Went to a bachelor party last night

[Funkula]

Just woke up. It is 3 PM here. I feel like crap from head to toe. And I didn't even get drunk last night.

Mission Fucking Accomplished.

(For more context, my friends go in for non-traditional bachelor parties. This time, we ate enormous rare steaks, then went to a LAN center we rented overnight and played FPSes while chugging energy drinks all night long. It was just about the perfect bachelor experience.)

[Adree]

http://threadbombing.com/data/media/2/asian_loser.gif

[Robert Sharp]

Aren't you supposed to have sex with other women at your bachelor party?

[Lunch of Kong]

I liked the other bachelor party thread with the dildo helmet.

[Dave Markell]

Eh, one of my friends had a bachelor party like that. We played games, drank, and watched Super Ninjas, perhaps the worst/funniest Kung Fu film ever made. At the time, he was a fundamentalist, so wilder entertainment was definitely off the menu. Still, good times.

[Sol Invictus]

Aren't you supposed to have sex with other women at your bachelor party?

They probably played 3Feel.

[Funkula]

Well, since no one in my circle of friends really goes for strip clubs or anything like that, it seemed kind of stupid to do something like that for the first/last time. As far as I'm concerned, the whole point of the bachelor party is one last go-round with the stupid shit you're not going to have time/permission for after you get married. Last time we had one of these, we cooked a giant pot of chili, drank enormous quantities of beer, and watched shitty movies until dawn. There was also one (that sadly didn't come together due to the schedules/travel distances of the wedding party) where we were going to play tabletop RPGs all night.

[Ryan A]

Last time we had one of these, we cooked a giant pot of chili, drank enormous quantities of beer, and watched shitty movies until dawn.

Based on what you ate and drank that night, I doubt the movies were what stunk the place up.

[Rasputin]

As far as I'm concerned, the whole point of the bachelor party is one last go-round with the stupid shit you're not going to have time/permission for after you get married.

Yes, and as far as I'm concerned bachelor parties should involve the 3 B's. Booze, boobs, and... uh, more boobs. Note that I am not endorsing or condoning the "sex with other women" part.

[Robert Sharp]

Why won't you be able to watch bad movies and play video games after you are married? I still do both as often as I wish (married ten years as of June 3rd...yeah, a few days ago). I can even have giant bowls of chili that fill me full of joyous expulsions!

[Bill Dungsroman]

Not to pimp my old posts or whatever, but here's my take (http://www.quartertothree.com/game-talk/showpost.php?p=899715&postcount=113) on the usefulness of a traditional debauched bachelor party.

[Sarkus]

Went to a bachelor party last Saturday night
I didn't get laid, I got in a fight
Uh, huh
It ain't no big thing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6sa-4A7RrP8

[merryprankster]

Ended up partying with a bachalorette party on friday night...now that was a damn good time.

[ElGuapo]

Bachelor parties with strippers and such are total idiotic. Who invented that tradition? Do what the groom likes. For most of us that's playing videogames and drinking with friends.

[jerri blank]

When I was in college, I got invited to a co-worker's bachelor party. I was the only woman there. No, I wasn't the entertainment.

It was... interesting. Sometimes being one of the guys yields valuable insights.

[jfletch]

Bachelor parties with strippers and such are total idiotic. Who invented that tradition? Do what the groom likes. For most of us that's playing videogames and drinking with friends.

Maybe it got invented because most grooms like strippers?

[tiohn]

For my bachelor party, 8 of us drank 2 fifths of Jamesons while playing poker. Then we went to one of my favorite restaurants, where we had a ton of good food and some great wine, after which we adjourned to a fancy strip club. This club treated us like the bunch of drunk assholes that we were, so we left shortly and went to a divey strip club. You know, the kind in a trailer. Wherein we proceeded to consumer more alcohol than most of us had ever had in our lives and some very nice strippers took my shirt off and wrote on me. Had I had my way, we would have driven go-karts all night. Luckily for me, my friends took charge of the evening. We all had a blast and will likely repeat the process when the next person in our group gets married.
And now basically what Bill D. already said. A bachelor party is about hanging out with your friends and bonding, whether that be over energy drinks and video games, laser tag, or booze and strippers. However, I now fall on the side of not doing what the groom wants. Unless, of course, what the groom wants is booze and strippers.

