Reply With Quote"Can use a tape measure"
So the company I work for is looking for an additional person for our customer support team. One of the many many CV's we have received has this cracking line:
"Network Administration Competency in research oriented Internet browsing"
CV speak for 'hey im good at browsing the internet'
Classic!
Anyone seen anything better recently?
"Can use a tape measure"
As I pointed out in another thread, I recently discovered that due to a prank my own resume contained the line "ball so hard niggas gon fin me" and "that shit cray" from the Jay-Z and Kanye West song "Niggas in Paris", and it's not even the correct lyric.
I had only sent it to one company, actually a previous employer of mine, and I quickly sent them a fixed version and asked that it replace the other one in the system.
"Special Skills: My biceps are probably larger than your head."
Tongue-in-cheek, guy got hired (not because of that) but the dude was not lying.
I saw two applications recently where the applicant misspelled their own name. We could tell because in both cases they spelled it one way on the application form, and a different way on the attached resume.
I saw on a girl's resume once "can drive stick shift" under the "special skills" category. But it was stapled to the back of a headshot. You're liable to find all kinds of crazy stuff on an actor's resume that you wouldn't find in the real world.
-Tom
@supertanker - haha, witness protection program?
Last edited by TimElhajj; 02-09-2012 at 08:03 AM.
I heard Steve Carell talk about how the actress who ripped the hair from his chest in 40 Year Old Virgin may not have been a licensed cosmetologist. He said something like, These people are actors. Actors say anything to get a part. I laughed.Originally Posted by Tom Chick
In the United States, that does actually count as a special skill.
Also a very good euphemism.
On a more serious note, if the job might involve driving trucks or even just a car to go between sites or offices, then noting that you have a drivers license on your resume is a very good thing. For some jobs you actually need a license in order for them to even consider you.
I mostly see CVs from India. They generally aren't particularly funny until you talk to the person and get a feeling for how outlandishly they lied. Some of the names are great, though. I spoke to a "Dildar Mahboob" a couple years back.
Get back to us when you meet his brother Lego.
That's both terrible and totally, totally awesome.
From listening to our HR person, pointing out that you can pass both a drug test and credit check is enough to make the upper tier of candidates for our retail positions.
And his cousin Thinga
From Bernard le Gauche's CV.As of the 11th January 2011 I am free from all venereal disease.
Several years ago we were hiring an attorney for my law firm. One CV under the person's name had a line that said he was "available" on a date that was a few months in the future. I looked at the mailing envelope and the return address on it was a prison.
Haha. I guess he wanted to make sure the envelope was returned to him if he got the address wrong?
Actually on a mildly more serious note if there is anyone here that's based in NZ and wants to work for an IT company that develops software for finance industry we have roles for:
customer support
developers (prolog a plus)
project management
Send me a PM.
Actually on a mildly more serious note if there is anyone here that's based in NZ and wants to work for an IT company that develops software for finance industry we have roles for:
customer support
developers (prolog a plus)
project management
Send me a PM.
Why do you have to be in New Zealand. :(
I don't think it's just US, and in some cases, companies only make manuals for the US. The BMW M5 with a manual transmissions is only available for the US market. Likewise Audi dropped the manual option in Europe for their S4 and S5, making them available only in the US. Even worse, the Ferrari California is the last car Ferrari will offer with a manual option.
Sadly, manual is going away...everywhere...
Sorta. Ferrari is using a dual-clutch F1 transmission. Not a stick shift, no, but neither is it an automatic.
Yeah, most are hybrids (DCT, Tiptronic, etc.), but even with the paddle shifters, without the clutch pedal, they're really closer to automatics than manuals. Sadly, I'm a huge fan of manuals, but even I am starting to wilt. I am about to get a new car, and am seriously considering getting a DCT...
This goes back years, but when I was in my mid-20's, my dad was sitting at his desk reviewing resumes (he was a partner in his firm). One of them, from a fellow about my age, said he was captain of a certain sports team at the same university I attended. My dad looked at me and said, "Weren't you captain that year?" I was. I'd never heard of the guy.
In terms of having a lie caught on a resume, that had to be one in a very large number.
A guy I once knew put on his CV that he speaks French. He could actually say good evening, hello goodbye etc. The job did not really require it but for some reason he thought it will spruce up the CV.
Long story short - the interviewer knew French and tried to conduct the interview in French. Much awkwardness ensued.
LOL, Rub stomach and say in sheepish voice, "I just ate so my French might not be all that good."
I'm on an employment scheme for my current job. I keep my social welfare, plus get a bonus which brings it up to a reasonable wage, and in return I get good experience working with an arts body. The arts groups in the building basically couldn't exist without these kinds of schemes, and people doing work experience with them, so pretty much everyone who can string together an e-mail that says, "Hello, can I have a jerb please, here's my experience, thanks, their name!" gets at least unpaid work experience. I would think about half the people who apply can't even get that much right. And I know because all the applications come into my inbox.
The last one I got had, "Experience" as the subject of the e-mail, no hello or cover letter, half their CV pasted into the e-mail body, and ended mid-sentence during the middle of the their c&p'ed CV. I didn't forward that one to the boss.
Our favourite of all time here is this:
"I write 100% bug free code"
...we should have hired him. I bet he could solve world hunger as well.
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