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Thread: Brian and Big Rod in "Everyone has a Vagina"

  1. 05-04-2006, 10:43 AM #1
    Brian Koontz
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    Brian and Big Rod in "Everyone has a Vagina"

    Trey Parker: I fucked Brian Koontz once. He didn't seem to enjoy it though. All he talked about was vaginas. Based on the frequency of him using that word, I can definitely say he's a heterosexual. I am clever.

    {Big Rod puts down the newspaper he was reading}: "Hey Brian, is this true? Did Trey Parker fuck you?"

    Brian: "Aw, man... that was a moment of weakness. A lucky stab by him is all. Everyone's got a vagina."

    Big Rod: "What the hell? I hope your crazy isn't infectious."

    Brian: "No, really... haven't you seen the Koontz/Neitzsche children running around attacking human knees with hammers? Look, lets go for a walk. I'll show you".

    {Shortly after Big Rod talks about his Hot Girl diet in which he eats out a lot, the two arrive at a Comedy Club}

    Brian: BR, Check this out... this guy has the audience eating out of his hands! They are totally loving him!"

    Big Rod yells at the top of his voice to the audience: "YOU ARE ALL MY VAGINAS!"

    Two men stand up, red and angry, apparently disputing the notion.

    After a hasty departure and reaching safety, Brian notes: "the angriest guy of all was the comedian... he lost his vaginas for a moment!"

    Big Rod: "Well, I guess you're right. And you're a fucking slut."
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  2. 05-04-2006, 11:04 AM #2
    Ben Sones
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brian Koontz
    "What the hell? I hope your crazy isn't infectious."
    So do we all.
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  3. 05-04-2006, 11:09 AM #3
    Old Man Gravy
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    Union Carbide likes ham.
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  4. 05-04-2006, 11:15 AM #4
    madkevin
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    Koontz has children?
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  5. 05-04-2006, 11:35 AM #5
    Bill Dungsroman
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    From: "Dick Almighty" -- 2 Live Crew

    What the fuck is yo name, muthafucka?

    Long Rod!

    Fat Frank!

    Stiff Peter!

    Stiff

    Stiff Peter!
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  6. 05-04-2006, 03:20 PM #6
    BobJustBob
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    Is there supposed to be a life lesson here? Is there supposed to be comedy? Is there supposed to be anything except filler and non sequiturs?
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  7. 05-04-2006, 03:29 PM #7
    madkevin
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    I think it's about how we're all supposed to heckle comedians as an act of political terrorism while kneecapping children, or something. Or he's gay and apparently a "bottom", if you know what I mean and I think you do.

    I wonder if Brian thinks a woman's breasts feel like bags of sand? Just a hunch.
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  8. 05-04-2006, 03:31 PM #8
    Ed Solomon
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    Quote Originally Posted by BobJustBob
    Is there supposed to be a life lesson here? Is there supposed to be comedy? Is there supposed to be anything except filler and non sequiturs?
    "You're so analytical. Sometimes you have to let art... flow... over you."
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  9. 05-04-2006, 04:21 PM #9
    Anders Hallin
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    Brian Rucker
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  10. 05-04-2006, 04:32 PM #10
    MikeSofaer
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    Quote Originally Posted by Anders Hallin
    Brian Rucker
    That's almost as awesome as when Flowers called me the inspiration and strategic leader for his global Islamic Jihad.
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  11. 05-04-2006, 06:01 PM #11
    John Reynolds
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    Someone warn Tom that Koontz is sadly attempting to mine his Trevor schtick.
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  12. 05-04-2006, 06:29 PM #12
    Midnight Son
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    This is kinda like watching a whacked-out wino in skid row.... only worse.
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  13. 05-04-2006, 11:29 PM #13
    Kool Moe Dee
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    I hereby dub this thread the Varginha Incident.
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  14. 05-05-2006, 04:25 AM #14
    Pjerrot
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  15. 05-05-2006, 08:39 AM #15
    Brian Koontz
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    What I was saying (with another thrust at machismo) is that sometimes you're the cock and sometimes you're the vagina. The two work together, and excessive desire to be one and not the other (or understanding that other than biologically you HAVE only one and not the other) leads to a reduction in society's vibrancy.

    Stubborness for example: Hates Vagina.

    Idle Passivity for example: Hates Cock.

    You have to appreciate what both vaginas and cocks do. They work together! And don't think you only have one of them... everyone's got 'em both.

    Comedian: I have no Vagina! I have so much Cock, I service my audience and they beg for more!
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  16. 05-05-2006, 08:51 AM #16
    Talisker
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    Gary Johnston: We're dicks! We're reckless, arrogant, stupid dicks. And the Film Actors Guild are pussies. And Kim Jong Il is an asshole. Pussies don't like dicks, because pussies get fucked by dicks. But dicks also fuck assholes: assholes that just want to shit on everything. Pussies may think they can deal with assholes their way. But the only thing that can fuck an asshole is a dick, with some balls. The problem with dicks is: they fuck too much or fuck when it isn't appropriate - and it takes a pussy to show them that. But sometimes, pussies can be so full of shit that they become assholes themselves... because pussies are an inch and half away from ass holes. I don't know much about this crazy, crazy world, but I do know this: If you don't let us fuck this asshole, we're going to have our dicks and pussies all covered in shit!
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  17. 05-05-2006, 08:53 AM #17
    Ben Sones
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    Oddly enough, it seemed less nutty before he explained it.
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  18. 05-05-2006, 09:14 AM #18
    madkevin
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    Quote Originally Posted by John Reynolds
    Someone warn Tom that Koontz is sadly attempting to mine his Trevor schtick.
    Or Kathy Acker's schtick.
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  19. 05-05-2006, 09:42 AM #19
    Rob Beschizza
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    Ladies and gentlemen, please give a warm welcome to Mumm-Ra, the ever-living.

    [applause]

    Now, Mumm-Ra, you've been out of the limelight a while, but now you have a new book and TV show in the fall. So what's up?

    "Gyahaaahhhhhhha! Yaaaaahahahaaaaahah! Actually, I've been doing off-broadway."
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  20. 05-06-2006, 01:07 PM #20
    Bill Dungsroman
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    Quote Originally Posted by Brian Koontz
    What I was saying (with another thrust at machismo) is that sometimes you're the cock and sometimes you're the vagina. The two work together, and excessive desire to be one and not the other (or understanding that other than biologically you HAVE only one and not the other) leads to a reduction in society's vibrancy.
    Wrong. Quite the opposite.


    Stubborness for example: Hates Vagina.

    Idle Passivity for example: Hates Cock.

    You have to appreciate what both vaginas and cocks do. They work together!
    And more often, they work alone. Like Rambo.


    And don't think you only have one of them... everyone's got 'em both.

    Comedian: I have no Vagina! I have so much Cock, I service my audience and they beg for more!
    The rest of this is too crazy to bother with.
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  21. 05-06-2006, 01:29 PM #21
    wildpokerman
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    Quote Originally Posted by Bill Dungsroman
    The rest of this is too crazy to bother with.
    The fact that you even tried to quote a Koontz post and deal with it point for point is too crazy for me to comprehend.
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