20 years Breakup

[bmceldowney]

Just remember Brett, sometimes the things that are the most challenging in life are the most rewarding. I think LTR's have the greatest potential to be both. Having to trust yourself enough to hold your own in a relationship with someone that has access to you at your most vulnerable is incredibly hard. learning to be open to the other persons vulnerabilities and shortcomings is also a bitch.

I know it can feel like you've played with fire and been burned in the past, maybe that just means you need to add some new tools to your fire-playing toolbox. </horribleanalogy>

[Flowers]

Sometimes I wonder what I would do if my wife ever left me.



Probably build a sex dungeon.


Get some ropes and shit. Maybe the backseat of a Camaro with handcuffs for seatbelts. Beyond that, nothing major. Little box of vibrators here, signed portrait of legendary German Economics Minister Ludwig Erhard there. Definitely a karaoke machine. Hot tub. Nothing with sharp edges or that can't be hosed down. Maybe hold back on the expensive stuff so I have enough left over to pay a nice little old lady to come over and clean it once a week. We would talk. "Oh, Senor, looks like you had some fun on the swing last weekend!" "Why yes, Ermenina, I did get some use out of that swing." "It is a very nice swing, my grandson, he is five now you know, he knows you have a swing, and he asks to come over when I clean, I say no, it is..." "It is absolutely not that kind of swing, you are right. That's hilarious. Anyways, I hear your nephew got into medical school." "Eh yes, we are proud, but I will not see him when he is a doctor because he smells funny and has big thumbs." "What kind of doctor does he want to be?" "A surgeon, for vaginas." "Ermenina, I am not even sure what that means, so I am going to let you do your thing, would you like a Pepsi?" "Coke?" "Out of coke, sorry." "Then nothing, I am ok."


I think my point is that if you are a happy person, you are going to be happy without your wife, and if you are a sad person, you were sad when she was around and you will be sad once she is gone. Love can make the good times better and the bad times ok, but it doesn't change who you are.

[Scuzz]

You don't have to date to have a relationship....just wild crazy no ties sex is good sometimes.

[fire]

I think my point is that if you are a happy person, you are going to be happy without your wife, and if you are a sad person, you were sad when she was around and you will be sad once she is gone. Love can make the good times better and the bad times ok, but it doesn't change who you are.

This is what I was trying to say. Except without all the creepy stuff.

[Brettmcd]

Just remember Brett, sometimes the things that are the most challenging in life are the most rewarding. I think LTR's have the greatest potential to be both. Having to trust yourself enough to hold your own in a relationship with someone that has access to you at your most vulnerable is incredibly hard. learning to be open to the other persons vulnerabilities and shortcomings is also a bitch.

I know it can feel like you've played with fire and been burned in the past, maybe that just means you need to add some new tools to your fire-playing toolbox. </horribleanalogy>

I understand what all of you are saying, I guess its just that I dont see the possible rewards being worth the risks of getting hurt, again. Its not something I would recommend to others, but its what works for me I guess.

[RichVR]

I am 39, haven't dated at all since my divorce 4 years ago.

It also depends upon how long you were together. I've seen it said, and I agree, that for every year you were together it takes at least a month to get over it.

Sometimes more. Never less. And ultimately you can be relationship shy. The same way a hunting dog can get gun shy. Sometimes you just can't get back into it.

But I would go as far as saying that you do yourself a big disservice if you don't even try.

[DKDArtagnan]

I think my point is that if you are a happy person, you are going to be happy without your wife, and if you are a sad person, you were sad when she was around and you will be sad once she is gone. Love can make the good times better and the bad times ok, but it doesn't change who you are.

Except you can be sad because of the relationship not working. This can very easily happen to a "happy" person - and a bad relationship can indeed change who you are.

[bmceldowney]

A good relationship can also change who you are. I might go so far as to say the best relationships absolutely do change who you are.

[John Many Jars]

That depends on who you were to begin with. It wouldn't be "best" to change the glory that is me, for example. History would treat any such girlfriend as worse than Yoko Ono.

[bmceldowney]

I don't know you well, but I get the impression that you are the exception to all rules.

I think this is as it should be.

[fire]

I don't know you well

But do you know him intimately?

I think this is as it should be.

[Brian Rubin]

A good relationship can also change who you are. I might go so far as to say the best relationships absolutely do change who you are.

Well *I* think a great relationship can be part of the constant change and improvement you should ideally foster in yourself, ultimately. So there. ;)

[Robert Sharp]

Except you can be sad because of the relationship not working. This can very easily happen to a "happy" person - and a bad relationship can indeed change who you are.

Exactly! Anyway, we are at a cool point now, and we have agreed to a very amicable divorce and will almost certainly remain friends. So this airing turned out to be very good. I would say that for various reasons our relationship had run its course. I don't regret having been in it, and I don't feel hurt by it right now or anything else. I would do it again, even knowing how it has ended. I probably would have ended it a bit sooner, however, for both our sakes. But I'm optimistic right now, for the first time in a long while. And so is she. So, even a LTR breakup doesn't have to be awful.

[RepoMan]

Wow. Good for you guys.

[Alistair]

Glad it's working out over there Robert. None of these decisions are easy and it sounds like you're taking a bold step. Hope both of you continue to feel even better.