Crazy Things My Father Believes To Be True

[Telefrog]

I went on vacation and went down to Oregon to visit my father this past weekend. He's 63 years old and watches FOX News all the time and listens to Rush Limbaugh on the radio. He also reads a lot of wacked-out conspiracy theory books. Unfortunately, all of this panic-driven information has given him some odd views on the state of the world. Some of them are oddly in conflict, but that doesn't seem to phase his firm belief that they are correct.

1. Obamacare and socialized medicine are part of a general push to bring the USA into a merge with Canada and Mexico. The new currency would be called the Amero. This American Union would fall under UN control. My father believes that this would undoubtedly cause another civil war with gun owners being the last bulwark of freedom.

2. Personally owned firearms should only be permitted to people that are or were in law enforcement jobs or the military. Like in Heinlein's Starship Troopers, my father thinks that only people that have given service to the country should have all the constitutional rights given to them. (No. I have no idea how this works with the above belief.)

3. Hillary Clinton is secretly still on the WalMart board of directors and works to bring worker's unions under the heel of the government as part of a conspiracy to get people "indoctrinated" to the American Union idea.

4. Gays marriage is okay because they have the most to lose in the coming American merge. Gays are smart and have good jobs, so they'll be the first against the wall when the new order takes over. We just have to get them to buy guns like the founding fathers intended.

5. Gays shouldn't be in the military because that makes it too easy for terrorists and foreign enemies to make fun of our troops which is bad for morale. Also, gays are perverts and will undermine discipline. (I have no idea how gays are supposed to own guns if only ex-military members are allowed to won them.)

6. Illegal immigrants are part of the conspiracy to weaken the country and get us all to speak the new American Union language. It also preps us for the merger by mixing us all together.

7. Mitt Romney and Obama is a false choice given to us by a shadow goverment to make us think we have a say in the direction of the country.

8. Unions are an evil institution that keeps the free market from working the way it should. They are only one step above communism. Plus, they are mostly controlled by the government liberals anyway.

9. Paying taxes is a privilege that every US citizen should be proud to do to keep the country strong. Everyone griping about raising taxes, even the rich, are a bunch of entitled whiny babies that may also have ties to criminal organizations and foreign interests that would like nothing better than see the US go under. (Why would someone want to keep the liberal-controlled shadow government strong? I don't know.)

10. The Koch Brothers are controlled by the UN as is Rupert Murdoch.


And that's just a sample of the things he told me. It's gotten to the point that I just nod and keep my mouth shut whenever the crazy starts coming out of his mouth.

Keep in mind that my father's last job in the military was being the NCO in charge of all equal opportunity investigations on his base. He really loved this job and felt that it was his duty to investigate complaints fairly and mete out justice to soldiers that he felt were commiting grievious harm to the reputation of the military. What happened? I wish I knew.

[Brian Seiler]

Not that your dad will give even the first semblance of a shit, but in case anybody was curious, here's a summary of why the North American Union is a stupid idea that nobody has ever actually proposed.

[Telefrog]

Not that your dad will give even the first semblance of a shit, but in case anybody was curious, here's a summary of why the North American Union is a stupid idea that nobody has ever actually proposed.

That's exactly the type of thing the liberal shadow government would write to keep people docile. ;)

[CLWheeljack]

2. Personally owned firearms should only be permitted to people that are or were in law enforcement jobs or the military. Like in Heinlein's Starship Troopers, my father thinks that only people that have given service to the country should have all the constitutional rights given to them. (No. I have no idea how this works with the above belief.)
...
5. Gays shouldn't be in the military because that makes it too easy for terrorists and foreign enemies to make fun of our troops which is bad for morale. Also, gays are perverts and will undermine discipline. (I have no idea how gays are supposed to own guns if only ex-military members are allowed to won them.)

Duh. Gays can still be cops. Which is convenient, because they can provide their own uniforms.

