Top Ten Changes Interplay Would Make to Games

10. Effective immediately, all Sea Reapers in Giants: Citizen Kabuto will not be allowed to leave the house like that and will be issued opague sarongs.

9. Deus Ex changed to the phonetically obvious "Day Ooze Ecks" to avoid the widespread mispronunciation "do sex".

8. In Warcraft 2 orc's cry of "Stop poking me" changed to "You're making me uncomfortable."

7. Brightly colored title cards reading "Biff", "Pow", and "Smack" will obscure the screen whenever a blow is landed in Mortal Kombat and noogies substituted for fatalities.

6. Lara Croft's next outfit will be a sweater four sizes too large and Cate Archer's skirts have to go below the knee.

5. In Virtual Pool 3 all references to "balls" changed to "spherical objects you strike with a stick".

4. Every "fuck" in Kingpin is recorded over with the voice of Ned Flanders from the Simpsons saying, "okely dokely!"

3. Sequel to Die by the Sword to be called Get Smacked by a Sword that Might Smart a Little But Won't Really Hurt You.

2. Heckboy.

And the number one change Interplay would make to games is...

1. Daikatana renamed Lesbianatana.

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