Games that don't exist ... and shouldn't

[Xaroc]

Ok, the brain trust of DrCrypt, Trixie, Jason McMaster, and I thought this would be an interesting concept. By interesting we mean totally inane.

Ok, have at it.

-- Xaroc

[Jon R.]

Or: "Topics that almost got started, but didn't".

[Thomas Wilde]

Valkyrie Wilde.

[Jason McMaster]

Bath Guys Rape Play. (http://www.quartertothree.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=2624)

edit: linked to clarify

[Trixie]

Starbucks: The Movie: The Game

[Old Man Gravy]

Nintendo Virtual Pocket Pool

Clinton and Willey: When Bill Met Kathleen

both games require the Power Glove
http://www.angelfire.com/ok2/stepinto/Pax.jpg

[DrCrypt]

That realistic sex game Brian Koontz is always ejaculating (http://www.quartertothree.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=1761&highlight=realistic+sexual+graphics) at us about, where plasticky Poser virtual whores vacuum on the absurdly Robert-Crumb-esque virtual over-representation of Brian's micropenis as he hammers on both the former and his "increase stamina" spell hotkey.

[Jason McMaster]

Virtual Sailor: "10 bucks for greek"

The Sims: Squat Thrust

[Mike Hussey]

Deus Ex 3

[Charles]

Posting on the Internet: The Game.

[Old Man Gravy]

The Sims: Squat Thrust

I could've sworn this one does exist.

[Jason McMaster]

Deus Ex 3

OH!!! SNAP!!!

that was pretty good

[Tim Partlett]

Sim Assembly Line Worker

Try and earn enough money to feed your family, in this exacting simulation of factory work in exotic locations all over the world! You start by learning the ropes in an easy working environment in Michigan, where you get paid a good hourly wage, plus piece-time bonuses. Then life gets steadily more difficult, as you are plunged into a world of low pay, sweatshops, and indentured labour. Make all kinds of exiciting products, like running shoes, nasty plastic toys and tractors, in locations ranging from sunny Mexico to tropical Indonesia. Feel the thrill of working without the protection of trade unions and human rights. Meet the challenge of feeding a family of eight on only 50 cents a day. Witness the beauty of luxuriously recreated factory environments, in a variety of settings from cold communist grey concrete to third-world filthy brown wooden shacks.

[Jason McMaster]

American McGee's Violent Sodomy

[awdougherty]

This might not be that politically correct or in good taste.

In the spirit of old Sid Meier games:

Accounting!

For the stealth genre"

Altar Boy - sneak out of churches and avoid having priests touch you in "that way."

For the horror survival genre:

Pitbulls Unleashed - wave after wave of pitbull owners who can't admit their pets are murderous animals refuse to use leashes. Survive the dogs' attempt to maul you.

For racing fans:

Rat Race - try to achieve mediocrity in middle management at a midwest firm. Supports force feedback driving wheel.

Adventure/Puzzle genre:

Getting to Second Base: A young teenage boy must figure out how to undo a bra.

[Saxman_72]

Sid Meier's Sieve 4.

[John Many Jars]

"Sartre's No Exit," done as a text adventure. All commands other than "look" and "groan" are ineffective. No inventory.

"Sartre's No Exit," done as an FPS. No weapons or HTH attacks are possible. You can crouch, but the ceiling is too low to jump.

"Sartre's No Exit," done as an RTS. No resources, no base, one unit, no commands other than move (slightly).

[DennyA]

Postal 3: Sesame Street

Actually, I'd play that.

[Tyjenks]

Panty Raider...no

Hooters Road......no

Postal 2.....no

Virtual Deer H......no


Well, it seems any dumb game I can think of has already been made.

Stump McCullough
A game where you attempt to make a point that Virtual Jason cannot refute with multiple links within 30 mins. Jason gets 3 "I cannot find the link right now, but it said in summary...." outs per game.

[Trixie]

Capcom versus QT3

[snowcrash22]

Womb Raider

Cubicle Command and Conquer

Music Pirate: Downloads Ahoy!

[balut]

Capcom versus QT3

I'd play that. McCullough's QCF+P move types out new posts faster than the other player can even react. And don't forget the secret character, The Narrator, and his ultimate move: Jab, Jab, forward, Light Kick, Fierce Punch - shuts down even the most fervent enemy.

[Dave Markell]

Sewage Treatment Tycoon

[RichardC]

Sam and Max Payne Hit The Road

"Well, Max, you've just systematically murdered everyone in New York City."
"I'm a coffee achiever, Sam."

[Old Man Gravy]

Brian Boytano Pro Skater Underground

Alan Greenspan Pro Economist

[Ergo]

Pegleg Pete's Prison Shower Room.

[Tyjenks]

Laundry Tycoon: Teenage Male Bedding Edition

[MarchHare]

Vietcong: My Lai Massacre Expansion

[Brian Rubin]

To all you Mr. Show fans out there:

Coupon: The Game

I also think a game about being a pledge in a fraternity should never be made either.

[Jason McMaster]

Look what I got for you at the store. SOCKS!


also: Who's That Girl: The Game

[Adam Sessler]

Proust's Rememberance of Things Past using the Tresspasser engine.

All the fun of 19th Century life and it's physics.

[Timemaster Tim]

I'd pay for the "Adam Sessler Virtual Makeover" game. I'd like to give Adam some new haior styles.

[Trixie]

Proust's Rememberance of Things Past using the Tresspasser engine.

All the fun of 19th Century life and it's physics.

That sounds pretty fun if you use the Syberia engine.

[Jason McMaster]

Kill a Drifter to Attain Erection, a Jason Hall Joint

[Troy S Goodfellow]

Front Page Sports: Bear Baiting

Troy

[Old Man Gravy]

Bath Guys Rape Play. (http://www.quartertothree.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=2624)

edit: linked to clarify

:lol: This wasn't linked the first time I saw it, and I hadn't seen the Romerese interview thread yet. Just read the thread and got it.
Pretty funny. :lol:

[Jason McMaster]

I love calling people "Bath Guys"

[Brian Rubin]

Okay, here's another one I thought up...

Hamtaro's Anal Cavity Quest

[Ephraim]

Gigli Special Edition DVD: The Game

Gerbil Rescue: Buddhist Beware

Madden NFL Courtroom Appearances 2005

I don't even feel any particular need to describe my concepts for these. I leave that to all of your obviously disturbed imaginations.

[Shadarr]

Sim Hooker
Virtua Hobo Fighter
Sea Trader 2: Slave Ship (for GBA)
Rape Camp Tycoon
American McGee's Care Bears

[Lake]

Leisure Suit Derek Smart.

[Lum]

World War I Online.

[Ephraim]

Ooh. This one's for you, Lum:

Dark Age of Camelot: Dallas, November 1963 Expansion

[Lum]

Ooh. This one's for you, Lum:

Dark Age of Camelot: Dallas, November 1963 Expansion

Actually on my whiteboard for the longest time was the NINJAS OF CALMEMOT expansion writeup. With playable red spraggons!

[awdougherty]

More Sid Meier inspiration:

It itches down there!

[Ignatius P. Reilly]

Soccer Practice.

[Brian Rubin]

How about, instead of:

Sid Meier's Pirates

How about:

Sid Meier's Merchantmen

Most. Boring. Game. Evar.

[Lum]

Siddhartha Meier's Outsourcing!

[Sparky]

I'd pay for the "Adam Sessler Virtual Makeover" game. I'd like to give Adam some new haior styles.
It's really not as fun as you'd imagine. Plus, it's only got co-op on the Xbox version.

http://www.phobe.com/asvm.jpg

[Timemaster Tim]

Sparky, you are gem!

[Creole Ned]

Microsoft Plane Hijacking Simulator
Microsoft Simulator Simulator
Sid Meier's Butt Pirates!
Unreal Tournament 1894
Monkey Island 5: Guybrush Threepwood's Brief Adventure Before Getting Cancelled
Illegal Alien vs. Predator
Star Wars: Wamp Rat Hunter

[DennyA]

Koontzcraft

[Bill Dungsroman]

Bumfights: The Game
Brian Koontz's Debate!
Tijuana Bathroom Simulator
Let's Watch Paint Dry!
American McGee's Mr. Rogers
Sim Small Animal Torture
The Shoot Your Parents When They Don't Let You Play Games Game
Sim Passion of the Christ
Tiddlywinks 3000
War the Card Game
Flip a Coin
Let's Get Hired!

[cyborg]

Tax Man - first person perspective game where you attempt to collect taxes from angry people with little money and too many guns.

[McBain]

H. Wayne "Scarface" Huizenga's Professional Sports Franchise Ruination Simulation: 2004

[Jobe]

SimAtkins

[Andrew Mayer]

I have two "game concepts" I often used to discuss in concept meetings when bad ideas would be considered by good people:

"Water Boil" and "Paint Dry"

[Jon R.]

The game of taking 2 pages worth of random stings of words, posting them here, and pretending they're funny. OMG 2 BILLION ACTIVITIES WOULD MAKE SUCKY GAMES HURHURHURHUER"ESHRUIOEWHFUO:BWEFUIOBWEF.

Hottip: You nimrods have an IRC chan specifically so you can satisfy your need to say things that deserve to get scrolled off the screen without wasting space here.

[Kool Moe Dee]

I'd pay for the "Adam Sessler Virtual Makeover" game. I'd like to give Adam some new haior styles.
It's really not as fun as you'd imagine. Plus, it's only got co-op on the Xbox version.

<hot new game screenshot>

You missed a fine opportunity to bring back the Royal Tenenbaums. :)

[Mike Hussey]

How about, instead of:

Sid Meier's Pirates

How about:

Sid Meier's Merchantmen

Most. Boring. Game. Evar.

It was called Patrician 2. I'm such a sad git that I enjoyed it.

[Creole Ned]

Hottip: You nimrods have an IRC chan specifically so you can satisfy your need to say things that deserve to get scrolled off the screen without wasting space here.
Perhaps you could submit a list of approved topics so that we may avoid upsetting you in the future. This list should further detail how one is to compose an approved topic or, if replying to said topic, how to properly construct a useful and informative reply.

