Skyrim: The Real Enemy Is Horses: neither rain, nor sleet, nor dragon

, | Game diaries

Completely by accident I find myself doing part of the main quest. I was just hopping up a mountain (can I say how much I miss the crazy jumping in Oblivion?). I didn’t expect the god damn Gray Beards to be there. But now that I’m here, I might as well go learn their stupid dragon word thing. I actually always forget about the shouts so I never, ever use them, and it takes me a couple of tries to actually learn the wind one because I had the first shout set on the button I kept using and this was apparently not impressing the guys in the robes. I figure out how to set the wind shout on the button to push myself forward and they tell me to go to some crypt to do something else but screw that, I make my own decisions! So I ditch that place and decide to go wandering around way to the north where I haven’t discovered anything yet.

Afer the jump, I discover Skyrim: Alaska

So it turns out this place is Skyrim: Alaska. There’s bears and walruses and wolves and it’s desolate and icy. I actually sit back and watch a bear fight a walrus and kill it which is awesome! I love that the NPCs react to each other and fight. There’s also some bandits to be had, so while I am sneaking my way up to kill one of them, this guy comes running in from out of nowhere. Oh shit, I think, and I fire an arrow at him, but he pays no heed. It’s a courier and he has a message for me!

Now let me note that I am way the hell and gone away from everything. I have not had an interaction with an NPC that did not end in their death, here. I have not yet visited a town. Oh yeah, and it sounds like there’s a dragon swooping in from up above and because this asshole is talking to me, the bandit I was sneaking up on is all kinds of aware that I’m there now. But this guy…this courier…he pays all of that no heed. He has an invitation for me to visit a museum opening and he has tracked me down and by god, he will deliver it no matter what is going on.

Suddenly I feel doubt welling up. Are my achievements to be weighed against this man? This courier who can track the untrackable, see the unseeable, and places such importance on his small pieces of parchment that he is willing to risk his life to deliver them? How can I possibly measure up? I wander blindly through the wilderness hoping to stumble upon glory but this man, this hero of Skyrim, bats nary an eye against the gravest of dangers to deliver his charges. Solemnly he hands me the note. Then, as the dragon flies overhead, he screams, flails his arms, and runs away.

That makes me feel a bit more sure of myself and I decide to head back south to take care of some bandits in a tower by the river. I just killed another dragon and ate its soul so I’m feeling a little more cocky than usual. Perhaps I’ll try my hand at a little magic: lure them all up to the top of this tower, then shout them off of it. Yeah, that is a brilliant idea! I’ll kill them all with just one touch of a button!

And that’s how I committed suicide off the top of a bandit tower by using the wrong shout.

Up next: Marley takes a horse
Click here for the previous entry of Skyrim: The Real Enemy Is Horses

When not killing horses, Marley enjoys fixing computers, digging up ancient civilizations, acting in terrible webisodes, and cats.