Editorial
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I’ve got a fast connect at work, though. The appeal of a 30ms ping is far too great a temptation to ignore, and I made sure they put a decent nVidia card in my workstation. I often come home late. But not any more, all of that is over. All over because of that goddamn speed cheat; it’s made CounterStrike practically unplayable. Some of you are nodding your head in agreement to your monitor right now. I know you are, and I share your pain. To have experienced the satiating bliss known only as CounterStrike, just to have it ripped away from us this past week like some suckling babe torn from its mother’s breasts (shrieking with rage), it’s just too much to bear. I apologize for that last sentence. |
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For those of you CS/Drug-Free, here’s the scoop: A cheat of Biblical Proportions has been ravaging public CounterStrike servers these past few weeks, and it’s only getting worse. Every single server I logged onto last night had some twat, or two, or three, running around like The Flash. Meaning, while you’re still buying guns and ammo at the start of each new round, Death quickly comes and pays you a visit. Imagine how fast Superman moved to reverse time after Lois Lane died. Sure, someone got off a lucky shot or two and occasionally killed the cheater, temporarily ending the madness for a few seconds. But that still made the starting team numbers 16 vs. 2, 10 vs. 3, etc. And to think this actually amuses some people.
Look, I understand cheating is inevitable while I’m playing CS with my rose-colored glasses. But the cheats I’ve encountered so far have been tolerable. I don’t mind going up against aim-bots; I can rationalize that he’s a really good shot. I can handle people seeing through objects or moving through walls — serves me right for camping (ahem). If they can change their skins, I’ll eventually figure it out that Friendly-Fire isn’t turned on. The point is, all of these cheats can’t stop a good, satisfying headshot because your opponent up until now has demonstrated the same metabolism/shared-plane-of-existence as you. Yes, these cheats are unfair and stoopid, but it never rendered the game pointless. Most of the time, you could adapt. Not with this.
I am not alone in my angst. Witness how [BX]TheBaal expressed himself over at the Counter-Strike.net forum:
You will burn in the very depths of hell. I will personally see to it that Satan rips out your ####ING EYEBALLS AND PISSES INTO THE SOCKETS. I WILL BITE CHUNKS OF FLESH OUT OF YOUR WANKY LITTLE THROAT IF I SEE YOU IN THE STREET - I HOPE YOU DIE SOON, I HOPE YOUR COMPUTER OVERHEATS CAUSING THE MONITOR TO EXPLODE EMBEDDING YOUR FACE WITH BROKEN GLASS. AND IF NONE OF THIS STUFF HAPPENS TO YOU I WILL HUNT YOU DOWN AND SAW OFF YOUR ARMS, POUR SALT IN THE WOUNDS AND STAMP ON YOUR ####ING HEAD YOU ####TY LITTLE ####HEAD CUNT.
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Oops, he forgot to spell it C#NT. I’m completely sympathetic, but knowing that such a reaction is precisely the desire of half these cheating cretins sort of defuses me a bit. They’d love nothing more than to watch me wail and gnash my teeth and work myself into such a hissy fit. Hey, I’d love to piss into a cheater’s eyesockets alongside the Lord of Darkness just as much as the next guy, but the mere fact that a speed cheater is trying to goad me into urinating somewhere atypical, well, I feel it’s my moral duty to deny him that. Besides, the other half of these speed cheaters are young, bored kids who’ve yet to learn that someone else’s feelings are supposed to be a consideration. Yep, that’s me, Mr. Mature and Adult GamerÔ. |