Reply With QuoteHuh??
The following is a collection of stories that I have gathered as my time as a customer service representative for a bank. This thread is merely an experiment, if it goes well then I'll consider updating you all on the day to day life of the bleak and often stressful situations I find myself in. These, friends, are here purely for entertainment reasons and to maybe show you just how crazy people can be. Every call begins with me introducing myself, so I'll leave those out. I may add my thoughts in italics
The day I spoke to a magician.
"I've got a problem with my account."
"Ok, sure let me have a look at it for you... "
*I get the account number and identify the client*
"So what seems to be the problem?"
"The phone company keeps taking money out of my account, what do I do?"
"Well the first thing we recommend is calling the company and asking them to stop."
"I can't call them"
"Oh? Why is that?"
"I don't have a phone..."
The dead man
Before this one starts - if a client dies we update the status on the account to say that they're dead. You know, so we know to break out the voodoo when they call through.
"I just want to check my balance"
*I get the account information and I see that the man I'm talking to is... dead.*
"Can I just ask a few identification questions today?" OK, this has to be fraud
Now he answers the questions perfectly and without hesitation. He's either practiced or something is messed up. I get straight onto the department that handes fraud who doesn't know what to do. I alert my areas team leader who looks into it further. Turns out for some reason he'd been flagged as dead where the truth was he was in prison.
Sanest customer I've ever had.
"Yeah, I want to transfer money to someone elses account"
"Sure, the best way to get that done is to actually visit a branch. We can't do that over the phone"
"Oh.. I can't do that. Maybe I can get my carer to do it for me?"
"ok, sure, do they have access to your account? I mean - are they authorised?"
"I think so. I'm in an asylum."
That's a taste of what's to come. I also have "The 16 year old girl I probably got grounded" , "Woman with a tinfoil hat" , "The day I was witty with a customer" and many more if they're requested. Feel free to add your own if you've ever lead the life of a customer service rep.
Huh??
Customer stories are great.
Aside from these, of course.
I had this one guy call me when I was doing help desk.
He was like, "I need help with my computer."
So I go, "Sure. What seems to be the problem."
And he's all, "It's not on."
So I say, "Push the power button."
Then he's like, "Yup, that did it. Thanks."
TRUE STORY!
chet, you have a LOT to answer for.
Ha! Ha!Originally Posted by chet
He's got both an Awesomelaser AND a capital C. You lose, chet.
We need more name stealing around here.
Worst first post EVAR.
Nothing worse than joining a new community, attempting to introduce yourself and rapidly establish that you're going to be a playa, only to crash and burn hideously due to the jaded, slack jawed response of....us.
Man, tough crowd. As it should be.
There was this time when I was a mere phone monkey for the telephone company and had to speak to someone in Def Leppard (joe someone or other) who wanted a chargecard for their US tour. They were leaving in 4 days and the turnaround for one at that time was 2 weeks! How I laughed.
How about the time I spent ages trying to explain to someone why I wanted to ring them back on a landline so that we could go through some settings on their mobile phone?
No? Please yourselves.
I vote to stake Chet Awesomelaser.
No name can be better than Chet Awesomelaser. Really.
One time when I was in elementary school Richard Simmons pulled up in a limo and the student bodies sweated to The Oldies for an hour in the cafeteria. He had short shorts and an afro.
Chet Awesomelaser sounds like he should be a featured character in Stephen Colbert's Stephen Colbert Presents Alpha Squad 7: A Tek Janssen Adventure.
John Tesh waved to me in an airport once. TRUE STORY.
When I was at 'Bama, my wife played in a croquet game against the football team, and FUTURE KC CHIEFS 3RD STRING QB BRODIE CROYLE played and lost. He weighed like 180, I swear.
ps - I was there.
I was at a no-smoking rock concert next to Tim Roth once.
He bent way over to light his cigarette so the man wouldn't see, and when he stood up he clocked himself on his date's elbow.
TRUE STORY
I was eating lunch in LA once, and I saw the dude that played the bad guy in Karate Kid 2. NO JOKE.
Sela Ward spoke at my graduation, but not the Master's session where I actually walked. She went to the larger undergrad session later in the weekend.
One time during my childhood we were driving down the California Coast, and stopped at a beach where an episode of Baywatch was being filmed. I wanted Hasselhoff's autograph, because, duh, Knight Rider. He took that opportunity to make a really obnoxious pass at my fifteen-year-old sister.
FUCK YOU HASSELHOFF.
This one time, I was living in a "free land" with deteriorating civil liberties. When suddenly, Maury was inturrepted in the middle of revealing a woman's 11th paternity test results. The news man came on and said our president was going to speak. At the U.N. our country's leader announced that we would be invading yet another country.
True story!
I once carried a bunch of electronics to Martin Short's car. He even tipped me 10 bucks.
TRUE STORY
I met Jesse Jackson outside LaGuardia once while his driver was arguing with a cop about the fact that he'd parked in a fire lane.
TRUE STORY!!!UNA!!!!11!!
When I was in 6th grade I went to Space Camp, and my 9th grade sister was in Space Academy. Winnie from The Wonder Years was in one of the other sections of my sister's class. She's in my sister's Space Academy composite and everything.
I drove Lucy Liu home, and I didn't crash due to my terrible driving. I SWEAR!!!
Once, I went to a bar in Gloucester, and Whoopi Goldberg was tending bar. I got two beers, and thought, "Should I tip her?"
I left a buck. Did Whoopi really need my buck?
True Story!! (Not really, I just paid with a ten and left before she could give me change.)
I saw iggy pop getting head in a NYC stripclub in 1997 or so. His face was like a piece of leather. No expression. The man had so many blowjobs in his life that he didn't even seem to notice. I was standing right there smoking a cigarette and watching the stripper bob her head up and down and he totally didn't give a shit. It was pretty awesome.
I actually tried to call in to the howard stern show the next morning, but stuttering john heard me say "blowjob", assumed I'd say it on the air, and hung up.
I would really like to hear the "Day I Was Witty With A Customer" story, though. Except I'm worried that it's going to be something like "This customer called and said his name was John Helb. And I said to him, 'Well, can I HELB you, sir?' Ay? Ay?"
Oh well. The really sad part is, the only reasonable course for the OP is to sign up with a new account and start over, but Chet Awesomelaser is like the best name ever. What a terrible waste.
I once gave Billy Bragg a noogie. SERIOUSLY. But no blowjob.
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