Should you get Titanfall on the XBox One? These screenshots don’t lie.

, | Games

Recently, publisher Electronic Arts and developer Respawn allowed people to participate in an “alpha” test for Titanfall. But calling it an alpha was a load of crap, since we all know the game has been finished and tested for several months. They just haven’t released it yet so that Sony can get a head start. EA is super fair like that. But when the Xbox One images hit the internet, the gaming public vomited into their consoles in disgust. EA claimed the lower resolution textures and graphic settings were to make the download small enough for the average tester, but we shouldn’t believe all that shit. They are obviously just going to repackage Crusader: No Remorse and sell it to you, the consumer, for 400 dollars American.

In order to save you from yourself, I’ve compiled a list of screenshot comparisons featuring Titanfall on the XBox One. Please, remove children and the faint of heart from viewing distance of the monitor.

After the jump, it’s about to get real.

(Note: Titanfall is the top image in these comparison shots.)

t1fWhen you compare Titanfall to apples, it’s obvious the textures on the apples are much higher resolution than the disgusting mess Respawn calls a game engine. Hey Micro$haft, maybe you should take more power from the Kinect so your console can properly render this mistake of a game!

t2fI’m comparing these because they both use the word “fall”. But when pitted against Pitfall, Titanfall doesn’t stand a chance. Of the parts I’ve seen and played, there were zero scorpions, zero swinging ropes, and even fewer rolling logs.

t3fWhen I saw this Titanfall screen I could only imagine that someone with a WACOM tablet had a seizure in MS Paint. I immediately ran to the internet (it’s just one block from my home) and searched for “USA USA USA USA USA.” When I saw this badass eagle pop up, I knew I was once again safe. Shame on you, EA, Respawn, and Microsoft. Shame.

t4fWe all know that Saturday night is alright for fighting, but you might as well hook up your Apple IIe and stare at pictures of Sir Elton John instead of sailing your humanity down the river to “fun” town. Oh, Titanfall.

t5fThis shot of a guy trying to hack a machine is possibly the most criminal of all. When you compare it to this shot of Sony’s EmotionEngine, Titanfall looks practically virtual. To be fair, though, this is probably the highest resolution shot of the EmotionEngine in action.

Consider this your first, last, and possibly only (?) warning about the XBox One and Titanfall. I have it on good authority that if you do buy this game, you will most likely develop a serious case of the GERD. Unless it comes out on PS4. Then it’s OK.

Don’t buy Titanfall when it’s released on March 11th.