Breeding New Gamers...

[DennyA]

Okay, guys, we're in the home stretch on the "growing a new gamer" process. The gestation is going well, with baby due a month from today!

So, I'm wrapping up getting the nursery set up... It's decorated with airplane sheets and wall hangings, so I'm specificially attempting to grow a new flight sim fan, since there's a shortage. And I'm just looking at my office and deciding that attemping to babyproof this space is futile, and I need to just work on a way to bar the door well before he starts crawling and I find him wrapped up in cables behind my tower case.

Anyway, as I head into the home stretch, I figured I'd hit up the experienced dads here (any moms? don't think so...) for last-minute advice. Any sage advice? Preparations I should make that you hadn't thought of before bringing your own kids home? Thoughts on avoiding sleep deprivation? Ways to convince your wife that playing Battlefield 1942 with your baby strapped to your chest in a Baby Bjorn is somehow good for the little guy?

[Supertanker]

I need to just work on a way to bar the door well before he starts crawling and I find him wrapped up in cables behind my tower case.

You can put a baby gate on the doorway, but it is so sad to see them hanging onto it, looking forlornly at you having fun out of their reach. Thus was born my "no games while the kids are awake" rule.


Preparations I should make that you hadn't thought of before bringing your own kids home? Thoughts on avoiding sleep deprivation? Ways to convince your wife that playing Battlefield 1942 with your baby strapped to your chest in a Baby Bjorn is somehow good for the little guy?

1. Try to have grandma, or someone similarly chock full of experience and love, there for a few days until your wife is fully recovered. Depending on your wife's age, this can be a couple days or a couple weeks.

2. There is no way to avoid sleep deprivation, unless you can afford a live-in night nurse.

3. Being strapped to your chest while your subwoofer booms away is actually a very womb-like experience for the baby. All of mine loved it. Don't switch to headphones until they are asleep and your wife glares at you. I also recommend a sling instead of a Baby Bjorn or similar contraption. We found the best one is the "Over-the-Shoulder Baby Holder." They don't have their own website, but there are many retail sites that sell them over the web like this one: http://www.babymain.com/slings/sling.htm

[Bub, Andrew]

If your job will allow it, take a nice long Paternity leave. Also, remember, your wife will likely go a little nuts. There's lots of hormones involved with birth and bonding. She's always right, even when she's wrong but... don't be afraid to assert your parental rights if she turns into one of those "Nobody can hold the baby like me!" people.

I hate seeing a new mother smother her baby while Grandmas and aunts stand forlornly nearby. Don't let her do that. The kid needs daddy time too, and you'll love it. "But he cries when he gets passed around!" Right! That's because he NEVER GETS PASSED AROUND!

'scuse me, I'm going to continue this conversation with myself over here.

(Congrats again Denny, you'll love it. My second is due in February! So, I'll be asking Supertanker and Asher for "two kid" advice)

[Kevin Perry]

Two kids is much harder than one, Andrew. One sleeps every so often. Two never sleep at the same time. Guaranteed. But with two you get to see how much impact personality has on life, given a similar nurturing environment.

Back on topic. . .

Congrats, Denny. There is no way to avoid the troubles you've outlined, so I'm just going to echo the others. Especially 'tanker: the 'no gaming while kids are awake' is a great rule. Also the sling: get a sling. They're a must. I'll also echo Andrew: hold the kid. A lot. I'm a very hands-on, nurturing father. Don't be one of those guys who hands the kid off whenever anything messy needs to be done. You might think you're gaining in the short term, but you're not, and you're really losing in the long term.

The main thing you have to realize is that you're making a big tradeoff: your free time no longer exists, not for a long time now. You have to make sure that you are open to the trade you made. For example, I only get about two hours of (personal) gaming in a week now. But I spent half an hour tickling my 19 month old daughter last night. My games can wait. She can't.

Your ability as a parent varies directly with your ability to put yourself last. That's why it's so hard, and why I agree with Supertanker that not so many people should try. Parenting is the hardest thing you'll ever do. I'm not sure I'd do it again, given the choice, and I love my kids dearly.

There's also this site, http://www.ironycentral.com/index.html, by Jeff Vogel, who really should post here too.

[DennyA]

Sounds like sage advice, guys...

Supertanker,

Dawn's mom is coming out for two weeks to help out... We're hoping that Carter will pick that two week period to arrive. :-)

And thanks for the advice on the sling. Dawn as pretty fixated on getting a Bjorn, but I'm also ordering a Maya sling. Came highly recommended by the girls on the pregnancy newsgroup I've been reading. (I've given up any macho pretenses for the time being :oops:)

Andrew,

I'm going to take about two weeks paternity leave. Alas, we're a small company -- three editors, and one of the other editors' wives is due to have their second baby the week after us! My current thought is to take the week he's born off, since (1) I'll probably be exhausted, and (2) I'm sure any chance of getting any work done will be lost to the an unavoidable desire to stare stupidly at my cute new baby for hours on end... And then take another week when Dawn's mom goes home, just to help out.

I'm really lucky to be working from a home office right now. So I can lock myself away when the work needs to get done, but I'll be there if they need me.

Wacky postpartum hormone changes aside, Dawn's not the type to "hog the baby." She knows how excited I am about this, and how much I've always loved kids. (I identify better with them than I do most adults.) So I don't think that'll be problem.

Kevin,

I haven't had much in the way of free time for a couple of years with my job (damn good thing I love what I do). When I've had time off I've wanted to spend it with Dawn, so I've already put a lot of personal stuff on the back burner. And happily, with our recent expansion at work (launching a second magazine), we're better staffed and I'll actually be able to spend time with Dawn and the baby. But I'm fully expecting gaming, etc. to be a more rare diversion.

This is all so amazingly exciting. It has been, but now that the time is growing so close, it's actually distracting. I think with all the reading, classes, etc. that we've done and the friends we've talked to, we're prepared for the rough initial weeks. I'll just be glad when he arrives and we know he's okay and doesn't have any undetected problems.

And yep, I've been reading Vogel's The Story About the Baby. Hilarious stuff, and good to see an honest take on the experience. (For some reason, my wife didn't find the honesty nearly as funny as I did... "Boil the baby" is offensive to some, I guess.)

[edit: fixed 10-month-old typos]

[Bub, Andrew]

I'm really lucky to be working from a home office right now. So I can lock myself away when the work needs to get done, but I'll be there if they need me.

This is SOOO much easier said than done. I'm at home full-time and, after about a year of my wife unconsciously taking advantage of me (Honey? Can you watch Maggie while I run this errand?) we finally had to sit down and designate work and home time. Door closed = Daddy not home.



When I've had time off I've wanted to spend it with Dawn, so I've already put a lot of personal stuff on the back burner. And happily, with our recent expansion at work (launching a second magazine), we're better staffed and I'll actually be able to spend time with Dawn and the baby. But I'm fully expecting gaming, etc. to be a more rare diversion.


If you'd rather spend time with your wife than game, already, you've got the right attitude. You might experience some of that "Husband jealousy" (this kid has stolen my wife!) I keep reading about, but I never felt that way.

[Bernie_Dy]

Denny, congratulations.

It sounds like you've prepared yourself for a mature approach to the whole thing. It's not too bad really, the baby will sleep a lot the first few months. But the periodic feeding every three hours makes it tough to get long stretches of rest. You can't beat having the relatives around for help - so you've done well there. With our first, I was able to switch a bit with my mother-in-law on the staying up late, so I managed to sleep on work nights. That helped a lot.

I certainly game less than I used to, but later in the evenings you should be able to get some time in or very early in the mornings when everyone is still asleep.

Bub is right about the home office. I tried that once and it's HELL. It's just too easy and too convenient for the others in the house to bug you. There's an old Dilbert cartoon about this:

Frame 1:
Dilbert says: "I'm working from home today. Do not disturb me unless there is a fire in the house."

Frame 2:
Everyone in the house heard: "I am the spider killer, please call me when there are spiders in the house."

Frame 3:
The spiders outside the house heard: "The house is full of flies!"

Ahem...well, it's not always that bad. But unless your family is out of the house during the day, they need to have a sit-down and be made to understand that work time is not the same as vacation time. It sounds like you and Bub have wives disciplined enough to handle that...I'm not so sure about mine.

I think the most beautiful thing I read about young ones in the family came from our own Jeff Lackey. "Enjoy your little ones - they're at a special time and place in their lives when the only thing they want is to be with you."

[DennyA]

Okay, first, to start the vicious cycle of bragging about my child:

Our (apparently giant) baby is now looking less alien and more cute, according to today's 36-week ultrasound. Check out the image and video at http://www.datkin.net

Now, another question for you experienced dads:
Besides something to read, cell phone, camera, comfort stuff for Mom-to-be, CDs/player, and the baby stuff (car seat, etc.), what should I bring to the hospital?

