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Quick, read this before it gets buried under the rest of the Front Page spam errrr content! No really I love Little Big Planet! Heh!  

It wouldn’t be the internet we all know and partially loathe if it didn’t have threads where selfish people whine about their relationship dysfunctions like petulant babymen and are thusly called out by clueless social mutants who compensate for their own empty lives by criticizing the lives of others. Games are tearing this house apart!  

And it wouldn’t be Qt3 if we all didn’t show how cheap and old we were and pretended like the computer age never happened and even if it did, it disappeared in the mid-1990’s. Wow, guys.  

More objects of scorn and ridicule after the jump.

In dire times such as these I turn to my true heroes: Bill Abner, the Japanese mafia and, of course, Poland. Shogun 2 and Yakuza 4 are a blast and The Witcher 2 looks gorgeous, which we all know is the mark of a quality RPG. Well, that and shitty box art. Ha ha, games still come in boxes and people insist on this?  

Oh, OK. We have welcomed SOME recent gaming-related tech and hardware with open arms. Not the 3DS. That’s NINTENDO, don’t be RIDICULOUS. iPhone myself when iTouch myself when….uh… iPad this column out with stupid text. If you aren’t playing Unpleasant Horse, there is something wrong with you:  

Unpleasant Horse is like Tiny Wings, but with pony murder

Quote courtesy of Qt3 poster salwon. Pony murder. Aw yeah.  

There are two kinds of people who don’t find Yahtzee’s ZeroPunctuation reviews funny: fanboys of the game he’s trashing and imbeciles who are too mentally inept to keep up with his rapid delivery. It was TOTALLY his cell phone, Foxstab. Surrrrrre.  

Late winter and early spring is a filmgoing minefield, as we all know. I mean, a film promises fantasy genre parody and Natalie Portman’s ass, you would figure it’s a can’t miss. Your Highness proves me wrong :( However, Hanna totally delivers. “It’s a cross between Bourne and The Professional and it totally works.”  

I was so giddy to publish my first Qt3 Front Page column last week that I totally overlooked Kindle Text and Comic Downloads, Eztv.com Torrents and mp3s! My bad. Anyway, it’s mostly what you would expect: people wetting themselves over the Game of Thrones adaptation and how we are all just using lesser efforts Camelot and The Borgias to get by until Thrones starts.  

Of course we are all about how awesome Archer and anything related to Archer is. There’s also The Killing on AMC, which is like Twin Peaks if it was a little smarter and a lot less weird, meaning it’s not really like Twin peaks at all (I kid).  

Let’s talk about Rob Granito for a minute. Simpleton traces comic book art from widely disparate artists and styles and sells it at comic conventions for phat cash, yo. When finally outed, he pretends to be his own lawyer and then agent (and maybe even wife) to try to spin it back in his favor as only a semi-literate special needs adult can. God I hate him and his shit-eating grin.  

The balance of P&R idiocy must always be preserved. The Yin and the Yang, the Timex and Lum if you will. As soon as Known Qt3 Idiot(tm) Martin Guerre shits his pants, a challenger emerges in Nitram Draw. You can tell Nitram is a force to be reckoned with because he posts like a spider monkey with ADHD and loves telling you how awesome he is and how we all suck. Also he’s unfunny as fucking fuck between two slices of burnt fuck.  

Finally there’s Everything Else, Where Intelligence Goes to Die. Take a creepy personality test and find out which triangle wants to rape you (after it gives you a headache). Show the world how much of a LARPy weirdo you are and play a forum vampire game, where the humans have an 87% statistical chance of winning yet somehow manage to lose every time. Lastly you can follow along with Brad Wardell on his Disneyworld vacation and act shocked when he blames the broken rides on “Mickey Mouse loving the park too much.”  

Be here next Monday when I carry out more petty personal vendettas with my new bully pulpit! Don’t let me down, StGabe.  
 

Want more Bill Dungsroman? Get it at The Frip and the Dead.

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