[Brendan]

Just woke up. It is 3 PM here. I feel like crap from head to toe. And I didn't even get drunk last night.

Mission Fucking Accomplished.

(For more context, my friends go in for non-traditional bachelor parties. This time, we ate enormous rare steaks, then went to a LAN center we rented overnight and played FPSes while chugging energy drinks all night long. It was just about the perfect bachelor experience.)

That is not a bachelor party, it's a LAN party. There is a slight difference.

[merryprankster]

My favorote bachelor party actually involved no strippers at all. We all got together at a camp in the poconos, with a good amount of beer and about a grand worth of fireworks. Let me tell you that was a lot of fun.

[Brendan]

My favorote bachelor party actually involved no strippers at all. We all got together at a camp in the poconos, with a good amount of beer and about a grand worth of fireworks. Let me tell you that was a lot of fun.

Camping, fireworks and booze. Now that does sound like good clean fun.

[CalvinGT]

I should mock. I really want to mock. I mean-that's a LAN party, not a bachelor party. But my best friends bachelor party about 3 weeks ago involved an "upscale" strip club for the whole night and I probably couldn't have been more bored to tears if I absolutely tried. And the girls? Ugh, don't get your disgusting germs anywhere near me. They all looked like they needed a shower with disinfectant.

No, no thanks. If I want drunk chicks doing stupid things, I'll go to any local bar in DC and find far, far better looking women than won't offer blow jobs for a buck 25.

[Jon Rowe]

I would think that a stripper would be the dumbest thing. I am 22 and I think that is childish. It would be really awkward I would think. Maybe going to a strip club, and not hiring an individual stripper?

[Robert Sharp]

When I was 14 or 15, I went with my father to his best friend's bachelor party. It was at the friend's house, and they had hired two strippers to come to the party. They were accompanied by big burly dudes with guns. It was creepy. Anyway, the strippers went around this guy's back deck doing their thing (it was in the country, so no neighbors). Even as a pubescent boy, I wasn't aroused at all. They were pretty women; high class. But the whole thing was so staged and so non-sexual despite the nudity that I didn't feel anything but a bit of repulsion. One actually came over to me and I just tried to ignore her until she passed on by.

The groom, however, had this predatory look in his eyes. He was practically drooling. It was disturbing and left a very vivid mental picture in my mind.

I'm not saying I'm against strippers. If you enjoy them great. But I've never gotten the appeal either. Similarly, I'm not sure if I could use an escort unless she was really good at the GFE.

[Kraaze]

But I've never gotten the appeal either. Similarly, I'm not sure if I could use an escort unless she was really good at the GFE.

Just a friendly FYI, you sort of ruined your case for not being a fan of the strippers or the escorts when you started using jargon like GFE that I have to google to understand your post. ;-)

[Robert Sharp]

Heh. I actually found that acronym in a recent Playboy article. I'm not against looking at nude women or porn. I'm talking about paying a woman to pretend she would like to have sex with you.

[DoomMunky]

I'm with the people who mentioned being embarrassed by the strippers' presence. I went to a giant company party that had paid dancers rocking out on platforms, and I felt really awkward and uncomfortable. They're there to make the party feel 'special' in some way, but I couldn't meet their eyes. They're probably down with getting paid to dance, but it made me feel yucky. That whole presentational "we're having FUN" vibe (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T8NhJNpQlsY) really annoys me and turns me off.

[Brendan]

Sorry, it's a case of mistaken identity.

[Slainte Mhath]

I have friends who are in both camps, some think a bachelor party demands strippers and drinking until you pass out, and some who would rather just do whatever the groom and his best friends enjoy best, be that video gaming, making music (I have a couple of musician friends) or going to a sporting event followed by a nice pub crawl. Luckily, I'm cool either way. =) It boils down to the individual. I'd never feel right forcing a guy into a situation he was genuinely uncomfortable with just because it's considered "tradition".

[Chowhound]

Camping, fireworks and booze. Now that does sound like good clean fun.

Not to mention the gay sex?

