Monday is the best day of the week. No, seriously…
J.P. Lucas works, pays bills, eats, and sleeps. He changes diapers. Lots of diapers. And he does whatever his wife tells him to do. It’s safer that way.
If you’re not into niche strategy games, this isn’t your week yet. Instead, this is the week for A House Divided, the American Civil War add-on for Victoria II, a fascinating historical strategy game in dire need of one of Paradox’s trademark add-ons. You can also pick up an indie tower defense game called Oil Rush that looks just as pretty as Anno 2070, but presumably won’t suck up dozens of hours at a time.
UPDATE: The Victoria II expansion was pushed back to February 2nd, making for a strictly monochromatic wallet thread level this week.
All right, which one of us is the wet blanket who’s down on Gina Carano’s turn as an action star in Steven Soderbergh’s lean Haywire? Listen to find out. Then our 3×3 of the best bathtub scenes starts at the 50 minute mark. Next week: The Grey.
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It’s Saturday night, but officially Sunday because it’s past midnight. Defcon 2. This is why you can’t stay up all hours of the night gaming. Abigail, the 17-month-old, has a fever. We’re out of children’s Tylenol. I’m going to the 24 hour pharmacy for medicine. While I’m there I get a call from the wife. Magdalene, the pukinator, is screaming about her ear. We place an emergency phone call to the pediatrician while I’m standing in the pharmacy. An hour later I’m home, the medicines have been applied, and everyone goes to sleep.
After the jump, we go to defcon 1 Continue reading →
The weekend is time to play The Sims. Only in real life. I’m cleaning the house, doing the laundry, helping with the shopping, rake some leaves, mow a lawn, play with the kids, make dinner, watch a movie, maybe fornicate with the wife (even that is rare to do with kids), make breakfast, clean some more, drop my son back home, pick up my mother-in-law to watch the kids for Monday. Weekends are fun for the family, but suck for gaming. The only thing holding me together, besides a bottle of wine, is that by Sunday, I can see Monday.
With all that free time you’d think you would have a chance to really spend a few hours gaming. But you don’t. One kid goes to dance class, the other to karate lessons. The little one needs to be fed and diaper changed, etc., etc., etc. Even when there’s down time you really can’t start anything, because you never know when a kid will need assistance, or they get into a fight, or want to have a tea party. You’re basically a glorified butler. After they’ve all gone to bed, I’d love to play League of Legends, but I’m exhausted. Kids are like energy vampires. I love ’em, but my day job is easier than this.
Up next: Defcon 1
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J.P. Lucas works, pays bills, eats, and sleeps. He changes diapers. Lots of diapers. And he does whatever his wife tells him to do. It’s safer that way.
“We need another DPS,” my brother, Alex, tells me, as he wraps his hands.
We’re at our local mixed martial arts gym. That was the deal we had made – I would help him run his Star Wars: The Old Republic guild, but he had to start taking classes with me. I figured the two would balance out our social lives.
“Which are those again?” I ask, adjusting the straps of my gloves.
“Pretty much everythi- Ow. Am I doing this right?” he holds his left hand out to me.
I take my gloves off and check his hand. He’s wrapping it too tight – I loosen it for him.
“Are you guys talking about World of Warcraft?” some little guy who overheard our conversation asks. When I say little, I mean height wise. His arms do not look little.
“No,” Alex sneers. “We’re talking about Star Wars.”
“You sparring?” the guys asks him. I can sense malice in his voice. “I need a partner.”
“No!” I say, quickly. The last thing I want is for my brother to get his ass kicked at his first
class. Especially by some World of Warcraft player.
After the jump, raiding for dummies Continue reading →
Now that reporter Darrell Simmons and famed archaeologist/adventurer Monterey Jack have gone stark raving mad — a proud tradition for any Lovecraft hero — I’m left with two investigators running around trying to gather elder signs. One of them, private detective Joe Diamond, is clearly the hero of the rest of the game. The Graveyard, Something Has Broken Free, You Become That Which You Fear Most, Stay Away From The Windows, The Pleateau of Leng. Joe Diamond defeats them all, amassing relics, spells, weapons, powerful clues, and even elder signs!