IE: Anything you didn't have there that you or your wife really wish you'd brought? Or something you're really, really glad you did bring?

[Bub, Andrew]

Calling card.
It's inconvenient to have to run out of the hospital to use the Cel (most insist on that) and if there's anyone long distance it helps. Oddly they don't sell them in the gift shop.

[T Elhajj]

Well, mentally prepare yourself for the car trip home. I vividly remember getting in the car after strapping the kids into their car seats and helping my wife into the pasenger seat. I got behind the wheel and just felt this huge wave of responsibility or something. It's hard to describe. It's not like it was a long trip or I didn't know the way. Nothing like that.

I guess it had somethign to do with everyone being so frail and depending on me. Not that it had anything to do with the trip home, but that's just when this feeling hit me. I am not describing it very well I fear, but I wonder if other new fathers felt something similar? It was so intense that I guess I consider it a spiritual experiance.

[Supertanker]

If there is something that your wife has been denying herself (like coffee) she may want large quantities of it ASAP after the birth. Immediately after the birth of our first, I was dispatched to find the largest fountain Dr. Pepper I could lift. No cans, no bottles – fountain. She actually considered starting a business that would do this for new moms.

My wife also warns against having anything in the room that your wife cannot have. No burgers in front of her when she is forbidden to have food in anticipation of anesthetic. That sort of thing. Not that I did that. Nosirree. Nor does she still hold that against me six-and-a-half years later. If you need food, have some powerbars in the hallway - nothing she will smell on your breath when you are coaching her. She also thinks that you should have caffeinated mints handy so you don’t fall asleep if the labor gets long. She was in labor for 23 hours after induction! I’m not Superman! :)

[Peter Frazier]

Well, if you're planning to video it, organize a tripod. You'll be too busy having the bones in your hand being crushed in her grip to be able to do anything fancy. My wife used a birthing stool (and if your wife opts for that, makes sure that it has gentle rounded edges on the rim) so I just composed and focussed on the errm general area, let it go and provided active support. Strangely enough, I still can't watch the video- let's just say there was a lot of carnage happening down below- even though my wife (who was initially hesitant about the video) has seen it plenty of times. Her friends from antenatal class had a video festival where they watched each others birth videos :shock: . And they think playing computer games is a strange past-time.
I think I'll wait till my son is a sullen, sulking teenager, saying how we never did anything for him. Then he can see that video and shut the hell up.
I hope it goes well Denny, my three years of fatherhood has given me more moments of joy than the previous twenty.

[wumpus]

There are a lot of things I'd like to see video of, but a baby being pushed out of a woman's vagina, with a dozen bodily fluids greasing the way.. is not one of those things.

Miracle of life, yadda yadda yadda, whatever. It's nasty. Just give me the cleaned off tot afterwards, and it'll be plenty beautiful.

[Murph]

I have to agree. Wow, I've been agreeing with Wumpus a lot lately. What's the world coming too. :-)

[Reeko]

Miracle of life, yadda yadda yadda, whatever. It's nasty. Just give me the cleaned off tot afterwards, and it'll be plenty beautiful.

Mrs. Greene is expecting in January. We got the "Miracle of Life" NOVA documentary from netflix and the very end is a birth scene. Ugh. I don't want to be in the delivery room.

[Tyjenks]

Just love your kid and try not to worry too much. Now doesn't that sound simple.

I was in with my wife during her C-section, cracking jokes to ease the mood. They said, "Look she's beautiful". To which I said," If she has her mother's nose, can you go ahead and fix that right here?" It was great to have the whole operating room laughing while my wife was sweating and groggy. Much like when the baby was conceived, come to think of it. Minus the operating room, of course. BTW, I have the greatest wife in the world.

My little girl was plucked out within 15 mins. of me sitting down next to my wife's head. The doctor, who is a family friend, asked if I wanted to look and I just did not warm up to the thought of Rebecca's innards being splayed across her torso. So I waited for the Singer Mobile Stitcher to finish and then went and snagged my little girl.

It was definitely surreal.

[Bub, Andrew]

The only value I can see with taping it is to show my wife later. She was busy at the time and missed the fireworks. Really, I don't understand the tapers and understand the people who don't use a tripod even less. A husband should be active, if he's there, and a camera is just something to hide behind.

Video tape the moments when mother and child bond instead. First breast feeding, her singing, or just them staring at each other. Those are priceless.

Want to hear something absolutely nuts? I've decided to catch baby number 2. My wife uses midwives (in a hospital setting) -- I can see why, it was great last time (the one we have is also a massage therapist) -- and letting the husband catch the baby is one of the things they do.

I need to buy a catcher's mitt now, but there's something about being the one to make first contact with Bub #2, before the inevitable hand off to mom, that is appealing to me. I'm scared to death, but what a memory that would make.

[DennyA]

Some good advice, guys, thanks!

Er, yeah... If I take the video cam, it will be for "immediate post birth shots." No need to capture the exit for posterity. I don't think Dawn even wants to see that.

I'm totally cool with watching a natural birth, but if it turns into a c-section, Denny is gonna hide behind the curtain with Dawn's head. I love her more than anything in the world, but I'd just as soon go to my grave without seeing her abdominal innards. :)

I thought about the catching thing, Andrew, but I think I'll leave it to the experts this time, at least.

As far as things Dawn's deprived herself of during her pregnancy, I think the only thing she's really missed is wine. (She's the wine fancier in the family... Me, I get that warm, fuzzy, elite society feeling when I order draught beer instead of bottled...) But I don't think the midwives would approve of her downing a bottle of nice Pino Grigio immediately after birth. :-)

[Tyjenks]

I need to buy a catcher's mitt now, but there's something about being the one to make first contact with Bub #2, before the inevitable hand off to mom, that is appealing to me. I'm scared to death, but what a memory that would make.

You are a braver man than I. My wife has been told she will probably need a C-section with our next kid. I wonder if they will give me the honor of making the first incision. I can take the family knife we slice the turkey with on Thanksgiving.

[Bernie_Dy]

Bring a nice pillow. I don't know how your wife will deliver, but mine had a c-section. So we lived at the hospital for a few days. The little convertible couch-bed wasn't real comfortable, and when you do get a chance to sleep, it never lasts, since feeding is every few hours.

Not critical, but if you have a big family, a light portable chair or two wouldn't hurt. There was seating for three people in our room, but my wife's side of the family is huge and having another two or three seats would've been nice.

[Supertanker]

Denny, my wife's doctor ordered her to go drink some wine during the last week (she had eight days of prodromal labor with #1), so maybe your wife can have some before she goes in. Her OB is a very conservative doctor, specializing in high-risk births, and he says a glass of wine in the last week is no problem.

We have video of birth #1, but I set the camera up behind my wife's shoulder, shooting down toward the doctor. That way we captured the moment, but avoided the fluid-blasted biology lesson.

Be prepared to have your camera stay in the bag. With births two and three, the hospital had banned cameras from the delivery rooms. If something goes wrong, the video is great evidence for the plaintiff, so their insurance company made them ban the practice. For privacy reasons, they also banned video and still photography of the nursery, since there are lots of babies in there. This hospital (Huntington Memorial in Pasadena) has a lot of Hollywood-types go there for births, so that may have had something to do with it.

If there is a c-section, how can you guys pass up the chance to see your wife's innnards? Maybe my old bio-major roots are showing, but I thought it was cool. Also, don't be shocked at how roughly they seem to handle the baby when they are getting it out. Speed is the key, so they yank pretty hard on the kid.

Good luck, and be sure to update us! My wife liked the webpage.

[Mark Asher]

Ugh, my wife had all c-sections after the first one was done for emergency reasons. No way did I want to see her innards.

[GregB]

New to the thread, but with a three month old daughter, I thought I'd add my two cents. During labor, when you're holding her hand, telling her to breathe, and counting (or whatever), you might feel like an idiot. Not just any idiot, but a helpless idiot who's seeing your partner go through some nasty pain without much power to do anything about it.

Post birth, my wife actually thanked me for keeping my cool and telling her what to do ("Breathe, honey! Great! Now, 10, 9, 8, etc."). It helped her maintain focus and get the job done... after 14 hours of labor.

When you finally have the little bugger and bring her/him home there will be times when he/she is going to cry and there's absolutely nothing you can do about it. Remind yourself that you're not a bad parent.

Otherwise, it's been an amazing three months and I'm loving it, except for the "no sleep" thing.

[SpoofyChop]

When our daughter was born two months ago, I hung out at the business end when she was delivered. It was a great experience, but I can't even imagine viewing somebody else's video. Holy yuck Batman!

