The Epilogue to my game of Awful Green Things from Outer Space is a series of completely random encounters driven by the ancient method of rolling a six-sided die and referring to a choose-your-own adventure book.*
After the jump, you start at #1
1. The crew sets course straight for Snudl-1 (see #7) or for the last planet visited (see #3).
It’s choose your own adventure-by-die roll, and Captain Yid decides to head for Snudl-1.
7. The boat travels through space for 2 years. Roll one die. On a 1, 2, or 3, see #13; on a 4, 5, or 6, see #14.
I roll a 2.
13. The boat lands on strange planetoid. Roll one die. On a 1, 2, or 3, go to #6; on a 4, 5, or 6, go to #15.
I roll a 6! Is that good?
15. A strange disease infects the crew. Roll 4 Dice to Kill against each crewmember present. If any survive, roll one die. On a 1, 2, or 3, go to #6; on a 4, 5, or 6, go to #7.
A disease? You’re kidding me. “4 Dice to Kill?” TO KILL?!
Captain Yid is safe, what with a hardy constitution of 27. The First Officer comes close to dying with an 18, but close doesn’t matter, and his crewmates nurse him through. The Cook and Sarge shrug it off as well. But the poor Ops Officer and the Technician! I can hardly watch. The roll for Ops Officer … a ten! Oh God, please spare the Technician. Oh please. Please. 3, 1, 2, 2. What is that? Eight?! Holy shnozzle. Oh man, I thought I lost you there, buddy. Yeah, one of the dice was kind of cocked. But it’s ok. We’re in the cockboat.
If we have to go to #7 again we’ll be going in circles. I hope we don’t go to #7.
I roll another 2. C’mon, guys, let’s get off this rock.
6. The crew is able to replenish its food and fuel supply. Roll one die. One a 1, 2, or 3, go to #2; if a 4, 5, or 6 is rolled, go to #12.
Another 4. Can this be?
12. The crew reach Snudl-1 safely.**
Thus the sad survivors make it back to Snudl-1, gaining 111 points for the crew. According to the rules, this is a tie. According to life, this is not.
I’ll leave you with a picture. It’s an actual image of the Znutar Memorial on Snudl-1. Above the picture is an inscription:
In memory of those tragically lost on the E.S. Znutar, who traveled to the stars in the service of exploration and world peace.