I murdered a prostitute last night.

[Brendan]

Ok, not really but I thought I'd spice things up in EE for a change.

How about a forum game. Someone take the title of this thread and treat it like the beginning of a story, whoever posts next writes the next line, etc. and we see where it takes us.

[Demon G Sides]

It was a bloody affair.

[Jakub]

This shit is just all fucked up. I vote this thread dies.

[Brendan]

This shit is just all fucked up. I vote this thread dies.

That was two.

[Tankero]

And yet I carried on.

[Skipper]

It started off as a typical Monday evening with a few pints of beer at the pub, followed by me stumbling along the same tired route back toward my flat.

[Tyjenks]

And then I murdered a prostitute.

[mystery]

Amanda? Oh, man, you know that's not her real name, right?

[Aeon221]

Pampers are a girl's best friend.

[Armando Penblade]

Before I go on, allow me to indulge in a long-winded, hundreds-of-pages-long exploration of my childhood in rural Montana, that you might better understand what lead to this most disagreeable of occurrences.

[John Many Jars]

Suddenly, a squirrel sprang from the shadows!

[Tyjenks]

Most of which entails the murdering of prostitutes.

[Tankero]

Because the squirrel was, indeed, dressed like a prostitute.

[Tyjenks]

That squirrel was my Mom who was a stripper prostitute who danced under the moniker Squirrel Lady of the Evening and that night was dressed as a prostitute dress as a squirrel who dressed as a prositute.

[Demon G Sides]

Maybe it was the booze?

[robsam]

I for one can't wait to see the banner ads that will come from this thread.

[Brendan]

Or the acid, who could be sure?

[Jon Rowe]

She didn't cry.

[Tankero]

She couldn't, she was a squirrel, which was the reason for all the lighting and the strife back in Montana.

[Marged]

Being a squirrel, she charged me in acorns, but I was flat out.

[metta]

Dead men don't rape.

[Demon G Sides]

Fuck Star Wars

[triggercut]

I found myself craving the taste of a refreshing ice cold Pepsi.

[Linoleum]

Do you like the bushy tail? You find the damnedest things on freecycle.

[John Many Jars]

As I popped the tab on the Pepsi I always carried during those years, I reflected that I'd never killed a squirrel before, except for that one in Allentown in '73.

[Matthew Gallant]

http://www.truemeaningoflife.com/images/nicetry.jpg

[Tankero]

That squirrel was my brother, also a prostitute, which led me to a stunning conclusion.

[triggercut]

And then I danced. I danced the dance of defiance.

[Brendan]

All this talk about squirrels was making me hungry.

[Bahimiron]

Suddenly, my post count went up by one!

[Morberis]

It was then I decided to turn her into bacon.

[Equis]

And thus she was the salt of the earth, or at least my turkey salad.

[Omniscia]

That'll teach the damn squirrels that some nuts just aren't meant to be nibbled on.

[Rimbo]

And now, as I review the pattern of buttons in the padded walls of my chamber, I find myself haunted by the question the investigator asked me.

[Jazar]

"E5, What prostitute?!"

[Jon Rowe]

And now, as I review the pattern of buttons in the padded walls of my chamber, I find myself haunted by the question the investigator asked me.

Did you do it for the Peanuts?

[Morberis]

(reply) And risk Salmonella poisoning?

[Skipper]

"Negative," I told him, "we have a large Salmonella leak down here. Give us a few minutes to lock it down. Large leak, very dangerous."

[Tankero]

I knew my siblings would come for me. They could chew through anything. They'll chew through me too.

[Jon Rowe]

The fire in their eyes would burn with the fury of a thousand suns, if it meant freeing their savior from the confines of the asylum.

[Morberis]

... with the power of dance.

[Brendan]

Unfortunately they ended up getting distracted playing Dance Dance Revolution at the arcade and left me stranded in a cell with a mattress filthy enough to make a man pregnant.

[Jon Rowe]

But, I still had my secret weapon....

[Rimbo]

...CHER.

[Tankero]

Cher! I called. CHER! Come to thy dark master!

[Demon G Sides]

And then things got weird.

[John Many Jars]

The face that appeared at my cell door was neither Cher's nor my jailer's but that of the Rock, my 38th favorite professional wrestler and the star of upcoming Disney smash "Race to Witch Mountain."

[Jon Rowe]

He was muttering incoherently about the people's elbow, but his magical murder-fists made short work of the guards outside.

[Morberis]

And then he saw Cher, or to be correct he looked in a mirror.

[Tankero]

He laughed. He cried. He smashed it.

[Matthew Gallant]

http://www.truemeaningoflife.com/images/nicetry.jpg

[Morberis]

(I think you just won the thread :)

[Rimbo]

RockCher and I grabbed our anti-fembot rayguns and boarded our spaceship to the Planet of Flight Attendants with Loose Morals and Even Looser Robes.

[Tankero]

...and then a bump on the road woke me up. I was twelve again, in Montana, riding in the back seat while my squirrel mother drove me to squirrel school.

[Matthew Gallant]

http://www.truemeaningoflife.com/images/nicetry.jpg
http://www.truemeaningoflife.com/images/nicetry.jpg
http://www.truemeaningoflife.com/images/nicetry.jpg

[Morberis]

When those bastard Chipmunks ran us off the road.

[John Many Jars]

http://theanna.org/clip/images/prost.gif

[Tom Chick]

I'm going to go ahead and close this. It started off in poor taste and moved laterally to nowhere in particular. I wish people didn't think "Everything Else" was synonymous with "Nothing At All".

-Tom