Humbly yours,
Ned

[Jason McMaster]

The game of taking 2 pages worth of random stings of words, posting them here, and pretending they're funny. OMG 2 BILLION ACTIVITIES WOULD MAKE SUCKY GAMES HURHURHURHUER"ESHRUIOEWHFUO:BWEFUIOBWEF.

Hottip: You nimrods have an IRC chan specifically so you can satisfy your need to say things that deserve to get scrolled off the screen without wasting space here.

Oh so sorry. Man, please don't ban me!!!

Here's a hot tip for you: 99% of these people aren't in chat. Last time I checked this was Mark and Toms message board and there weren't any rules about posting whatever we really want as long as its forum related. You see the title of this forum? It's games. If you don't want to read this thread, then don't read it.

[Jon R.]

Let's go the other way.
Topics that will meet my mighty and righteous indignation include (but are not limited to):


Dude, Fuck Retail, parts 1-349 and the epilogue "No, fuck you, you goddamned customer"
How big are Princess Daisy's nipples?
Today's lunch agenda
List of RPGs i haven't finished, now with supershitty formatting and non-existent editing because zero thought went into this fucking topic
List of RPGs i have finished, but only kinda
List of RPGs that were sort of RPGs. Maybe i finished them, maybe i didn't
List of RPGs that i thought looked cool
List of RPGs that i saw the box of at EB
List of RPGs that i just saw some screenshots of
List of RPGs that have been on a shelf between 1985 and now
Hey, guess what?
"Topic started by Gary Whitta"
Nintendo is dying.
No they're not.
Yuh huh.
Bullshit.
Games that should, like, totally be made
Chogglepants, and the subtle reasons why it's a poor gameplay decision

[awdougherty]

Jon R., why are you wasting your time with this thread. You obvious don't enjoy the content, so why go through the 2 pages of posts in the first place?

Why do you even care?

[Mike O'Malley]

I agree with awdougherty's point, but Jon R's summation of post topics
was eerily accurate.

[Jon R.]

Why do you even care?

Because every reason i have for being here is directly related to not seeing that kind of crap. There is a line between fun, light-hearted banter and messageboard spam.

My turn! Why do people get pissy when someone confrms that it's a stupid topic after the original poster basically admitted it was? Shrug and give the feeble pre-emptive excuse that it's stupid, and get upset when someone goes "Yep"?

Bonus question: Why do such people defend vapdiness so militantly that they constantly forget that the "don't like it, don't read it" thing goes both ways? Why do you care?

[balut]

Why do you care?
I care because you're a self-righteous, self-appointed judge of post topics on this board. As far as I know or care, the only ones with any legitimate right to police the boards are Tom Chick and Mark Asher. Who the hell are you to determine the line between "fun, light-hearted banter and messageboard spam"?

For months and months, this board worked fine without a "board cop" patrolling the threads, screaming at perceived "messageboard spam". On the occasions when things might have gotten out of hand, the Tom/Mark entity stepped in to set things straight. So, unless you're the silent, third member of the Entity, stop wasting board space yelling at other posters if you're so concerned about that.

Because every reason i have for being here is directly related to not seeing that kind of crap.
Well, unless this is the private online duchy of Jon R., who gives two shits whether or not "that kind of crap" offends your sense of board cleanliness? This board is a community, and like most communities, it can grow and evolve as more and more people come on. If you leave the board, it's no big deal - about the only memorable posts I've seen you make are loud, obnoxious attacks on other posters for the content of their posts.

To me, this board is like an online "Cheers" - you can log on, shoot the shit with friends, occasionally discuss things of import, and just kind of feel comfortable reading the threads. If that's not the environment you like, then you're free to police yourself out of here.

[nutsak]

Bonus question: Why do such people defend vapdiness so militantly that they constantly forget that the "don't like it, don't read it" thing goes both ways? Why do you care?

No no, it goes one way. It's directed at people like you. You can't say
"Don't like it don't read it" to somoene that is actually interested... feelf ree to explain how it's a two way statement.

People respond to ths shit because it's a little light hearted humour in (get this bit Jon) our opinion.

DING DING - I win.

[Timemaster Tim]

Hottip: You nimrods have an IRC chan specifically so you can satisfy your need to say things that deserve to get scrolled off the screen without wasting space here.

Hottertip: Some of us never ever get near IRC. If you don't like a thread, don't read it.

[awdougherty]

Why do you even care?

Because every reason i have for being here is directly related to not seeing that kind of crap. There is a line between fun, light-hearted banter and messageboard spam.

My turn! Why do people get pissy when someone confrms that it's a stupid topic after the original poster basically admitted it was? Shrug and give the feeble pre-emptive excuse that it's stupid, and get upset when someone goes "Yep"?

Bonus question: Why do such people defend vapdiness so militantly that they constantly forget that the "don't like it, don't read it" thing goes both ways? Why do you care?

Well to answer your question why I care, it's because I did find some of these entries amusing and now the thread is going to be derailed by you acting like a forum police bitch. I wouldn't read a topic entitled Jon R. doesn't like frivolous threads, but you came into someone else's topic and posted this. So what you're actually saying with your don't like it don't read it reversal isn't true. I did like reading this thread, but you're crapping on it like a square and turning it into something else. If you wanted to start a thread about a serious game topic, it would be just as wrong for me to jump in, tell everyone to lighten up, and fill the topic with poop joke responses.

And as for getting pissy, I was more curious than anything else why you would spend time on something that didn't interest you and then get upset about that lost time. I think the topic itself admits its own stupidity, you don't need the thread creator to admit it. Some people find it fun to post in this thread, but you don't, yet you go through the agony of doing so and then piss and moan about it. That's just retarded.

There are plenty of non-spam threads, but if some posters want to have fun I think they should. If you think it's having "too much fun," then I don't know what to say other than I don't think anyone should give a squirt of shit what you personally think too much fun is. Nobody asked for your okay on this topic, nobody cares if you give it.

Bottom line is that it doesn't matter at this point, I can see this thread is going to spiral into inane bullshit and I've helped contribute to that. For that I apologize.

[Tyjenks]

Let's bring this back on topic:

Jon R.'s Unwarranted Attack Game

or

Message Board Pile On

[awdougherty]

Match The Ass to the Fat Guy

[Lake]

Martha Stewart's Insider Trading

[Old Man Gravy]

At the risk of bringin' 'er back towards topic, new game concept:

SimBoardModerator:

Should appeal to those who clearly have the ability to be arbiters What Is Acceptable, but for some reason just have not achieved that potential in real life.

Objective of game is, of course, not to set up your own message board and decide what appropriate content is; rather, it is to find a board (say, for example, a board entitled 'Games', and that is about games/playing/other non-serious things), whose focus is such that it will invariably attract a membership who will periodically engage in conversation that they find light-hearted and enjoyable but that you find unimportant, silly, and unacceptable. The player can then do what he or she does best: piss on other people's good time. Craziness and hijinks ensue, and NPC reactions are diverse and varied. The range of dialogue options available for the player are also virtually unlimited: you can be condescending, indignant, or outright hostile!

[balut]

SimOz (the HBO series, not the Land of)

[snowcrash22]

Despots: The Serial Killer Trading Card Publisher Expansion Pack

[The Narrator]

It certainly had been an interesting thread. Not only did the Sesslerian kettle of wit finally emit a brief whistle after nine months of post-registration simmering, but Jon R. had come to pronounce the thread unworthy. The same thread that the now apprarently erstwhile forum cop team Jobe and Trixie had decided was good enough not only to read, but good enough to offer what passed for contributions as well.

But for all the shouting down he had received, Jon R. ultimately was correct about the content of the thread. As premises went, "Games that don't exist...and shouldn't" was in the Pop Warner league of improvisational subjects-- the kind that the fourth person on Whose Line was allowed to participate in. The thread's popularity with the giftless masses was all the proof needed.

[Wheelkick]

I was going to type "HE'S BACK!", but this is the third post now in two days. Welcome back N.

[Jon R.]

Why do you care?
I care because you're a self-righteous, self-appointed judge of post topics on this board. As far as I know or care, the only ones with any legitimate right to police the boards are Tom Chick and Mark Asher. Who the hell are you to determine the line between "fun, light-hearted banter and messageboard spam"?

You're a better judge? Or you'd rather just have everyone spew out every little half-baked topic idea and stream of consciousness tangent?

Well, unless this is the private online duchy of Jon R., who gives two shits whether or not "that kind of crap" offends your sense of board cleanliness? This board is a community, and like most communities, it can grow and evolve as more and more people come on. If you leave the board, it's no big deal - about the only memorable posts I've seen you make are loud, obnoxious attacks on other posters for the content of their posts.

They mesh quite well with the loud, obnoxious defenses of the posts i take digs at. Unless this is the private online "duchy" of balut, screw you too.

To me, this board is like an online "Cheers" - you can log on, shoot the shit with friends, occasionally discuss things of import, and just kind of feel comfortable reading the threads. If that's not the environment you like, then you're free to police yourself out of here.

Get some perspective. Who gives two shits about what this board is to you?

Well to answer your question why I care, it's because I did find some of these entries amusing and now the thread is going to be derailed by you acting like a forum police bitch.

Yeah. Derailed from what?

I wouldn't read a topic entitled Jon R. doesn't like frivolous threads, but you came into someone else's topic and posted this. So what you're actually saying with your don't like it don't read it reversal isn't true. I did like reading this thread, but you're crapping on it like a square and turning it into something else. If you wanted to start a thread about a serious game topic, it would be just as wrong for me to jump in, tell everyone to lighten up, and fill the topic with poop joke responses.

You're right. It'd be much better to start an entirely new topic about poop jokes.

And as for getting pissy, I was more curious than anything else why you would spend time on something that didn't interest you and then get upset about that lost time. I think the topic itself admits its own stupidity, you don't need the thread creator to admit it. Some people find it fun to post in this thread, but you don't, yet you go through the agony of doing so and then piss and moan about it. That's just retarded.

For starters, i wasn't trying to imply that you yourself were getting pissy. Yours is about the most coherent response i've seen to this kind of thing.

Some people find it fun to contribute to 2 pages worth of concentrated Not Funny™, some find it fun to ham it up ridiculing those contributions. Otherwise, I have just as much curiosity towards why anyone would make or enjoy these kinds of topics.

