3x3: best depictions of parenting

[Tom Chick]

For this week's 3x3, we go in some very different directions when approaching the topic of best depictions of parenting. The discussion starts at the 52-minute mark, but be forewarned that there are Shutter Island spoilers in there.

Tom
3. October Sky
2. Gigantic
1. To Kill a Mockingbird

Kelly
3. At Close Range
2. Return of the Jedi
1. Alien: Resurrection

Dingus
3. Dancer in the Dark
2. The Squid and the Whale
1. Once

[metta]

1. Un conte de Noël (A Christmas Tale)
2. Festen (The Celebration)
3. The Family Stone.


A Christmas Tale is a movie about a kind of parent I wish we'd see more of. We're bombarded with the idea that having children will change us for the better, and that it's a beautiful thing, and oh, the love. But that's not always true. Sometimes you hate your kid, and that doesn't make you a bad person.
Festen is just an amazing movie: tightly scripted, well acted, carefully shot and sensitively directed.
The Family Stone is the fantasy of parenting my wife and I both wish had happened to us.

[Matthew Gallant]

3. The Omen
2. A Christmas Story
1. Big Daddy

[Wader]

Tom stole my number 1... For all the reasons discussed.

[strummer]

3. The Little Bear Movie
2. A Fistful of Dollars
1. My Neighbor Totoro

[Hans Lauring]

3. Happiness
2. Festen
1. Parents

Call me. I'll explain my picks on the phone.

[Chuck]

1. The Road
2. To Kill a Mockingird
3. The Family Stone

[Pogue Mahone]

I can't do three, but I was taken with the discussions between Harold Ramis and Seth Rogen as father and son in Knocked Up. I like the way Harold Ramis doesn't play down the fact that he never had a clue how to raise Seth's character, but is so proud and happy, I believe even says he's the best thing that ever happened to him. Maybe not exactly a great depiction of parenting, but a good moment between a father and father to be.

[Tracy Baker]

3. Sixteen Candles
2. Parenthood
1. Juno

[Mike Cathcart]

What's with people just listing some movies? Are you guys all doing your own podcasts we can listen to to find out why you picked these movies? Is the good parenting in Juno the part where she gives the baby to Alias or the part where Juno's dad calls her fat?

[madkevin]

1. Parents

If you mean the Bob Balaban 80s horror flick with Randy Quaid, then word.

I love Parents. I have no idea how well it holds up today, but at the time it was one of those great video discoveries. It's a super-clever idea about a misfit kid who slowly discovers his parents are terrible, terrible people, done in a offbeat and low-key way.

There's a great scene at the dinner table. The kid has started to suspect that his parents are really up to no good when they put him to bed at night. The meal is leftovers, which look like a random selection of meats without looking like any specific type of animal.

The kid goes: "What's for dinner?"

Randy Quaid, his Dad, says "Leftovers, son."

Kid: "What were they before they were leftovers? They must have been something, right? What were they?"

Quaid looks right at him and with a creepy smile says "Why, they were leftovers-to-be, son."

[Hans Lauring]

If you mean the Bob Balaban 80s horror flick with Randy Quaid, then word.

I love Parents. I have no idea how well it holds up today, but at the time it was one of those great video discoveries. It's a super-clever idea about a misfit kid who slowly discovers his parents are terrible, terrible people, done in a offbeat and low-key way.

There's a great scene at the dinner table. The kid has started to suspect that his parents are really up to no good when they put him to bed at night. The meal is leftovers, which look like a random selection of meats without looking like any specific type of animal.

The kid goes: "What's for dinner?"

Randy Quaid, his Dad, says "Leftovers, son."

Kid: "What were they before they were leftovers? They must have been something, right? What were they?"

Quaid looks right at him and with a creepy smile says "Why, they were leftovers-to-be, son."

I most certainly do.
I haven't seen it for ages... but my memories of that movie sure as hell holds up. Randy Quaid was brilliant.

[Rock8man]

Kelly
2. Return of the Jedi
1. Alien: Resurrection

What? Did Kelly actually give good reasons for this in the podcast, or was she trolling your list?

[sinfony]

What's with people just listing some movies? Are you guys all doing your own podcasts we can listen to to find out why you picked these movies? Is the good parenting in Juno the part where she gives the baby to Alias or the part where Juno's dad calls her fat?

