X-Men pinball table rivals the world’s greatest water parks

, | Game reviews

I’m having a hard time warming up to the X-Men table. It’s clean, sleek, and open. But I don’t know why the Marvel Vengenace and Virtue bundle has an X-Men table. We already have an X-Men table. It’s called Wolverine.

I guess this table is about the rest of the X-Men. Having seen all three movies, plus the latest Teen X-Men movie, I thought I was an authority on these guys. However, this table taught me that there’s an X-Man named Hank. Hank the X-Man. You light up the four letters of his name. If there were X-Men named Earl, Otis, Dick, Carl, Chet, or Opie, they would also qualify for this feature. I’m not sure what Hank’s mutant superpower is, but it’s sure not thinking up cool superhero names like Phoenix, Dark Phoenix, or Jean Grey. By the way, because this is an E-rated game, they can’t say the full name of Juggernautbitch.

I question the basic premise of this table, which is the X-Men fighting Magneto. I’m not convinced of the wisdom of using a steel ball to go up against a guy whose mutant superpower is telekinetic magnetism. But there’s Magneto, front and center, doing archvillain stuff like grabbing your balls. Speaking of balls, my favorite thing about this table is the waterslide. There’s a really awesome waterslide running down the right side of the table. Splash Mountain has nothing on the X-Men lair.

Suffice to say, X-Men is no Fantastic Four. When it comes to team-based tables, I’d just as soon hang out with Rock Hulk, Stretchman, Invisible Girl, and whoever the fourth guy is — Doc, I think — shooting the ball up the Wayne Tower to unlock missions.

3 stars
Xbox 360