Archive for January, 2013
“Worker placement game” sounds so dull. “Worker” is, at best, a generic word. It’s also from a word that means the opposite of fun. It’s a word about Mondays. “Placement” isn’t doing the phrase any favors. Placement is one of the least active things you can do, hardly a notch above loitering. It’s what you do when you set the table before a dinner. Placement. “Worker placement” is basically job assigning. Depositing labor. Task designation. Clerk putting. Office management, really. Even “human resources” sounds better, because if you screw up your perception just so, you can imagine it’s about using people to make soylent green. “Worker placement” is as prosaic a phrase as “peon management”, and like peon management, you’d never know it can be the cornerstone of often awesome gameplay.
So I suggest we call games like Stone Age — now ported to the iOS — not “worker placement” games, but “I steal from you the thing I know you wanted to do and now you have to react or pretend you didn’t want to do it” games. Or — you know you’re thinking it — “cockblock” games.
After the jump, I promise I’ll clean up the language Continue reading →
In The Strangers, freaky people in masks just show up and stab the protagonists. That’s pretty much all there is to it. I’ve never understood why some people find that movie even remotely entertaining, much less scary. Any good home invasion movie should have that early stage where the home invaders aren’t outed yet. For instance, in Funny Games, two dudes just want to borrow some eggs. In Straw Dogs, the local contractors are just a bit lazy. In Wait Until Dark, Richard Crenna is just a family friend. If you’re going to show up in creepy masks and just start stabbing people, I might as well watch Halloween.
In Their Skin, from first-time director Jeremy Regimbal and written by lead actor Joshua Close, is at its best during these early stages. It plays like a black comedy about the anxiety of meeting new people, about adjusting to unfamiliar social beats, about talking to people who seem like not-people wearing people disguises to study actual people. It’s the horror movie equivalent of a sitcom like Third Rock from the Sun, where the supposedly normal family is slightly askew in its attempt to seem normal.
James D’Arcy, whose interrogator was the least freaky non-Asian Asian in Cloud Atlas, is this movie’s greatest asset for his off-kilter eager friendliness and his fascinating Cumberbatch-esque face. But you also have to credit Rachel Miner — I didn’t recognize her, but she apparently had a stretch on Supernatural — for what she does with the usual supporting wife role. That’s the sort of look in your eye that only a good actress can fake. Her attempt at grief is one of the movie’s most startling moments.
Unfortunately, In Their Skin makes the mistake of ultimately being about the wrong group of characters. But until that happens, it’s a canny home invasion movie that takes the concept of class envy to a new level.
In Their Skin is available on DVD and VOD (watch it on Amazon.com here to support Qt3).
You might not know Spanish director Jaume Balaguero’s name, but surely you know his movie [Rec], a found-footage zombie movie. If “found-footage zombie movie” was a genre, [Rec] would easily be the best. But since it’s not really a genre, [Rec] is instead just a fantastic zombie movie.
[Rec] was co-directed by Balaguero and Paco Plaza. Plaza went on to do the ridiculous and not very effective [Rec] 3. Balaguero, on the other hand, has revisited the location and intimacy of [Rec] with a movie called Sleep Tight, set in an apartment building in Spain where something is going horribly wrong. The genius of Sleep Tight is how it unfolds the something going wrong, and how it puts the audience on the side of the monster instead of the victim. If this works, it is almost entirely because of an actor named Luis Tosar who plays the apartment building’s blandly brooding concierge. Sleep Tight isn’t so much a movie as a fascinating Tosar performance. Also, he has the most amazing eyebrows I’ve ever seen. You could make one heck of a fur coat out of those things.
Although Sleep Tight has some tautly directed sequences and even a few gratifying shocks, it feels inconsequential by the time it’s over. You can slot it neatly next to pretty much any movie about a psycho who does terrible things. Might I instead recommend the more memorable Montreal apartment building in Jacob Tierney’s Good Neighbors? Or just Polanski’s classic 1976 movie, The Tenant?
Sleep Tight is available now on DVD and VOD (support Qt3 by watching it here).
Last year we got two bits of bad news about a possible movie adaptation of Shadow of the Colossus. The first bit of bad news was that it was attached to the director of Chronicle, Josh Trank. That was bad news if you saw Chronicle. The second bit of bad news — which maybe wasn’t bad news given the first bit of bad news — was that Trank would do the Fantastic Four reboot for an early 2015 release. I can think of more than 600 million reasons that 20th Century Fox is keen to get a Fantastic Four reboot underway.
