Steel Battalion: Line of Contact
TomChick - :60 Reviews - Comments - 06/09/04

Tom's review: This game is absolutely amazing and it works flawlessly. It's the greatest giant robot game ever. Do you hear me? I said 'ever'! And I'm not just saying that because I want you to buy mine off me since I'm trying to recoup some of the money I lost -- err, I mean 'spent' -- when I bought this $199 controller and $50 online-only sequel, plus tax, plus the fact that you need Xbox live and a separate table for this 40-button, two-stick, one-dial monstrosity that won't fit on your lap. Plus, of course, the broadband connection and the Xbox itself. Oh, and a television.

And although this is the most expensive game you'll ever play, rivaled only by the expense of trying to get a four-player game of Crystal Chronicles going on the Gamecube, it's totally worth it. Really. I'm not just saying that because I want you to buy mine. It's not like the multiplayer games don't work with more than a handful of players. It's not like the networking code is unstable and erratic. It's not like the lag makes it really frustrating to aim and move. It's not like its clearly pushing fewer polygons and coarser textures than other Xbox games that run flawlessly. It's not like starting a mission means lots of sitting around in the lobby while some ignorant yahoo bends your ear. It's not like you'll be heartbroken at how truly amazing the gameplay is when it does work because you know that at this point, months after its release, Capcom clearly has no interest in supporting a tiny niche game with maybe a few hundred players. It's not like the company behind the far more lucrative Resident Evil franchise has absolutely sabotaged what was potentially one of the most brilliant game designs based on the tried-and-true premise that giant robots with huge fucking guns strapped to their sides are awesome.

It's not like I'm disgusted with the whole thing. And it's not like I'm trying to pass on to you a pathetic lemon of a game that just makes me mad every time I open my closet to get a pair of shoes and I have to look at this virtually useless controller sitting in there gathering dust, so email me if you want to buy mine and make me an offer. Because, like I said, this is the greatest giant robot game ever.

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