Nick Diamon

Why didn’t anyone say the mimics in Prey: Mooncrash can now wear hats?

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I don’t know what’s going on with the mimics wearing Uncle Sam top hats and Asian bamboo hats in this free update for Prey: Mooncrash, but I love it. Bethesda promises more free updates in the future, including one that features the “Typhon Hunter” multiplayer revealed during E3. How long must we wait for the inevitable skins that turn mimics into mudcrabs?

Prey: Mooncrash is one of Tom’s picks for the best games of 2018 (so far)! You can watch him fumble around in the DLC for a couple of hours here.

Someone did want Desperados: Wanted Dead Or Alive to live

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Remember Desperados: Wanted Dead Or Alive? It was 2001 squad tactics game in the vein of Commandos, except set in the rootin’ tootin’ Old West. It’s now compatible with modern PC systems thanks to THQ Nordic. The publisher has updated the game to work with Windows 7, 8, 10 and Macs and Linux! Yeehaw partners! They’ve even restored a “long lost” demo mission to the game.

“A challenging level from back in the old days when some games still had rather difficult demos.”

That’s called shade cowboy, and it’s being thrown in your lily-livered face! Desperados: Wanted Dead Or Alive is available on Steam and GOG.

Marty McFly has nothing on Warframe’s hoverboards

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Warframe’s next content update has hoverboards. Honest-to-gosh trick flip, Back to the Future 2 style decks that float. The Fortuna expansion takes players to Venus and gives them the opportunity to skim over the surface of the planet and even do tricks on a customizable board. Auto-inflating Nike sneakers not included.

Google plays Quake 3 better than you

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Google’s DeepMind artificial intelligence research arm has created bots that have learned to play Quake 3: Arena capture-the-flag. Unlike the gaming bots we’re familiar with which are programmed for specific games and get hidden cheats, DeepMind’s creations learned to play using visual input like humans do and received no information that would not be available to a person. They were actually playing the game and getting better with practice. A mere half-million practice games later, and the bots could beat “strong” human teams 74 percent of the time. Make the bots teabag opponents, scream profanities, and disconnect to avoid losing and we might have something.

American Truck Simulator heads to the land of granola, Mighty Ducks, and Portlandia

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SCS Software presents Oregon! The Beaver State! The Pacific Northwest is a decidedly different landscape from what players are used to in American Truck Simulator’s current build. According to the devs, the upcoming expansion goes all in on the forest industry that makes up a large part of Oregon’s economy. Despite the prevalence of big rigs loaded with lumber, players won’t be able to recreate the crash from Final Destination 2, but I’m sure you’ll all try anyway.

Calm down Trevor. Grand Theft Auto 6 in 2019 isn’t happening.

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Some players of Grand Theft Auto V’s online mode have been seeing the above message flash on their screens the past couple of days. It may look official, but it’s not. Rockstar confirmed that the message is a hoax perpetrated by one or more players that have hacked the system to show custom messages to online players. Sanity check! As much as you may want this to be true, Rockstar’s focus through 2019 is going to be on Red Dead Redemption 2.

In related news, Take-Two CEO Strauss Zelnick told GamesIndustry that Red Dead Redemption 2 matching Grand Theft Auto V’s 100 million total unit sales is not a realistic goal.

“It’s hard to expect anything to perform as well as the most profitable entertainment product of all time.”

We’ll get a real Grand Theft Auto 6 announcement someday. It likely won’t come in the form of a text message for in-game players.

Overwatch’s new hamster hero is just too cute

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That’s Wrecking Ball, the newest playable character coming to Overwatch. The design inspiration is clear. He’s your childhood pet hamster in the plastic exercise ball you rolled around on the floor. In Blizzard’s game the hamster is super-intelligent and bloodthirsty, and his plastic ball is now a combat mech. It makes sense.

The hamster’s name is Hammond and according to the lore he escaped from the same Secret of NIMH type laboratory as Winston before becoming an Overwatch hero. You know what that means! Erotic gorilla-on-hamster fan art coming soon!

Crusader Kings II still has a forking grip on history

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Domenico Selvo, Doge of Venice, did not bring the fork from Asia to Western Europe. I point this out because Bosnian newspaper, Dnevni Avaz, recently gave him the erroneous credit for the deed in an article spotted by a Reddit user. According to the paper, Domenico Selvo’s wife Theodora had a couple of the eating utensils given to her as part of her dowry, and Domenico Selvo popularized their use in court dinners of the day. But that’s just not true. Theophanu, Holy Roman Empress Consort of Otto II, brought the fork over a few decades before. Not content with just being wrong, the editors of Dnevni Avaz used a portrait of Domenico Selvo from Crusader Kings II. It’s a nice enough image, but come on Dnevni Avaz! You didn’t even fully crop out the game’s portrait border. Nerds, especially European Crusader Kings nerds, see that stuff.