One of my best friends wanted to head up to Mammoth for the weekend: rent a cabin, hike, fish, bond with all his friends. Sounds good when you're married with kids and need to get away, but not a bachelor party.

We nixed that idea and spent the weekend in Mandalay Bay which involved booze, boobs, more boobs, the groom walking around the suite so shit-faced he was stark naked with a raging hard-on brought on by 2 little blue pills yelling "I AM THE MAN!!!" repeatedly. Then standing guard at the bedroom door while 2 of the girls we brought up worked on relieving him of his condition.

The wedding 2 weeks later was filled with sideways glances, winks, nods and discreet fist bumps. Mission accomplished.

[WarrenM]

Not liking strippers? Fags.

Although I am totally against getting any action for the soon-to-be-groom. If you're that interested in fucking other women, don't get married.

[tiohn]

At my best friend's bachelor party, some strippers (the fully nude variety) put saran wrap on his face and then sat on it.

This seems strange to me. I know that the saran wrap was for hygienic reasons, but still.

[Stroker Ace]

These sad bachelor party stories make me think of this guy.

http://i32.tinypic.com/2njlvds.jpg

Did any of you see him at your parties?

[Destarius]

Although I am totally against getting any action for the soon-to-be-groom. If you're that interested in fucking other women, don't get married.

It's the whole "last chance to do something you probably couldn't do after marriage" thing. I don't think doing something you would probably be able to do after marriage is a really meaningful bachelor party.

That being said, suggesting a first-time commercial sex experience is probably going to be awkward (unless you know an awesome hooker), and doing a friend/colleague is probably an even worse idea. A stripper could be the 'safe' middle ground of not going all the way and why this seems to be so popular.

[Stroker Ace]

I don't get how someone who is days away from tying the know is comfortable cheating on his affianced... is it that sex workers aren't real people or what?

[Jon Rowe]

It's the whole "last chance to do something you probably couldn't do after marriage" thing. I don't think doing something you would probably be able to do after marriage is a really meaningful bachelor party.

That being said, suggesting a first-time commercial sex experience is probably going to be awkward (unless you know an awesome hooker), and doing a friend/colleague is probably an even worse idea. A stripper could be the 'safe' middle ground of not going all the way and why this seems to be so popular.

until you go to a friends bachelor party while married.

[Funkula]

Not to mention the gay sex?

One of my best friends wanted to head up to Mammoth for the weekend: rent a cabin, hike, fish, bond with all his friends. Sounds good when you're married with kids and need to get away, but not a bachelor party.

We nixed that idea and spent the weekend in Mandalay Bay which involved booze, boobs, more boobs, the groom walking around the suite so shit-faced he was stark naked with a raging hard-on brought on by 2 little blue pills yelling "I AM THE MAN!!!" repeatedly. Then standing guard at the bedroom door while 2 of the girls we brought up worked on relieving him of his condition.

The wedding 2 weeks later was filled with sideways glances, winks, nods and discreet fist bumps. Mission accomplished.

The friend who wanted to go camping was the groom? If not, disregard the rest of the post.

So instead of indulging the groom and celebrating the way he wanted to, you got him drunk and priapic, and induced him to cheat on his theoretical soulmate? Nice. Personally, I'd prefer to do something less classifiable as "date-rape by proxy."

Also, our way of doing it doesn't involve looking at the groom's boner, or any boners for that matter.

[Funkula]

I don't get how someone who is days away from tying the know is comfortable cheating on his affianced... is it that sex workers aren't real people or what?

Yeah, no shit. I mean, if it's an arranged marriage or something, I guess it doesn't mean as much, but every relationship of everyone I've ever known is fully committed by the time they get married. If it's a marriage for love I don't see how cheating before the wedding is any different than cheating afterward.

[WarrenM]

I don't get how someone who is days away from tying the know is comfortable cheating on his affianced... is it that sex workers aren't real people or what?
Yeah, that's where I'm at as well. Is he already anxious for the chance to cheat? What are the odds on the marriage lasting 6 months?

I couldn't imagine banging strippers days away from my wedding day. Good lord, have a -little- class.

