Worst thing you’ll see all week: The Do-Over

, | Movie reviews

The Do-Over is the latest in Adam Sandler’s too many pictures deal with Netflix. I don’t know why I watched it. I don’t know what I was expecting. I guess I still confuse Sandler with the guy from Punch-Drunk Love and Funny People. I shouldn’t be surprised that all I get is Sandler being Sandler. Which is to say a celebrity who has long since stopped giving a fuck, so now he’s just going to do movies in places where he wants to go on vacation. Seriously, check out the filming locations for Adam Sander movies. See a pattern?

If there’s any value to be gleaned from this dross, it’s David Spade’s bewildered “what happened to my career?” hangdog quality. It’s perfect for his character, who’s supposed to have a bewildered “what happened to my life?” hangdog quality. There’s an honesty to it. But unlike Sandler honestly not giving a fuck, unlike wearing flip flops on your multi-million dollar yacht in the Bahamas and half-assing your way through dialogue that doesn’t matter anyway, it has a very relatable human quality. It’s the stink of regret, the weight of middle age, the dread that you’ve lived a life not worth living. And what does The Do-Over do with it? Belittle it some of the time. But mostly ignore it because it decides Sandler is going to have a gunfight, or Paula Patton is going to push up her admirable cleavage, or Matt Walsh is going to attempt a funny accent. Okay, now it’s time for David Spade to lie underneath Luis Guzman’s sweaty balls until a drop of that sweat drips onto his glasses because haw haw.

It’s come to this? I’m as bewildered as Spade. There was so much heart in his interaction with Chris Farley in Tommy Boy. He was so willing to lend his smarminess to The Emperor’s New Groove. He had a solid sitcom career with Just Shoot Me. Now he’s meekly standing by as an Adam Sandler movie humiliates him with its throwaway fratboy antics, kicking him in the balls, making him grow a bad mustache, sticking sausages in his face because, haw haw, a sausage looks like a penis. I suppose there are worse fates than drawing a paycheck for being a co-lead in The Do-Over. Spade’s bit part in Jack and Jill, for instance. Oof.