There are plenty of non-spam threads, but if some posters want to have fun I think they should.

If this is their idea of fun, then they should take it to the newly revived IRC chan, which is excellently suited for it. Better to get the stupid out of your system in a realtime chat than on a forum where the retarded replies cause the equally retarded topic to hang around for days.

Bottom line is that it doesn't matter at this point, I can see this thread is going to spiral into inane bullshit and I've helped contribute to that. For that I apologize.

Spiral from what?

[awdougherty]

Jon R.

Those are really weak counter arguments. Please at least elaborate. The one sentence rebuttals aren't really saying anything besides masking more attacks


Derailed from what? There's a topic thread, games that shouldn't get made. it's getting derailed from that into a useless argument.

If you think I suggested that you start a thread about poop jokes, then you either misunderstood what I wrote or you chose to set up a strawman and attack that.

And I apologize for taking some offense to getting pissy, I was genuinely curious at first. But this is spiraling away from what was supposed to be a fun thread for people who found it fun. If it hangs around for days, so be it. I don't know about forums, but is there a way to choose a thread and then block it? Why not just skip the thread entirely. We have 10 threads giving blow by blow acounts of Planetside glory, are those less frivilous? Each one of those goes on for pages.

And Narrator, why are you here as well? Obviously you don't enjoy the content either, but you take a moment to shit on the people who do. You're not a definitive authority on wit or what others should find funny. Jon R isn't ultimately correct, he's just the guy you agree with since what's funny is so subjective. You guys think frivilous posting is bad for the boards, I think this type of confrontation forum policing is just as bad.

edited to make a more specific point and less of a personal affront

[Anaxagoras]

Not only did the Sesslerian kettle of wit finally emit a brief whistle after nine months of post-registration simmering, but Jon R. had come to pronounce the thread unworthy.

What's a Sesslerian kettle? Google isn't giving me any hits.

[Andrew Mayer]

How about we change this thread to:
If Jon R. were a game what would he be called?

I'll start:

Mr. Bitch N' Whine
Ultra Nosy Thread Cop

[Timemaster Tim]

What's a Sesslerian kettle? Google isn't giving me any hits.

Adam Sessler, one of the hosts of X-Play on TechTV. He made his first post to the board in this thread.

[Matthew Gallant]

And Narrator, why are you here as well? Obviously you don't enjoy the content either, but you take a moment to shit on the people who do. You're not a definitive authority on wit or what others should find funny.
But isn't The Narrator third-person omniscient?

[Jon R.]

Derailed from what? There's a topic thread, games that shouldn't get made. it's getting derailed from that into a useless argument.

Or, it's a topic where the probable answers are limited only by intergalactic exploration and the new discoveries of things no one would want to even simulate doing that come with it.

Whoa, broham, what if, like, you were an astronaut on a spacewalk and, like, a pebble-sized meteorite slammed into your nards and 150,000 MPH? What a crappy game that would make. I hope none of the devs make a game out of that. If one of you are and have now changed your mind, then my job is done. The first one is free. After that, let's just say you owe me one.

Yeah, it's more like the Dreamcast logo than it is an actual downward spiral.

[Andrew Mayer]

Or, it's a topic where the probable answers are limited only by intergalactic exploration and the new discoveries of things no one would want to even simulate doing that come with it.

Whoa, broham, what if, like, you were an astronaut on a spacewalk and, like, a pebble-sized meteorite slammed into your nards and 150,000 MPH? What a crappy game that would make. I hope none of the devs make a game out of that. If one of you are and have now changed your mind, then my job is done. The first one is free. After that, let's just say you owe me one.


King of Straw Man Argument - Deluxe Turbo Edition!

[noun]

If Jon R. were a game what would he be called?

Game Over: Exit to Dos (Y/N)?

[John Many Jars]

Yeah, it's more like the Dreamcast logo than it is an actual downward spiral.

A "gyre" (cf. W.B. Yeats).

The spacewalk game could be cool if you had 10 minutes to strip the shuttle of nonessential parts and use them to forge a corrugated titanium space jockstrap/cup that would withstand the pebble meteor. It would only be good for one level, though.

[John Many Jars]

Or a titanium condom that would allow you to bunt the meteor into the Sun.

[scharmers]

It's nice to see that Old Salt has managed to migrate here from the comp.sys.ibm.pc.games.war-hysterical USElessNET group.

I had no idea that he was calling himself Jon R. now, however.

"You can just erase it all by rolling back your eyes"

Look at it this way, Jon -- if Qt3 does become a repository of self-pleasing vanity spam posts, then everybody will leave in droves and go somewhere else where the messages are more meaty. Hell, look what happened to Evil Avatar's site and the flight sim USElessNET group.

It's a natural process. No foaming at the mouth needed. Lurk and be happy.

--scharmers

[Peter Frazier]

Damn, I was going to pull the Jon.R= Old Salt switch but then I get to the bottom and see it's done.
Anyway,
Ashley and Kate, Street Legal Racing. Coming soon!

[Bill Dungsroman]

Whether or not Jon R. (or anyone) likes or dislikes any thread topic isn't important. What's important, Jon, is that your complaints are even more boring and mundane than the topic at hand. Who gives a shit what you have to say about something if your insults are even more tiresome to read than the on-topic posts? All you have done is one-up the self-serving tedium that you so valiantly champion against by defacing an on-topic thread with your run-of-the-mill complaints. It's goddamned annoying, far more annoying for me and anyone else who has at least a passing interest in the thread, to read your utterly pithless commentary about it. I guess I mean to say, you're an asshole. Which, in and of itself with some colorful vernacular would be just ducky, but you're boring too, which is fundamentally reprehensible and anathema to internet hi-jinks. I don't care how bad the thread stinks Jon, just give me a better show than pinching your nostrils and pointing with a look of disgust on your face. Give me more than your average 12-year-old would, you snoozy bastard.

I don't like plenty of post topics, and more still that I only have a passing interest in. Fortunately, Qt3 is free and there is no real limitation on posting topics. Comic book thread? Sweet. Anime thread? Next. The next forumite may easily have opposite thoughts about that. Your mind would blow to look at my visitation habits here. All these unclicked threads! Egads!

Now, your next argument is obvious: "some post topics are universally stupid." And you would be correct. But it's a post facto observation, one that only history may bear out: the threads that get little or no response are the stupid ones, more or less. When you show up on page 2 or 3 of a thread to declare it unworthy of posting, you're a little late to the party. Actually, if you show up to any thread and declare it dead, you are only dropping your pants in a public room and declaring that Yes, my penis IS small and I AM angry about it, because all you're doing is laying a bunch of unwanted, unneccesary, and quite frankly embarassing personal information about yourself at our feet.

I've already told you this, months ago: there is no shortage of sites on the net that adhere to a stricter coda of posting fiber. I help run one of them, and it's only one of dozens. This place is not one of them. You don't have to buy every candy bar in the candy store, just your favorites. Right now, mine is Gary Whitta's Amusing Descent Into Madness - now with peanuts! You can take or leave them at your leisure, or you can bore us to tears with your Heroic Screeds Against Insidious Mediocrity, like all those letters you must no doubt write into TV stations for all those boring shows you must tape and watch start to finish, overhwhelmed and inexorably drawn into exposing yourself to them as you are here.

[Jason McMaster]

HSW, always with the poetic zingers.

[Tyjenks]

McMasterbating 2005

Can't get any more juvenile and tedious than that.

[Jason McMaster]

Tyler is a fag 2005. OH SNAP

[Shiroko]

The Sims: Crack House
:roll:

[scharmers]

BitTorrent: The Game.

Or, better yet to capitalize on all of the nostalgia video game releases I've seen spewed out to us Gen X'er's. the ULTIMATE IN NOSTALGIA GAMING...

COMPUTE'S GAZETTE MLX REBORN

Experience the thrills and chills of typing in hundreds of thousands of 8-bit hexidecimal numbers from tiny magazine listings, only to have the power die on you. Or MLX die on you. Or finish typing the damn thing (ruining your wrists and eyesight in the process) and get two sprites chasing each other around on the screen with some cheezy SID music.

Fuck yeah. Bank, G's, bank.

--scharmers

[Anaxagoras]

At the risk of being off topic here.....

Nice post, Bill.

We now return you to your regular staple of frivolous posts.

[Jobe]

I need to amend the Hobbies line in my profile to the reflect the number of times I've reread that post :P

[DennyA]

For added amusement, go back and read Bill Dungsroman's post, but in your mind play it back in the voice of Dr. Perry Cox from Scrubs, substituting names like "Molly" and "Nancy" for "Jon."

The cadence and language fits perfectly.

[BulletSponge]

Real Ultimate Power: Ninjas vs. Pirates

[balut]

For added amusement, go back and read Bill Dungsroman's post, but in your mind play it back in the voice of Dr. Perry Cox from Scrubs, substituting names like "Molly" and "Nancy" for "Jon."

The cadence and language fits perfectly.

OH MY GOD that is pure genius. I thought it was a great post before, but now, it's in a whole other league! What are the odds that John C. McGinley would record that speech and post it in .mp3 format?

[balut]

Real Ultimate Power: Ninjas vs. Pirates

I'd buy that.

[Bill Dungsroman]

For added amusement, go back and read Bill Dungsroman's post, but in your mind play it back in the voice of Dr. Perry Cox from Scrubs, substituting names like "Molly" and "Nancy" for "Jon."

The cadence and language fits perfectly.

OH MY GOD that is pure genius. I thought it was a great post before, but now, it's in a whole other league! What are the odds that John C. McGinley would record that speech and post it in .mp3 format?

I'd like to point out that not only have I gone to medical school, but Scrubs is the most realistic TV show ever made about the practice of medicine, IMO. I love Dr. Cox, and wow I had no ideer I type just like he talks.

[Jon R.]

Who gives a shit what you have to say about something if your insults are even more tiresome to read than the on-topic posts?

Several people do, evidently.


I don't care how bad the thread stinks Jon, just give me a better show than pinching your nostrils and pointing with a look of disgust on your face. Give me more than your average 12-year-old would, you snoozy bastard.

Why bother with the effort? This thread has such a lack of effort that the topic starter couldn't even kick things off himself, and here you guys are trying to adamantly defend it. By your own arguments, i wouldn't have to expend much energy at all to entertain you. I could give you the text equivalent of putting my palms to my mouth and blowing and still come out ahead.