[Kraaze]

Yeah, that's where I'm at as well. Is he already anxious for the chance to cheat? What are the odds on the marriage lasting 6 months?

Hey now, don't go projecting your values onto everyone. I've seen crazy stuff at bachelor parties and the grooms went on to be nice stable happy married men with successful marriages.

[Stroker Ace]

I'm not sure Bill wrote what you seem to have read.

[Funkula]

Well it's better than doing it afterwards isn't it?

No. Legally, it carries more weight, but these days marriage is usually more of a formalization rather than a shift in the nature of the relationship.

[WarrenM]

Hey now, don't go projecting your values onto everyone.
My values? Not cheating on your girlfriend/fiance/wife is a value that most of society holds.

[Kraaze]

I'm not sure Bill wrote what you seem to have read.

Huh??

[Kraaze]

My values? Not cheating on your girlfriend/fiance/wife is a value that most of society holds.

It's a value that lot of society pays lip service too, I dunno how many actually cling tightly to it. But maybe I read too many news stores about politicians ;-)

Also I know plenty of people who think a bachelor party is a special exception that should let a fellow get away with stuff that would normally upset his SO.

[Stroker Ace]

Not liking strippers? Fags.

Although I am totally against getting any action for the soon-to-be-groom. If you're that interested in fucking other women, don't get married.

It's a value that lot of society pays lip service too, I dunno how many actually cling tightly to it. And I know plenty of people who think a bachelor party is a special exception that should let a fellow get away with stuff that would normally upset his SO.Also, eatin' ain't cheatin'.

[Rimbo]

What happens in vegas, stays in vegas?

[WarrenM]

I must hang out with the wrong (right?) crowds then because having strippers at the party is one thing. Having sex with them is quite another.

[Robert Sharp]

It's not cheating if the fiancee knows about it, right? So just ask permission first. That should go over well, too.

[Kraaze]

It's not cheating if the fiancee knows about it, right? So just ask permission first. That should go over well, too.

Man that's some horrible advice. A man starts his marriage that way and he's full on whipped right from the get go. A guy in that situation will probably end up having to ask permission to pee standing up on his wedding night.

[WarrenM]

Man that's some horrible advice. A man starts his marriage that way and he's full on whipped right from the get go. A guy in that situation will probably end up having to ask permission to pee standing up on his wedding night.
Oh, you're trolling! Shit, sorry, I thought you were being serious in this thread.

[Kraaze]

Oh, you're trolling! Shit, sorry, I thought you were being serious in this thread.

I'm sorry, was this thread serious worthy?

[Slainte Mhath]

While I'm not opposed to the full on booze and stripper bachelor party (I've been to many, some were even fun), I would in no way condone any "action" for the groom during the bachelor party beyond having a shapely ass or a surgically enhanced pair of breasts shaken in his immediate vicinity. Issues of disease and hygenics aside, it's just plain wrong.

That said, you do realize that it's not just guys anymore right? Bachelorette parties have come a long way from sitting in someone's living room eating a phallus-shaped cake and laughing at the soon-to-be bride as she turns red while opening lacy packages from Victoria's secret. Having worked in a nightclub with a private party room, I can say without hesitation that some of the ladies are getting their "fun" in same as the guys are.

[Jon Rowe]

probably some things you shouldn't mention on a board. You never know who could be reading it...

[Robert Sharp]

Kraaze could see I was joking, so he responded by joking back. It was appropriate.

[NoWayJose]

You guys should really stop with all the threads about who thinks naked girls are the yuckiest.

[JoshV]

That said, you do realize that it's not just guys anymore right? Bachelorette parties have come a long way from sitting in someone's living room eating a phallus-shaped cake and laughing at the soon-to-be bride as she turns red while opening lacy packages from Victoria's secret. Having worked in a nightclub with a private party room, I can say without hesitation that some of the ladies are getting their "fun" in same as the guys are.

Wow, so funny, my gf went to a bachelorette party and it was indeed still the phallus-shaped cake and lacy packages. (she showed me the pics) Guess it depends on the girls...

[Bill Dungsroman]

If my bachelor party isn't exactly like Very Bad Things except the hooker lives, I'm getting new friends and throwing another bachelor party until the dumb motherfuckers get it right.
















