60 Second Review of…
Anne McCaffrey's Freedom: First Resistance
Tom's Review: This game has it all! Tedious missions,
a dopey story, and unmanageable combat. What more do you want? How
about flat graphics? Uninteresting levels? An awkward save and reload
system? But wait, there's more! You're forced to listen to reams
and reams of spoken dialogue. Because the game is about a race of
alien cats who invade Earth, my favorite part of this game was pretending
I was a writer for the late PC Accelerator and trying to think up
some sophomoric joke about pussy taking over the world. My next
favorite part of Freedom was uninstalling it, at which point I stopped
trying to think up a joke about pussy taking over the world. There
is absolutely nothing — let me repeat — nothing
to recommend this game. When it hits the bargain bins any day now,
it will make a great booby prize. Pick up a few $1.99 copies next
month to dismay your friends and confound your enemies.
Mark's Review: I was emotionally arrested at the
age of 14 and I'm still trying to make bail, so I'll happily take
the PCXL low road. "Earthlings are pussy-whipped!" "Mankind
enslaved by pussies!" "Attention all members of the human
race, the pussies are here!" I read the first Catteni novel
that the game was inspired by, and near the end the female hero
and one of the alien cats actually do the dirty. Worse, he's got
a cat penis that's much larger than our human ones, so the chick
really digs it. Talk about felinus dickus enormous — she's
purring afterwards! What a kick in the nuts to our fragile male
egos! Anne McCaffery, why do you hate us human males? Why? Er, I'd
write about the game now but my 60 seconds are up. So...what Tom
said!
Read our 60
Second Preview of this game.
Comments? Want to make your own PC Accelerator joke? Post
'em here!
Publisher: UbiSoft
Developer: Red Storm
Genre: Adventure/action soporific
Requirements: Pentium III, 128MB RAM, 3D accelerator, 1 gigabyte
hard drive space
February 2, 2001
Back
to 60 Second Reviews
|