My only recommendation is that you don't listen to what anybody says about formula. Everybody is a frickin nazi when it comes to formula vs. breast milk.

If the kid seems extra hungry, give em a bottle. Don't listen to "Nursing Mothers, Inc." or "La Leche" or "Moms who hate formula" or "People against people who feed their babies formula because those people are heartless fascists Ltd."

Some women apparently produce tons-o-breastmilk and some are veritable milk misers. Apparently this has nothing to do with breast size.

Regardless, give your wife a break and give your child some formula. They won't get confused, they won't grow up to be Charles Manson, and it will give you some valuable connect time with jr.

-Keith

[Bub, Andrew]

I'll second Keith above.
Breast milk is best, no question, but formula is just fine especially if it means dad can feed the kid now and then as well (if pumping is painful or too meager). I've heard all kinds of crap from the Le Leche commission and I disagree with most of it.

By far the worst was this gem (it's not official, at least I hope not): "For the first 6 months the father is inconsequential and shouldn't interfere with the mother child bond."
Bullshit.

That just lets overwhelmed fathers and "(s)mothers" off the hook. New dads, participate! Change those diapers. Give baths. Do more than just play peek a' boo (do that too). Lots of dads don't hold their infants because they cry. Well, they cry because those dads don't hold their infants!! My daughter prefers my wife, that's true, but she's just fine with me.

[wumpus]

We prefer your wife, too.

[Tyjenks]

Add me to that list. My wife breast fed for 6 weeks and she couldn't take it any longer. With the pumping and the sucking and the pain...she is kind of a pansy though. Anyway, we have about the hap, hap, happiest kid you have ever seen at 16 mos. She sleeps 10 hours a night at least and take 1 or 2 naps a day. Because of these facts, however, we do not want another anytime soon since she has been so easy to deal with. The next one will probably be possesed.


Ugh, my wife had all c-sections after the first one was done for emergency reasons. No way did I want to see her innards.

My wife had a funny pelvic tilt (I know, too much info) because of a car accident. We had a C-section appointment. They did prep for fifteen minutes, I was let in, and the baby was honestly born within 12 mins. of the beginning of surgery. No squished, red head, no pushing, no screaming and as I said above, I joked with the doctor's, nurses and aneshtesiologist (sp?) through the whole thing. She too will probably have to continue with the sections from here on out.

There is the scar and added slight risk, but she and I agree it certainly was not as bad as we had expected.

[Mark Asher]

The only thing really bad about the c-section is a longer recovery time for the women. Women can deliver vaginally and be out in the rice paddies the next day. Rip 'em open with a knife and they need more rest time.

Oh, and Macbeth was a c-section baby. Chew on that one.

[Peter Frazier]

MacDuff actually, if my memory of 22 years old English lessons stands.
'Lay on, MacDuff!'
Strange, I now automatically think of a Scottish beer when I hear it.

[DennyA]

Actually, I've been getting in touch with my inner Nazi feminist when it comes to researching all this stuff...

As for the formula vs. breastfeeding issue... I've read a lot of research and if we can do 100% breastfeeding, the benefits are very clear. Much lower chance of ear infections, various babyhood diseases, etc. They estimate that breastfed kids gain 8 IQ points (darnit, Mom, you robbed me! :-)). All kinds of other things... Not to mention the potential complications from formula. There's plenty of other stuff I can do to bond with the baby, and once the baby hits 4 to 6 weeks D can pump and I can take some bottle feedings.

Of course, it's not me who has to do it, so we'll take it as it comes. But there's plenty of real medical research -- not just LLL propaganda -- that shows that exclusively feeding breastmilk until the baby is ready for solid foods has dramatic benefits for both mother and baby. So we're gonna try.

I'm not one of those guys who thinks the kid is the wife's responsibility. I'll get plenty of bonding time doing diapers (bleechhh!), rocking the baby, and generally hanging out. There's a lot of good info in books like the Sears books, but I'm not a fan of the mother/child attachment parenting BS. As long as the baby has one parent or another when it needs someone, that's fine. You'll bond with both of us, young man, because I say so. I'm your father, that's why. Now go to your pack n' play.

(If anything, our decision to try to BF exclusively was reinforced by the crappy techniques the formula companies use to market towards you. Despite noting you plan to BF, they send you free samples. They publish free magazines with a gratuitous two-page article by a doc or nurse saying why BF is best, and then eight pages of "but if you choose the convenience of our scientifically designed formula, here's some great tips!", etc. Corporate America at its worst.)

[GregB]

A note on bottlefeeding. Sometimes the kid just won't take a bottle. We've been trying with our daughter and she's just not into it. We talked with our Doctor and he said, don't worry about it and try again in a few weeks if you want. It sucks because I really wanted to give my wife a break, but it doesn't look like it's going to happen. C'est la vie.

[Jason McCullough]

Actually, I've been getting in touch with my inner Nazi feminist when it comes to researching all this stuff...

As for the formula vs. breastfeeding issue... I've read a lot of research and if we can do 100% breastfeeding, the benefits are very clear. Much lower chance of ear infections, various babyhood diseases, etc. They estimate that breastfed kids gain 8 IQ points (darnit, Mom, you robbed me! :-)). All kinds of other things... Not to mention the potential complications from formula. There's plenty of other stuff I can do to bond with the baby, and once the baby hits 4 to 6 weeks D can pump and I can take some bottle feedings.

Of course, it's not me who has to do it, so we'll take it as it comes. But there's plenty of real medical research -- not just LLL propaganda -- that shows that exclusively feeding breastmilk until the baby is ready for solid foods has dramatic benefits for both mother and baby. So we're gonna try.

I'm not one of those guys who thinks the kid is the wife's responsibility. I'll get plenty of bonding time doing diapers (bleechhh!), rocking the baby, and generally hanging out. There's a lot of good info in books like the Sears books, but I'm not a fan of the mother/child attachment parenting BS. As long as the baby has one parent or another when it needs someone, that's fine. You'll bond with both of us, young man, because I say so. I'm your father, that's why. Now go to your pack n' play.

(If anything, our decision to try to BF exclusively was reinforced by the crappy techniques the formula companies use to market towards you. Despite noting you plan to BF, they send you free samples. They publish free magazines with a gratuitous two-page article by a doc or nurse saying why BF is best, and then eight pages of "but if you choose the convenience of our scientifically designed formula, here's some great tips!", etc. Corporate America at its worst.)

As much as I agree on the superiority of breast-feeding, wierdo results like "less ear infections" strike me as being the result of income level differences.

[Dave Long]

We had one of our three boys refuse breast feeding. My wife was frazzled after the second child and nothing went right with him. She finally had to give up and go to the bottle. The other two went almost a year.

Note that formula was invented for children like my second son. There have always been babies that don't want to nurse. Some smart doctors created formula to fill the need. It's definitely not the way to go if you can avoid it. The smell, the spit up, the poopies... it's all a lot worse with formula. That's in addition to all the lost immunities transferred from the mother, etc. But if you gotta do it, you gotta do it.

Good luck Denny. If I can make it with three boys ages 4, 2 and 1, I'm pretty sure you can handle one of the little guys. :-)

--Dave

[Supertanker]

We had the same situation, Dave. The oldest didn't like breast feeding because it was too slow. She loved bottles, and could empty one in about two minutes flat. Once she realized (at five months) how fast bottles could deliver the fluid, she refused the breast. My wife couldn't pump enough to keep up, so we transitioned to formula.

The other thing about formula is to watch for allergies or other reactions. Once we had the oldest on formula, it took us (and the pediatrician!) months to connect the formula with chronic constipation. Once we switched her to a hypoallergenic formula (Nutramigen) that went away. Of course, Nutramigen is like triple the price of regular formula, but what choice do you have?

The other two nursed long enough for people to give us strange looks.

[Dave Long]

Oh yeah...I forgot about Nutramigen. We had to do that for my middle son too. Our pediatrician picked up quickly on the alergy thing. The soy just didn't stay down. When we switched, he was perfect. He was collicky too. Isaac, bless his soul, gave us the most trouble of the three. Our third has been probably the best of the three.

Supertanker and I have been down this path with three kid war stories before methinks. :-)

--Dave

[Tyjenks]

We had the same situation, Dave. The oldest didn't like breast feeding because it was too slow. She loved bottles, and could empty one in about two minutes flat. Once she realized (at five months) how fast bottles could deliver the fluid, she refused the breast. My wife couldn't pump enough to keep up, so we transitioned to formula.



Same here. Our girl gave up on the breast pretty quickly and my wife was not all that motivated to be patient with her when she could double barrell-pump and get it over with. We were able to stick with the formula. Thank the lord for Sam's Wholesale.

