A few important words about multiplayer Mass Effect 3

, | Features

I have a few things I’d like to say to some of the people playing Mass Effect 3’s cool co-op multiplayer mode. Some very specific things to some very specific people.

After the jump, that could mean you

To the guys commenting on voice chat about how much I suck because of how low my score is compared to theirs:

First, I will grant you that I suck. But beyond that, there’s a reason I have fewer points than you at the end of the match. You guys are all crowded around whatever line of sight is available to the currently visible enemy, firing wildly and having a grand time getting kills and racking up points and slapping each other on the back like a bunch of rednecks shooting beer cans in a creek. Good for you. I don’t begrudge you that in the least, because in the final analysis, your points are my points. All experience points are pooled and that sum is doled out to each player at the end of the match.

But while you’re doing that, I’m supporting you by taking out the enemies that flank you. Do you know why you didn’t notice that the enemies flanking you? Because I killed them! You might say I’m guarding your six. As well as your nine and your three, and sometimes even your eleven and one, because your attention span is limited to whatever happens to be at your twelve at any given moment.

To everyone playing on the bronze challenge level:

You’re doing it wrong! Because now Mass Effect 3 is going to make you think it’s a strictly run-and-gun shooter where the four of us prance around picking off enemies willy nilly. What’s more, Mass Effect 3 is going to make you think it takes for-freakin’-ever to earn money and experience points. Becuase that’s exactly how it works on bronze. Once your character has a few levels under his belt, play at the silver level and learn to play smart. You’ll find the game much more rewarding. Literally.

To the vanguard running around the map while the rest of us hack a location:

Okay, since you’re a dude who decided to play a vanguard, I’ll try to spell it out without any big words.

1) The hack goes faster when all four of us are standing inside the glowing circle.
2) We all get extra money based on how quickly we accomplish the objective.
3) The only way to make money in Mass Effect 3 is to accomplish objectives.
4) The only way to get new gear is by paying money, either spacebucks you earn in the game or the money you earn in real life.
5) I have no intention of spending the money I earn in real life on gear for my Mass Effect 3 character.

Therefore, stand in the goddamn circle already, because you’re costing me spacebucks!