the list. I quickly realize that the two of them are at too extreme an angle to see any of the action, so I pause the game and wave them off. I’m working here. Honestly. Also, I can do without the accusatory tone, kid. So I’m playing a video game in the middle of the day? So what?
“You guys go play. That’s why we’re having a playdate. So you can play,” I say to them through the glass. “Go!”
They scatter. I lock back in. Previously on DR, I was sad. Today…today is a happy day.
After the jump, I level up Continue reading →
“WILL YOU LOOK AT THAT!” I yell to Frank, laughing in delight as we leave the bathroom and I notice, for the first time, the huge arrow hanging over my head in the center of the screen. “That’s gonna be helpful, I think,” I mutter to myself.
“Duh,” says Frank. Well, no he doesn’t. Not really. He’s taken to ignoring me at these moments. I sense he doesn’t have a great deal of respect for me, and I don’t suppose I blame him since my inability to manage the clock keeps getting him arrested. So my delighted laughter is short-lived, quickly transmogrifying into a chuckle of humiliation, and just as quickly disappearing altogether as I remember that we’re in the red zone. We’ve got to get a move on.
After the jump, pointy arrows, oh pointy pointy… Continue reading →
“You’re doing what?”
“A game diary. Tom asked me to do a game diary.”
“I don’t know what that means.”
“Well,” I clear my throat and take another bite of soup, trying not to look like I’m stalling. “Well, I play my way through a game and write about the experience. Taking notes along the way, kind of like I do with movies. We post the bits I write as entries, like journal entries. It’s one of Tom’s ideas for the relaunch.”
As she takes a bite of salad and mulls this over, I get our six-year old boy to eat another green bean and try to gauge my wife’s demeanor. Her suspicious look has not yet emerged —
Oh, I spoke too soon.
After the jump, I bring dishonor to my family. Continue reading →
I feel like I should be shouting “Yee-haw!” Because now I’m at the good stuff.
I waded through the opening text and screens. Got beat up in a cut-scene elevator and got rescued. Crawled through some ducts. True, there was some eerie music that piqued my interest. I liked that a lot. For a minute I thought that music was setting the tone for the game, and I got a little nervous. Good nervous. Nervous that I might get truly scared. Nervous-that-I-might-get-truly-scared in that great anticipatory way. The way it felt watching Paranormal Activity for the first time.
After the jump, that didn’t pan out. Continue reading →