Kingdom Come: Deliverance gives you tapeworms

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Tapeworms, sleepwalking, claustrophobia, and the shakes. These are a few of the new negative perks available in Kingdom Come: Deliverance. You’ll need to take at least two of these character handicaps to experience the new Hardcore Mode that’s been added to the game. If the medieval life simulator wasn’t difficult enough for you, playing in the new mode will disable the compass, make healing more difficult, and eliminates fast travel among other restrictions. Get out there and die like a peasant!

The From the Ashes DLC for Kingdom Come: Deliverance launches in July.

Get a preview of the Hell that is other people in Fallout 4

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Fancy an early look at Fallout 76? Modder SK550 uploaded a cheeky facsimile of Bethesda’s upcoming multiplayer survival game for Fallout 4 that recreates the worst of the preview rumors. It enables random nuke attacks, most campaign characters get deleted, and you’ll get randomly spawning NPCs that act like the jerkiest of human players with “l33t-420” style names to go with them! Experience multiplayer Hell in all its glitchy glory! Fallout 4-76 is available now!

Divinity: Original Sin 2 is going to be a problem for Boo lovers

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That’s Sir Lora the Squirrel Knight. His story, and an opportunity to gain him as a companion, is a pre-order bonus for the Definitive Edition of Divinity: Original Sin 2. Folks that already have the regular game on PC will just get him and the Definitive Edition for free when it launches.

Other changes and additions to Divinity: Original Sin 2 coming with the Definitive Edition are outlined in this video from Larian Studios. The developers have adjusted 150,000 words in text and recorded 130,000 new spoken bits of dialog. A “story mode” difficulty is being added that combat-averse players should find even easier than the game’s current “explorer mode” option. A new tutorial area will greet novice players. Returning players will see a ton of balance and performance improvements. Finally, there’s Sir Lora and his Great Acorn apocalypse.

Like Divinity: Original Sin’s upgrade, this sequel’s Definitive Edition on PC will be a separate install. PC owners will have the option of playing both versions. The Definitive Edition launches in August.

Battlegrounds switches to an event pass system for unlocks

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PlayerUnknown’s Battlegrounds is rolling out a time-limited season pass system for unlocks along with the addition of the Sanhok map to the public game. In a lengthy announcement, the PUBG Corp explained that the Event Pass will be progression-based and will dole out rewards to players as they complete missions and achieve level milestones. Players that do not buy immediately, can still participate and track their progress, then purchase the pass before it ends and all previously attained rewards will be unlocked at that time. A rather generous proposition for hesitant players.

Savvy battle royale players have noted the broad similarities to the way Fortnite handles its Battle Pass system, with most applauding the change. Sanhok and the Event Pass launches on June 22nd.

You’ll never be as happy as these Farming Simulator 19 fans

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John Deere equipment is finally coming to Farming Simulator. While you were drooling over E3 fodder like Ellie’s kiss in The Last of Us 2, Smash getting Ridley, or Fallout 76 dropping nukes in West Virginia, fans of the Giants Software Farming Simulator games were going nuts for a green and yellow tractor. John Deere’s iconic line of tractors will be in Farming Simulator 19, marking the first time the brand has officially joined the stable (pun intended) of machines in the series.

Farming Simulator 19 is still on track for a late 2018 release.

For Honor’s next big update has a lot of personality

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For Honor’s free update releasing concurrently with the recently announced Catching Fire expansion contains a significant makeover. The changes include an overhaul to the characters turning them into full hero personalities with stories and dialog. It won’t be “knight with a sword” after the update. It might become “Rokknar the Killonator” who has mommy issues and wants to retire to the countryside once the fighting is done. Perhaps For Honor can get the kind of fan-fiction Overwatch has all the time?

Is a Dead or Alive 6 without embarrassment a Dead or Alive game?

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Dead or Alive 6 will include less sexy fanservice. Game director Yohei Shimbori doesn’t want to lose the essence of the Dead or Alive fighting game series, but the developer acknowledged that the upcoming game will tone down the sexualization of its female fighters. Costumes will be designed to more closely ape modern superhero outfits, and the infamous “boob physics” have been scaled back. Shimbori told Eurogamer that the new attitude represents their commitment to being a serious competitive game.

“This is a fighting game. We felt people were not looking at this as a pure fighting game. They were looking into something that was the wrong direction. So we wanted to make sure this is a fighting game first.”

Presumably, fans will still be able to depend on the Dead or Alive Xtreme series for their jiggle excitement.