The most pushy telemarketer in history

[extarbags]

Wow... this just happened:

Them: Hi, is <boss's name> in today?
Me: I believe so, who's calling?
Them: Is he in charge of printing supplies?
Me: Well, we manage that as a department. Where did you say you were calling from?
Them: Transfer me to <boss's name>.
Me: Well, I can see if he's available. Who's calling?
Them: Dickbag solutions.
Me: Ok, and what is this in reference to?
Them: Just transfer me.
Me: Hold on, let me see if he's available... he's not at his desk right now, can I take a message?
Them: Can you page him?
Me: Um... no?
Them: Can you transfer me to someone who might know where he is?
Me: Uh...
Them: Just transfer me to someone who might know where he is.
Me: I can't do that. We have no way of paging him.
Them: Fine. *hangs up*

Astounding.

[Jon Rowe]

It is against the law for telemarketers to hang up on you. It is classified as harassment.

You could make some money in a lawsuit.

[madkevin]

You should have asked him how many dicks come in each bag, thereby answering a question that's been bothering Louis CK for quite some time.

[wisefool]

I answer phones like a Vorlon and Shadow.

"Who are you? What do you want?"

If they can't answer there's no point continuing.

There's this one ****** who keeps calling my home multiple times a day. I told them the person they were trying to reach moved out. I am going to tell them she died next time they call. When they hear my voice picking up the phone they just hang up. Seriously, after 20 times can you JUST GIVE UP?

(Note this is not a creditor or something, probably people asking for campaign contributions or some BS cause it's automated callers.)

[ElGuapo]

It is against the law for telemarketers to hang up on you. It is classified as harassment.

You could make some money in a lawsuit.

Which law is that exactly?

/former telemarketer and debt collector


wisefool, I like that ....

"Are you happy with your long distance company?"

(in wheezy voice)
"It has always ..... been."

[AndrewM]

I worked at a very small company for a couple of summers, so I'd often answer the phones. About 80% of the time it was some pushy person trying to sell office supplies.

[JeffL]

Yeah, I've been in offices where vendors (and for some reason, printer supplies seem to be one of the worst) have called and asked to be connected to whoever is in charge of those items. When I ask who they are and they do that "just connect me to whoever is in charge" I sometimes just hang up, but then I realized that they will then keep calling any numbers they can find until they get someone who will connect them to the head of purchasing. So when I get the calls, I'll tell them "Tell me who you are or your number will be automatically blocked by our phone system" or "I'm in charge, and we have a contract with a company for our supplies, so thanks and have a great day. Click."

[Jon Rowe]

Which law is that exactly?

/former telemarketer and debt collector



I am not 100% sure, but I am pretty sure it is that federal anti-telemarketing law that was a big deal a while ago. (Do not call list, etc.)

I used to telemarket cable (comcast) and they told us if we hung up on a customer, the company could be in a lawsuit and lose a lot of dough. So, we were told never to do this. (This was like 5-6 years ago)

[Tim James]

I wish customer service would hang up on me. Seriously. The new trend is that after they help you, they must ask if there is anything else they can help with. I've tried to pre-empt them by saying that they have helped me with everything I need, but that doesn't work. Poor robots. :(

[Jab2565]

I wish customer service would hang up on me. Seriously. The new trend is that after they help you, they must ask if there is anything else they can help with. I've tried to pre-empt them by saying that they have helped me with everything I need, but that doesn't work. Poor robots. :(

I can shed some light on this from working at Comcast. They monitor our calls and we will receive a mark against us if we ever hang up on a customer unless the line goes dead. We either have to wait for the customer to hang up or have a valid excuse to the drop the call then email it to our supervisor.

[Tim James]

Yeah I'm not blaming the employees at all, just the stupid system (as always!)

[AndrewM]

When I ask who they are and they do that "just connect me to whoever is in charge" I sometimes just hang up

That's when you forward their call to the White House.

[Qessinge]

I worked at a very small company for a couple of summers, so I'd often answer the phones. About 80% of the time it was some pushy person trying to sell office supplies.

About once a quarter I get this flowery, hand-written personal note from an office sales "business development" manager for Staples. Although I've never done business with them, its much more pleasant than the call described above...

[Jazar]

You sure the guy was a telemarketer? Sounds like your boss fucked his daughter.

[extarbags]

You sure the guy was a telemarketer? Sounds like your boss fucked his daughter.

It was a lady.

[Jazar]

It was a lady.

Ah well that explains it then.

[RobotPants]

It's a curious sales strategy to be a dick and expect someone to want your business.