Oh yeah, on the constipation front. Our doc said to put some Dark Karo syrup in with the formula. We did that for a couple of feedings when she would be stopped up and it nearly always worked.

[DennyA]

Having some pretty strong contractions now, so I may be a dad soon!

If Burlington, VT disapears from the face of the planet earth in the next couple of days... Well, I'd better share this colorized (but otherwise unretouched) shot of Carter's 11-week ultrasound:
http://dennya.home.mindspring.com/alienbaby.jpg

[DennyA]

That is, my wife is having some pretty strong contractions.

Me, I've found pregnancy amazingly symptom-free.

[Bernie_Dy]

Um, is he pointing at the camera or is he flipping one of his other fingers? :)

[Anonymous]

Wow, the baby sure looks like me. I swear, I never met Mrs. DennyA, although I did deliver the milk in their neighborhood for a brief run early last year. There was this lovely nymph in a fuzzy pink bathrobe and hair curlers who lived on the corner -- she always used to order 2%, but one day I accidentally brought skim, and when I apologized she invited me in. Over a glass of refreshing Tang we discovered our mutual appreciation for the movie "Milo & Otis" and that our favorite Hot Wheels car had been "The Red Baron" (you know, the one with the German helmet), and then she mentioned something about how her husband was always holed up in the basement playing computer games, and well, one thing led to another...

Oh crap.

[DennyA]

What an AMAZING day yesterday was. I'm a dad!

Gotta get back to the hospital, but mom and baby are doing great!

See http://www.datkin.net for vitals and my first attempt to foist baby pictures upon the masses!

[Bub, Andrew]

Congratulations, as a wise man once said to me "you're about to experience what's called a 'paradigm-shift.'"

Enjoy!

[Tyjenks]

That's wonderful!!! Glad everyone is well. Congrats!

[Supertanker]

Congratulations! Good to hear everyone is healthy.

That is a big baby! As the original UT announcer might say, "M-M-M-Monster baby, baby, baby!"

[Dave Long]

Congratulations, Denny! I'm with Supertanker...that kid is HUGE!

--Dave

[Kevin Perry]

Farewell to the old DennyA. Hello to the new one!

Your life has just irrevocably changed. There will be times when it doesn't feel like it, but it is a change for the better.

Congratulations!

[Mark Asher]

Wow, you had a little hoss there:

Weight: 10 lbs. 7oz.

Length: 23 1/2 inches long

That is one big baby!

I notice the kid had his hand clenched as if he was gripping a joystick. Good work there dad!

[Xaroc]

What an AMAZING day yesterday was. I'm a dad!

Gotta get back to the hospital, but mom and baby are doing great!

See http://www.datkin.net for vitals and my first attempt to foist baby pictures upon the masses!

WTG Denny!! Congrats to you and your wife!

-- Xaroc

[Alan Au]

Congrats about the baby, and my condolences on your new status as a perpetually sleep deprived parent. :P

- Alan

[Sean Tudor]

Carter Thorburn Atkin

That's an interesting name ! How did you choose it ?

Everyone I know around here calls their babies names like Peter, Paul, John, Michael, etc.

Congratulations ! Welcome to the World Of No Sleep ! :wink:

[Bub, Andrew]

I'm especially curious about "Thorburn". Sounds like a D&D name. Let me guess: wife's maiden name? We did that with Maggie. Margaret Denison Bub. If you decide to drop the name Carter Sparky over here has some brilliant suggestions.

[Sparky]

Woo hoo! Congrats! Carter Thorburn is a cool name.

But...if you get tired of that, I suggest Rophis, Shaytham, Kaiden Chipper, Dwodger, Sazzian, or any of the other fine, fine names found at the mindboggling Utah Baby Namer (http://www.geocities.com/Heartland/3450/).

[Peter Frazier]

Congratulations, welcome to a new era of joy in your life.
BTW, all those jokes about sleep deprivation.... they're not jokes. Sleep now before the baby gets home.

[Supertanker]

Wow, you had a little hoss there

My wife and I have been chuckling about this line all day. We had one baby right at 10 lbs, and it is just surprising how much bigger that is than most babies. If the average is six or seven pounds, we are talking babies that are 40-60% bigger than the others! You look in the nursery, and as you look down the row of kids it is like, "Baby, baby, baby, Sweet Jesus look at the size of that kid!" My wife swears the nurses would grunt when picking up the big one.

The other thing about a big baby and sleep deprivation: they eat a lot. Expect feedings to be frequent and long.

[Karen]

Congrats Dawn and Denny.......
Oh my god 10 lbs! How is Dawn doing????

It seems to be the year for big baby boys. My best friend had a 9lb 13oz boy in May.

I'll have to hear all of the gory details later. I think Ben (for the non-acqainted, I am Ben's wife) hopes that if I hear enough stories I will decide motherhood is not for me :wink: He also uses threats of grad school much in the same way.

Good Luck to all, try to get some rest.....

Karen

as an aside, Did Dawn have an epidural with a pump? I think FA uses the I-pump. Did it work OK? Just curious....

[Mark Asher]

"The other thing about a big baby and sleep deprivation: they eat a lot. Expect feedings to be frequent and long."

I can vouch for this. Our first was over nine pounds and he ate and ate and grew like a mushroom after a rainstorm. He's seventeen and just a hair under 6'4" now, so he never stopped growing. Or eating.

[Dave Long]

"Are you eating butter?!"

I love that commercial...

--Dave

[JeffL]

"Carter Thorburn Atkin "

Remember, Denny is a Mississippi boy; there's a Southern tradition of giving the child classic names with historic meaning to the family.

Of course, they'll still call him "Denny Bob" or "Bubba". :wink:

Congrats, Denny.

[Bernie_Dy]

Good for you, Denny. Enjoy the experience!

[Jason Cross]

I'm especially curious about "Thorburn". Sounds like a D&D name. Let me guess: wife's maiden name? We did that with Maggie. Margaret Denison Bub. If you decide to drop the name Carter Sparky over here has some brilliant suggestions.

Denison? SWEET! I wish I had a cool middle name like Thornburn or Denison. Mine's Donald, after my Dad's father. Yech.

[DavidCPA]

Congratulations. I agree with the comment above, that is a hoss of a kid.

-DavidCPA

[Greg Lannes]

Way to go Denny!

I'd like to wish you and yours all the best from me and mine. I've got two young sons (6 and 3) as well as a recent addition a 1 month old daughter.

Being a father is simple, just be kind and be there.

I do pray your family well,

Greg

[Anonymous]

Denny,

Sorry I'm late to this topic but congrats!

My Nate is now 19 months and already 3' and 30lbs.

Being a dad has been one incredible experience. Man, the ups and downs, going from giddiness (when he says "daddy" and seeing him laugh) to absolute terror when he got his temp up to 105. Or when he fell down the basement stairs. Or when he got a toddler fracture a couple of weeks ago... well, enough of that, don't want to make you gray too quickly. LOL

Anyway, welcome to the world of fatherhood. There's nothing like it.

Bill (formerly of Vermont, now in RI)

[DennyA]

Hey folks,

Sorry for the delayed response. I've found something more amusing than hanging out at QT3 clicking "refresh" to see if anyone's posted something new. :-) Actually, I've been taking some vacation days and have done little on the computer other than posting baby pics; just trying to help Dawn and Carter get into the routine before I head back to work.

Thanks much for all the congrats! Carter's amazing. Cute, already trying to hold his head up (something I apparently didn't even attempt for two months), and getting more observant every day. Got some new pics up at www.datkin.net, although he's cuter now than when they were taken. ;-)

On the name... Carter was just a first name we both liked and agreed on. Thorburn is my grandfather's last name. We ended up with that after Dawn rejected my suggestion that we go for the simpler and more descriptive moniker, "Player 2."

As for sleep deprivation, I'm sure it's coming once he reaches the stage where he doesn't sleep as much. But so far, this kid sleeps in four hour stretches! Am I lucky dad or what? We have to wake HIM to feed him sometimes! Keep it up, son!

Karen, I emailed you the birth story as this doesn't seem the appropriate place to post a 3,000 word opus on the birth process; check with Ben in case I got the address wrong as he should be able to get it off the master email account. The birth went amazing well until near the very end, when she ended up having to have an epidural. The epi worked just great, once they got it in...

Bill, I can't believe Nate's that old already! Scary on the injuries, etc. but since we plan to hermetically seal Carter's Pack-n-Play and not let him out till he's 17, I figure he'll be okay. :-)

[voltaic]

On the name... Carter was just a first name we both liked and agreed on. Thorburn is my grandfather's last name. We ended up with that after Dawn rejected my suggestion that we go for the simpler and more descriptive moniker, "Player 2."

