Worst thing you’ll see all week: The Hive

, | Movie reviews

In The Hive, some dudes suit up (pictured) and shoot a blue laser gun at killer ants from outer space attacking a Third World country where it’s really cheap to shoot a low budget movie. During an early scene, as the dudes sally forth to zap ants, someone proclaims, “Okay people, let’s liquify some endoskeletons!”

Now I’m no ant-ologist, but I did take two years of Latin in high school. So I know that an endoskeleton is something on the inside, like people have. Ants, on the other hand, are bugs and therefore have skeletons on the outside. Exoskeletons. It probably takes about a hundred people to make a movie like this, yet none of them knew the difference between endo- and exo-? “Okay people, let’s liquify some endoskeletons!” made it all the way through production, and then all the way through post-production where someone could have dubbed in the correct syllable?

But that’s not the best line in the movie. That comes during the scene when an exposition man is explaining the situation. People are being massacred by ants! “Ants killing humans in large numbers is almost unheard of,” one of the ant killing dudes observes sagely.

Almost unheard of. Because we’ve all heard of the Great Ant Massacre of Borneo back in 1984, when ants did kill humans in large numbers. I believe upwards of 1,000 humans were killed by the ants. But other than that, the guy in the movie is right. Ants killing humans in large numbers is almost unheard of.

The Hive is on Netflix instant view.

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