Actually, if the hooker doesn't make it it's OK, as long as we can dispose of her easily (I mean it's not like they're real people).

[Adree]

http://i30.tinypic.com/jztweo.jpg

[Flowers]

I second the bachelor party mulligan.

To me, there will be no such thing as an official recognized bachelor party that lacks naked girls until gay marriage is legal. I honestly don't see the point of marrying a girl if you don't even like girls in the first place. And I'm sorry, if you really liked girls, you'd want to see a lot of them completely naked, writhing in front of you, jumping up and down, and rubbing their boobs on your face. There's nothing wrong with being an asexual being, lots of life on Earth is asexual. But there is something wrong with being a cockless social approval pony that tries to convince people that he is what a man is like.

I guess if you just care so much about your special snugglebuns that you want to make her happy for the rest of her life, even if it means that you will have to give up on everything you hold dear, then that's one thing. But a bachelor party takes that into account. The entire purpose of the bachelor party is to razz the groom for making a cliched and weak willed push into what society says is wedded bliss. For people to take the teeth out of a social ritual and expect it to still have the same resonance in the lives of the participants is utter foolishness. Ask anyone who had a real bachelor party about it, and you will know, you will fucking know, when you look into his eyes, that in there, somewhere, inbetween the college fund plans, behind the shattered fiberglass dreams that would have been his yacht with a hot tub, and underneath the fifteen hundred fucking pillows on the bed of his soul, there is still a man. And he is still a man because he has that memory to cling onto, that shard of humanity that tells him, yeah, if he felt like it, he could clean out the bank accounts and be having his armpits licked by female Japanese airline pilots by tonight, or whatever time it would be forty five minutes after the next flight from Japan Airlines hits the Minneapolis Airport when the crew hits the TGIFriday's.

Listen, married life is a lot like room 101 from the book 1984. When the rats of life are chewing on your face and you are trying not to betray yourself to someone who insists on asking you questions even though she already knows goddamn well that you don't want to share a fucking soda, but she keeps asking every time, as if you've never met before in your life, and keeps getting disappointed in the same way, even though you're not the wingnut who is insanely particular about the choosing Coke over Pepsi, which means that at roughly fifty percent of the restaurants in the United States, I am not allowed to have cola without being read the riot act, christ, I don't even get that way when you wake me up at 7:30 on a Saturday morning after I've been drinking and excitedly tell me about "our" plans to clean the entire house, I FUCKING LIKE PEPSI. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH MOTHERFUCKING PEPSI. ON A RELATED NOTE, I AM NOT THE COMPLAINTS DEPARTMENT FOR THE PEPSI CORPORATION, I DO NOT MAKE PEPSI, I DO NOT KNOW ANYONE THAT WORKS FOR PEPSI, THEREFORE, PLEASE REFER YOUR COMMENTS REGARDING THE INFERIOR SUGAR CONTENT THE FUCK ELSEWHERE, imagine the rats are just super scratchy tits that can bite you.

[NoWayJose]

I could clean out the bank accounts and having my armpits licked by female Japanese airline pilots by tonight, or whatever time it would be forty five minutes after the next flight from Japan Airlines hits the Minneapolis Airport when the crew hits the TGIFriday's.
You can have that because a lot of women will do a lot of things for money and a lot of men will pay women to do those things. That's why strip clubs are awesome and bachelor parties are a great excuse to go to them. Other excuses include: blowing off steam, landing the big account, hey it's Thursday.

[Kraaze]

I second the bachelor party mulligan.

To me, there will be no such thing as an official recognized bachelor party that lacks naked girls until gay marriage is legal. I honestly don't see the point of marrying a girl if you don't even like girls in the first place. And I'm sorry, if you really liked girls, you'd want to see a lot of them completely naked, writhing in front of you, jumping up and down, and rubbing their boobs on your face. There's nothing wrong with being an asexual being, lots of life on Earth is asexual. But there is something wrong with being a cockless social approval pony that tries to convince people that he is what a man is like.

