Archive for January 2nd, 2013

It’s a new bullet hell shmup from Cave, designed specifically for the iPad. It even proclaims itself a “maximum bullet simulator” on the splash screen. That’s exactly what Cave does well: simulating bullets maximally! What could go wrong?

Well, pretty much everything. The enemies have some sort of pixel built look, as if they were designed with a Lite Brite. I’m all for retro graphics, but they should have some sort of character. I can’t even really tell what these are supposed to be. Space Invaders?

There is furthermore no sense of place under the action. I think I’m in a cyberworld or maybe just flying past neon signs and vector graphics. The five placeless stages are arranged in a line, with a branching structure that unlocks difficulty levels if you finish without getting hit or without using your bombs. The ships you fly, a few of which are unlockable, are just a handful of basic spaceships. There’s also one of those Chinese good luck cats in there if you’re sick of flying basic ships. If there’s any sort of unique twist to the scoring, I can’t see it. Pewpewpew. Fill up your maximum laser bar. Brapppp. Then pewpewpew.

Dodonpachi Maximum is apparently custom made for the iPad. Which deserves better. And, fortunately, has better. After the utter genius of Bug Princess, and the inspired lunacy of Deathsmiles, and the sleek clean action of Espgaluda, I can give Cave a pass for the generic robotery of their other Dodonpachi, subtitled Resurrection. But whatever’s going on in Dodonpachi Maximum, a sprawl of sterile color and rote action without character, is perhaps the first Cave game I can easily do without.

1 star
iOS

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Ascension world champion Dave Perkins joins us and then loses a very special Ascension match to Jason A. McMaster! If we don’t drive you away by making light of cancer, same-sex relationships, and child murder, stick around for an illuminating discussion about collectibles in games. What makes for a good or bad collectible system? What’s the difference between collectibles and treasure? Does Far Cry 3 do collectibles well? And how many of those pigeons do you have to shoot in Grand Theft Auto IV before something happens?

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When I drive back to the starting village in White Gold, I find a group of villagers having an informal dance party. It’s a great serendipitous moment, one more games should have. Their dance moves wouldn’t make the grinding strippers in Fallout: New Vegas envious, but it adds more character to the world. Most games are too obsessed with explosions and gore to include wonderful details like this one. I even stop to admire the scene for a few seconds before I machete one peasant, fire a burst from my M60 into another peasant, and launch a grenade into the crowd.

After the jump, let us prey Continue reading →

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When I play a game called Guardians of Middle-Earth, I don’t mind so much that it’s a Defense of the Ancients clone that doesn’t do anything different or memorable. I have Awesomenauts and Monday Night Combat for that. I don’t even really mind that it copies a game I already have — League of Legends — so shamelessly.

After the jump, what I do mind Continue reading →

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