Galactic Civilizations II: a distant early warning of imminent genocide

, | Game diaries

Now you’re my bitch. He paid up even though I’m on the opposite end of the galaxy. That’s respect and respecting Canadians grants you a new lease on life, which expires at my whim. But he went and messed it up and thus I owe him. I owe him a beating for having a class 15 planet and for speaking up.

After the jump, it hits me like a brick wall.

I got next to nothing in the planet grab: a grand total of four more planets, with three average ones and a moderately crappy one. So in total, there are three for production, one for making coinage and none for research. We aren’t getting smarter but we are getting richer and stronger. So this can only mean one thing: genocide. After the delightful conversation with the minor race, I just can’t purge him from the galaxy as all my military and transport vessels are out of range of his planet. So I build some new ones. And make plans to visit him and his cousins, the jackass Yor, who are coincidentally my neighbors.

Goes by the name of…Crawler. We don’t pay our engineers nearly enough to make them give a damn about names. While the ship’s name needs work, the Pimp My Ship Shipyards is easily one of the best features of the game. The sheer amount of crap that you can put on the starting hull (Even more with the game of the year edition) is staggering and it doesn’t cost a thing. I haven’t done much with it as I’m no space architect but it is pretty fun and essential. The ones they give you have space left on them! What kind of fool leaves space on a ship? If there’s space then you aren’t using enough weapons. Or “defense”. More importantly weapons.

The front view doesn’t do the spines justice so you’ll have to be content with dual side views. This state-of-the-current-art ship boasts a range that can reach the wretched hive of scum and villainy that is the Dark Yor homeworld and can kick the ass of anything that is there.

The transport has no weapons so it isn’t worth taking a picture of.

Yes, yes I did lie two seconds later. So here is the ship that will get the troops to that sexy yet vile machine world of class 15. All that we need to know is that it can get there. And that the angle between side and front is cool.

And with power comes more power thanks to a handful of military modules and other modules scattered all over the galaxy. While they were grabbing planets and I was failing to, I grabbed these bad boys from under whatever those monsters call noses, if some of them even have any. There’s no picture that can do them all justice all at once but these three I caught later on, way later, after I met the ruthless, merciless and savage Drengin:

Ruthless, merciless, savage and stupid; I don’t know why I was so worried about those morons. But because it’s smart and I don’t trust them or any alien scum to maintain a constant mental deficiency, buffed them all up. If one gets magically destroyed, you bet we’ll be decked out in new winter clothing by the end of it all.

Usually this is the time where I hunker down and research my way to dominance. But to get to that and my dear, sweet techs Majesty and Total Majesty, I need that world that I’ve been craving. But I’m better than a mindless, war hungry Canadian. I have…civility. I have the right to declare war, and that’s what the people want. But declaring war is different in a republic. So being the kind soul I am I force a vote. Survey says:

Canadians are the smartest, violent bunch there is. Except for the seven obvious traitors to the Canadian Imperium, and who are thus exiled from life; so essentially everybody goes along with Mr. Jacques. Hell if I know what happened to the other parties. I washed my hands clean.

Wars are started through misunderstandings, land disputes and because one simply hates the other. This is a mix of the latter two and me being a jerk to bully others and for throwing my people’s lives away. But the people back home want entertainment and all wars that deal with Canadians are filmed and presented to every household, slave factory, sweatshop and everywhere that’s anywhere. And do you know what we got for the lives of more than 600,000,000 people? A class 4 crap world. Was it worth it? Damn straight it was. Things gained are better when they are gained through violence. One more step to ridding the galaxy of those wretched metal monstrosities and another in making it the Canadian Galaxy.

And I’ll admit that I do like them, or the ones that will rebel and fight against their friends, family and loved ones, if robots could love, despite the blatant lies. Some of the soulless, lurching drones will fight for us because they believe they’ll lead better lives under the moustache. I told them so.

On their home world, the first run of less than 2.2 billion, 1 billion Canadian and the rest rebels, took out half of 10 billion at the expense of their lives. This means that the soil will be extra rich in iron and oil and the next run will be easier, which is immediately after. Fooling more robots, we conqueror the world, scrapping the robots who joined our cause and ridding the galaxy of the Yor once and for all!

Hail LaRock!

Up next, everybody loves Canadians and Canadians hate everybody
Click here for the previous Galactic Civilizations II entry.

Thrawn plays last gen games for cheap instead of coughing up an extra fiver for recent gen ones. In his defense, he’s simply a cheapskate who scores a decent find.