Shoot Club: Quit or Continue
TomChick - Columns - Comments - 06/02/04
"What the hell are you doing?" Trevor asks.
"What? What do you mean?"
"You know what. 'Trevor is sweating'? 'His hands tremble a little'? Is this trembling?"
Trevor holds out his hand. It is rock steady.
"'Jack Lemmon in the greenhouse in The Days of Wine and Roses'? What the hell?"
"It's a movie about alcoholism. Jack Lemmon flips out and starts smashing all these potted plants looking for a bottle of booze."
"No one our age knows that movie. You should have made, I don't know, a Trainspotting reference. Maybe Gene Hackman from French Connection II. Oh, I know, Jack Bauer in the last season of 24."
"Yeah, that's a good one."
"But why are you doing that? People might believe that stuff."
"I'm making a point."
"Don't use me to make your point. It's your issue, not mine. We both know I wasn't in rehab for games. You want to know how I can tell? The first clue?"
"What?"
"The World of Warcraft beta. I'm not some fancy pants press guy who gets into betas. I'm just a regular dude who's into games. How am I going to get into the World of Warcraft beta? You want to know what else?"
"What?"
"Meierton. What is that, a play on Sid Meier's name?"
"Well, yeah."
"That's not even really funny. Although I did think the thing about the guy playing Coleco football was funny."
"Thanks."
"And that was cool that you gave me a girlfriend. But what's up with implying that I almost killed my own cat? What the fuck? What kind of guy does that?"
"I know, that was pretty bad," I confess, "but it's to make a point."
"If you say so. I think what's really going on here is that you've got some issues about how much time you spend playing games. Don't take that out on me. That's your bag. You deal with it."
"I don't have issues. I'm making an important point. Remember what Dani Bunten said? That no one on his death bed wishes he'd spent more time on his computer?"
"Sure, that's fine, if you want to live your life by deathbed rules. No one on his deathbed wishes he'd spent so much time watching, I don't know, American Idol. Listening to the director's commentary on Fellowship of the Ring. Taking four semesters of philosophy in college and not even being able to remember who Hume is. Jeeze, I imagine on your deathbed, you're going to feel like a total sucker about a whole bunch of stuff. I mean, I just spent a half hour last night watching a re-run of The Golden Girls on Nickelodeon. With all due respect to that Bunten guy--"
"Girl."
"--right, girl, whatever. With all due respect, that's a pretty dumbass thing to say. Games are like anything else. You use them to pass the time. You don't gauge them by what you're thinking about on your deathbed. They're hobbies. You just keep them in perspective and don't sweat it. The first step is admitting you have a problem."
"I don't have a problem. This is my job."
"Okay, then quit that game you're playing right now. I know you're not playing it for work."
"Now? Are you crazy? This is Far Cry. I've been trying for almost an hour to get past these fuckers with the rocket launchers. If I don't get to next save point, I'll have to play this part again."
"Okay, whatever. You just proved my point."
"No I didn't. This is Far Cry. It doesn't have save anywhere. You don't understand."
"Dude, I already finished the game. I totally understand. But when you're on your deathbed, are you going to be glad you got past those guys with rocket launchers? If you believe that deathbed crap, then quit right now."
I hit escape. Now the cursor is hovering over the dialogue box, half way between quit and continue. "See, I really can quit any time," I'm telling Trevor, "but first I've got to get past these guys." So I click continue.
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