I guess if you just care so much about your special snugglebuns that you want to make her happy for the rest of her life, even if it means that you will have to give up on everything you hold dear, then that's one thing. But a bachelor party takes that into account. The entire purpose of the bachelor party is to razz the groom for making a cliched and weak willed push into what society says is wedded bliss. For people to take the teeth out of a social ritual and expect it to still have the same resonance in the lives of the participants is utter foolishness. Ask anyone who had a real bachelor party about it, and you will know, you will fucking know, when you look into his eyes, that in there, somewhere, inbetween the college fund plans, behind the shattered fiberglass dreams that would have been his yacht with a hot tub, and underneath the fifteen hundred fucking pillows on the bed of his soul, there is still a man. And he is still a man because he has that memory to cling onto, that shard of humanity that tells him, yeah, if he felt like it, he could clean out the bank accounts and be having his armpits licked by female Japanese airline pilots by tonight, or whatever time it would be forty five minutes after the next flight from Japan Airlines hits the Minneapolis Airport when the crew hits the TGIFriday's.

Listen, married life is a lot like room 101 from the book 1984. When the rats of life are chewing on your face and you are trying not to betray yourself to someone who insists on asking you questions even though she already knows goddamn well that you don't want to share a fucking soda, but she keeps asking every time, as if you've never met before in your life, and keeps getting disappointed in the same way, even though you're not the wingnut who is insanely particular about the choosing Coke over Pepsi, which means that at roughly fifty percent of the restaurants in the United States, I am not allowed to have cola without being read the riot act, christ, I don't even get that way when you wake me up at 7:30 on a Saturday morning after I've been drinking and excitedly tell me about "our" plans to clean the entire house, I FUCKING LIKE PEPSI. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH MOTHERFUCKING PEPSI. ON A RELATED NOTE, I AM NOT THE COMPLAINTS DEPARTMENT FOR THE PEPSI CORPORATION, I DO NOT MAKE PEPSI, I DO NOT KNOW ANYONE THAT WORKS FOR PEPSI, THEREFORE, PLEASE REFER YOUR COMMENTS REGARDING THE INFERIOR SUGAR CONTENT THE FUCK ELSEWHERE, imagine the rats are just super scratchy tits that can bite you.

That may be your best post ever. Bravo sir. Bravo.

[Brendan]

I must hang out with the wrong (right?) crowds then because having strippers at the party is one thing. Having sex with them is quite another.

I'm with EpicBoy on this one. Having sexual contact with a woman who is not your wife on your bachelor party is taking things a little far.

Watching a lesbian show and having one of the performers try to kiss you on the mouth afterwards is also not cool.

[Jon Rowe]

I am not against strippers, but I think that if I was going to be marrying someone, I would be to the point that I would really not want any other woman.

Go to the strip clubs before you are engaged to be married. It seems like the bachelors party is more for the friends of the groom than the groom himself.

[Bill Dungsroman]

And one of the points of the bachelor party is to make sure of that, Jon.

Also, nobody's said anything about fucking anyone.

[Athryn]

But there is something wrong with being a cockless social approval pony that tries to convince people that he is what a man is like.

This is the best line ever.

Nothing wrong with strippers, but it's probably not a great idea to have sex with them.

"I don't care where you build up your appetite, as long as you eat at home."

[Funkula]

Also, nobody's said anything about fucking anyone.

Demonstrably untrue. (http://www.quartertothree.com/game-talk/showthread.php?p=1371072#post1371072)

[Jarmo]

I got invited to a co-worker's bachelor party. I was the only woman there.
It was... interesting. Sometimes being one of the guys yields valuable insights.

Care to share? I, for one, would be quite interested in your findings.

[Rimbo]

This is the best line ever.

Nothing wrong with strippers, but it's probably not a great idea to have sex with them.

"I don't care where you build up your appetite, as long as you eat at home."

A cow-orker of mine married one.

And now he can't even get a proper divorce out of it, because the bitch went psycho and got hit with an assault charge, which in California means he gets automatic custody of the kids. But the kids would rather stay here in town while he moves with his girlfriend up North, so he had to un-file the divorce after that. Meanwhile she gets his name tattooed on her. The guy is dumping her, and she goes out and does that.

Yeah so... don't marry one.

