Keep safe this holiday season.

Fugitive · 12-12-2006, 08:06 PM

Remember that predators have INFRARED VISION, so apply WET MUD liberally before leaving the house.

Jojo · 12-12-2006, 08:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fugitive

Remember that predators have INFRARED VISION, so apply WET MUD liberally before leaving the house.

As a side benefit, this keeps your skin WRINKLE-FREE and YOUTHFUL, removing all those worry lines you got from thinking that every single man is out to KILL YOU.

TomChick · 12-12-2006, 08:17 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thunderway Flash

Many times people get in their car and SOMEONE IS IN THE BACK SEAT.

Now I'm totally freaked out. I'm calling 911.

-Tom

Enduro_Man · 12-12-2006, 08:21 PM

"You dial 9-1. Then, when I say so, dial 1 again!"

Ben Sones · 12-12-2006, 08:27 PM

Quote:

If thrown into the trunk of a car, KICK OUT THE BACK TAIL LIGHT AND STICK YOUR ARM OUT THE HOLE AND WAVE. The other drivers will see this and call for help.

Or they'll just wave back. That's what I'd do.

Lunch of Kong · 12-12-2006, 08:28 PM

One time I got into my girlfriend's car, and there was a homeless guy in the backseat. I said "Uh, hello" and my girlfriend said "What the fuck?" and the guy in the backseat said "Can you give me a ride?" and then some other homeless guy ran up to the car, opened the back door and said "I'm gonna kill you, motherfucker" and started punching the guy in the backseat. Then my girlfriend said "What ever your problem is, you need to take it outside and out of my car" and the big homeless guy said "good idea" and dragged the other fellow into the parking lot and started beating the shit out of him. We drove home and later found a piece of mechanical junk that the homeless guy had dropped in the backseat. We threw it in the garbage.

Cosmic Hippo · 12-12-2006, 08:33 PM

Quote:

ALWAYS RUN If the predator has a gun and you are not under his control, you should always run. A running target is hit 4 in 100 times and even then it most likely will not be a vital organ, so preferably run in a zigzag pattern.

Predators are STUPID, and will likely run after you in the same zigzag instead of a straight line.

Quote:

...if this happens DO NOT DRIVE OFF like they tell you, instead speed into anything which will wreck the car...

Ben Sones · 12-12-2006, 08:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Roger Wong

We drove home and later found a piece of mechanical junk that the homeless guy had dropped in the backseat. We threw it in the garbage.

That's a shame. It was a time machine.

Lum · 12-12-2006, 08:35 PM

Whatever you do, for the love of god DO NOT BE SYMPATHETIC. Otherwise you may be tempted to VOTE FOR DEMOCRATS and other TERRORISTS.

And remember that if this is in fact the end times and CTHULHU HAS AWOKEN FROM HIS DREAMS that you most likely WANT TO BE EATEN FIRST.

John Merva · 12-12-2006, 08:44 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TomChick

Now I'm totally freaked out. I'm calling 911.

-Tom

It doesn't mention that, are you sure you shouldn't crash your car into something?

Rywill · 12-12-2006, 09:06 PM

That elbow thing is totally a lie btw. Women, pay attention:

The strongest part of your body is the SIDE SUTO, make sure to suto your enemies wherever you find them.

Also remember that if you are a passenger in a car and the driver starts speeding away from the police, YOU SHOULD PUNCH THEM IN THE THROAT because otherwise you are just as guilty as they are and THE POLICE SHOULD KILL YOU.

Rywill · 12-12-2006, 09:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Fugitive

Remember that predators have INFRARED VISION, so apply WET MUD liberally before leaving the house.

Also remember that Terminators are EVEN WORSE. Hang out near INDUSTRIAL CRUSHERS as much as possible.

Unfortunately, if the Earth is attacked by mysterious tripods, your only chance is to hope they are TOO STUPID TO CHECK THE ATMOSPHERE and all die of the sniffles.

nutsak · 12-12-2006, 09:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by John Merva

It doesn't mention that, are you sure you shouldn't crash your car into something?