[Skipper]

I have a good one too. I had a vendor show up one day when I was taking a 1/2 day off. Apparently the vendor told someone at the door that we had a meeting, got shown in the office, found their way to my cube and camped out there for a while, finally getting my cell number from someone and calling me at home FROM MY OWN FUCKING DESK and telling me about his product and sorry he missed me in the office.

I was a bit livid at that. Not just at the sales guy either, the fact that nobody apparently cared a stranger was sitting at my desk.

Sales are tough right now, and companies are getting extremely pushy.

[Patrick]

We used to get the ones that would call up claiming to be with our corporate office doing a survey on office equipment and would want a list of what machines you had. A few days later toner would show up with a invoice.

[RobotPants]

I got those at an old job on a fairly regular basis. That's some pretty shady stuff. But one time I got a prank call from somebody using an Arnold Schwarzenegger sound board, starting with the questioning clips from True Lies. It was pretty awesome.

[Kael]

Them: "Hello, are you in charge of ordering printing supplies?"

Me: "Yeap. Do you work on commision?"

Them: "We he a bonus based on our sales. What sort of printers do you use?"

Me: "Expensive ones, what are you willing to do to make this sale?"

Them: "Im sure we can find a offer that is good for both of us."

Me: "I want phone sex."

Them: "..."

Me: "How about it, are you willing to go the extra mile?"

Them: "Umm... sure... what are you wearing?"

Me: "Could you pretend like you are a man for this? And Im going to be a rhino. Keep going."

...

[Jason McCullough]

It's a curious sales strategy to be a dick and expect someone to want your business.

Sadly, it sort of works. Doesn't exactly create repeat sales, but there's plenty of stupid bottom feeder businesses that keep at it.

[Tankero]

...

Well, what if they deliver? Good note on making them pretend to be a man, thus heading the sexual harassment lawsuit off at the pass.

[pg]

You should have hung up on them, seriously. I work at a call center taking inbound calls only and these people even annoy the crap out of me. The funny thing is they actually call us at our 1-800 number and try this stuff. I'd say 98% of them are very inept, there are a few who are very pushy or smooth but most of them fail terribly. They usually ask to speak to the boss, or whoever is in charge, or if they are lucky they might have an old manager's name. Few rarely have any real information and just hope to get lucky by making a million calls until someone slips up.

[Sarkus]

Wow... this just happened:

Them: Hi, is <boss's name> in today?
Me: I believe so, who's calling?
Them: Is he in charge of printing supplies?
Me: Well, we manage that as a department. Where did you say you were calling from?
Them: Transfer me to <boss's name>.
Me: Well, I can see if he's available. Who's calling?
Them: Dickbag solutions.
Me: Ok, and what is this in reference to?
Them: Just transfer me.
Me: Hold on, let me see if he's available... he's not at his desk right now, can I take a message?
Them: Can you page him?
Me: Um... no?
Them: Can you transfer me to someone who might know where he is?
Me: Uh...
Them: Just transfer me to someone who might know where he is.
Me: I can't do that. We have no way of paging him.
Them: Fine. *hangs up*

Astounding.

Sorry man, just doing my job. It's a tough time for cold calling to sell office supplies these days. I gotta feed my family, right?! SO GIVE A BROTHER A BREAK, YOU BASTARD!

(j/k)

:-)

[theborbes]

Them: &quot;Hello, are you in charge of ordering printing supplies?&quot;

Me: &quot;Yeap. Do you work on commision?&quot;

Them: &quot;We he a bonus based on our sales. What sort of printers do you use?&quot;

Me: &quot;Expensive ones, what are you willing to do to make this sale?&quot;

Them: &quot;Im sure we can find a offer that is good for both of us.&quot;

Me: &quot;I want phone sex.&quot;

Them: &quot;...&quot;

Me: &quot;How about it, are you willing to go the extra mile?&quot;

Them: &quot;Umm... sure... what are you wearing?&quot;

Me: &quot;Could you pretend like you are a man for this? And Im going to be a rhino. Keep going.&quot;

...

I think I'm sick. It hurts my chest to laugh. You just hurt my chest. A lot.

[Jojo]

But one time I got a prank call from somebody using an Arnold Schwarzenegger sound board, starting with the questioning clips from True Lies. It was pretty awesome.
We're going off-topic here, but the best prank phone call, was the "monkey phone call" one I ordered for a friend. You pay some guy $10 and he calls your victim within 5 days, and makes monkey noises at them. Then he translates the monkey noises into the story he just told them. Its all very professional, he tell them at the very beginning that a friend ordered a monkey phone call for them, and ask if its OK to proceed right now.

