When the game starts, create a ranger character — it’s the most versatile class. Then proceed to the general store to stock up on supplies. Get plenty of healing potions and as many +1 arrows as you can carry.
It’s okay that you’re doing this.
In stage one of the pirate dungeon, the skeletons have a standard attack pattern. If you memorize it, you can time your attacks so that you hit them when they’re most vulnerable. You’ve already applied to a job today, so this is totally, totally, fine. Really. Once you reach level 2, it’s important to add points to agility because that’s going to make your attacks hit more often.
Only buy equipment from Nylar the Elf — he has the lowest prices. Look, you have to allow yourself to relax and have fun once in a while.
After the jump, it’s fine to read gaming websites too.
According to the Entertainment Software Association, 71% of gamers are 18 or older. That means vastly more adults than children play video games. So any perception that games are just for kids is — what’s that? Okay, pause the game by pressing the “Start” button, and browse the various job sites to see if anything really good has come up in the last 15 minutes. Not super likely, but maybe that will let you feel like you’ve accomplished something today.
Revise your resume.
If you get poisoned by a dire asp, don’t waste any cure potions you may have picked up — the asps’ poison wears off on its own within a few seconds. You’ll need those potions later on, when you start running into liches. Check your smartphone and see if anyone has replied to your Tinder messages. When you find the elven bow you’ll be almost ready to take on the orc sergeant, but there are a few more things you need to do. Swipe right on everyone on Tinder because that way you can see who’s into you and make a decision then. Why rule anyone out at this point? It’s been a year and a half since Carol, and you weren’t sure you were into her at first. If you hadn’t given her a chance, you would never have figured out that she was the love of your life. Get the blessed cloak from the underthieves’ lair but be sure to charm the thieves first, either by talking to them or with a charm scroll if you’ve found any. The guy in Carol’s Facebook cover photo is probably just a friend.
Once your ranger is at level 3, you’ll be ready to take on the Warlock of Deepmountain and move on to the next part of the dungeon. It’s weird that your standards seem to keep getting higher as you get older, is all. You used to be happy with a nice personality but now it’s like you need a 25-year-old underwear model who has a master’s. Use the dragon’s key to breach the gates to the warlock’s lair. Each time the warlock casts fireball, the gate on the left side of the screen will open for about two seconds, revealing a speed potion. If you get that, you can run around behind the warlock and hit him with arrows until he retreats, much like your hairline. Okay, that was low. I’m sorry. Please come back. There’s so much more of the dungeon to explore.