I don't like plenty of post topics, and more still that I only have a passing interest in. Fortunately, Qt3 is free and there is no real limitation on posting topics. Comic book thread? Sweet. Anime thread? Next. The next forumite may easily have opposite thoughts about that. Your mind would blow to look at my visitation habits here. All these unclicked threads! Egads!


There is a line between fun, light-hearted banter and messageboard spam.

[Bill Dungsroman]

Who gives a shit what you have to say about something if your insults are even more tiresome to read than the on-topic posts?

Several people do, evidently.

OOOooooh, so close! You're confusing the act of something with the quality of the action specifically. The concern that you have to say something is not the same as appreciating the fact that what you actually say is as dull as a cake donut. You're nay the first nor likely to be the last internet sojourner who carries that misplaced regard of himself and his actions, I'd sadly wager.


Why bother with the effort? This thread has such a lack of effort that the topic starter couldn't even kick things off himself, and here you guys are trying to adamantly defend it. By your own arguments, i wouldn't have to expend much energy at all to entertain you. I could give you the text equivalent of putting my palms to my mouth and blowing and still come out ahead.

But you didn't! At all! You blew, alright, but I can't for the life of me figure how it was entertaining. Oh, that's right: it wasn't, at all. The original theme of this thread, Games That Don't Exist And Shouldn't, will never be remembered in the annals of internet humor, no doubt. The Laziest Men on Mars will never compose a phat house mix of it, sad to say. Why do I champion its mediocrity, you ask? Because it has never and will never try to. It will never claim to be smarter, wittier, more astute, or more intelligent than your average poster. But, it's cute and worth a look and 2 minutes of my time, which I must assume is far, far less valuable than yours, but all I do for a living is transplant organs into dying people. I can only imagine what you're doing for yourself or your fellow man to find such outrage at all of this. This post is a puppy, a goggle-eyed 4-year-old. Who hates puppies? Kids? Do you, Jon?

But this isn't about the imposed failed aims of a mildly-whimsical thread among thousands on one site, among thousands of thousands on the internet. It's about your penis, Jon. How small it is, and how angry you are about it, and the silly things that anger makes you do. Such as wreck the placidity and continuity of nearly every thread you post in. And if you're going to continue reminding us how dissatisfied you are with a significant portion of the threads here, I'm going to continue reminding you of your diminutive member. Because, you and your penis wage a war not unlike the one you wage with this site, and anyone knows such a small, abused angry thing should never exercise the control it wants over the larger whole. We want you to beat your penis, Jon, so it will stop letting you get beat here. And then everyone's happy.

There is a line between fun, light-hearted banter and messageboard spam.

Do you know which side of the line you're on, Jon? I'll bet you don't.

[Jon R.]

Usually it's not a good idea to make sophomoric ad hominem attacks while making it blatantly obvious that you're trying to measure yourself.

We about done here then?

[DennyA]

Somebody pass the popcorn.

[Jobe]

At what point did Jon R. become an angrier MachFive? That response is just fucking feeble.

[Stroker Ace]

JONR WOULD LIKE SOME COFFEE

[Bill Dungsroman]

Usually it's not a good idea to make sophomoric ad hominem attacks while making it blatantly obvious that you're trying to measure yourself.

We about done here then?

AT LAST! You know how the rest of us feel, Jon. It was tough going, my friend, I'll tell you that freely. Plus, you've made achingly obvious a fact I knew already, but it needed elucidation: you're a dull prat. You demand vibrant commentary and discourse, but are ill-adept at providing it. You're a bully. A plodding, unimaginative bully, at that, and all it took was a little something thrown back at you to show it. What's the lesson here, Jon? Bright, intelligent, interesting people don't always have to discuss high-minded philosphical concepts out of a fear of being disregarded as less than they are, especially by someone who fears it so much for himself. Because that would make them look like pretentious dicks. Bigger dicks than yours, to transition in and out of an ad hominem to your ad nauseum.

But I will give you this: you've just become a lot more fun to read now. I think I'll be reading all of your posts now, just to see what comes of it.

[Captain Tenneal]

Bill Dungsroman, you're my hero. Seriously.

[scharmers]

You ever go to make a pork sausage, and find it's got hair growing all over it?

--scharmers

[Andrew Mayer]

Bill Dungsroman, I tip my hat to you sir.

Jon R., the fork has been stuck. You're done.

[Jon R.]

At what point did Jon R. become an angrier MachFive? That response is just fucking feeble.

At what point did you decide that the basis of your stay here was to make potshots from the sidelines? Think carefully now. I'll even give you time to coordinate your response with Trixie to make it look like people really are agreeing with you.

AT LAST! You know how the rest of us feel, Jon. It was tough going, my friend, I'll tell you that freely. Plus, you've made achingly obvious a fact I knew already, but it needed elucidation: you're a dull prat. You demand vibrant commentary and discourse, but are ill-adept at providing it.

Not going into baseless personal attacks = dull prat. I'll keep that in mind.

You're a bully. A plodding, unimaginative bully, at that, and all it took was a little something thrown back at you to show it. What's the lesson here, Jon?

That some fuckwit can make the majority of his post an attack that has nothing to do with the issue at hand and STILL act like he's hot shit when the person he's telling it to doesn't respond to it like it were an ACTUAL FUCKING ARGUMENT?

Oh, oh, yes. I obviously "got shown", and the major indicator of this is that i didn't' say "No, UR penis si teh small". Hoo boy, my ego certainly took a hit from that one. What a limiting blow.

"Bully" my ass. Not a single goddamned bit worse than the rest of you trying to throw your collective weight around for your side, so don't even try pulling this "We're the little guy giving you a taste of your own medicine" horseshit.

Bright, intelligent, interesting people don't always have to discuss high-minded philosphical concepts out of a fear of being disregarded as less than they are

That they should was never the point, regardless of how well it'd suit you if it were.

[Lake]

Come on, it got Adam Seesler to post so it cannot be all bad.

[DennyA]

So has the irony of the results of Jon's attack on this topic totally escaped him?

[John Many Jars]

There have been a few other people on the board who get angry when a topic doesn't interest them, but think their own tantrums are fascinating.

"Angry little men in angry little rooms," as the saying goes. They're best mocked in the third person, unless, like Bill Dungsroman, you've got the energy and chops to counter their ferocity with a thorough reality check.

(Bill, the House of Many Jars salutes you. Maybe you should remove his spleen?)

[noun]

At what point did you decide that the basis of your stay here was to make potshots from the sidelines?

Couldn't agree more. How about the next time you feel like declaring a thread not worthy of your time, and decide to serve some verbal abuse in the process, you take a moment and apply this sentence to yourself.

[Jon R.]

Couldn't agree more. How about the next time you feel like declaring a thread not worthy of your time, and decide to serve some verbal abuse in the process, you take a moment and apply this sentence to yourself.

Not exactly on the sidelines of this one, am i sport? If you'd like a more specific answer, try reading, say, every other goddamned time someone regurgitated that train of thought.

[Tyjenks]

Weeeeee! Is this the text version of Roller Coaster Tycoon III?

[Bill Dungsroman]

Not going into baseless personal attacks = dull prat. I'll keep that in mind.

That shouldn't come anywhere near the first thing you should keep in mind regarding internet interactions, Jon, but okay. Watching you scramble for the high ground after so diligently marking off your territory in the low is patently ridiculous. Also, you'll have to pardon me for my free-associating conjecture on why you're such an asshole. If you like, we'll use your small penis as a metaphor, a metaphor for whatever it is that makes you explode in bursts of barely-contained, ill-aimed invective. It's a metaphor for whatever that thing is, Jon, and if it turns out to really be your small dick; well, that's just icing on the penis, so to speak.

That some fuckwit can make the majority of his post an attack that has nothing to do with the issue at hand and STILL act like he's hot shit when the person he's telling it to doesn't respond to it like it were an ACTUAL FUCKING ARGUMENT?

But Jon, so many of your posts are attacks. Didn't you notice? Must (www.quartertothree.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?p=210914&highlight=#210914) I (www.quartertothree.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?p=210955&highlight=#210955) point (www.quartertothree.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?p=211782&highlight=#211782) it (www.quartertothree.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?p=203322&highlight=#203322) out (www.quartertothree.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?p=202127&highlight=#202127) to (www.quartertothree.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?p=201585&highlight=#201585) you (www.quartertothree.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?p=199442&highlight=#199442)? Also, I've yet to claim I've beaten the shit out of you. I'm letting the fine folk that reside here, especially but not exclusively the ones who've been here longer, and the ones who have fallen victim to your insipid assaults, judge that. What do they think, Jon? Do you, or have you ever, cared?

Oh, oh, yes. I obviously "got shown", and the major indicator of this is that i didn't' say "No, UR penis si teh small". Hoo boy, my ego certainly took a hit from that one. What a limiting blow.

The penis was a red herring, Jon, and you went right for it, ignoring once again the more concrete, salient points, completely ignorant of the irony. Point one: none of the insults overrides the fact that your personal attacks are unprovoked, self-serving, disruptive and juvenile. Mine are counterattacks to your bullshit insults against all the nice, cordial people here. Point two: the anger, annoyance and disdain you express in response to my dick jokes ("How ridiculous! How ill-placed!") is more or less a good approximation of the same feelings one gets when reading your thread-strangling "No, UR thread si teh suck." But then, you evidently like being unliked, so that's your own issue to deal with. The penis, again?

"Bully" my ass. Not a single goddamned bit worse than the rest of you trying to throw your collective weight around for your side, so don't even try pulling this "We're the little guy giving you a taste of your own medicine" horseshit.

Huh? When "our side" is the side that allows whomever to post whatever they want because, and I'll say this slowly for you Jon, it...doesn't...fucking...matter, there's no weight to be thrown. It's the path of least resistance. And you're not the little guy. You're Our Big Fat Obnoxious Poster. It's the little guys you harass that get the short end of the deal. But if you want to call me a bully, then fine. I am one. A terrible one, and I used to be worse. My main goal here was to expose you for the angry man you are, and I've done that. All it took was dick joke and some pre-arranged argument paths to get you to dig your own grave. It's hard to win an argument that was over before it begun, but you still had to try, it seems.

