Fifteen years ago, Abel Ferrara made a low-budget black-and-white vampire movie called The Addiction, with Lili Taylor and Annabella Sciorra. I figured I’d go see it. On the way to the theater, I had one of those fish sandwiches from McDonalds. Part way into the movie — I don’t recall exactly what was happening, but it was probably some poorly lit blood-slurping — I had a funny feeling. Like I was going to hurl. I had to go out into the lobby and put down with my head between my knees. I’m not sure if it was the fish sandwich or the Abel Ferrara.
I finally got to spend some time with the Nintendo 3DS recently. Before firing up Ridge Racer 3D, I had a cup of coffee on an empty stomach. After a few racers — and man, I really don’t get why anyone tolerates these Ridge Racer games — I got a funny feeling. Like I was going to hurl. I had to dial down the 3D mode. I’m not sure if it was the coffee or the 3D.
At that point I was left with a pretty decent Nintendo DSi with an awesome analog stick. Not that I know of any game that really needs it yet. Tonight, an update will add a web browser and support for the Nintendo Store. But I’m not sure I’ll crank that 3D dial up any more than I’ll go back and try to sit through The Addiction again.
I have no idea what to tell you about this week’s wallet threat level, since I’ll be at E3 seeing various dog and pony shows. You’ll be the folks actually playing Infamous 2 and Red Faction: Armageddon, so you’ll have to let me know if they’re any good. Also let me know if the new campaign in Operation Flashpoint: Red River is any good. And plus let me know about Pride of Nations, the industrial revolution strategy game from Paradox that isn’t Victoria 2. You’ve got your work cut out for you!
Meanwhile, updates on Qt3 will be few and far between this week. Instead, I’ll be moonlighting over at Gameshark, where we’ll be doing daily updates and podcasts about the dogs and ponies.
Bonjour, pantalon interessant! Sorry about last week. Tom put me on restriction for making fun of Christian Xtein Amanpour Merzibooski Dingus’ Little Big Planet Not Really Little Big Planet columns. Apparently he actually writes about stuff not related to LBP in those! Shit, who knew! That’s what I get for only putting Bruce’s articles on my RSS feed. Ha ha, just joking! I don’t know how to set an RSS feed. Anyway I’m back and I hope this column annoys you, otherwise what the Hell is Tom paying me for?
All the way back in the 1980s a study was done analyzing 3000 top hit songs in an effort to discover what makes a hit a hit. Among the results was the fact that roughly 80% of the sampled hits began with a word repeated at least twice. Is that what gave Nintendo the inspiration to name its next-gen console the Nintendo Nintendo, to be announced at this year’s E3? Or has Iwata merely finally finished his amusing descent into money-soaked madness? We may never know. Rumors are it might even be called the Nintendo Current, because the Nintendo New Happy Time Fun You Like Box was just too silly and the Nintendo Obtuse was too on the nose. Maybe it’s all just a big in-joke from Nintendo. Assholes.
Hella in-jokes from assholes and rampant italics abuse after the jizzle. Continue reading →
In our three-way split on X-Men First Class, we separate the comic book nerds from the snooty movie snobs! And then it’s our 3×3 of best weddings in movies, starting at the 1:03 mark.
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