The police have not verified this, but have had several calls.

The "stuck in a trunk" one gives me the funniest mental image.

Lunch of Kong · 12-12-2006, 09:20 PM

I want to meet this Marilyn... in a well lit area, away from any vans.

John Merva · 12-12-2006, 09:21 PM

After the crash, get out and run.
This is better than your body being found in a remote location.

Speed into something but do selective damage?

Still, I suppose being found wrapped around a lamp post and having to be cut out of the wreckage probably is better than being found in the woods.

Not One Of Us · 12-12-2006, 09:43 PM

Quote:

If thrown into the trunk of a car, KICK OUT THE BACK TAIL LIGHT AND STICK YOUR ARM OUT THE HOLE AND WAVE. The other drivers will see this and call for help.

Wouldn't this require them to be sympathetic? I'm thinking they didn't think through this.

Coca Cola Zero · 12-12-2006, 09:46 PM

Quote:

ALWAYS use the elevator especially at night.

But what if it is night time and the building is on fire? :( :( :(

Kyle Wilson · 12-12-2006, 09:53 PM

Quote:

A running target is hit 4 in 100 times and even then it most likely it [sic] will not be a vital organ

Just think of it as that tonsillectomy you always wanted.

Enduro_Man · 12-12-2006, 10:14 PM

I'm seeing a lot of fearmongering about guys with vans, and it ain't right.

tromik · 12-12-2006, 11:46 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Enduro_Man

I'm seeing a lot of fearmongering about guys with vans, and it ain't right.

This van does not lie! It is indeed super!

I'd walk into this van without an invitation.

Pogue Mahone · 12-13-2006, 12:00 AM

Whoa - it's like a viking helmet on wheels.

Not One Of Us · 12-13-2006, 12:01 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Paranoid Mothers Anonymous

if a male is sitting in the seat nearest your car, go back to the mall, or work etc. and get a guard or police officer to walk back with you.

And if it's a black male, take off and nuke the site from orbit - it's the only way to be sure.

MattKeil · 12-13-2006, 01:26 AM

SlyFrog · 12-13-2006, 05:44 AM

Remember, he can recover from a wrongful KNEE TO THE GROIN, but you can not recover from the .001% chance he wants to SLASH YOUR THROAT LIKE O.J.. Don't take chances, STRIKE FIRST.

The timid, paranoid mammal outlived the dinosaurs. Trust in Darwin - be paranoid and live to spit out your soccer brats.

Jason Levine · 12-13-2006, 05:51 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rywill

Unfortunately, if the Earth is attacked by mysterious tripods, your only chance is to hope they are TOO STUPID TO CHECK THE ATMOSPHERE and all die of the sniffles.

Either that or pray that they missed the HEPA filter before getting to interstellar tavel.

Warning · 12-13-2006, 06:18 AM

Talisker · 12-13-2006, 06:33 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by TomChick

Quote:

Originally Posted by Thunderway Flash

Many times people get in their car and SOMEONE IS IN THE BACK SEAT.

Now I'm totally freaked out. I'm calling 911.

-Tom

That'd make a great Burger King ad.

WarrenM · 12-13-2006, 06:34 AM

Quote:

If thrown into the trunk of a car, KICK OUT THE BACK TAIL LIGHT AND STICK YOUR ARM OUT THE HOLE AND WAVE. The other drivers will see this and call for help.

Unless that's a really large trunk, this is going to require some serious flexibility.

Houngan · 12-13-2006, 07:14 AM

The only thing going through my head while reading that was "Serpentine, serpentine."

H.

12-12-2006, 07:39 PM	#1
Not One Of Us Social Worker Join Date: May 2005 Location: Phoenix, Arizona, USA Posts: 2,244	Keep safe this holiday season.

12-12-2006, 08:06 PM	#2
Fugitive New Romantic Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Calgary Posts: 7,516	Remember that predators have INFRARED VISION, so apply WET MUD liberally before leaving the house.