Bright, intelligent, interesting people don't always have to discuss high-minded philosphical concepts out of a fear of being disregarded as less than they are

That they should was never the point, regardless of how well it'd suit you if it were.

Then we're all of us missing the point except you, Jon. I'd love for you to elucidate.

[Jon R.]

That shouldn't come anywhere near the first thing you should keep in mind regarding internet interactions

No, of course not. The first thing should be how hard people will cry when their ability to say stupid shit is threatened. Fight the power, Senor Guevara.

But Jon, so many of your posts are attacks. Didn't you notice? Must (www.quartertothree.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?p=210914&highlight=#210914) I (www.quartertothree.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?p=210955&highlight=#210955) point (www.quartertothree.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?p=211782&highlight=#211782) it (www.quartertothree.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?p=203322&highlight=#203322) out (www.quartertothree.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?p=202127&highlight=#202127) to (www.quartertothree.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?p=201585&highlight=#201585) you (www.quartertothree.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?p=199442&highlight=#199442)?


And most of those are in threads where people are being excessively idiotic. Hey, imagine that.

The penis was a red herring, Jon, and you went right for it, ignoring once again the more concrete, salient points, completely ignorant of the irony.

Oh good. This must be the part where juvenile mudslinging ends up being part of a "master plan" and not "what i'm left with when every other argument has been answered multiple times". Which salient points would those be? The ones responded to 2, or 3 pages ago?

Point one: none of the insults overrides the fact that your personal attacks are unprovoked and self-serving.

As opposed to the selfless and community bolstering act of making a shit topic and then acting like it's your own personal treehouse on the web. Oh, wait. That would be assuming i had doled out any personal attacks.

Mine are counterattacks to your bullshit insults against all the nice, cordial people here.

Yours are grandstanding missives for the side that will give you the most kudos for surpassing them in being able to actually string words together. The nice, cordial people here that apparently have no problems bearing fangs and whining their guts out when someone would prefer that they not piss on the forum.

Point two: the anger, annoyance and disdain you express in response to my dick jokes ("How ridiculous! How ill-placed!") is more or less a good approximation of the same feelings one gets when reading your thread-strangling "No, UR thread si teh suck." But then, you evidently like being unliked, so that's your own issue to deal with.

Oh, you mean when i strangled the other threads by joining in with their beliefs on forum posting? Yeah, what an asshole that makes me. What a pain in the ass it must've been for them to have to read inane garbage for no other reason than because "i had to post it", or "i just had to write it down".

Huh? When "our side" is the side that allows whomever to post whatever they want because, and I'll say this slowly for you Jon, it...doesn't...fucking...matter, there's no weight to be thrown.

Yeah, it's just a no-holds barred, fuck the standards kinda place, isn't it? How about i start copying and pasting topics by the boatload from other gaming forums because "some people don't use those forums"? Or how about hourly updates on the squirrels outside my window? Can you dig it?

It's the path of least resistance.

The path of least resistance is now to put more than 2 braincells to use when making a topic. BOO HOO!


It's the little guys you harass that get the short end of the deal.

They get a bad break for using their second 15 posts on stupid topics and the subsequent idiotic defenses. What a bummer. Maybe we should start a fund for them, Mr. Hero.

That they should was never the point, regardless of how well it'd suit you if it were.

Then we're all of us missing the point except you, Jon. I'd love for you to elucidate.

I'll illustrate it quite well, with a technique never before seen. It's so amazing that it causes it to be placed several pages back, and is repeated for just such an occasion.

[BobJustBob]

Reading this thread is like watching Bill play whack-a-mole. At first you're cheering him on and revelling in the spectacle, but soon it grows gruesome. You start to pity the moles. Then you get angry at them. STAY THE FUCK DOWN YOU STUPID MOLES! YOU'RE JUST GOING TO GET WHACKED AGAIN! But do they listen? They do not.

[Bill Dungsroman]

No, of course not. The first thing should be how hard people will cry when their ability to say stupid shit is threatened. Fight the power, Senor Guevara.

By that you mean "...their ability to say stupid shit in relative anonymity on a website that doesn't discourage it is threatened." If you can't clown around on the internet, Jon, where the hell can you? It is the last bastion of tomfoolery, of tangential thought and relevant discourse. Take what you like, but like what you take, as my Gram used to say. Good Christ man, you can't seriously believe I'm buying this tripe you're implying about being forced to read every thread, every post here. Non-fucking-sense. You're throwing your strawmen at me with admirable aplomb, but the kudos end there.

Also, I notice further down how you cleverly imply you made your aims perfectly clear a few pages back. So did I. If you don't like something, if you don't agree with it, why don't you either ignore it or argue the point? It isn't an argument to say THIS THREAD SUCKS, not in any useful fashion. Don't just tell Brian Koontz he's an idiot; point out to him exactly how and why he is, relevant to the discussion he's currently butchering. Then, you haven't broken the flow of the thread, you've...why, you've actually participated. I've seen you do it before, I know you can.

What else? Oh, irony. It's not just the art of pressing clothes flat, Jon; the balls of this thread ache with it. Defending the right for someone to say stupid shit? I guess I ought to be defending your right for same, because no shit smells as stupid as yours does when you wreck an innocent thread with your claptrap, your falderall, your willywag. Snipes from the sideline? Man, you completely missed that one, completely. I shudder to think of the lack of humor a soul must have to miss all these signs. Insults That Bore/Obnoxious Raves/Please Jon, No More/Burma Shave.

And most of those are in threads where people are being excessively idiotic. Hey, imagine that.

Oh, you mean like this one? The one you declared was dead at birth a mere 15 minutes after the thread post was posted? You're like those clowns that declare themselves winners of an argument because the opponent didn't post a reply immediately after theirs. Also, a few posts down was DrCrypt's quite funny reply. Also John Many Jars', Tyjenks (+4: Insightful!), Charybdis, Sparky, and on and on. Anyone who would pre-empt a Sparky pic is a sad, sad man. And that's only halfway through page 2! Oh, but there's you again, undaunted and clearly annoyed at the fun we're all having, calling us nimrods and telling us to take it to chat. Why, so you could show up there and insult us in real time? I bet you would, since after a website's forum, what else is left? If you were doling out frownies to those that, by virtue of the forum quorum, agreed were deserving, that would a different matter. You're popping up in lively, active threads decrying their uselessness. Face it Jon: you're a bitter sucky forum security guard that nobody hired. Face this, too: you are in the minority. That doesn't make you magically right, bucking the trend and all, it makes you a git.

Oh good. This must be the part where juvenile mudslinging ends up being part of a "master plan" and not "what i'm left with when every other argument has been answered multiple times". Which salient points would those be? The ones responded to 2, or 3 pages ago?

How about: you bore the hell out of everyone with your garbage, and you aren't funny. What do you say to that? Malign my intentions for unmasking you as the boorish clod you are if you must, but keep this in mind: the only one who doesn't find my posts amusing is you. Hell, many people may not even agree with my point - they may agree fully with yours - but you suck at cleverly, humorously, or convincingly defending yours, here or elsewhere. You're a broken record of a really dull radio jingle. Someone likened you to an angrier version of Mach Five - you could at least threaten me with fictitious martial arts moves, liven up the proceedings a bit. Am I grandstanding? Sure, if only to make yet another internet back-and-forth worth a damn, I am. You sure as hell aren't. Also, if you carefully read the first time I mention your small penis, it's quite obviously a metaphor. Too busy figuring up a defense for your boorish exploits to catch it, no doubt.

As opposed to the selfless and community bolstering act of making a shit topic and then acting like it's your own personal treehouse on the web. Oh, wait. That would be assuming i had doled out any personal attacks.

This topic ended up being pretty funny in spots, and I'm not even counting your tantrums. I wouldn't, anyway."Angry little men in angry little rooms." John Many Jars could not be more correct. Oh, look at you mooooan on about the personal attack I leveled at you. You called me a nimrod. You told balut to perform an act of copulation with himself. I made metaphorical fun of your dick, which I suppose I have to mention that I have not ever seen, whilst you're freely calling us nimrods and insulting our wont to share. Insults, personal attacks, within this very thread itself. We're all idiots, and we need to shut up. Am I paraphrasing your intentions well enough? Nothing personal about that. But OOOHHHH, your penis. Such manners! Wait, wait: "..and then acting like IT'S YOUR OWN PERSONAL TREEHOU-" The anti-irony goggles! They do nothing!

Yours are grandstanding missives for the side that will give you the most kudos for surpassing them in being able to actually string words together.

Oh, everyone's an idiot again, and I'm just pandering to them. You're the one with clownshoes on, sweeping up spotlights. Angsty the Clown, ladies and germs! My apparent need for kudos may be your concern Jon, but mine is your obvious need for anti-kudos. Pleas for negative attention, specifically their motives, have always intrigued me. Hanging around places you don't like in order to tell everyone how much you don't like it is a behavior I never quite twigged to. Maybe you can help out in that regard. Tell me, do you clean your plate in a restaraunt when the steak is underdone? See films you know you're going to hate? Find the longest checkout line and stand in it? Hit red lights on purpose?

The nice, cordial people here that apparently have no problems bearing fangs and whining their guts out when someone would prefer that they not piss on the forum.

Your twists of logic would confound Mobius and Escher, my friend. You're so innocent, so maligned when you abruptly call us all names and imply we're stupid. My mistake.

Oh, you mean when i strangled the other threads by joining in with their beliefs on forum posting? Yeah, what an asshole that makes me. What a pain in the ass it must've been for them to have to read inane garbage for no other reason than because "i had to post it", or "i just had to write it down".

Again with the quixotic mandates you're under to read everything. Oh, okay Jon, here's another point. It's easier and less noisome to skip a thread after reading its title or its first post than to slam inelegantly into some jerkoff proclaiming it unworthy, for the second goddamned time in the same thread. Your two cents are more bad pennies than anyone needs Jon; I don't need two more, nor any multiplicatives thereof.

Yeah, it's just a no-holds barred, fuck the standards kinda place, isn't it? How about i start copying and pasting topics by the boatload from other gaming forums because "some people don't use those forums"?

