A great man once said, “I’m gonna fight, the only way I know. Ever since I was a boy, all I knew was how to fight. Fight, fight, fight. And when I got tired, I’d fight some more”. Space Pirates and Zombies seems to follow this motto, as it does indeed have a lot of fighting, and it’s this fighting that is basically the glue that holds the rest of the game together. Most of the missions in the game involve lots of pew pew, whether you’re fighting other ships (which is most of the time), trying to destroy containers or even a renegade comet. Combat allows you to collect all three of the game’s main resources (Rez, Goons and Data) in various fun ways. Some call this a grind, but is it really? Let’s discuss the matter further…
After the jump, let me fight so my game won’t grind… Continue reading →
534:366 = Soviet Minor Victory
After the jump, I can explain Continue reading →
I once said that blood and money are the two things that lead to power in Calradia. I’ve earned enough money to support an army as large as those of other lords of the realm. I’ve spilled, directly and indirectly, enough blood to fill all of the ale kegs in Jelkala.
None of that blood is anywhere near as significant as the blood to be spilled today.
After the jump, a little treason before breakfast, then a little war after lunch Continue reading →
Video games are mainstream now. Everyone and his girlfriend has a Wii. You’d almost think games were socially acceptable. That’s why I only play old games. As long as I stick with ugly graphics and byzantine interfaces, nobody will mistake me for someone who has a job, a relationship, or self-respect. And no game has uglier graphics or a more byzantine interface than Nethack.
After the jump, a brief word of explanation for those who have experienced physical exercise in the last 25 years. Continue reading →
See that multicolored blobby stuff floating out there, son? Those are black boxes, and they contain data, which some would say is more valuable than rez or goons. Data is what helps us make bigger and better weapons, armor, shields and even ships. Best way to collect data is by destroying other ships, so get out there, son, and make with the mayhem…
As I’ve said before, there are three resources in Space Pirates and Zombies: Rez, goons and data. While Rez allows you to purchase blueprints and create ships, and goons allow you to pilot those ships and repair them, data is where things really get interesting. Data is the currency of the RPG portion of the game, in which you level up and gain research points as well as designs for new ships to employ. While we’ve taken a look at the combat and factional elements of Space Pirates and Zombies, we’ll now take a look at the RPG elements that keep me coming back for more.
After the jump…in space, no one can hear you level Continue reading →
Glorious battle seems to have eluded me all throughout this playthrough. All I ask for is a single gigantic siege that results in my kingdom taking an important city from the enemy. Sadly, it seems I was late to that party this time around, as Count Gharmall, the new marshal, is interested only in sitting on the border with the Sarranids until everyone gets tired and decides to sign a peace treaty.
After the jump, disappointment doesn’t last forever Continue reading →
It’s rare to see a low budget horror film carried so completely by the performances, but that’s what you get with Beneath the Dark, which I almost sort of recommend if you can stomach a slow-burn anti-thriller. The lead actor is the very Sean Penn-ish Josh Stewart (pictured, shirtless). He almost single-handedly saves a movie called The Collector, which is like Saw meets Home Alone. But unlike The Collector, there are four other good performances in Beneath the Dark, from a set of actors you’ve probably never seen before but are liable to mistake for James LeGros, Marisa Tomei, Virginia Madsen, or Catherine O’Hara.
You can figure out what you’re in for when, early on, a mysterious character offers Stewart a cigarette from a pack of Overlook Cigarettes. Besides, the road trip as a supernatural rite of passage is almost its own genre at this point. The concept was featured recently in Dark Country, an incredibly awkward Thomas Jane vanity project that tries to capture the look and feel of EC horror comics, and Altitude, in which the road trip is taken on an airplane. Ray Wise did a pathetic family road trip movie called Dead End several years ago in the same vein. One called Rest Stop was successful enough that it had a sequel.
Beneath the Dark is predictable and the direction is sadly artless, but it’s a decent script with five interesting performances. And although you know where it’s going, it reserves a nice surprise for the very end.
Beneath the Dark is on DVD and Netflix’s Instant Watch.
I’ve merely opened a fraction of the solar systems found in my galaxy (there are about 200 in total and vary from game to game). On the map, each system has a number associated with it, which is the level you’ll need to achieve in order to break the blockade (if you wish you fight your way through; there are others ways). Each system has two factions, civilians and the UTA (don’t ask me what it stands for, I don’t remember) and each gate is blockaded by the UTA, and each system has a station for each faction, and these can sometimes house blueprints which you’ll need to gain better equipment. You need to be nice nice with the folks you wanna buy this stuff from, which is where the fun begins…
After the jump, I’ll tell you which one of you I like… Continue reading →
I don’t really like baseball. Sure, I can go to a Giants game and have a good time, but I never watch baseball on TV, don’t know who the players are, and don’t how well this team or that team is doing this season. After college, I sort of fell out with professional sports in general. For some reason, I find myself occasionally drawn to sports games, though. Imagine my surprise when I bought Baseball Superstars 2011 for a buck (on steep discount — it’s usually $4.99) and found myself enjoying it so much. It’s just the kind of baseball game for people like me who understand the basics of the game, but don’t really care much about it.
