Jason McCullough
01-11-2009, 06:48 PM
I don't remember where I read this recently, but they said they'd basically ran out of ideas what to do with him. So they're sending him out with this series (http://www.theonion.com/content/taxonomy%252Ftag%252FNews%2BIn%2BBrief).
Single-Engine Cesna Crashes Into Bush (http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/single_engine_cessna).
Bush's Eyelid Accidentally Nailed to Wall (http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/bushs_eyelid_accidentally).
Bush Dragged Behind Presidential Mothercade for 26 Blocks (http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/bush_dragged_behind).
Bush Passes Three-Pound Kidney Stone (http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/bush_passes_three_pound).
President Bush collapsed in the Oval Office after spontaneously expelling a 3-pound kidney stone from his bladder, sources reported Tuesday. According to witnesses, the president was attending his daily Iraq War briefing when he suddenly began shrieking loudly and clutching his abdomen, a mixture of blood and urine pooling rapidly around his feet. Bush was able to maintain consciousness through more than 20 minutes of excruciating pain, even after the jagged, grapefruit-sized crystal aggregation shredded his urethra and dropped from his left pant leg, finally rolling to a stop on the presidential seal in the middle of the Oval Office carpet. Bush is resting comfortably at Bethesda Naval Hospital.
Aaaah. So much better.
Single-Engine Cesna Crashes Into Bush (http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/single_engine_cessna).
Bush's Eyelid Accidentally Nailed to Wall (http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/bushs_eyelid_accidentally).
Bush Dragged Behind Presidential Mothercade for 26 Blocks (http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/bush_dragged_behind).
Bush Passes Three-Pound Kidney Stone (http://www.theonion.com/content/news_briefs/bush_passes_three_pound).
President Bush collapsed in the Oval Office after spontaneously expelling a 3-pound kidney stone from his bladder, sources reported Tuesday. According to witnesses, the president was attending his daily Iraq War briefing when he suddenly began shrieking loudly and clutching his abdomen, a mixture of blood and urine pooling rapidly around his feet. Bush was able to maintain consciousness through more than 20 minutes of excruciating pain, even after the jagged, grapefruit-sized crystal aggregation shredded his urethra and dropped from his left pant leg, finally rolling to a stop on the presidential seal in the middle of the Oval Office carpet. Bush is resting comfortably at Bethesda Naval Hospital.
Aaaah. So much better.