"Carter" is a great name. Tell people he is named after the p1mp on the great and mighty TC show "er" and that he's going to be a doctor who gets all the hot chicks just like that Carter does. :P

[Ben Sones]

I dunno... when I think "Carter," I think of the Carter Burke character from Aliens. So I'd be careful, because he may double-cross you and have you killed in the name of his evil Company... ;)

I got the amazingly long story, Denny. You can actually send mail to pretty much any address @odditorium.net and we'll get it. Examples:

[email protected]

[email protected]

[email protected]

[Tom Chick]

Denny,

Congrats! And the name is way cool. When I think Carter, I think of Michael Caine in Get Carter (let's pretend the Stallone version never happened). Your kid's going to take names and kick ass in England one day!

-Tom

[TimElhajj]

Ok Denny, I will bite-- What is Buttpaste?

http://dennya.home.mindspring.com/Carter4/pages/Mommy%20what%20is%20butt%20paste%20for.htm

Cute kid. Congratulations!

[DennyA]

Thanks, Tim!

He's currently having one of those rare but amazingly powerful "I'm so tired I'm going to be really cranky and cry at the top of my lungs, but I refuse to sleep because I might miss something fun" crying jags, just to get me back for bragging on him earlier.

Butt Paste is a Lousiana diaper rash creme sent to me by an old college friend down south... Supposed to be amazing stuff. For full details, you can of course see www.buttpaste.com. :-)

[Tyjenks]

Butt Paste is a Lousiana diaper rash creme sent to me by an old college friend down south... Supposed to be amazing stuff. For full details, you can of course see www.buttpaste.com. :-)

As opposed to Crack Creme (http://www.crackcreme.com/index.htm)which you think would be along the same lines. Oh no, that's just a clever name for lotion. (I have heard ads for this one all week on the radio.)


Hope you are enjoying new fatherhood as much as I am. :)

[TimElhajj]

Ha! I have been there.

In fact, I am going through something like that now with my 4 year-olds. For some reason, going to sleep has begun to elicit a huge and fairly predictable nightly rebellion, mainly from my daughter. I have no idea what it's about, and my wife and I are struggling to find an effective response.

Butt Paste, eh. You are in Vermont, right? Don't let the locals find you with any of that stuff. I used to have a good friend in Vermont, so I know that in those parts you have to use Bag Balm. Dairy farmers use it on their cows, hence the name. Of course, go here for details: http://www.bagbalm.com.

[voltaic]

Bagbalm is the shit. I have horrible problems with the heels and balls of my feet becoming dry and "worn out" and cracking, sometimes to the point of bleeding and extreme pain. Slather a healthy helping of bag balm on there (after a careful wash) and put on some clean socks overnight, in the morning almost as good as new. Gets the moisture back and helps heal it all up!

[Tyjenks]

Bagbalm is the shit. I have horrible problems with the heels and balls of my feet becoming dry and "worn out" and cracking, sometimes to the point of bleeding and extreme pain. Slather a healthy helping of bag balm on there (after a careful wash) and put on some clean socks overnight, in the morning almost as good as new. Gets the moisture back and helps heal it all up!

Do you own stock in Bagbalm? :wink: That sounds like ad agency copy.

[voltaic]

Bagbalm is the shit. I have horrible problems with the heels and balls of my feet becoming dry and "worn out" and cracking, sometimes to the point of bleeding and extreme pain. Slather a healthy helping of bag balm on there (after a careful wash) and put on some clean socks overnight, in the morning almost as good as new. Gets the moisture back and helps heal it all up!

Do you own stock in Bagbalm? :wink: That sounds like ad agency copy.

Heheh, no I don't own stock but I was kind of raised on it. It's like older baby boomers who praise Wonder Bread. They don't own stock, they were just raised on it.

[Supertanker]

I'll second the Bag Balm being The Shit (tm). My wife has cracking heels, and two of my kids have some eczema on their hands, and Bag Balm fixes all of that right quick.

Hmmm, first Christmas coming up for Carter. Denny, don't lose the kid in the pile of presents, it is considered bad form.

[Reeko]

Reeko Junior (http://www.geocities.com/fng3)

[Jim Hoffman]

Congrats Reeko! First one?

[Reeko]

Yeah. An exhausting experience, and all I did was watch. I can't describe it and I don't think I will ever try.

[Tyjenks]

Handsome lad there. Welcome to the world of far less gaming.

[DennyA]

Congratulations, Reeko! Amazing feeling, isn't it?

CUTE kid, too!

Don't hesitate to ask the old hands here for advice. I feel like an expert at four months now. :-)

[wumpus]

I can't describe it and I don't think I will ever try.
Have you ever watched "That's my Baby" on Discovery Channel? You truly haven't experienced the miracle of birth until you've seen a rhino, a hippo, a giraffe, et al poop out some babies.

[TimElhajj]

Hey, Reeko--your son and I share a birthday! Awright! Aquarians rock.*

Interesting factiod: On January 27 five years ago, the doctors attempted to induce my wife, but as it turned out the twins did not appear until 3 days later. I know what you mean about it being difficult to describe.

*I will let you know if I read any alarming horoscopes. :)

[Reeko]

Welcome to the world of far less gaming.

Ha. Funny you should mention that. I bought a GBA along with copies of Advance wars and Eye of the Beholder. I'm spending more time gaming now than ever. The wife doesn't mind, because I'm in the same room and I'm not hogging the TV.

Oh, and I NEED an afterburner kit! My eyes are about to explode.

[DennyA]

Welcome to the world of far less gaming.
Ha. Funny you should mention that. I bought a GBA along with copies of Advance wars and Eye of the Beholder. I'm spending more time gaming now than ever.
Hehehe. We'll talk about this again when the baby's two months old. :-)

Enjoy it, though. Best thing I ever did.

[Tyjenks]

Enjoy it, though. Best thing I ever did.

Ditto.

I figure if I can get my girl who is almost 2 to say "Gameboy Advance", I can tell my wife she needs it for early hand-eye coordination development on her Birthday. I have 7 weeks left. Wish me luck.

[Bernie_Dy]

Alright...Bub mentioned a pic, so I'll post the link to my newest one. She's a month and a half now, but was only a day old in this one.

Will she like games? (http://briefcase.yahoo.com/bc/[email protected]/vwp?.dir=/Abigail&.dnm=Abby+-+Day+1.jpg)

Reeko, I just got this Geocities/Yahoo account where I posted the pic. how did you get the url to be clean like yours (www.geocities.com/fng3)? And by the way, I thought the use of FNG for the link name was pretty funny.

[Reeko]

I wish I was that clever. fng3 is a pet name a girlfriend in college gave me (my full name is Frank Nathaniel Greene III) and the username I used when I first got my yahoo mail account back in 1999. When I set up my website, my address was geocities.com/fng3. I'm pretty sure everyone with a yahoo ID gets geocities.com/_username_.

[Bub, Andrew]

Henry's here!
http://www.andrewsbub.com/henry.htm
Everyone's fine.

Now to review a NASCAR game while everybody is sleeping.

[DennyA]

Congratulations, Andrew! Glad mom and baby are doing well!

CUTE little guy! That picture with Maggie's adorable.

[TimElhajj]

What a sweetie. Well done, Andrew!

[Mark Asher]

How old is your great grandfather? He looks sort of like Andy Rooney.

[Bub, Andrew]

Well, he's actually Henry's Great Grandfather (oops, better change that caption), and he's 86. He has a very advanced form of Parkinsons (so advanced it actually isn't Parkinsons at all, it's similar and also neurological... it's also somewhat new) that makes his eyes immobile (along with the rest of him) but his mind is still there. Being with him is sometimes like being with a statue that comes to life now and then and mumbles something really witty, charming, or deep. This makes him nothing like Andy Rooney.

He burst into tears when I handed him Henry though, that sort of brought down the house on an already overly-emotional day.

Denny and Tim, thanks for the kind words. I didn't do anything special except not fumble the catch. :)

[Xaroc]

Congratulations Bub! I never see these things until later because they are buried deep in threads I only read once in a while. :-/

-- Xaroc

[Tyjenks]

Congrats! Cute kid. I am partial to the pic with you and the two young uns on the couch. Laying down watching the tube with my girl laying on my chest is blissful.

How far apart are your two? My 22 month old girl is perfect and I am deathly afraid of having a second. The work increases exponentially and he/she will probably come out screaming and not stop until his/her 18th b'day.

I think we will wait a bit longer. Enjoy and gooooood luck!

