Shoot Club: Sanity Check
TomChick - Columns - Comments - 08/17/06

By Tom Chick

"He says you're extremely beautiful and that he'd be quite very gratified if you would do him the honor of lodging in his establishment this evening," my friend Trevor tells me.

"Quite very gratified?"

"That's what he says."

"What, like he's flirting?"

"Oh yeah, definitely. What are you going to say?"

"Well, I'll tell him that I'm flattered and that, yeah, I'd like to stay at his place."

"Flirting back?"

I pause a moment. Peter is looking at me expectantly. A lot hinges on this. "Yeah, flirting back."

"What are you going to say?" Trevor asks.

"What do you mean?"

"I need to know exactly what you're going to say. The words you're using."

"Oh. Um, well, I'll say, 'I'm flattered, sir, and I'd be honored to take you up on your offer.'"

"Those are the words you use?"

"Yeah, I guess."

"That doesn't sound like flirting," Trevor says.

Peter is still looking at me expectantly.

"Well, the flirting is subtext. You know, body language and all. I'm not going to show you, but you know what I mean."

Trevor considers this. He looks at a piece of paper, but I can tell he's not reading it. He's just pretending to do something while he thinks. "Okay," he finally says, "Make a comeliness check."

"Comeliness? Which one is that?"

"It's right under charisma."

Sure enough, there it is. My comeliness is 18. I roll a 4.

"Whoa," Peter says.

"Yeah," Trevor agrees.


"He's really into you." Trevor jots something down on the piece of paper.

"Because I rolled a 4? It's not a critical hit or anything."

"No, but still. Okay, he steps closer and looks into your eyes. He says, 'My dear lady, I hope you'll find the accommodations...agreeable.' He says it just like that. What are you going to say?"

"I'll tell him that would be nice."

"No, the words. What words are you going to use?"

"I say, 'That would be nice'."

"Then he takes your hand and he goes to kiss it. What are you going to do?"

"I let him."

"Then he keeps holding your hand, and looking into your eyes. What are you going to do?"

Peter is looking at me expectantly.

"Can't we just fight a battle or something?" I ask.

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