The friend received his monkey phone call at his desk, just as the big boss was stopping by with a visitor. They arrived just in time to hear faint monkey noises emanating from his phone, while he tried to keep a straight face, and pretend it was a business phone call.

Mmm, I had forgotten about this service. I might have to order a new one for someone else, if its still around.

[cheapfilms]

http://www.monkeyphonecall.com This one?

[Jojo]

Yup, that's the one! Wow still going.

[Staff Sergeant]

Sounds kind of lame outside the circumstance you described. A monkey calling a friend at home or at work when he's alone? Lame. A monkey calling a friend making really loud monkey noises on his work phone when his boss/coworkers are nearby? Awesome.

[Rimbo]

I can shed some light on this from working at Comcast. They monitor our calls and we will receive a mark against us if we ever hang up on a customer unless the line goes dead. We either have to wait for the customer to hang up or have a valid excuse to the drop the call then email it to our supervisor.

Which is why my wife's family will answer the phone, when asked "can I speak to...?" will respond, "Yes, just a second," then put the phone down on a table... and go back to whatever it was they were doing.

They don't get called back.

[Alan Au]

You could always try the classic EGBG counterscript: http://www.xs4all.nl/~egbg/counterscript.html

- Alan

[jerri blank]

The "toner pirates" who sometimes call always get tied up on the phone with me.

Them: This is Donna from Toner Supply. We're updating our records - could I get the model number of your copier?

Me: Sure. Hang on. (sets the phone down for, like two minutes) Okay, it's a Toshiba XWP3881974j2884682920012-ejjddssj.

Them: Huh? Can I get that again?

Me: Yeah. Fujitsu wiuirl993731020843703-0112wkd.

Them: Um...

Me: Can you do me a favor?

Them: Sure!

Me: Say (in a pirate voice) Arrrrrrhhhhh! I'm a toner pirate! Arrrrrrrhhhh!

Them: <hang up>

[Rimbo]

I wonder if I could get HP LaserJet IIIP cartridges this way?

[Anaxagoras]

It's a curious sales strategy to be a dick and expect someone to want your business.

Not really. They're a dick to the unimportant flunkie, but they kiss the ass of the important person in charge of purchases. It only works on very stupid people. It's very successful.

[Arbit]

After confirming with the boss that we weren't interested in their product, I politely told the telemarketer that I had put on hold that we weren't interested. She came back with:
"Excuse ME I don't need to hear YOU tell me that. Put whoever is in charge on the phone."

Rudest motherfucker in the world.

[Rimbo]

After confirming with the boss that we weren't interested in their product, I politely told the telemarketer that I had put on hold that we weren't interested. She came back with:
"Excuse ME I don't need to hear YOU tell me that. Put whoever is in charge on the phone."

Rudest motherfucker in the world.

That's where you respond with, "I am the one in charge."

[Tankero]

A voice modulator would be in order. You can pretend to connect them, then activate God Voice to intone "I AM THE ALPHA AND THE OMEGA. THE FIRST AND THE LAST. I CONTROL THE VERTICAL, THE HORIZONTAL, AND OFFICE SUPPLY PURCHASING!"

[MikeSofaer]

THIS IS JESUS, KENT

[RobotPants]

I have to be honest here. I really love when a telemarketer is rude to me. Oh, I'm sorry I've irritated you, Mr. CALLMEINTHEMIDDLEOFDINNER!

[Rimbo]

THIS IS JESUS, KENT

best movie evar

(in this ocntext "evar" is the correct spelling)

[Jeff Fries]

Wow... this just happened:

Them: Hi, is <boss's name> in today?
Me: I believe so, who's calling?
Them: Is he in charge of printing supplies?
Me: Well, we manage that as a department. Where did you say you were calling from?
Them: Transfer me to <boss's name>.
Me: Well, I can see if he's available. Who's calling?
Them: Dickbag solutions.
Me: Ok, and what is this in reference to?
Them: Just transfer me.
Me: Hold on, let me see if he's available... he's not at his desk right now, can I take a message?
Them: Can you page him?
Me: Um... no?
Them: Can you transfer me to someone who might know where he is?
Me: Uh...
Them: Just transfer me to someone who might know where he is.
Me: I can't do that. We have no way of paging him.
Them: Fine. *hangs up*

Astounding.

Let me help you parse that there. When you told him your boss was gone he figured you might be giving him false information so he kept bugging you in the hope that you would give up and put him through. He had absolutely nothing to lose by doing this, since if you were telling the truth he had no hope of getting through anyway. Telemarketers are like cops: they deal almost exclusively with the worst side of humanity for a living, so they don't trust words, only actions.