Reported! Aaaaand we’re back!

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Friday night we all held our collective breath as our beloved Qt3 moved servers. Hahaha ok well we probably looked at more porn or were true degenerates and browsed SA or GAF. I did hold my breath but that was because I ate 5 Guys for dinner (what do they put in those burgers). Anyway it was a small hiccup really and now we’re back and faster than ever! Front page game diaries will bury my column in mere minutes! Tieman’s posts will be ignored at lightning speeds! Qt3 knows a thing or two about this whole internet thing, fella.

Speaking of internet jokes: Sony. Am I right or what?

More on gaming’s special needs child after the jump.

Oh, Sony. You were once a bright and noble shining beacon of wonder and marvel. OK, not really, but at least your business matters didn’t resemble an alternate universe Coca-Cola introducing New Coke and then immediately replacing it with Newer Coke – Now With Benzene! Many predict that physical entertainment media are a dying breed, which means digital and internet-based services are the future. Where does this leave Sony, the proverbial one-trick tech pony, who dominated with the PS2 because of its DVD drive and incorporated Blu Ray into the PS3 (which for some time was the only reason to purchase one)? Absolutely goddamned nowhere if its latest fiasco, so expertly built on prior fiascos, is any indication. Maybe they could ship all the PS3 owners a disc with the internet on it. You can thank me later, Sony!

Tom says there’s a minor Vanguard renaissance going on which I find highly suspect but when Tom gets excited about something, he’s so adorable that I have to give him the benefit of the doubt. Anyway there’s no way to prove it because, ha ha, Sony so we can bide our time laughing at the retarded names people came up with for their heroes.

Pus Pus, psionist cat person thing, reporting for meow! –Calistas

You would all just shit if I told you Calistas played Second Life, wouldn’t you?

Speaking of ludicrously embarrassing gaming behavior, let’s ridicule aphoristic gamer some more. I mean, I don’t think it’s funny to make fun of the mentally handicapped but let’s be honest, you can’t help but laugh when one slips on a banana peel and jams his melon head into a paint bucket. Now imagine he sits next to you and complains at length about how people should learn to eat banana peels instead of discarding them and why doesn’t paint taste better and you’ve got aphoristic gamer. Also, fuck Australia (or something).

I’d like to take this opportunity to point you towards a recent 3×3 Movies thread about bad film villains, mostly because I want to make fun of Kelly Wand who, despite being a totally hot babe according to Tom, has no idea what the Hell she’s talking about.

Also, Jeremy Renner is going to be in everything this summer. I blame Kathryn Bigelow. And Tom. Somehow.

Watch A Game of Thrones. Watch A Game of Thrones. NOW.

I find it humorously ironic that the two newest threads of interest in Politics and Religion concern not believing politics nor religion. Nor polls (you suck corsair).

Oh, and in case anyone forgot, Brian Seiler is insane.

Lum “They Call me MISTER Tibbs” The Mad is still regulating in everyone’s favorite forum cesspit. A master troll, he gets all kinds of people riled up by, of course, supporting Obama. Despite the thread starting alarmingly slow (and meandering into a retarded discussion about trains), all it takes is for Brettmcd to finally get home from his speech therapy classes for the real fun to begin. Nothing new there, but then Tom calls Lum by his real name which we all know is Tom’s way of saying BITCHES LEAVE. He also defends Brett which is like defending mold growth in your attic. Sure it has an arguable right to live like any of God’s creatures great and small, but…it’s fucking mold. It smells and enough of it can cause brain damage. Think of the children, Tom.

AaronSofaer and DeepT are both smiling next to you in silent lucidity. Yes, that officially makes it the worst nightmare you’ve ever had. If you should wake up and be overcome with an urge to flatten silverware while grinning menacingly in a trenchoat, the inception worked.

Last but not least (creepy), The Mad Hatter wants you to know he’s totally had sex with six girls and he has the Facebook stalker skills to prove it. Friending all of your exes! What could possibly go wrong!

[P]sychotic to the point of police involvement


That’s all for now, Snoogums. Until next week, let this column be a light to you in dark places, when all other lights go out and DeepT asks you if you’ve ever dreamt about having sex with a farm animal.

Want more Bill Dungsroman? Get it at The Frip and the Dead.