I saw it more as "don't have children, because one day they might grow up to make a terrible movie like Juno, and you'll be embarrassed."

As a committed Rushmore evangelist, I have to put that on the list. Seymour Cassel doesn't get a whole lot of screen time, but his dedication to his son in what scenes he has is powerful.

I was going to think of a couple more, but I need to go watch Rushmore again now.

[sinfony]

What? Did Kelly actually give good reasons for this in the podcast, or was she trolling your list?

Somebody obviously hasn't ever listened.

[Christien Murawski]

Seymour Cassel doesn't get a whole lot of screen time, but his dedication to his son in what scenes he has is powerful.

Excellent. I love it when he alters the grade on the test. "You almost got the 'A'."


-xtien

[Rock8man]

Somebody obviously hasn't ever listened.

I listen every week, especially to the 3x3, but I skipped it this week because of Tom's warning about spoilers on Shutter Island in the 3x3.

[Chuck]

What's with people just listing some movies? Are you guys all doing your own podcasts we can listen to to find out why you picked these movies? Is the good parenting in Juno the part where she gives the baby to Alias or the part where Juno's dad calls her fat?

Says the guy who didn't list any movies.

[Tom Chick]

Yeah, sorry about those Shutter Island spoilers. That's hopefully going to be a one-time thing. And Cathcart's right. You people who just post lists are doofuses. No one wants these threads to be list dumps.

Since the podcast isn't safe if you haven't seen Shutter Island, here's the deal with my picks: I read the "best depiction" as meaning we were supposed to think up example of good parenting, which made this a tough category. Movies love dysfunctional families!

October Sky is a typical story about a boy finding his dream in the face of his father's disapproval, but it avoids the caricature abusive father. Chris Cooper will do that later in American Beauty.

Gigantic seems to be a story about lovable oafish fathers, but without making them clowns. However, the real treasure comes with how Jane Alexander steals the movie and gives it some moving last-minute gravity about mothers and daughters.

To Kill a Mockingbird is about the types of parents they don't make anymore. Gregory Peck's Atticus Finch does the right thing not because it will make life for his family easier -- it won't -- but because it's the right thing to do. He is a father whose goal isn't to make his children comfortable, but to make them good people.

-Tom

[Christien Murawski]

In the spirit of Tom's post, I'll explicate as well.

In coming up with "Best Depiction of Parenting" I had no intention for this to only be about good parenting. I flirted with confining it to that, but then decided to open it up and be a bit more vague. Too vague, as it turned out, but the results are fine. I like how Tom challenged himself to come up with only examples of good parenting, but I interpreted "Best Depiction" to be favorite examples of parenting. I probably should have said "favorite" instead of "best".

So these are my three best depictions of parenting in film for this week.

3. Dancer in the Dark. I call this my obvious pick. The mother in this film, Selma, is a single mother who is going blind. Her problem is hereditary, so her son faces the same fate. She will do everything in her power to make sure this does not happen.

2. The Squid and the Whale. "No. I picked you up. The least you can do is ride around with me." I picked this film for a couple of reasons. I love how it shows how petty and childish parents can be. I also love how it conveys the sense of how much parenting can be make-it-up-as-you-go (as you pretend to be wise). I love the juxtaposition of selfishness and parental love in this film.

1. Once. "It's fucking brilliant." This was one simple scene in an utterly brilliant film. It's a scene late in the film when the father is listening to his son's demo (his son is a musician/songwriter). The father's reaction to the song is hugely resonant with me.


-xtien

[kerzain]

No time to explicate, too busy writing a movie review for communist garbage I'm being forced to watch in school.. anyway:

1. Commando

2. The Incredibles

3. National Lampoon's: Vacation

These are notable in that I always imagine this is what normal parental relationships would be like. Too bad I hate my entire childhood and have no good memories with my parents, so they don't really fit anywhere in these films. I can only guess these films represent ideal depictions of parenting because there's some of the few films that make me cry when I think about how fucked up my own experiences were.

[Tom Chick]

I considered The Incredibles and actually rewatched the entire thing on accident right before we recorded. However, it doesn't have a lot to say about parenting, per se. Like Royal Tenenbaums, it's more concerned with family dynamics than rearing children.