Meanwhile Ashcan Pete, his pockets empty and his sanity waning, spends a lot of time failing adventures and then hanging out at the entrance to heal up.
In the end, one man is no match for Cthulhu, even if that man is Diamond Joe Diamond. One fateful midnight, we draw our final doom token and the world is devoured. My final score is 2,980, which is actually one of my better scores.
Shortly after my defeat, I play another game with the same team. No dice are ever locked. No one goes insane. We handily gather the required elder signs for a win, while the bad guys only ever get a handful of doom tokens. The stars align and I save the world. My final score is 4,540. That’s the thing about dice-based games. Sometimes you roll a one. Sometimes you roll a six.
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Friday. Time to gulp down your beverage and stare into that empty glass with a long look on your face. Weekends suck. That’s when my game time sinks to an all-time low. Fridays are like Mondays. Limited game time. The difference is that while Mondays are usually ramping up, Fridays are ramping down. The train ride is spent playing Out of the Park Baseball. Win, lose, doesn’t matter. I’m not gonna see it again until Monday morning.
After the jump, you may wanna jump Continue reading →
I have this thing for objects that become characters, or that we come to see as characters, in movies and games certainly, but also in life. I love how my little boy can get lost in a conversation with one of his beloved stuffed animals while I’m voicing it. That willing suspension of disbelief always came easy to me — I remember as a child totally going along with my dad when he wanted to pretend his Fiat X1/9 was an X-wing on our way home after seeing you-know-what — and I’m happy to see my son shares this.
But stuffed animals and pets are easy. I like it when something that doesn’t normally have personality — a truck, a weapon, a tire — feels like a character. Maybe it’s having watched the excellent and weird Rubber again while working up my end-of-the-year list for the movie podcast that’s influencing me, but this week’s level, Super ball deluxe, hits that spot for me. Part of it is the physical design: the ball plays like it has weight and texture, say the heft of a bocce ball with the slipperiness of a bowling ball spinning down its lane. It’s more than that though. It’s got personality, and as Jules observes in Pulp Fiction, personality goes a long way.
This happens about once a week, when just about every free minute of the day is spent in gaming bliss. It’s not easy to find and you never know what day it will happen. This week, it happens on Thursday.
After the jump, sweet sweetness so sweet you’ll sweat sweet sugar Continue reading →
You can’t very well talk videogames right now without some serious RPG talk. Particularly with this week’s guest. Jeff, who posts as Sapper Gopher, is a bona fide JPRG enthusiast with the credentials necessary to talk about the Final Fantasy XIII-2 demo. You’ll also hear a bit about Kingdoms of Amalur: Reckoning, Diablo III, Payday: The Heist, and various other games where you level up. Such as Dungeons and Dragons. Jeff also casts what is by far the most memorable vote in the ongoing zombies vs. SWAT debate.
For our posts of the week, Tom picked this defense of Diablo III, Jason picked this guarded defense of the Kingdoms of Amalur demo, and Jeff picked this riff on Skyrim written by someone using a familiar moniker.
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Ancient relics? Monterey Jack knows ancient relics, even if they’re guarded by a high priest. He’s got his cigarettes and his two magic books. Lighting up and reading a page from The Nameless Cults, he rolls the dice.
After the jump, Yahtzee! Continue reading →
Many sites on the Internet have gone black. They are either shut down or somehow showing their protest for the SOPA and PIPA acts that our Congress is currently debating. If you haven’t done so, please take a moment to learn about what’s happening and how you can get involved.
One of the concerns some of us have with the DLC business model is that we suspect good content is being held back. We worry someone is cutting cool stuff out of our games and then selling it to us separately. Fortunately, no such thing seems to be happening with Saints Row 3!
After the jump, Saints Row 3 jumps the panda Continue reading →
Hi. Psst, over here. I’ve got my telescope set up right out the backdoor. No, that’s not a sexual pun. I wanted to show you how the stars are aligning themselves into position. The wind is blowing from the east, ahhhh…the signs portend to gaming nirvana.
After the jump, the stars are right Continue reading →