[Bub, Andrew]

Maggie is 2 years 10 months, which makes it perfect. She understands where the baby came from and vaguely why it can't play with her. She also has somewhat better control of her strength (though I cringe whenever she comes close). So far only a little jealousy, but we're on that like honey on a Pooh Bear (damn, my metaphors used to be so much more vivid)....

We'll see if Mags regresses, but I doubt it would last long, she's a very independant little girl. Thanks for your kind words Ty.

[Gladguy]

Not like it needs repeating, but "cute kids there, bub." :)

As the proud dad of a 3.5 yr. old boy and a 6 month girl, I can advise you to encourage your little girl to be the best "helper" around. When they hit 3, they magically develop an understanding of the world and their place in it that borders on preturnatural.

As for breeding new gamers... I'm beginning to think it's genetic. My boy already has developed a proficiency at Mighty Morphin' Power Rangers (SNES), enjoys banging into the walls in THPS3 (PS2), and can become engrossed for hours in Sonic Advance (GBA). He handles a mouse like a pro in Reader Rabbit and Bob the Builder (PC), and loves to sit on my lap as I play AoM.

The older consoles are the best way to get 'em hooked. The SNES only has the 4 buttons (not counting the shoulder buttons) and anything more than that just tends to get confusing for a young mind. I have a couple PS2 games that are child-friendly (Woody Woodpecker and Treasure Planet), but they are still too tough for a 3 yr. old.

[Kevin Perry]

Congrats.

Look out for the sibling jealousy, Adnrew, but it probably won't be too bad.

My two are 2.25 years apart; Calvin did have some difficulties adjusting once Lydia started walking around and drooling on his stuff, but nothing too terrible.

Now she's two, and whacks him right back if he gets out of line.

[Mike Cathcart]

Oh, nevermind. I thought this thread was for QT3 Personals.

[Slothrop]

My wife and I are finally getting to go to Guatemala next weekend to bring back our son Henry, (Good name, Bub!) who will be 9 months old on the 24th of June.

Here is our little family on our last visit to see him, in May (please disregard the maniacal smile on my face. I am actually 100% normal I'm told):

http://globbo.ucs.indiana.edu/images/thirdvisit/DSCF0058.JPG

If you are interested in reading about our international adoption experience, my wife has made a web site (http://torahood.com/adoption.html) documenting the whole process.

I just can't wait to actually have him here with us. Though I wouldn't have missed the visits, I found it very rough to bond with my child and then have to give him back and not see him again for months.

Here's a picture from our first session of "Teaching Henry to roll over", where Henry decided he didn't really mind being on his stomach:
http://globbo.ucs.indiana.edu/images/thirdvisit/DSCF0054.JPG

[Tyjenks]

Now that really deserves congratulations!!! That has to be a tough process to go through if only because it takes so friggin' long. I will read your wife's website once I get home.

Wow, that's cool. I will do my part in rushing the next week along for you, your wife and little Henry. My child is the greatest thing that has ever happened to me and I am sure it will be no different for you and yours. Have a safe trip.

[wumpus]

Slothrop-- international adoption, I assume not by choice? That "fucking" thing I've heard so much about, not working out?

Of course with my luck when it's time to do the deed, I'll find out I've been shooting blanks all this time. Oh, the fun I could have retroactively had with all those supermodels.

Also, you people are freaks with the Henry name. We had that picked out years ago as a name for a boy, never seen anyone else use it (in the last 20 years), rarely meet anyone with that name-- now we're at two and counting?

[TimElhajj]

Congratulations, Slothrop! Kids do that to you.

Lol, Jesus, wumpus. That tact thing I've heard so much about. Not working out, huh?

[Slothrop]

Yep, we are conceptually challenged due to endometriosis. We made the decision to stop medical intervention at IUI (inter-uterine insemination) and not go on to IVF (in-vitro fertilization) because it is much more invasive and expensive, without any better chance of success (about 50-50). At that point we started the adoption process, and like a lot of couples that came to adoption because of infertility, we've kicked ourselves for holding off in favor of conception for so long.

[wumpus]

We're all one big disfunctional family here.

[James Gutierrez]

Once the killing starts, this psycho fuck family of ours is gonna rip itself apart.

[Bub, Andrew]

Sincere congratulations Slothrop (god, it's times like these I really hate you guys and your fake Internet names)! My parents adopted my brother from South Korea and my daughter's babysitter just celebrated her first "gotcha" day for her 2year old adoptee from China. Adoption is a noble choice.

Kudos on the Henry name too. I'll always think of your boy as Henry II though. ;-)

[DennyA]

My wife and I are finally getting to go to Guatemala next weekend to bring back our son Henry, (Good name, Bub!) who will be 9 months old on the 24th of June.

Awesome, Slothrop! (Or should I say... Andy? Bwahahahah!) Congratulations. Get ready for an amazing time. I have an 8.5-month old and he's just shockingly cool and fun. Plus, by adopting at 9 months, you didn't have to deal with colic months!

Can't wait to hear all about it. And be sure to pop in here if you need baby care tips. :-)

I did a one-day class called "Boot Camp for New Dads" a few months before Carter was born. One guy there was adopting a nine-month old Chinese boy (who I've since seen in our local playgroup -- cool kid) and he was just as jazzed as the guys having biological kids.

(And double congratulations on bringing out the absolute worst in Wumpus. After that amazingly tactless display, I, aghast, repeated the quote to my wife, who said, "I hope he's right about shooting blanks"... That went beyond "a bit trollish" into "totally rude and inappropriate." Ouch.)

[wumpus]

I was curious, I asked a question. So what? They clearly have it under control.

Besides, tact is overrated.

[DavidCPA]

Slothrop-- international adoption, I assume not by choice? That "fucking" thing I've heard so much about, not working out?

Put through the tact translator:


Slothrop--congratulations on your new child. Is this an addition to your existing brood or the first one? International adoption - what set you down that path?

-DavidCPA

[Slothrop]

I read it that Wumpus was just poking fun at himself about only having heard about fucking, and trying to shock by asking the "taboo" question very crudely. Personally I don't mind if people ask. I prefer that to them wondering what our "tragic" secret must be. I took the explanation out of my original post because I didn't want somebody to say "EW! Too much infor-MA-tion!"
Infertility is a silent epidemic precisely because of the shame attached to it, irrationally, by the general population and even the people living with it. And it is a condition that is swept under the rug. You know most health insurance companies don't cover any type of fertility treatment? Our reproductive endocrinologist had to submit his bills under treatment for the endometriosis to get paid at all, and the IUIs were totally out of pocket expenses, which involve very expensive drugs, ultrasounds, and multiple doctor visits for each one. This is because they consider getting pregnant a "lifestyle choice" rather than a fundamental bodily function, so they don't have to treat it like a legitimate disease.

And the shame meme is definitely in full effect during the whole process. IUI takes all the romance out of making a baby! Replace candlelit bedroom, lingere, wine, and passion with fluorescent-lit examination room, paper gowns, stirrups, a syringe, and sperm in a cup.

So I'm glad that's behind us and we're taking a different path towards having a family.

[Bub, Andrew]

Awesome, Slothrop! (Or should I say... Andy? Bwahahahah!)

Andy? Slothrop's name is Andy? Now I have to draw the line. You can't be named "Andy" and call your son "Henry". What is this Single White Gamer? Stay away from my life damnit!

[DennyA]

Wumpus, the reason I found the comment personally offensive actually wasn't anything to do with the "f*cking" comment, but rather the "international adoption - I assume not by choice" phrasing. Because that was their choice in the end, and it's an amazingly cool one. I have a niece who was adopted after my brother-in-law and his wife weren't having any luck with the old-fashioned way of producing spawn, and it wasn't like "we had no choice..." It was just a different way to accomplish the kid goal than the original plan. Anyway, subjects such as adoption and the functionality of peoples' nads tend to be areas where even the outspoken should make an effort for a little sensitivity, y'know?

Slothrop, cool attitude. And yep, fertility problems are a physical thing, so there should be no "shame" involved. It's not like it's a choice, like, say, playing Dance Dance Revolution at home in your socks.

Okay, overreactions behind us, can't wait to see pics of the happy family when you bring the new guy home!

[wumpus]

You know most health insurance companies don't cover any type of fertility treatment?
Interestingly, the place I work (admittedly, probably unusually good benefits because it is part of the health care industry) offers up to $25k in infertility benefits.


. Anyway, subjects such as adoption and the functionality of peoples' nads tend to be areas where even the outspoken should make an effort for a little sensitivity, y'know?
Meh, it's just biology. We're all adults here. That said, the vagina still scares me a little.

If the last taboo wasn't shattered the first time you got tricked into clicking on http://www.goatse.cx, then I'd have to question your dedication to the intarweb.