-Tom

[Christien Murawski]

I love The Incredibles but tonight I had a rude awakening.

For his bedtime reading my son chose this dopey book he has about the Fantastic Four. It's been a long time since we read this book, and as I read it tonight I got the crappy sensation that The Incredibles are basically just the Fantastic Four in animated family form. Strong dude. Stretchy person. Invisible person with force fields. On fire person.

I'm super dumb when it comes to comic book characters, so I suppose I'm the very last person to come to this realization. Someone please tell me it was intentional so I don't slip into depression.


-xtien

[Christien Murawski]

Like Royal Tenenbaums, it's more concerned with family dynamics than rearing children.

Still, I briefly considered it for the way Etheline deals with her geniuses as kids, then mothers them as adults.


-xtien

"Why are they allowed to do that?"

[Tom Chick]

For his bedtime reading my son chose this dopey book he has about the Fantastic Four. It's been a long time since we read this book, and as I read it tonight I got the crappy sensation that The Incredibles are basically just the Fantastic Four in animated family form. Strong dude. Stretchy person. Invisible person with force fields. On fire person.

I think you need to watch The Incredibles again. Or read some more Fantastic Four. Alternatively, just listen to Tobey Maguire's voiceover in The Ice Storm.

Mr. Incredible and Rex Reed, or whatever his name is, aren't analogues. Also, Jack Jack doesn't really count as "on fire person". And Flash is not a member of "The Four", as I like to call them since I'm such an aficionado of comic books, which means there's no real counterpart to Dash. Also, can Sue Invisible, or whatever her name is, make force fields? I don't use her a lot in Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 because she sucks, probably because she doesn't have force fields.

-Tom

"This is my adopted daughter Margot."

[kerzain]

Yea, but the result of these family dynamics (supportive parents that rely as much on the success of the child as they do on their own success) were headstrong children that could work under pressure and produce admirable results. Perhaps I'm focused too much on the result of the parenting rather than the parenting itself, but I can't re-watch that movie for many of the same reason I can't watch the last 30 minutes of Shawshank Redemption because of the feelings it stirs up when I'm too busy feeling particularly hateful of the world.

But anyway, it springs to mind when I consider films about parenting, or perhaps simple family dynamics, because there are parts there that struck a chord.

Okay yea, I really gotta stop taking internet breaks. Must. finish. assignments.

[Christien Murawski]

Mr. Fantastic was Leonard Maltin, not Rex Reed. You're dumb.


-xtien

[Tom Chick]

Mr. Fantastic was Leonard Maltin, not Rex Reed. You're dumb.

Your dumb.

-Tom

"What the hell kind of way is that to act?"

[MattKeil]

Also, can Sue Invisible, or whatever her name is, make force fields? I don't use her a lot in Marvel Ultimate Alliance 2 because she sucks, probably because she doesn't have force fields.

Usually. As is often the case in comics, it depends who's writing her, but she's always at least been able to project shield-like things. When I was a teenager I remember some writers letting her use them as projectiles/blunt instruments in an effort to make her more interesting.

3. Aliens - "Get away from her, you bitch!" Mother loses daughter. Mother finds surrogate daughter. Mother has surrogate daughter threatened by another mother. First mother battles second mother for safety of surrogate daughter. It's surprisingly easy to boil this movie down to a particularly vicious PTA meeting.

2. Field of Dreams - "Dad? You wanna have a catch?" This one might be kind of cheating, but as the central themes are strongly tied to Ray's relationships with his father and daughter, I've always seen a lot of parenting messages in it. The final scene is probably the most moving father-son reconciliation I've seen in a movie. Helps that my dad's a big baseball fan, I suspect.

1. A Christmas Story - "Santa Claus probably put it there." When I was 9 (same age as Ralphie), I saw this for the first time and was amazed at how real it felt in its depiction of the kids being kids and the parents being parents. In particular the "Oh FUUUUDGE" incident and its fallout and the Old Man getting Ralphie the rifle when it looked like he wasn't paying attention through the whole thing are two of my favorite parent moments in it.

Honorable Mention: Oldboy - He totally remembers.

[StGabe]

I'd second Juno. I really like her parents. They're realistically imperfect but at the same time they're very loving and accepting of the limitations of their daughter/step-daughter.