If you're doing it to prove a point, to be malicious, then you've found another way to be as annoying as you currently are, just in a different guise.

Or how about hourly updates on the squirrels outside my window? Can you dig it?

Squirrel Killer might. Also, your reductio ad absurdum hypothetical topics fail to convince. Also also, FEEL FUCKING FREE Jon R, my pal, and I will exercise the same freedom to ignore you. Or, I might humorously propose that you organize them into a search party for that, ha ha, gerbil you misplaced. What I won't do is tell you point blank I hate your posts and that you're stupid and to buzz off.

The path of least resistance is now to put more than 2 braincells to use when making a topic. BOO HOO!

Since we're going to keep doing this dance, I'll reply with my same: put more than 2 braincells together to form a reply, Lenny, or don't bother.

They get a bad break for using their second 15 posts on stupid topics and the subsequent idiotic defenses. What a bummer. Maybe we should start a fund for them, Mr. Hero.

We have. There's nothing in it right now except more than enough time, energy and will for me to continue ridiculing you, and allowing you to ridicule yourself.

I'll illustrate it quite well, with a technique never before seen. It's so amazing that it causes it to be placed several pages back, and is repeated for just such an occasion.

Ooh, let's look:

Or: "Topics that almost got started, but didn't".
Five pages later - oh, okay, three solid ones - proves quite sufficiently that this topic did indeed get started.
The game of taking 2 pages worth of random stings of words, posting them here, and pretending they're funny. OMG 2 BILLION ACTIVITIES WOULD MAKE SUCKY GAMES HURHURHURHUER"ESHRUIOEWHFUO:BWEFUIOBWEF.

Hottip: You nimrods have an IRC chan specifically so you can satisfy your need to say things that deserve to get scrolled off the screen without wasting space here.
OH SNAP. Plenty of the posts were funny, but we're nimrods, go to chat, and my favorite, we're wasting space. Still missing the key point, though.
Let's go the other way.
Topics that will meet my mighty and righteous indignation include (but are not limited to):

a lot of unfunny stuff
"Mighty and righteous." Neither. I'll note as an aside that talking about dicks (www.quartertothree.com/phpBB2/viewtopic.php?t=9288) is okay. We won't even broach your creepy first reply in that thread.
Because every reason i have for being here is directly related to not seeing that kind of crap. There is a line between fun, light-hearted banter and messageboard spam.
Oh, I 'll just bet this is it. And lo, I addressed it myself, a page or so back. If "every" reason you have for being here is related to not BEING FORCED UNDER PENALTY OF LAW to read the occasional trite post, you need to find more equitable reasons, because those are gay. Also, again, re:your lame insults: SPAM.

[John Reynolds]

Slightly OT but how 'bout:

OSP -- form your own neo-con intelligence group to work outside established CIA/FBI practices of data interpretation.

The Straussian Noble Lie -- can you convince a larger portion of the world to go on a crusade with you against a secular leader than George W Bush?

OK, weak ideas.

Back to the Bill-Jon slugfest. I score the match at 12-8 in the 9th round.

[Jobe]

Using the ten point minimum, I think it'd be more like DIVIDE BY ZERO ERROR to negative infinity. Thanks for the reads, Bill.

[balut]

Jesus, this thread keeps slinging me back and forth between exasperation at Jon R's cluelessly self-righteous indignation and laughter at Bill Dungsroman's replies. Jon R is like some Frankenstein's monster amalgamation of the worst parts of previous bad posters, like Mach Five, ElRavager, Cleve, etc.

I'm starting to suspect that Jon R is some sort of remorseless trolling machine, but he possesses too much misguided self-righteousness for that.

[Jon R.]

By that you mean "...their ability to say stupid shit in relative anonymity on a website that doesn't discourage it is threatened." If you can't clown around on the internet, Jon, where the hell can you?

There is a line between fun, light-hearted banter and messageboard spam.

Also, I notice further down how you cleverly imply you made your aims perfectly clear a few pages back. So did I. If you don't like something, if you don't agree with it, why don't you either ignore it or argue the point?

If this is their idea of fun, then they should take it to the newly revived IRC chan, which is excellently suited for it. Better to get the stupid out of your system in a realtime chat than on a forum where the retarded replies cause the equally retarded topic to hang around for days.

It isn't an argument to say THIS THREAD SUCKS, not in any useful fashion. Don't just tell Brian Koontz he's an idiot; point out to him exactly how and why he is, relevant to the discussion he's currently butchering.

The game of taking 2 pages worth of random stings of words, posting them here, and pretending they're funny. OMG 2 BILLION ACTIVITIES WOULD MAKE SUCKY GAMES HURHURHURHUER"ESHRUIOEWHFUO:BWEFUIOBWEF.

Or, it's a topic where the probable answers are limited only by intergalactic exploration and the new discoveries of things no one would want to even simulate doing that come with it.

What else? Oh, irony. It's not just the art of pressing clothes flat, Jon; the balls of this thread ache with it. Defending the right for someone to say stupid shit? I guess I ought to be defending your right for same

Guess so.

Oh, but there's you again, undaunted and clearly annoyed at the fun we're all having, calling us nimrods and telling us to take it to chat. Why, so you could show up there and insult us in real time?

If this is their idea of fun, then they should take it to the newly revived IRC chan, which is excellently suited for it. Better to get the stupid out of your system in a realtime chat than on a forum where the retarded replies cause the equally retarded topic to hang around for days.

How about: you bore the hell out of everyone with your garbage, and you aren't funny. What do you say to that?

BOO HOO!

Malign my intentions for unmasking you as the boorish clod you are if you must, but keep this in mind: the only one who doesn't find my posts amusing is you.

If we're going to be honest for a second, i probably enjoy them the most.

Hell, many people may not even agree with my point - they may agree fully with yours - but you suck at cleverly, humorously, or convincingly defending yours, here or elsewhere.

If we're still being honest, you're not exactly passing that test with flying colors yourself. You've got the support of people who thought it wasn't quite obvious enough that "Equestrian Sodomizer" is a bad game idea.

You're a broken record of a really dull radio jingle.

Wonder why that is?

Am I grandstanding? Sure, if only to make yet another internet back-and-forth worth a damn, I am. You sure as hell aren't.

Uh oh, careful now. Keep that up and you're likely to stumble over the point. We can't have that.

As opposed to the selfless and community bolstering act of making a shit topic and then acting like it's your own personal treehouse on the web. Oh, wait. That would be assuming i had doled out any personal attacks.

Wait, wait: "..and then acting like IT'S YOUR OWN PERSONAL TREEHOU-" The anti-irony goggles! They do nothing!

Apparently not.

Yours are grandstanding missives for the side that will give you the most kudos for surpassing them in being able to actually string words together.

Tell me, do you clean your plate in a restaraunt when the steak is underdone?

Get up on a stage in that same restaurant, put up a folding partition around you and your buddies, hold a gibberish conversation over a PA, and act surprised when someone tells you to shut the fuck up?

Again with the quixotic mandates you're under to read everything. Oh, okay Jon, here's another point. It's easier and less noisome to skip a thread after reading its title or its first post than to slam inelegantly into some jerkoff proclaiming it unworthy, for the second goddamned time in the same thread. Your two cents are more bad pennies than anyone needs Jon; I don't need two more, nor any multiplicatives thereof.

Kind of how it's just as easy to not make topics like this. Like this. Like this. Like this. Or how the 2 cents of this topic were equally unnecessary.

If you're doing it to prove a point, to be malicious, then you've found another way to be as annoying as you currently are, just in a different guise.

I must be on to something then.

What I won't do is tell you point blank I hate your posts and that you're stupid and to buzz off.

Really?

[Wheelkick]

Whooeee!
Loooong posts consisting of blahdeblah and quotes of bleuhbleuhbleueueuh.


Is there information to be gathered here?
Yes/No:_

[MattKeil]

And the 2004 Award For The Most Inexplicable Comparison goes to:

Get up on a stage in that same restaurant, put up a folding partition around you and your buddies, hold a gibberish conversation over a PA, and act surprised when someone tells you to shut the fuck up?

[balut]

And the 2004 Award For The Most Inexplicable Comparison goes to:

Get up on a stage in that same restaurant, put up a folding partition around you and your buddies, hold a gibberish conversation over a PA, and act surprised when someone tells you to shut the fuck up?

Shhhh! He gets cranky when you point out his latest strawman argument.

[Jobe]

If by "stage" he means soundproof booth, and by "foldling partition" he means the soundproofed walls of that soundproof booth, and by "over a PA" he means using voices that do not penetrate the soundproof barrier, and by "when someone tells you to shut the fuck up" he means when somebody comes into your booth, sits down, closes the door, and then tells you to shut the fuck up, because it's disturbing his zenlike state inside that very booth, then yeah, Jon nailed it.

[Captain Tenneal]

Xaroc, change the name of the thread to "Jon R. gets ownzed - again and again and again..."

[animeshk]

A fighting game based on "My Dinner With Andre"?

Or how about "The Passion of Christ": the game!

[Bill Dungsroman]

There is a line between fun, light-hearted banter and messageboard spam.
This thread is the former; your comments in it are the latter.

If this is their idea of fun, then they should take it to the newly revived IRC chan, which is excellently suited for it. Better to get the stupid out of your SCREEEEE
The internet, last bastion, it doesn't matter, ignore it, etc? Any of this ring a bell?

Or, it's a topic where the probable answers are limited only by intergalactic exploration and the new discoveries of things no one would want to even simulate doing that come with it.
I'm sorry, were you talking to me?

Guess so.
Wow (just wow).

If this is their idea of fun, then they should SQUAK SQUAAAAK! Idiots! SQUAK! IRC! Pretty bird! SQUAK! JONR WOULD LIKE A CRACKER.
Isn't he cute? He thinks he's people!

If we're going to be honest for a second, i probably enjoy them the most.
But Jon, evidently your preferred form of enjoyment is making youself frustrated and miserable for little reason. Consequently, and here's another little secret: I don't want you to decide what topics are okay to talk about here, because I believe your opinions suck.

If we're still being honest, you're not exactly passing that test with flying colors yourself. You've got the support of people who thought it wasn't quite obvious enough that "Equestrian Sodomizer" is a bad game idea.
No, UR test scores R teh suck. Oh, in case anyone missed it: Jon thinks you're all idiots. Again. Still. Whichever.

