Archive for December, 2011
Completely by accident I find myself doing part of the main quest. I was just hopping up a mountain (can I say how much I miss the crazy jumping in Oblivion?). I didn’t expect the god damn Gray Beards to be there. But now that I’m here, I might as well go learn their stupid dragon word thing. I actually always forget about the shouts so I never, ever use them, and it takes me a couple of tries to actually learn the wind one because I had the first shout set on the button I kept using and this was apparently not impressing the guys in the robes. I figure out how to set the wind shout on the button to push myself forward and they tell me to go to some crypt to do something else but screw that, I make my own decisions! So I ditch that place and decide to go wandering around way to the north where I haven’t discovered anything yet.
Afer the jump, I discover Skyrim: Alaska Continue reading →
Saints Row 3 lead designer Scott Phillips shows up to solve a few mysteries like why you can’t replay missions, why butts are pixellated but purple dildos aren’t, what’s going on in that mission where you’re suddenly drugged and naked, and what happened to Freckle Bitches. I should warn you that if you haven’t finished the storyline, we do discuss specific plot points, such as the fate of [redacted], the late game arrival of [redacted], and the [redacted] on Arapice Island.
In possibly related news, the Qt3 Games Podcast score for SWAT vs. zombies is now 2 to 1.
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Having trouble with Zelda: Skyward Sword? Here’s a foolproof shortcut to get to one of the game’s unintended endings.
1. At the beginning of the quest, go to Lanayru Desert to retrieve the song of the Thunder Dragon.
2. In the Lanayru Mine, speak with Golo the Goron.
3. Complete the Thunder Dragon’s event, and receive his song.
4. Before heading to the forest or volcano regions, speak with Golo in the mine again.
5. At this point, the forest and volcano events will no longer occur, making it impossible to continue.
The above instructions come from the email reply Nintendo sends to players who contact customer support looking for help after having done exactly those steps. Zelda Informer has reprinted the entire email here. I haven’t played Skyward Sword, so I have no idea how easy it is to stumble through those step and kill your game. But it’s a sad day when a Nintendo game can stop you in your tracks as cold as a Bethesda game.
That’s me up there with my girlfriend. She’s kind of shy. We both are, actually. This is clear because we close our eyes for every picture. Every single time a picture gets snapped during our little level, Super Bunnio, we close our eyes. Either we’re shy or we just share the same tic.
Anyway, I’m feeling a little down because we just can’t seem to get together. Oh, I know, everything looks nice in that picture with that cute little heart and the butterflies, but things are about to get weird. So weird. This gust of wind up and carries my girlfriend away, and so I have to do all this combo-jumping and eat a bunch of carrots to try to get her back. The combo-jumping is kind of cool, actually. In my normal bunny life I don’t get to do much of that. But then a couple of times I turn into a ball all of a sudden and start drilling through the ground like some kind of deranged hedgehog and I finally find her and then another gust of wind comes up and…well…it’s…
Weird.
Click here for the previous Weekly Little Big Planet
I have discovered that the best way to level up is to find yourself in an area that is incredibly high level completely by accident while wandering around looking for things to collect. It’s also really frustrating, but here is where my hobby pays off. You see, I could care less about the main quest or really any sub-quests. What I actually love is stealing food. And some of the food, while ridiculous heavy, is amazingly good at giving you back health.
Wolves and cheese after the jump Continue reading →
This week, we welcome Jared (aka Otagan), who makes at least three of the following four claims: he doesn’t own an Xbox 360, he doesn’t care about pinball, he prefers a SWAT team to zombie hordes, and he is from the fictional land of North Dakota (allegedly pictured, although we know a screenshot from Red Dead Redemption when we see it). Furthermore, expect strange choices all around for games of the week. And speaking of strange, gremlins ate our discussion of Ace Combat: Assault Horizon, in which Jared explains that it’s not hardcore enough. Yep, he’s one of those guys.
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This is mostly a lovely and polished game, but sometimes its German roots show awkwardly. A data log entry or tooltip lapses into German, as if you’re at a Prufpunkt und der Schutz bittet um meine Papiere. Not very pleasant, is it? So the last place I expected to find a poetic touch is the random name generator.