[Pogue Mahone]

Yeah, I kinda believe number seven myself, just not so much sooper sekrit Illuminati as much as unelected technocrats and power brokers who just keep rolling along regardless of which administration holds office. But that may not be what you meant.

[Telefrog]

No, gays shouldn't be cops either. Any position of authority is out because their inherent perversion ruins the position of respect. Plus, their swishy mannerisms makes it hard to fight. (No, seriously. He said this.)

[Scuzz]

I am starting to believe in the shadow government idea. It doesn't seem to matter who gets elected as far as foreign affairs as all presidents do the same thing, use the military.

But much of what you say there isn't because your dad is old, it's just the philosophy he has bought into. I listen to local conservative talk radio and there are people who call in who are young, old whatever and clearly crazy.

[Cold Blooded]

May have the beginnings of a good pulp novel or specialty board game for Kickstarter on your hands.

Or at the very least, a new CBS pilot for that Chuck Lorre fellow.

[mystery]

Do not play the Steve Jackson Illuminati game with your father. It'll just blow his mind.

[jason]

No, no, no... DO play Illuminati with your father, and record it, and share it with the Internet!

[Kael]

I also believe in 7, but I believe it to be the end result of a generally bumbling and inactive government, not the result of a keen and focused uberpower. Many years of working with various government agencies has strengthened this belief.

ps. It sounds bad but I kinda like the fact that my government is generally bumbling and inactive. I'd be more afraid of a government that efficiently accomplished every task it set its mind to.

[mouselock]

I also believe in 7, but I believe it to be the end result of a generally bumbling and inactive electorate

Let me fix that for you.

[John Many Jars]

I WANT TO PLAY ILLUMINATI WITH YOUR DAD

[Jason McCullough]

Wal-Mart as the secret attack plan for unionizing everyone is priceless. About the only more unlikely thing I can think of is Henry Ford's undead corpse being the plan.

[charmtrap]

Your dad seems to have a crazy mix of right-wing and left-wing extremist beliefs all mixed up into a stew of awesome strangeness.

And yeah, #7 doesn't seem all that crazy anymore, sadly.

[RDansky]

Wal-Mart as the secret attack plan for unionizing everyone is priceless. About the only more unlikely thing I can think of is Henry Ford's undead corpse being the plan.

The bar mitzvah of Henry Ford's undead rotting corpse being part of the plan?

[aeneas]

Im going to file this thread under the 'American's are awesome' topic heading in my mind.

[Sinij]

Have you considered that you dad might be just lonely, not loony?

[W Wiley]

Talk radio, the lead lined pipes of america.

[dfs]

I can buy into 7 and 9. The others not so much.

[Jupiter Jones]

My dad believed a lot of the same stuff and it all started after he read a book by Bo Gritz

[ReptileHouse]

Wow. I haven't heard of that guy in years. I remember seeing Bo Gritz bumper stickers on cars when I was younger. In one of my (very few) perceptive moments as a kid, I noted which cars, and which drivers, had those stickers and figured Bo was likely a total nutjob. Never really though any more of it, or him, until just now.

[Telefrog]

My dad believed a lot of the same stuff and it all started after he read a book by Bo Gritz

Yup. That's one of the authors he reads. Absolutely nutty stuff.

[Zak Gordon]

Another vote for number 7 here (as being probable).

Could you tell your dad that a 'limey' british guy also suspects his mainstream choice in politics come voting time is just a puppet show.

The 'limey' suspects corporate interest to be the defining factor (as opposed to true democratic freedom) in our political choices, and sees america as a much easier to understand example of this, and is thankfull for the lense that america presents to better understand this danger to democratic freedom in general.

Also during the industrial revolution (that took place in the uk first, even before america existed), average people were treated like slaves in vast factories, families were broken up, whole villages and towns had their communities destroyed for the profit generation of the factory owner. The victorian 'poor houses' were a terrible result of this early industrial, capitalist enterprise.