You're a broken record of a really dull radio jingle.
Wonder why that is?
I'M NOT FALLING FOR YOUR LITTLE PLOY, PAL.

Uh oh, careful now. Keep that up and you're likely to stumble over the point. We can't have that.
Jon, you can't make a surprise move for the controls when the plane has already landed and is mothballed in a hangar. I can't fall for the Rope-A-Dope when I'm already slurping caviar off Tyra Banks' left ass cheek in the Four Seasons, knwhmsyn?

Get up on a stage in that same restaurant, put up a folding partition around you and your buddies, hold a gibberish conversation over a PA, and act surprised when someone tells you to shut the fuck up?
Let's play Name That Smell.

Jon's analogy?

You win!

Kind of how it's just as easy to not make topics like this. Like this. Like this. Like this. Or how the 2 cents of this topic were equally unnecessary.
Dude there's totally an echo in here, Holy Cats. Please point out the necessary threads, Jon. Help us help you help us.

I must be on to something then.
To lob your so-dry-it's-dust quipping style back atcha: No, you aren't.

What I won't do is tell you point blank I hate your posts and that you're stupid and to buzz off.
Really?
Yes. Aren't I crazy?

[Captain Tenneal]

[quote=Jon R.]Uh oh, careful now. Keep that up and you're likely to stumble over the point. We can't have that.

I like how he responds with sarcasm every time he's backed into a corner. He's like a turtle flipped on his backside. He struggles so hard, but in the end, he's still on his back.

[Munky]

Nothing to add, except that the phrase "The penis was a red herring" brings a smile to my day.

Also, I'm naked under my clothes.

[Shadarr]

STAY THE FUCK DOWN YOU STUPID MOLES! YOU'RE JUST GOING TO GET WHACKED AGAIN!

Apologies to Bill, but this is the funniest comment in the whole thread.

[BobJustBob]

Aw, thanks. But you could at least give me credit!

[Bill Dungsroman]

STAY THE FUCK DOWN YOU STUPID MOLES! YOU'RE JUST GOING TO GET WHACKED AGAIN!

Apologies to Bill, but this is the funniest comment in the whole thread.

None required. It's all in the name of slyly proving my/our point, anyway. Laughing at the one who refuses to laugh with you is tidy revenge.

[John Merva]

Oh, irony. It's not just the art of pressing clothes flat, Jon; the balls of this thread ache with it.

*Claps politely*

A fine shot, sir, well played.

[Jon R.]

This thread is the former; your comments in it are the latter.

HUR HUR HUR, that'un was somethin' concrete there! Are you in danger of making an actual argument?

The internet, last bastion, it doesn't matter, ignore it, etc? Any of this ring a bell?

Ignore it yourself, get a blog, go to the billion other shithole forums if you want to crap out topics that produce material for Lowtax's The Weekend Web, etc.. Getting warm yet?

Consequently, and here's another little secret: I don't want you to decide what topics are okay to talk about here, because I believe your opinions suck.

Yeah, real sorry to hear that.

Dude there's totally an echo in here, Holy Cats. Please point out the necessary threads, Jon. Help us help you help us.

Ah yes, back to the "dur, you're a fascist trying to control what we say" shit. Get Koontz to count the number of topics made since i've been here. Count the ones i've gone after. Look at WHICH ones i've gone after. Contrast and compare.


I like how he responds with sarcasm every time he's backed into a corner. He's like a turtle flipped on his backside. He struggles so hard, but in the end, he's still on his back.

Kind of like you did the last time you went through the typical "I'm such a martyr" tempertantrum?

[Thomas Wilde]

You know those big rubber dolls with sand in the base, that're designed so no matter how hard they're hit, they'll bounce right back up? I think they're called Joe Palooka dolls.

Jon R. here is reminding me of one of those. I'm not sure whether it's funny or not.

[MattKeil]

Ah yes, back to the "dur, you're a fascist trying to control what we say" shit. Get Koontz to count the number of topics made since i've been here. Count the ones i've gone after. Look at WHICH ones i've gone after. Contrast and compare.

Are you just not getting that it's not your place in any way to "go after" any thread on these boards?

Get the hell over yourself, man.

[Silverlight]

Jon, even if a thread about Games That Must Never Be is a scourge to the health of the boards, don't you think starting, and perpetuating, a flamewar is even more damaging? When I see this thread now, all I think is "flamewar". Before it was "Hmm, maybe something came up with something halfassedly funny".

[Bill Dungsroman]

HUR HUR HUR, that'un was somethin' concrete there! Are you in danger of making an actual argument?

Well, I do have a question: how are you able to accurately judge what threads and posts therein are of any merit when you have so stolidly proven that you don't even read the posts addressed specifically to you? I've stated and reiterated my case, my argument, my evidence, at length and in brief. Your inability to comprehend it beyond unsettling donkey laughs borne out of ignorance are no longer my concern.

Ignore it yourself,

You mean you, Jon. Ignore you, when it's already too late because you've resurfaced for the second time in a fully-active thread to declare it stupid and dead. Oh, and that would be me and the entire Qt3 roster under the onus to cater to you and your specific petulant needs, Jon. As opposed to you altering your malificent behavior for the good of the rest of us. Sadly, you're too selfish, obnoxious, and self-righteous to compromise.

get a blog,

I thought it was chat? I and so many others happen to come here so we don't need a blog. You sir, you need your own site to run under your own miserly totalitarian regime. I guess you keep ignoring the fact that what you say here doesn't go, not at all, and for good and just reason. Neither does what I say (insert inappropriate Jon R comment break here), but I'm not out to Buck The System(tm).

go to the billion other shithole forums if you want to crap out topics that produce material for Lowtax's The Weekend Web, etc.. Getting warm yet?

EVERYONE LEAVE EXCEPT JON. Was that it? Because that's the implication, son. Or at least, by my count: me, Xaroc, Thomas Wilde, Jason McMaster, Trixie, Old Man Gravy, DrCrypt, Mike Hussey, Charles, Tom Partlett, awdougherty, Saxman_72, John Many Jars, DennyA, Tyjenks, snowcrash22, balut, Dave Markell, Charybdis, Ergo, MarchHare, Brian Rubin, Adam Sessler, Timemaster Tim, TSG, Ephraim, shadarr, Lake, Lum, Igantious P. Reilly, Sparky, Creole Ned, cyborg, McBain, Jobe, Andrew Mayer, Kool Moe Dee, nutsak, scharmers, Peter Frazier, Shiroko, Anaxagoras, bulletsponge, Stroker Ace, noun, BobJustBob, and John Reynolds, we all need to go, since we all contributed to the intellectual demise of Qt3 by posting in this thread. I could easily further my point by listing everyone in all the other threads you condemned, but a handy list has been assembled right here (www.quartertothree.com/phpBB2/memberlist.php), minus one fruit in the J's. How'd he get in there? Maybe by participating in that pointless dick thread, I dunno.

Yeah, real sorry to hear that.

YOU ARE? I MEAN SERIOUSLY? WOW. I'm going to refer to your sarcasm as "-hering sarcasm" Jon, because it so clearly lacks wit.

Ah yes, back to the "dur, you're a fascist trying to control what we say" shit. Get Koontz to count the number of topics made since i've been here. Count the ones i've gone after. Look at WHICH ones i've gone after. Contrast and compare.

I NEVER SAY DUR SIR THAT'S SLANDER AND I WON'T HAVE IT. I'm twice the man your are, and half the woman you'll never get. Beyond that, you may or may not be a fascist, but you are trying to control what we say. That's not shit, Sherlock, that's an elementery observation of Watson your plate at the moment. Also, your plea for statistics in hopes of clearing your good name are in vain. Back around AGAYN, one of those threads, off the top of my head, just free-associating here, is this one. Rather humorous in spots, the spots that interestingly enough fall right after you declare the thread dead with the second post, 15 minutes after the opener, and just before you appear THREE PAGES LATER to re-declare it dead, and that we're all of us stupid - 'scuse, "nimrods" was your choice of slander. You will no doubt refuse and ignore this and all my points forever with your toilet-swirl logic, but the majority hath spoke on this one Jon, and yea thou art cast down with thy buggerific attempts to smite us.

I have a compromise, Jon. We will, all of us, take this somewhere else. We're going to form a new site! But, domain names are in such short supply these days (I'll just bet it has to with all that space we wasted). So, we'll just have to shut this site down and re-use it. BUT DON'T WORRY! Except for being totally the same, it will be totally different and to your exact specs. Erm, whatever those are. I've surmised thus far that squirrels are out, but dicks are in. Good call on the squirrel exclusion, there's this furry site that thought about hosting, what with the dicks and all. Stephen Wright assures me that after we remove everything and replace with exactly the same stuff, there will be a noticeable difference.

Anyway, until it's ready, stay right here, on my post, until I tell you it's safe and idiot-free outside. K? I've heard dumb posts do splash damage, I'd hate for you to get nicked by a facetious fragment.

[Anaxagoras]

Jesus. Three pages of being shredded by Bill, plus one joke topic in Everything Else, plus universal derision, and this guy keeps going. He's like a sour, bitter version of the Energizer Bunny. Except instead of beating a drum, he just bitches and moans.

The amazing thing is that Bill has managed to keep his responses fresh, despite the fact that Jon keeps using the same retarded "arguments" again and again. I mean, when you're engaged with someone who's witty, you can bounce nasty insults off each other and sort of set up a nice rhythm. Bill seems to have set up a rhythm all by himself. But then again, if you're dealing with Jon, you kinda have to. I can't remember a single constructive or interesting post the guy has ever made. The best that I remember is a couple of bland, non-descript posts.

I do have a question, though. Although this may sound like a criticism, I don't mean it that way... I'm just curious: Why are you bothering, Bill? I understand why you made the first post; it's satisfying to rip apart bitter little men like Jon. But you've made many subsequent posts. For me, once my opponent starts repeating himself, I consider the argument done, and I don't find further discussion to be interesting. Granted, you've *made* further discussion interesting, but Jon's been using the same tired lines over and over:

"I'm doing a public service"
"You're all stupid"
"You're not arguing the points, you're just calling me stupid"
"You're all stupid"
"Obviously this thread is lame"
"Go to IRC"

[MarchHare]

Does the forum software have an "Ignore" function? If so, how do I add Jon R. to my ignore list? If not, can The Entity and/or Chet look into adding that feature?