12-12-2006, 08:21 PM	#5
Enduro_Man Social Worker Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: GMT +8 Posts: 3,019	"You dial 9-1. Then, when I say so, dial 1 again!"

12-12-2006, 08:28 PM	#7
Lunch of Kong How To Go Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Austin, TX. XBOX: Wonginator Posts: 10,842	One time I got into my girlfriend's car, and there was a homeless guy in the backseat. I said "Uh, hello" and my girlfriend said "What the fuck?" and the guy in the backseat said "Can you give me a ride?" and then some other homeless guy ran up to the car, opened the back door and said "I'm gonna kill you, motherfucker" and started punching the guy in the backseat. Then my girlfriend said "What ever your problem is, you need to take it outside and out of my car" and the big homeless guy said "good idea" and dragged the other fellow into the parking lot and started beating the shit out of him. We drove home and later found a piece of mechanical junk that the homeless guy had dropped in the backseat. We threw it in the garbage.

12-12-2006, 08:35 PM	#10
Lum New Romantic Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Delirium, Texas Posts: 7,695	Whatever you do, for the love of god DO NOT BE SYMPATHETIC. Otherwise you may be tempted to VOTE FOR DEMOCRATS and other TERRORISTS. And remember that if this is in fact the end times and CTHULHU HAS AWOKEN FROM HIS DREAMS that you most likely WANT TO BE EATEN FIRST.

12-12-2006, 09:06 PM	#12
Rywill New Romantic Join Date: Aug 2002 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 7,922	That elbow thing is totally a lie btw. Women, pay attention: The strongest part of your body is the SIDE SUTO, make sure to suto your enemies wherever you find them. Also remember that if you are a passenger in a car and the driver starts speeding away from the police, YOU SHOULD PUNCH THEM IN THE THROAT because otherwise you are just as guilty as they are and THE POLICE SHOULD KILL YOU.

12-12-2006, 09:20 PM	#15
Lunch of Kong How To Go Join Date: Jun 2002 Location: Austin, TX. XBOX: Wonginator Posts: 10,842	I want to meet this Marilyn... in a well lit area, away from any vans.

12-12-2006, 09:21 PM	#16
John Merva Social Worker Join Date: Apr 2003 Location: Back in Wheathampstead Posts: 2,224	After the crash, get out and run. This is better than your body being found in a remote location. Speed into something but do selective damage? Still, I suppose being found wrapped around a lamp post and having to be cut out of the wreckage probably is better than being found in the woods.

12-12-2006, 10:14 PM	#20
Enduro_Man Social Worker Join Date: Aug 2006 Location: GMT +8 Posts: 3,019	I'm seeing a lot of fearmongering about guys with vans, and it ain't right.

12-13-2006, 12:00 AM	#22
Pogue Mahone Social Worker Join Date: Feb 2006 Location: Seattle, WA Gamertag: divedivedive Posts: 2,673	Whoa - it's like a viking helmet on wheels.

12-13-2006, 01:26 AM	#24
MattKeil How To Go Join Date: Jan 2003 Location: Los Angeles, CA Posts: 10,061

12-13-2006, 05:44 AM	#25
SlyFrog New Romantic Join Date: Feb 2004 Posts: 5,282	Remember, he can recover from a wrongful KNEE TO THE GROIN, but you can not recover from the .001% chance he wants to SLASH YOUR THROAT LIKE O.J.. Don't take chances, STRIKE FIRST. The timid, paranoid mammal outlived the dinosaurs. Trust in Darwin - be paranoid and live to spit out your soccer brats.

12-13-2006, 06:18 AM	#27
Warning Social Worker Join Date: Nov 2003 Posts: 2,771

12-13-2006, 07:14 AM	#30
Houngan New Romantic Join Date: Jul 2003 Location: Louisville Posts: 6,621	The only thing going through my head while reading that was "Serpentine, serpentine." H.

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Keep safe this holiday season.