A verbal pot of gold, after the jump Continue reading →
After selling off my stuff at the local store I decide to go find the town that will let me join the thieves guild. After all, I’m awesome at stealing and I want a group of people to acknowledge that. Since the local soldiers don’t seem to, I need to find this place ASAP so that I stop having all my stolen goods confiscated.
After the jump, finding this place Continue reading →
I have no desire to play Saints Row 3 as that dude up there, who I downloaded from the community gallery. I didn’t make him, I don’t care about him, I don’t like his voice, and lords knows I’ve played enough dudes like that in Modern Warfare 3 and Battlefield 3. But one of the achievements in Saints Row 3 is called Gender Equality. You unlock it by playing at least two hours as a dude and two hours as a chick. I’ve logged over forty hours as a chick, so now I’m doing my term of service as a dude. See? Gender equality. But after two hours, that guy is outta here.
By the way, if you haven’t experienced the charms of the Thompson helicopter (pictured), I recommend it. You can find one on the back of the cargo ship near Kenzie’s pad. What a lovely nimble little minx. The helicopter isn’t bad either.
One of the new additions in Anno 2070 is underwater gameplay. My concern at first was that an entirely new layer of gameplay could be more trouble than it’s worth. What is there to do down there? How does it relate to the above-water game? Is it feature creep or an exciting new level of gameplay?
After the jump, dive, dive, dive! Continue reading →
After killing a horse, I pick flowers for a bit on my way back to not-vikings town and then decide to just fast travel. This town is really kind of a pain to get around, but I find my way back to the throne room in time to hear all about how a dragon has been seen, blah blah, I’m supposed to go help. No thank you, sir! Instead, I think I’ll wander around taking everything I can find that’s worth something and/or food. For whatever reason 99% of the stuff in here is free to take! That is awesome! I have a particular penchant for taking foodstuffs, so I load up on potatoes and carrots. You never know when you’re going to need to break out a really awesome stew in the wilderness, but to my dismay I keep getting overloaded and have to drop kettles in hallways. Even though I can take most things freely, I still decide to steal the things that are off limits in display cases. I’m pretty damn good at that unlock game.
Eventually I’ve bankrupted the people that live there and I head outside where I run immediately into a little girl that tells me in a really snotty tone that she’s not afraid of me even though I’m her elder.
After the jump, I punch the brat in the face. Continue reading →
Fortune Street is no Monopoly. It’s actually a serious — you know, serious — boardgame. Don’t be fooled by the occasional minigame and Nintendo characters like Birdoe, Mushroomhead Guy, Princess Peachley, Doofus, Doogie, Hocker, Loogey, and Luigi. They’re just window dressing in an earnest mix of market speculation, real estate development, risk management, and die rolls with an occasional Candyland style slide when you least expect it. What’s more, Fortune Street doesn’t rely on the crazy turns of fortune that frequently upend Culdcept or Dorkapon Kingdoms*. Fortune Street wants it to be your fault when you lose, so it relies on 80% careful calculation and 20% luck. Fortune Street isn’t fooling around.
After the jump, this ain’t no Monopoly
* I know it’s not actually called that, but I can’t help myself.
Continue reading →
I just can’t get enough of these awesome gun models. Pictured is the fully upgraded AR-55, which fires three-round bursts to teach you control and is mighty enough at long range that it has obsoleted the sniper rifle. Plus my new outfit. As you can see, I even got my nails done.
After getting my assignment I decide to hit the local shops to see what’s up with them. I’m a bit short on gold since these people apparently don’t know brooms are the shit but I meet a nice girl smith who won’t stop talking about her father. Whatever. I am not here to be your therapist. She instructs me on how to use a couple of the equipment-things around, basically by giving me free shit and then being like ‘return to me when you have done something useful!’ Where ‘useful’ is ‘create a bunch of leather strips’. I don’t know what they do for fun in this town and now I really don’t want to.
After the jump, time to get out of here! Continue reading →
You’d think Mario-themed games would be out in time for the all-important Thanksgiving shopping weekend. You’d be wrong. This week sees two arguably tardy releases for Nintendo systems. Mario Kart 7 for the Nintendo 3DS adds a new dimension to the same old game and nothing else. Fortune Street for the Wii may very well be one of the weirdest surprises I’ve had all year. What I thought was a Nintendo themed Monopoly game is instead an oddly hardcore boardgame. Stand by for full reviews of both games.