Of course, attaching a hot new talent to a relatively unknown videogaming franchise is no guarantee anything is ever going to come of it, particularly if it has to happen quickly. But today, The Hollywood Reporter notes Sony hired Seth Lochhead to write a new Shadow of the Colossus script, replacing the previous script from the guy who did the Chun Li Street Fighter movie. Did you even know there was a Chun Li movie? Because there was. Give that a look and now imagine the same foundation for a Shadow of the Colossus adaptation.
Lochhead, on the other hand, wrote the script for Hanna, a smart and richly textured fairy tale about children coming to terms with their parents and vice versa, but packaged inside a thriller about a teenage assassin. I’m delighted at the idea of a Seth Lochhead Shadow of the Colossus adaptation.
It’s still entirely likely a Shadow of the Colossus movie will get swept under the rug. It’s not an ongoing franchise for Sony, and cult hit videogames don’t tend to pack the theaters, even when they are part of an ongoing franchise. For the time being, your Shadow of the Colossus silver-screen fix will have to come from its godawful appearance in Mike Binder’s sappy post-9/11 drama, Reign over Me.
There have been a few recent shooters that are supposed to put the main character through some kind of psychological terror. Far Cry 2’s hunt for the world’s most dangerous speed reader (did they only book the recording studio for four hours or something?) had laughable allusions to Apocalypse Now and Heart of Darkness. Like calling the last level “Heart of Darkness”. Far Cry 3 had Flight of the Valkaryies and a speech about insanity, in case you didn’t get that the character delivering it was supposed to to be insane. Spec Ops: The Line did a somewhat better job with the material. But nothing can rival the unintentional descent into madness that is White Gold.
After the jump, welcome to the bungle Continue reading →
Once again, we wrangle our respective top ten lists into a podcast! Join us as we revisit — spoiler free — our favorite movies of 2012. Or just go here to read what we picked.
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We storm out of the landing craft onto the beach. German pillboxes are slaughtering soldiers left and right. The whole thing looks like something out of Saving Private Ryan. Probably because Saving Private Ryan came out only two years ago. Dying soldiers are everywhere, though they don’t seem to be suffering any bleeding. After we reach cover by barb wire, a sergeant yells “Go back down there, and grab those bangalores!”. Yelling to be heard over the din, I scream “What the fuck is a bangalore!?”
After the jump, shocking spoilers about the mystery of the white gold Continue reading →
On the second island, I finally reach my CIA contact at the US embassy. The embassy is one room in a two story apartment building, a great satirical jab at the decline of American influence in the Caribbean, or just an indicator of the game’s small budget . They’re also blaring the Star Bangled Banner constantly. I don’t want to sound anti-American, but could they please turn that crap down? Anyhow, I’m told to meet another contact in the local bar. Alright, meeting an informant in a bar. I feel like I’m in Dr. No, or Our Man In Havana, or just a better game. The ass tells me to cough up 20k in pesos before he spills the beans. This is the part in a non-linear game where the developers grab you by the lapels and shout “Go do some of our side-quests!”. See Baldur’s Gate 2 for an example of the same device. What follows are tales of my adventures on the second island…
After the jump, “I come not to praise Don Guillermo…” Continue reading →
You can’t fault Planets under Attack for a misleading name. Sure enough, a lot of planets come under attack, so it’s got that going for it. But such a flatly descriptive name doesn’t express how smart this game is. It deserves a name like Spaceward Ho, Star General, or Reach for the Stars. Something operatic and sci-fi and maybe even a little gotterdamerung. Is “Off the Shoulder of Orion” or “In the Dark near The Tannhauser Gate” taken?
After the jump, don’t pay any mind to that screenshot Continue reading →
It’s a new bullet hell shmup from Cave, designed specifically for the iPad. It even proclaims itself a “maximum bullet simulator” on the splash screen. That’s exactly what Cave does well: simulating bullets maximally! What could go wrong?
Well, pretty much everything. The enemies have some sort of pixel built look, as if they were designed with a Lite Brite. I’m all for retro graphics, but they should have some sort of character. I can’t even really tell what these are supposed to be. Space Invaders?
