League of Legends: Miss Fortune, I choose you!

, | Game diaries

I prefer to think of what I’m doing as playing hard-to-get, rather than labeling it as being cheap, but I’m probably fooling myself. Because there’s this girl I really like. I mean, I’m totally into her. Yes, she’s hot, but it’s more than that. We have a connection like…well…I don’t know if I can explain it. You know how you felt the first time you successfully executed a Zergling rush? Yeah, it’s kind of like that. Something clicks and you get it. I get her. She may be the one.

Plus, she’s easy.

After the jump, I try to get out of the hole I just dug for myself

Oh, get your mind out of the gutter. I mean she’s easy to play. For me at least. I really did mean it above when I suggested that she just clicked for me. Her name is Miss Fortune and she is hands down my favorite character in League of Legends. I would rather play her than any other character. And yet, I’m not playing her anymore. At all. Why, you ask? Is it because I’m trying to work past my tendency to stick with one character and only that character once I’ve learned him (I’m looking at you, Unclean Beast from Demigod) with acceptable competency? Is it because I’m interested in upping the bar and creating a challenge for myself? Is it because my wife objects to Miss Fortune’s outfits? No. No. No. Well, that last one is probably closer to a maybe.

No, it’s because now I have to pay for her and I can’t get myself to do it.

Ten champions are available to play for free every week in League of Legends. At the end of the week, the game shuffles the deck and new champions become available to play for free. You can still play the characters from the previous week, but you’ll pay for the privilege. Either in Riot Points, which you get by laying down real money using some bizarre calculus analogous to the points you use as currency on the Xbox Live Marketplace, or in Influence Points, which you get by being good at the game. Miss Fortune, due to her absolute awesomeness, costs about a gazillion of the latter, so that option is out for me. That leaves real world money. Which for some reason I’m reluctant to do.

This is totally stupid on my part. She’s not that expensive. Maybe eight bucks. But I know what’s going to happen. I’m not going to stop there. I won’t be able to. It’ll be just like Rock Band. Where I just intended to stock up on a little extra Foo Fighters and a reasonable pack of Police tunes and have ended up spending…you know, I don’t want to think about that. I’ll tell myself I’m only buying this one character and nothing else, and before you know it I’ll have spent a hundred dollars on skins for her because that Jessica Rabbit outfit is just too great.

I know I’m being stupid about this. I know it. Because I loved playing her. Again, when I said I totally fell for her, I wasn’t kidding. One of my friends suggested her when he was teaching me the game, knowing my strengths (read: weaknesses) as a gamer and he pegged me perfectly. She’s got great ranged attacks, so it was easy for me to stay out of trouble. Important in League of Legends because knowing when to drop back (read: run away) is vital, and playing a decent ranged character helps me avoid the confusion of the fray to a certain extent. Confession: I tend to go all simple in the fray.

I’ve tried a number of other characters, but they just don’t work for me. Part of it is this thing I have about playing female characters in a game like this (paging Dr. Freud), but that’s only a small part of it. Smallish. The bigger issue is that I’m just not getting these other characters. They’re too fragile, or too magic-oriented, or their ranged attacks suck because they shoot down something from the sky and it’s constantly hitting where my foes were a few seconds ago, but no longer are. How does that help me Veigar? Will you tell me that? Yeah Veigar, I’m calling you out. Your ranged attacks suck. Plus, you have the worst voice in the history of gaming. Eff you.

Deep breath.

I’m fooling myself. I know I’m gonna plunk down my credit card. You do too. Because when you find someone like Miss Fortune, letting her get away is beyond goofy. If I were to do that, I may be fine with it now, but I will end up regretting it. Maybe not today. Maybe not tomorrow. But soon and for the rest of my life.

Thanks for letting me work this out. Now all I have to do is convince my wife that all those skins I’m buying are necessary for gameplay. I know. I’ll say they’re for research. Being a professor, she’s sure to buy that.

Hold on, Miss Fortune. I’m coming for you.

Tomorrow: Never argue with Kelly Wand, because he’ll enjoy it and you’ll both get muddy.
Click here for the previous League of Legends game diary entry.