Nintendo presents gun-fingers, cow-milking, and eating as the Switch’s killer launch game

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What unique games will the Nintendo Switch have available on its March 3rd launch? There’s Zelda: Breath of the Wild, but it’s still a cross-platform game that will also be available for the Wii U. The same goes with Just Dance 2017. Arms, the spring-fisted fighting game is slated for “Spring 2017” so it will likely miss launch day. Super Mario Odyssey isn’t coming out until the holiday season. Mario Kart 8 Deluxe is slated for April 28th, and it’s a remake of the last Mario Kart anyway. No, the two completely Switch-only games confirmed to be available on March 3rd are Super Bomberman R and 1-2-Switch. Bomberman is Bomberman, but 1-2-Switch is something else entirely.

Remember Wii Sports and how everyone immediately grasped the concept of waggling a controller for bowling or boxing? Nintendo sure hopes you do, because they want you to have the same thought process for 1-2-Switch. Using the Switch’s Joy-Con controllers as pretend cow teats, pistol grips, tennis racket handles, and a bevy of similar phallic objects, players square off in minigame waggle contests the likes of which haven’t been seen since Lando Calrissian and Han Solo shimmied their hips in an epic dance battle. It’s Wii Sports again, but instead of being a pack-in to demonstrate the fun and versatility of the hardware, Nintendo wants $50 retail for the experience. Doubtless there will be buyers if only to have something other than the new Zelda game to play, but is this really the push for the Switch?

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