[Peter Frazier]

Anyway, Slothrop- congratulations. It's great to be a Dad, make the most of it.

[Anders Hallin]

That said, the vagina still scares me a little.
I rarely agree with wumpus, but he speaks truth here.

If the last taboo wasn't shattered the first time you got tricked into clicking on http://www.goatse.cx, then I'd have to question your dedication to the intarweb.
I've still managed to avoid it! Woo!

[Peter Frazier]

I was wondering Slothrop, is there any agreement that you have to sign concerning the natural parents? Do you know who they are? Will your son be able to find them? I teach a few Filipino kids who were adopted. All of them seem well adjusted and happy with their families. One's just getting a bit curious about their origins and I was wondering what you were told was the best way of handling the issue. Hope it isn't getting too close to the matter, but if you could blow off Wumpus' comment I'm thinking this isn't too hard core.

[Jason McCullough]

What Slothtrop said.

[Peter Frazier]

Buh?

[Slothrop]

I was wondering Slothrop, is there any agreement that you have to sign concerning the natural parents? Do you know who they are? Will your son be able to find them? I teach a few Filipino kids who were adopted. All of them seem well adjusted and happy with their families. One's just getting a bit curious about their origins and I was wondering what you were told was the best way of handling the issue. Hope it isn't getting too close to the matter, but if you could blow off Wumpus' comment I'm thinking this isn't too hard core.

There was nothing for my wife and I to agree to concerning the birth mother, all the legal hoops for us were to verify that we were completely bonafide to be Henry's parents. The birth mother had to relinquish her parental rights, of course. We actually got the chance to meet Juanita, because we happened to be in country at the time she came in to sign the papers the first time (she had to sign away her rights again at the end of the process, which happened last Tuesday). Meeting the birth mother is very rare with most international adoptions, and it gave us the chance to talk to her a little and take some pictures of her holding Henry. She is Mayan, illiterate, and in poverty, but we got this incredible sense of dignity and strength from her. We tried to explain to her that we realized that she had made an adoption plan for Henry because she knew it would be the way to make the best life for him, and that we would love him with all our hearts. After meeting her we made a video tape of our recollections of our meeting, for Henry to watch when he's curious.

From what I've read, the best way to deal with the issue of origins with kids who were adopted is to be open about it right from the start, starting from the minute they get home. We'll have pictures of his foster mother and birth mother in his room, and tell him about them, and about his adoption, when he asks. The idea that you should wait to tell kids about their adoption until they are "old enough to handle it" is bollocks, as it just makes something a big deal that should be a natural part of your life. So Henry will know right from the beginning that he has two more Mommies in Guatemala; tummy-mommy and foster-mommy. As is typical, though, I'm the one and only Daddy. The number one question kids who were adopted have about birth parents is "Why did they give me away?", so it's very important to get the message across from the beginning that it was a decision borne out of love, not a rejection. We learned that Henry's youngest brother died soon after Juanita relinquished Henry, most likely from disease and malnutrition. Henry was very thin and had bronchitis when she relinquished him, so she most likely saved his life by letting him go.

We're definitely planning on visiting Guatemala, and will visit Henry's foster family and, if we can track her down, his birthmother. And we're going to try to expose Henry to Guatemalan culture and foster in him pride in his heritage.

Here's Henry saying "Viva la Guatemala!"
http://globbo.ucs.indiana.edu/images/henryjune2.jpg

[Peter Frazier]

He's a very lucky boy. Cheers.

[Jason McCullough]

Congratulations!

[Slothrop]

He's a very lucky boy. Cheers.
We're just as lucky to have found him. Thanks to everyone for their good wishes!

[MathGoddess]

I've been lurking for about a month here - this thread finally got me to sign in & post... We had our son, Luke, August 29, 2002. I spent the day I was in labor playing Tie Fighter all day long (just thinking I had an upset stomach).

Staying at home as a stay-at-home mom is a tough transition to make - especially when you start turning on daytime talk shows for adult conversation... so I've really enjoyed reading some of the posts.

Thankfully Luke is now going to bed at a relatively regular hour so my husband and I have evenings together & we're getting accustomed to the sleep deprivation!

So cool to see a group of Dads who really are there for their kids... And I'm glad I've been able to get a few laughs out of some of the posts in other threads :)

[Tyjenks]

My wife is a stay home Mom and we think it has benefited our 2-year-old little girl greatly. She has the same talk show malady and tries to read or play Flip Out or some such silly shareware game when not tending to the kid.

Its a struggle, at least for us, to decide when and if we should put her in daycare and whether the cost:benefit ratio is worth it.

Nice of you to join us. :)

[XPav]

We had our son, Luke, August 29, 2002. I spent the day I was in labor playing Tie Fighter all day long (just thinking I had an upset stomach).
I'm sure the name Luke was a complete coincidence. :-)

[MathGoddess]

MathGoddess wrote:
We had our son, Luke, August 29, 2002. I spent the day I was in labor playing Tie Fighter all day long (just thinking I had an upset stomach).

I'm sure the name Luke was a complete coincidence.

Yeah, yeah...

My father-in-law threatened to show up for a visit wearing a shirt that said, "Luke, I am your grandfather." I jinxed that! But my husband has asthma, so I figure he & Luke will go around for Halloween one year with Joe in a Vader costume... oh well.

And then, a friend's niece is named Leia...

[TimElhajj]

And then, a friend's niece is named Leia...

If I were you, I would keep an eye on those two during the family picnics.

[SpoofyChop]

Well, our first kid turned one last week. So far she has not brought any revenue to the family. When do they start doing that?

Also...apparently we will be having another one of these non-revenue-generating mini-gamers in January. I'm not exactly sure what we were thinking.

Does anybody else have kids that are only 18 months apart? Do you know what YOU were thinking?

Also...what were we thinking?!?

:D

[DennyA]

Congratudolences, Spoofy! (Congratulations on the second baby, condolences on the sustained four years of interrupted sleep you've now committed yourself to.)

If you haven't read Jeff Vogel's The Story About the Baby (http://www.ironycentral.com/babymain.html[/url) yet, I'd suggest that. It should explain your infant's current lack of earning potential.

We're still trying to decide if having a second one will provide a useful distraction for the first one and allow us to regain a little individuality later down the road, or if we should just keep Carter an only child and work on fostering his reclusive antisocial geek tendencies so he'll stay in his room and let us sleep. :-)

(Kidding, of course. My favorite thing in the world is making that kid laugh.)

[TimElhajj]

Yeah, I have twins so I know what you mean, although you can argue that we didn't really have a choice in the matter. My sister and I were born 11 months apart, which seems really insane.

It helps to have a ready made playmate, but you won't see the benefits for a few more years.

Ah, congratulations!

[Jason Levine]

Well, our first kid turned one last week. So far she has not brought any revenue to the family. When do they start doing that?



On your next tax return. I'm amazed that you, of all people, didn't know that. :P

Edit: Or are you telling us that you didn't claim the exemption and credit for 2002? Nah, that would defy belief. :shock:

[Case]

It's fun reading all these posts.

Our two daughters are now 9 and 12. Both are gamers, though my younger daughter seems to be really picking it up. She regularly boots up Age of Mythology with a friend over our home LAN.

Both my wife and I work out of our house about 75% of the time. However, until last year, she worked in an office. Both kids have grown up quite level-headed, with no apparent psychoses and only minor neuroses, so I guess daycare didn't damage them beyond repair.

I think daycare had the side effect of making them both very social
at an early age, though. They get along easily with new people they
meet, for the most part. They're also, as you might imagine, quite
facile with technology. By the same token, Elizabeth, my older daughter,
is turning out to be quite the jock. I keep having to tell her that she
won't be able to play football in high school because she'll be squashed
flat by 260lb linemen -- at best, she'll be 5' 4" and 110 lbs. But she
seems to be taking to freestyle inline skating pretty well. ;-)

[Denice Cook]

Slothrop: Henry is so gorgeous! Double wow! Of course, belated congrats (I'm pretty new here), have fun, and hold on to your hat once Henry "goes vertical." :wink: That walking/running thing can really throw the household into a tumult, ha ha. And definitely keep those pics coming (all of you parents).

I have a good friend who has adopted both a baby girl (and then two years later) a baby boy from Korea. The two aren't blood-related, but they're two sides of the same slice of bread now-- I just love them.

I had a little girl 8 1/2 years ago, and your baby pics bring back some great memories. (Nowadays she's wearing a size 6 women's shoe, her head tops out over my shoulder, and she's eyeing my clothes!)

MathGoddess: LOL! You go girl, but my old SW favs were Rebel Assault 2, and later, Rogue Squadron. And my daughter's name is my favorite one, Eve, and her cousin is Adam! (A coincidence; Adam's going into college next fall, and lives about 1500 miles away.)