There is furthermore no sense of place under the action. I think I’m in a cyberworld or maybe just flying past neon signs and vector graphics. The five placeless stages are arranged in a line, with a branching structure that unlocks difficulty levels if you finish without getting hit or without using your bombs. The ships you fly, a few of which are unlockable, are just a handful of basic spaceships. There’s also one of those Chinese good luck cats in there if you’re sick of flying basic ships. If there’s any sort of unique twist to the scoring, I can’t see it. Pewpewpew. Fill up your maximum laser bar. Brapppp. Then pewpewpew.
Dodonpachi Maximum is apparently custom made for the iPad. Which deserves better. And, fortunately, has better. After the utter genius of Bug Princess, and the inspired lunacy of Deathsmiles, and the sleek clean action of Espgaluda, I can give Cave a pass for the generic robotery of their other Dodonpachi, subtitled Resurrection. But whatever’s going on in Dodonpachi Maximum, a sprawl of sterile color and rote action without character, is perhaps the first Cave game I can easily do without.
1 star
iOS
Ascension world champion Dave Perkins joins us and then loses a very special Ascension match to Jason A. McMaster! If we don’t drive you away by making light of cancer, same-sex relationships, and child murder, stick around for an illuminating discussion about collectibles in games. What makes for a good or bad collectible system? What’s the difference between collectibles and treasure? Does Far Cry 3 do collectibles well? And how many of those pigeons do you have to shoot in Grand Theft Auto IV before something happens?
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When I drive back to the starting village in White Gold, I find a group of villagers having an informal dance party. It’s a great serendipitous moment, one more games should have. Their dance moves wouldn’t make the grinding strippers in Fallout: New Vegas envious, but it adds more character to the world. Most games are too obsessed with explosions and gore to include wonderful details like this one. I even stop to admire the scene for a few seconds before I machete one peasant, fire a burst from my M60 into another peasant, and launch a grenade into the crowd.
After the jump, let us prey Continue reading →
When I play a game called Guardians of Middle-Earth, I don’t mind so much that it’s a Defense of the Ancients clone that doesn’t do anything different or memorable. I have Awesomenauts and Monday Night Combat for that. I don’t even really mind that it copies a game I already have — League of Legends — so shamelessly.
After the jump, what I do mind Continue reading →
Fade in to Youtube video of Far Cry 2. A custom Far Cry 2 map with red fuel barrels strategically placed in underbrush under a tree line. The End by The Doors and jeep engines are the only sounds. After a minute the player launches a grenade, a giant fireball fills the screen, engulfing the trees in flames.
This is the end, beautiful friend
This is the end, my only friend, the end
Of our elaborate plans, the end
Of everything that stands, the end
No safety or surprise, the end
I’ll never look into your eyes, again
Dissolve to:
December. Shit. Far Cry 3’s not coming out ’till December. Every time I buy an open world FPS game I think it’ll actually be good. When I was playing Far Cry 2 after finishing the original it was worse. I’d keep expecting it to get better and there’d be nothing. When I was playing, all I could think of was getting back into the jungle. I’ve been here for three months now, waiting for the next new release, getting fatter. Every minute I spend in front of this monitor I get stupider. And every minute the AI squats in the bush he gets cheaper and lamer.
Everyone gets everything he wants. I wanted a sandbox FPS set in the tropics, and for my sins they gave me one. It was no accident I got to be the caretaker of the villain at the end of White Gold’s memory, any more than being back in fictional third world country was an accident. There is no way to tell his story without telling my own. And if his story is really a confession, then so is mine.
After the jump, I stop talking like Martin Sheen in Apocalypse Now Continue reading →
I met Phantasm director and writer Don Coscarelli once. Well, “met”. It was a screening of Phantasm at the Hollywood Cemetery, where he introduced the movie. I made my way over to where he’d been buttonholed by a few fans. When my turn came, I said something about how Phantasm was a huge part of my childhood.
“Must have been quite a childhood,” he said.
I suppose it was. So I feel awful that I don’t like John Dies at the End, an obvious labor of love from Coscarelli, a guy who’s early contribution to horror is infinitely more valuable than anything Wes Craven did before Nightmare on Elm Street. But for whatever reason, Coscarelli never had his own Nightmare on Elm Street.
After the jump, balls of silver only get you so far Continue reading →