After the jump, a super-Korean take on baseball games Continue reading →
I’d originally wanted to call this “death in the desert,” but was stymied by the foul Sarranids who launched an assault on one of our positions in the middle of Khergit territory (who, being modeled after the Mongolians, have territory that strongly resembles the steppes of Eurasia). Marshal Raichs ordered us to move up and drive the Sarranids off, so my army of 50 joined the 300 troops of Lords Raichs and Tribidan to launch our assault on the besieged position.
Enemy engaged after the jump Continue reading →
The only thing consistent about Rockstar’s games is that they’re wildly inconsistent. There’s something manic about the company’s swings from excellence to amateurish, from smart to clumsy, from transcendent to boorish, often in the same game. Red Dead Redemption, for instance, is a sprawling saga of uneven brilliance that I wouldn’t dream of commenting on without acknowledging that the conclusion is very nearly one of the most brilliant conclusions ever to grace a videogame, except for the fact that it turns out it isn’t at all. Grand Theft Auto IV is a collapsing triumph of storytelling, presenting one of the most vividly realized videogame characters before dropping him into some low-rent goombah yarn and then abandoning him entirely for two middling add-ons, presumably because Rockstar is too arrogant to concede the importance of their fantastic voice actors. San Andreas was a stunning technical achievement undermined by an absurd Bond in the Hood endgame. Midnight Club: Los Angeles is one of the most amazing virtual cities ever created and then hidden away in a goofy arcade racing game that no one played because it didn’t have the marketing confidence that went into, say, Electronic Arts’ lousy Need for Speed franchise. As for that ping pong game, well, who ever even played that thing, much less realized it was a Rockstar game? Then there’s Bully, which is a work of unadulterated genius.
So when LA Noire arrived at 9am this morning, I greeted it with a mixture of anticipation and apprehension. And now, having spent an entire Monday with it, I’m ready to pronounce it…
After the jump, I’ll finish that sentence Continue reading →
Do you like the smell of adventure…in space? Of course you do. See that big ship up there? That’s the Clockwork. New ship, good ship, gonna get us out of this backwater mess of a Sol system and explore the universe, it is. All we need is some ore, a good crew, and data to keep upgrading her. What do you say, son, are you ready to become a…space pirate? (dun dun DUN)
Listen up you primitive screw heads. Because after the jump, it…is my boom…ship…? Continue reading →
After last week’s Debacle at Senuzgda, it was necessary to take a trip around the world on a quest for personal growth. Without gaining valuable combat and weapon experience, I was not going to be able to fulfill my goals, as my capture and subsequent imprisonment had made painfully clear. My ultimate goal is to become either a lord with some land directly to my name or the wife of a lord who already possesses land, which would allow me to use his domain as my own.
First, though, I need to get in the good graces of the kingdom. That means doing work for Rhodok lords.
After the jump: oh joy. Continue reading →
Apparently some game called Brink is out, maybe you’ve heard of it? Early reviews have been less than kind, however that may be due to reviewers playing the 360 version prior to the Day 1 patch for it (since, you know, nobody can play it on the PS3… or can they?). Then again playing it on the PC is rife with the usual seemingly random technical pitfalls – this time it’s ATI graphic cards. Oh, PC gaming. You do so amuse.
As does Sony, of course. I mean, what kind of clueless jerks let themselves get hacked? Wait, someone besides Sony!
Find out what kind of non-Sony jerks get hacked after the jump. Continue reading →
The week is expecting a commitment from you. L.A. Noire and The Witcher 2 are the kind of mutually exclusive drawn-out videogames that you probably can’t play simultaneously. You must choose. Do you opt for Rockstar’s latest open-world saga in a historical setting? Or CD Projekt’s adult RPG about which I can’t really say much because I didn’t play the first one? Or will you be stranded between them like the proverbial donkey transfixed between two bales of hay?
For lighter fare and easier decisions, this week offers plenty of downloadable content. At the top of my own personal list is the Fantastic Four table for Pinball FX 2. Even though I’m all superhero’ed out, Zen Studios knows how to make a good table beyond just sticking superhero dolls on the table. And if that’s your bag, now you’ll get superhero dolls for, uh, let’s see…I know these. Pictured above, from left to right, are Stretch Man, Robot Robin Hood, Stone Guy, Jessica Alba, and Chris Evans. Wait, that’s five. Either one of them isn’t fantastic or someone miscounted.
The next entry on my own personal Week of May 16th DLC list is the Speedhunters add-on for Shift 2. In addition to new cars and tracks, you’ll get quarter-mile drag races and mile-long runs to see who can get the highest speed. Neither of these seems particularly dramatic when there’s already plenty of racing to do, but I like the idea of shorter challenges that rely more on tuning than knowing the track.
You’ll also get DLC for Crysis 2, one of this year’s most forgettable shooters. I think that one had aliens or something. Wait, no, I’m thinking about Halo. I forget what Crysis 2 had. Robots? Koreans? I’m pretty sure it had bullet time or upgradeable weapons.
A new adventure for Fallout New Vegas might be a grand time for people who can play the game. I’m not one of those people, since my copy on the Xbox 360 locks up whenever I get into combat. Ladies and gentlemen, let’s hear it for Bethesda’s quality assurance and Microsoft’s certification process!
Also out this week is Sony’s online service for the Playstation 3 which will allow you to play PS3 games online, against and with players from around the world. Eventually, you’ll even be able to buy and download games, movies, and TV shows!