[Derek Meister]

That feature comes standard on later versions of the phpBB software, but can be manually added through a bit of code bludgening and addition to the version we have running here. Whether the powers that be feel it worth the trouble, though, is the question. Generally, it's just easier to ignore the trolling through a bit of self-restraint, rather than hope software features will take care of it for you.

[Peter Frazier]

It's hard to ignore train wrecks.
Thank you Jon for making this one of the more compelling threads. You participation and hard work is appreciated.

[Bill Dungsroman]

I do have a question, though. Although this may sound like a criticism, I don't mean it that way... I'm just curious: Why are you bothering, Bill? I understand why you made the first post; it's satisfying to rip apart bitter little men like Jon. But you've made many subsequent posts. For me, once my opponent starts repeating himself, I consider the argument done, and I don't find further discussion to be interesting. Granted, you've *made* further discussion interesting, but Jon's been using the same tired lines over and over:

"I'm doing a public service"
"You're all stupid"
"You're not arguing the points, you're just calling me stupid"
"You're all stupid"
"Obviously this thread is lame"
"Go to IRC"

Four reasons:

1. Why the hell not? I'm so searingly obviously right in this case, how can I pass it up? Against Jon R, The Human Snooze Button? It's practice. Practice for, I don't know what, but what the hell. I used to do this sort of thing on a daily, multi-fronted basis back on Old Man Murray Ver. 1.0 (and 1.1, 1.2,and 1.3). I'm a silly loudmouth with a decent grasp of the English language. My favorite targets: people so obviously in need of head check. Sure, it's easy, but that's half the fun. That Jon R. plods on and on spouting the same excrutiatingly ironic diatribes adds to it. Ever think up a better reply a few hours or a day after you've already posted? Well, with guys like Jon R, I get that second, third, fourth, chance! He's like the anti-Koontz, zero verbiage, and keeps on keepin' on, unlike Brian who ignores me every time I argue with him.

2. This site has no rules, either by mandate from the higher-ups or amongst the local gentry, that discourages open posting. I hate people that spam - yes, spam - a board with unauthorized, by tally or letter, antagonistic bullshit. There are plenty of sites built on a tougher foundation of posting fiber - again, I come from one, and help run another - and there are places where you can talk about retarded nonsense like Jedi boots and the squirrels I saw outside my window. It's only self-serving and bullish to come to a place that so obviously doesn't care what you post and push around everyone because you suddenly declare martial law in tune with your own eclectic standards. In short: don't tell me I can't talk about Everything Else in Eveything Else.

3. It's easier to ignore entire threads than both create and ignore disruptive posts within, especially in phpBB. Obviously, this is the most important, and naturally Jon keeps running roughshod over it by demanding that we all of us ignore him. But not, since he wants his way. I don't know, that part about him confuses me.

4. Jon R isn't the least bit entertaining, humorous, or clever. Demand of me only what you yourself are capable of providing.

[Wonderful Days]

Jon R.? Do I have your attention? Grand, I do so want things to go swimmingly in this our first meeting.

Since Bill Dungroman's rather casual use of the invective and clapperclaw has grated upon your unusually tender sensibilities let my voice be counterpoint; an objective opine in this tepid maelstrom you've been so brave to upstream against.

Simply put you are a Fag. (Believe me I would also indent and capture the word in a saucy Black Chancery were circumstances allowed. Alas the medium does have its limits.)

Now calm those nerves lest you work up another round of the conniptions; this is not an insult. While I may not entertain the act of buggery in my personal affairs I hold no ill will against you poofters. I'm quite sure if the good Lord had wanted one not to practice sodomy he'd have made those copper rings of ours not nearly so tight, or now loose in you as the case may be.

Ahh, but I digress.

So it's established you are a Fag, which is thoroughly forgivable (and with Bill having a touch of the lavender isn't a bug, it's a feature). What happens not to be is the caliber of your critique. It can't be the faggotry as Rex Reed is infamous for the number of mustache rides he's eked out Gene Shalit in rather public places and both maintain dominance in their careers. So one must ask the ever sluggish, why?

There is a line among the fragments of the Greek poet Archilochus which says: "The fox knows many things, but the hedgehog knows one big thing." Scholars have differed about the proper interpretation of these dark words, which may mean no more than that the fox, for all his cunning, is defeated by the hedgehog's one defense.

I think such a simple and literal translation is akin to a form of rape. You don't like rape, do you Jon? You'd not care to see some innocent ginger haired girl with barely a squint of pubes be stripped of innocence by a group of priapic satyrs? I'm glad we see eye to eye.

So let's put on our thinking caps a moment and flesh out this rather oblique statement. Perhaps taken figuratively it can be said to mark, and this is just a guess, the deepest of differences which divide writers, thinkers, and it may be, humans in general.

Hedgehogs—relating everything to a single central vision, one system, less or more coherent or articulate, in terms of which they understand, think and feel—a single, universal, organizing principle in terms of which alone all that they are and say has significance.

Foxes—those who pursue many ends, often unrelated and even contradictory, connected, if at all, only in some de facto way, for some psychological or physiological cause, related by no moral or aesthetic principle.

Bill Dungsroman is of course a fox, entertaining ideas that are centrifugal rather than centripetal; thought scattered or diffused, moving on many levels, seizing upon the essence of a vasty variety of experiences and objects for what they are in themselves, without, consciously or unconsciously, seek to fit them into, or exclude them from, any one unchanging, all embracing, sometimes self-contradictroy and incomplete, at times fanatical, unitary inner vision. He is joined in varying degrees by such notables as Shakespeare, Herodotus, Aristotle, Montaigne, Erasmus, Molière, Goethe, Pushkin, Balzac, Joyce and no less than the whole of the forum goers here.

You, Jon, are a hedgehog and accompanied by the likes of say Dante who, coincidentally enough, had his own vision of Hell. Where as he sought to shape this through his lush cantos you wish to force it upon everyone in your hysterically womanish tantrums, demanding all concede to your Ronald McDonald clownshoe tap dancing. Where you get these delusions of entitlement and how you claim to have such a singular perspective? Why BDR has already outlined that in far more colorful language than I possess; I really do think one should leave one's unmentionables out of a civil discussion.

What am I saying? Quite simply that there is no room in this playground of foxes for a sloppy, faggot, hedgehog critic.

So please be shutting the fuck up, okay?
-Wonderful Days

[balut]

Is it wrong to read Wonderful Days' post as if spoken by Stewie from The Family Guy?

[Convoolio]

Microsoft Word Simulator 3.2

[Thomas Wilde]

I think I can translate for the superfluously-pseudointellectualist-impaired.

Brian Koontz, I am calling your ass out!

[Jobe]

Is it wrong to read Wonderful Days' post as if spoken by Stewie from The Family Guy?

I don't know, I'm thinking it's wrong to read that at all. That post is just pathetic when seen in such close proximity to Bill's.

His own mind was apparently fighting to stop the horrible word sludge: "Why BDR has already outlined that in far more colorful language than I possess", at which point "wait! If Bill's more colorful, I'll just add color! Brilliant!", from which came Fag of Leaves. He even missed a spot.

Though he holds the wonderful Internet card, where one can just sit on the reaction for a little while and then declare parody. Yes, if Bill sucked, that is what he would write, parody or no. Thanks for letting us know.

[Wonderful Days]

I don't know, I'm thinking it's wrong to read that at all. That post is just pathetic when seen in such close proximity to Bill's. That's sweet, the lust. It's very progressive that you're quite open with your feelings and I don't think BDR minds such freely given blowjobs but you've seem to gotten some on the chin.

His own mind was apparently fighting to stop the horrible word sludge: "Why BDR has already outlined that in far more colorful language than I possess", at which point "wait! If Bill's more colorful, I'll just add color! Brilliant!", from which came Fag of Leaves. He even missed a spot. Jealousy does not become you or maybe it does, we've yet to meet. Take a hint from Balut who did seem to understand the intent or failing that, just read the last sentence. I assure you it is sound advice.

Yes, if Bill sucked, that is what he would write, parody or no. Thanks for letting us know. No, this isn't a question of whether or not Bill sucked, so put down the fucking pom-poms. On the other hand Jon R. does and you seem to be taking several pages out of his book, one which I'm sure you enjoy purely for the pictures.

[Anaxagoras]

I don't know, I'm thinking it's wrong to read that at all. That post is just pathetic when seen in such close proximity to Bill's. That's sweet, the lust. It's very progressive that you're quite open with your feelings and I don't think BDR minds such freely given blowjobs but you've seem to gotten some on the chin.

Oh for God's sake. Jobe's main point was that Bill's prose was much better than yours... a point with which I fully agree. Yours was a bit too self-consciously "creative writing". I'm not sure if I agree with Jobe that your post was actually crap, but to imply that Jobe's praise is nothing more than a Bill blowjob is fucking stupid, and immature to boot. Saying that BDR's posts were better than yours is almost a statement of fact, rather than opinion. Better prose, and better content. Don't be so sensitive, you silly prick. There will always be better writers out there... you might as well get used to that fact.

[John Many Jars]

It might be interesting to post a poll about what WD's usual Qt3 identity is likely to be.

My own opinion is that this thread has become sentient and is now posting to itself.

[Anaxagoras]

It might be interesting to post a poll about what WD's usual Qt3 identity is likely to be.

My own opinion is that this thread has become sentient and is now posting to itself.

When that starts to happen, the Narrator can't be far off.

[Aszurom]

http://www.coregamer.com/stuff/hitlercar.gif

[Bill Dungsroman]

http://www.sfcall.com/images/ride%20with%20Hitler.jpg

[Anaxagoras]

And thus, Godwin's law has been evoked. Twice. I'm just not sure who's being compared to the Austrian mustache-wearer.

[MattKeil]

The inclusion of the three-wheel motion makes me think Hitler is being invoked as a comparison to Ice Cube.

[John Merva]

Bill Dungsroman is of course a fox,
-Wonderful Days

Get your coat Bill, you've pulled! :lol: