After Diablo III’s first twelve hours in the wild, I can safely say this online only experience is not your Battlechest’s Diablo! Think of this as the new Diablo. Diablo 2.0, if you will. It’s a whole other thing. And as such, you might need some help.

After the jump, I bring you the wisdom that can only come from first-hand experience

Error 37 means the server is overloaded and you won’t be able to connect. Error 315300 means that you CTL-C’ed the password from the front end of Diablo III and have been CTL-V’ing in a series of asterisks as a password, and that’s not your password. Error 3006 means the game can’t retrieve the character list you haven’t even made yet because you’ve been getting errors 37 and 315300 for about an hour. Error 3005 is pretty self evident in that it tells you that you’ve been disconnected. Of all the errors, error 3005 is the most newbie friendly.

Now that you have that under your belt, you’re ready for some more advanced tips. Error 75 means the servers are down for maintenance. You may not know this because you’ve been actually playing the game for a while. At which point you logged out from your 21st level character to change your banner to one of the pictures you just unlocked. When you try to resume your game, you’ll discover error 317022 informing you that your game configuration can’t be loaded. Neither can you join a game, or start from a different quest, or do anything but admire your character standing next to her newly modified banner. Why don’t you play another character for a while? You can come back later for error 300008 when checking the character list to see if you can play your 21st level character yet. Which you can’t.

But of all the error messages that are part of Diablo III, the one you really want to strive for is what I call the prime error:

When you see this, you’ll know you’ve really made it as a Diablo III player.