Much like when the american people rose up as one against the british empire to take their independence, the workers in these new industrial factories did the only thing they could do in the face of such mistreatment as they often underwent, they formed unions to defend themselves and their families. That is all a Union is, like the founding of America, when a group of unpowerful and oppressed people join together to become stronger and look out for themselves when no-one else is going to. A Union is just a word, like the union between a man and women. It can be exploited off course in the work environment, but really if he understood what life was like before Unions existed, or what the history of the Union movement has meant to all our lives (Paid holidays, health care at work etc), he should understand a Union is only a threat to a cruel tyranical master, that would prefer you as a proper slave.

I am quite left-wing in the american context though, which translates as 'middle of the road' in the british sense, but i'm not gay. And ex-military also. Also he should watch less Fox News, as Rupert Murdoch really owns and controls it, so it shouldn't be trusted.

[lesslucid]

No, no, no... DO play Illuminati with your father, and record it, and share it with the Internet!

He may also get some good mileage out of Umberto Eco's "Foucault's Pendulum".

[Jupiter Jones]

Yup. That's one of the authors he reads. Absolutely nutty stuff.

My dad started with more mainstream Kennedy Assassination stuff by guys like Mark Lane, but after he read Gritz it all took a weird turn. He subscribed to "Spotlight" and started talking Clinton's CIA/Drug connections all the time. After 9/11 my dad escaped to talk radio 24/7. listening on headphones in his room for years. I wish I had tried to do something about it then, but I was too busy working and raising my kids. Before I knew it, he lost his ability to live in the real world, and soon after developed dementia where he lived for 4 years before he died.

[Telefrog]

Also he should watch less Fox News, as Rupert Murdoch really owns and controls it, so it shouldn't be trusted.

Wow. Thanks for that sage wisdom. That never occurred to me. I'll recommend that right away.

I wish I had tried to do something about it then, but I was too busy working and raising my kids. Before I knew it, he lost his ability to live in the real world, and soon after developed dementia where he lived for 4 years before he died.

Sorry to hear that. My condolences.

My father isn't quite that bad yet. He reads a lot of nutty books, but he has a fairly healthy social support system of friends that he regularly meets. All a bunch of vets, of course, but none of them seem to have the extreme opinions he does and they have polite (if lively) discussions about it. They natter on politics landing somewhere between "illegals are the problem with everything" to "support the troops" being the common causes. They keep him (FOX News level) grounded. He really only goes on about his fruitcake NAU theories when he's feeling ornery.

[playingwithknives]

Yeah, I kinda believe number seven myself, just not so much sooper sekrit Illuminati as much as unelected technocrats and power brokers who just keep rolling along regardless of which administration holds office. But that may not be what you meant.

Yeah I buy that too. Over here in the UK, give or take a handful of personalities, the only thing that distinguishes our politicians is the colour of their ties. They all fiddled their expenses, they all obfuscate the Members Register, they all sit as non-executive directors of the same companies, and when they are no longer politicians they will all accept large consultancy fees from the same companies they helped when in power.

[Zak Gordon]

Wow. Thanks for that sage wisdom. That never occurred to me. I'll recommend that right away.

I'm sure you told him already, but i thought the shock of hearing it from a 'limey' ex-military guy might help him understand his dilema, if he hates Rupert Murdoch he must know Fox news is not for him. It makes no sense to get all influenced by Fox propoganda (cause that is what it is) when you know the guy in charge is bad. Even a limey knows this.

[Starlight]

Yeah I buy that too. Over here in the UK, give or take a handful of personalities, the only thing that distinguishes our politicians is the colour of their ties.

Centralists and Right Wingers, all Stateist. We haven't had a major left-wing party in England since the 1970's, sadly.
That's quite different from their being a conspiracy theory, it's a natural result of FPTP where one of the major parties abandons it's core voting base as Labour has. (The "lost" 5 million)

Of course, my Uncle is a LibDem councillor :/ (the degree of self-delusion you need to stay a LibDem these days...)