I was 5cm dilated by the time I hit the hospital; I felt literally nothing much of the way through. The doctor in delivery would say, "Go count your contractions," and I'd shrug, "What contractions?" I had spent that November day raking leaves and sitting outside because I live in New England, it was a miraculous 74 degrees out, and yeah, I was four days overdue but I just didn't feel anything, so how could anything be happening? Then I went for my weekly checkup late that afternoon and my OB/GYN freaked and sent me right to the hospital-- my water never broke on its own so I was oblivious. I wound up having my daughter at 10:29 PM. :lol:

[SpoofyChop]

Edit: Or are you telling us that you didn't claim the exemption and credit for 2002? Nah, that would defy belief. :shock:

God forbid!

Of course I took the tax break! What do you think I am, a socialist!?

[wumpus]

You do realize that jeff lackey's kids are going to beat up your kids.

[SpoofyChop]

Not if they're armed!

[Slothrop]

We're back! Yay! Here's pictures (http://globbo.ucs.indiana.edu/images/gotcha). I can't believe it yet. It seems like he's been here a week already, and we just brought him home yesterday. He's a very demanding houseguest-- we have to have HIS favorite formula, and he gets to sleep whenever HE feels like it. He's the baby that wouldn't leave! Oh he is sooooo cute. And smart as a whip, I can tell.

I guess there isn't much call for dinosaur pictures anymore, what with all the banning, so I'll just post this here. Henry says "Rawr!":

http://globbo.ucs.indiana.edu/images/dino.jpg

[Tyjenks]

Yay! Glad the family is all home and together safe and sound. He is a cutie. 2nd only to my girl at that age, I believe.

[Denice Cook]

He's totally gorgeous. You're a lucky man! Best of luck, and take a lot of pics... And Henry is lucky too. :D :D

[Bub, Andrew]

I think you should have Sparky color him green. I mean, he already has the hair, right? :D

Congrats man, enjoy what you're life will now become. Henry's a lucky guy.

[DennyA]

Congratulations, Slothrop! Welcome to a very, very fun (and occasionally trying, of course) time. What a cute, lucky kid!

A few toy suggestions -- these are the current time-sinks for our own nine-month-old:

Curiousity Cube:
http://store.yahoo.com/genius-babies/curiousity-cube-baby-toy.html
This thing has all sorts of movable parts he can manipulate -- which is what they're really starting to do and enjoy at Henry's age. Carter's #1 toy right now.

Fisher Price Intellitable:
Overpriced at the original $80, this is being cleared out at various toy stores now. Got ours at Kay-Bee for $39, and I've heard of it as low as $30. It works as both a stand-up toy and a lap-toy. The center electronics are a removable module about the size of a see-and-say. At 9 month's it's basically something they can push buttons on to make noises, and it has a twisty dial, which Carter really digs. But it also has interactive games they can play when they get older, so it should be good into toddlerhood. Carter's gotten enough enjoyment from it in the past three weeks to justify the $40. :)
http://www.countrykid.com/story.cfm?story_id=194

Kitten:
Alas, Wally is one of a kind, but I'm sure you can find something similar nearby. This guy is going to be Carter's cat, I think. He quickly learned the best way to have fun with Carter is to stay out of head-grabbing range and bat him with his paws from under the Intellitable. (Clipped claws, of course.) Carter has repeated about 7 or 8 words now, but he actually properly uses two to identify objects already - "cat" and "ball." (Ball is more "baa", but still not bad for an 8-month-and-28-day-old..)
Sample kitten at datkin.net - NFS (http://users.adelphia.net/~dennya/Cats/OurNewCatsMittyandWalter/Carter_and_Cats_Misc%20020.html)

Ball:
See above. Cheap and fun. At nine months you should be able to get him to toss or roll it back and forth with you (with some rather piss-poor aim) with a few days practice.
http://www.smilies.nl/bounce/1blue1.gif

[DennyA]

As much as I agree on the superiority of breast-feeding, wierdo results like "less ear infections" strike me as being the result of income level differences.
Was just re-reading this thread after TheBoyWolfie mentioned his upcoming baby and thought I'd share a 9.5-month totally unscientific anecdote:

1) Next door neighbor: Breast-fed each child for just a few weeks. Both kids had numerous ear infections throughout their babyhood.

2) Us: Baby exclusively breastfed for 5 months, breastmilk and solids now at 9.5 months. Not a single ear infection.

Of course, it could be a variety of other factors; genetics, etc... But adecdotally, just as man should be in space, it looks like woman should breastfeed as well. :-)

[John Merva]

We're back! Yay! Here's pictures (http://globbo.ucs.indiana.edu/images/gotcha). I can't believe it yet. It seems like he's been here a week already, and we just brought him home yesterday. He's a very demanding houseguest-- we have to have HIS favorite formula, and he gets to sleep whenever HE feels like it. He's the baby that wouldn't leave! Oh he is sooooo cute. And smart as a whip, I can tell.

I guess there isn't much call for dinosaur pictures anymore, what with all the banning, so I'll just post this here. Henry says "Rawr!":

http://globbo.ucs.indiana.edu/images/dino.jpg

He is absolutely beautiful. Congratulations and good work!! :D

[MathGoddess]

As much as I agree on the superiority of breast-feeding, wierdo results like "less ear infections" strike me as being the result of income level differences.
Was just re-reading this thread after TheBoyWolfie mentioned his upcoming baby and thought I'd share a 9.5-month totally unscientific anecdote:

1) Next door neighbor: Breast-fed each child for just a few weeks. Both kids had numerous ear infections throughout their babyhood.

2) Us: Baby exclusively breastfed for 5 months, breastmilk and solids now at 9.5 months. Not a single ear infection.

Of course, it could be a variety of other factors; genetics, etc... But adecdotally, just as man should be in space, it looks like woman should breastfeed as well. :-)

And Luke (10 months) has had one cold and one viral infection (roseola - last week). Still breastfed (along with solids - we should buy stock in General Mills with all the Cheerios he's eating!) No ear infections - but teeth - yikes!!!!

[DennyA]

Holy crap. Carter's had his first cold for the past few days and between him waking himself up coughing and ending up in our bed so he can get to sleep, I haven't had a good night's sleep since Wednesday.

I have newfound respect for you guys who weren't lucky enough to have kids who slept through the night from Day 1. Yow.

Annoyingly, Carter hasn't even STARTED day care yet. He got infected by the other kids when visiting the day care for orientation. I'm rethinking this whole thing and going back to the "tape his door up with Saran Wrap and tell him he's a bubble boy" approach, I think.

Slothrop, how goes the daddyhood?

[quatoria]

As much as I agree on the superiority of breast-feeding, wierdo results like "less ear infections" strike me as being the result of income level differences.
Was just re-reading this thread after TheBoyWolfie mentioned his upcoming baby and thought I'd share a 9.5-month totally unscientific anecdote:

1) Next door neighbor: Breast-fed each child for just a few weeks. Both kids had numerous ear infections throughout their babyhood.

2) Us: Baby exclusively breastfed for 5 months, breastmilk and solids now at 9.5 months. Not a single ear infection.

Of course, it could be a variety of other factors; genetics, etc... But adecdotally, just as man should be in space, it looks like woman should breastfeed as well. :-)

There's a wealth of scientific evidence backing up your anecdote - a mother's contact with her baby allows her body to analyze what antibodies etc her baby needs, which are then manufactured and passed on through breast milk. It unquestionably increases the health of the child. I don't know if current science still purports that it increases the intellect.

[SpoofyChop]

MiniSpoof #2 was born the other day.

She is very cute and looks like her sister who is only 1.5 years older. I have no idea why we thought this would be a good age difference since MiniSpoof #1 is now an expert temper tantrum thrower, but holding a little baby in your arms is a pretty good way to take your worries away!

:)

Luckily having them so close together means you have a pretty good memory of the whole infant stage. All in all, I think this baby will turn out fine except I'm sure she will hate having a birthday around the holidays.

Oh well, thems the breaks kid.

[Bub, Andrew]

Congratulations Spoofy!
Cigars all around.

[Tyjenks]

Congrats to you and prayers for your poor, poor children. :D

[SpoofyChop]

Congrats to you and prayers for your poor, poor children. :D

Hehe!

[TimElhajj]

Good for you SpoofyChop! Give her a little squeeze for me.

[Doug Erickson]

Congratulations, Spoofy!

Generation 2 Erickson #1 will be along in July; I can't imagine what it's going to be like.

[TimElhajj]

Generation 2 Erickson #1 will be along in July; I can't imagine what it's going to be like.

Seven months out? Wow, that's still a long haul. Good luck!