I did a web search today at the local internet cafe, and it turns out that an American fellow who runs a "role-playing" bulletin board has been using my name for twelve years now as some sort of poseurish attempt to steal my family glory.

The Calamity name has been an honored one in the royal court of Bavaria for centuries. My great, great, great granduncle, Baron Calamity the 1st, rose from lowly beginnings as a hunchbacked, syphylitic stablehand with anal warts to a regal Baron with only a grim determination to experience a hot bath and a backrub from albino enuch as his only allies on his decades-long personal war for a royal Name to call his own, to demand respect once and for all from the incestuous royal twits who once used his testicles as props in their regular Sunday games of nude croquet.

To read now that my honored family name has been dragged trhough the mud by some Yankee yahoo with no ambitions greater than twiddling his naughty bits and manhandling his joystick makes my Bavarian blood boil. I am seriously considering a duel to settle this issue once and for all. What do you think, gentlemen? Or would staining my delicate hands with the blood of a commoner only serve to further disgrace the Calamity name?

Any experts in international fealty agreements and lineage law please feel free to speak up now before I drop a gauntlet before this knave and have at his loins with a swift chop of my gay blade.

Wow, you're so funny, you should be on Jay Leno.

Eh, well, can't blame 'em for trying.

Sure you can.

Sorry, lads. Guess I just wasn't lucky enough to be born with that Gordian wit youse know and loves. Which reminds me, The Gord just updated his website...!

http://www.corpun.com/index.htm

Ta ta and pip pip.