[Brad Grenz]

The fact that a woman strips for a living should always be seen as a "red flag". Stay away. Same goes for porn stars and scientologists.

[WarrenM]

Yeah, as much as I love strippers, I will advocate not dating one or (wtf?) marrying one. No matter how stable and fun they may seem, the odds are fantastic that they're broken on some emotional level and that will come to light sooner or later.

[Flowers]

Everyone dreams of finding that mythical stripper who only does it because she loves getting naked. Not because she's saving up for a purple oh now it's green iridescent Pontiac Sunfire, and certainly not because her dad had a crush on her, she's just an exhibitionist who was sick of getting indecent exposure tickets and decided to take her hobby to a professional level. Like a lady whose friends all tell her she should sell those cute little dolls she makes, and then bam. Hummel.

[Kraaze]

The fact that a woman strips for a living should always be seen as a "red flag". Stay away. Same goes for porn stars and scientologists.

And art history majors.

[Balasarius]

I'm getting married in 1.5 weeks, bachelor party is next Friday.

We're going to F1Boston (http://www.f1boston.com/). We're getting a room after the racing. It will have a few pool tables, a 42" plasma TV, and a bar. I'm going to bring the 360 and hook up Rock Band. Play some pool, and poker. And drink.

We have about 15 people coming including my dad, uncle, and online friends.

Playing video games or RPGs all night sounds like a lot of fun, but unfortunately, of those coming only about 1/4 to 1/3 of them would be interested in that. F1Boston seemed like a good place where everyone could have some fun. I feel that's part of my obligation. A lot of these people are coming from out of town, and I feel bad enough dragging them out here for the wedding. Because, of course, weddings fucking suck.

The fiance said strippers were fine, but no touching. I don't want any touching, either. But I don't want strippers, either. Why? So I can get a raging hard-on surrounded by a bunch of guys? "OMG guys I can't take this anymore, I need to run to the bathroom and rub this out right now!" Please. If there's no touching, what's the point? This is 2008, guys. In 10 seconds I can see videos of chics getting fucked by horses, if I wanted to. I don't need a stripper to make me hard in a place where I can't do anything about it.

[WarrenM]

In front of a group of your friends? Yeah, not the best place to enjoy a stripper. In a darkened back room at a strip club? Much better.

But the argument still holds that you can't do anything about it. But so what? Lots of stuff can get me excited during an average day - something as simple as a nice looking girl walking by will do it. I can't do anything about it there either but it doesn't mean I don't enjoy it.

[Machfive]

So I can get a raging hard-on surrounded by a bunch of guys? "OMG guys I can't take this anymore, I need to run to the bathroom and rub this out right now!"

I mean, really, you guys are that weak-willed you can't function with a goddamned erection?

Sad, just sad.

[Balasarius]

Junior high teaches every male how to function with an erection.

What I'm saying is -- I'd rather not.

[rottengeek]

I second the bachelor party mulligan.

I FUCKING LIKE PEPSI. THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH MOTHERFUCKING PEPSI.

I like Pepsi too.
I also hate to share. It's mine. Get your own.

We should marry.

[Bill Dungsroman]

Demonstrably untrue. (http://www.quartertothree.com/game-talk/showthread.php?p=1371072#post1371072)

OK, well Chowhound then, my mistake. I most certainly haven't.

Anyway, premarital infidelity is one random act, never to be repeated. Wait until the bride discovers what her hubbie's innocuous little "LAN party" portends for their future together: first, the occasional Friday or Saturday night. Then every Friday or Saturday night. Then it has to be Friday because it usually lasts until just before dawn Saturday morning, so he sleeps all day, then he's up Saturday night late while she's asleep, and he's playing online anyway, so he's mostly useless Sunday too. Onward and downward, ad infinitum.

You ask me, she'd've been better off if he'd've just gotten some quick, slightly scary strange, did so many drugs he almost OD'ed and drank so much liquor his cerebellum stopped talking to him for three days. He'd spend the next week recovering, seeing her, waking up with her, mentally associating his recovery from the debauchery with her. He'd have a head start on converting the guilt and regret from his One Wild Night into the more palatable respect and commitment that a true lasting relationship deserves, as opposed to trying to reconcile several years of lost weekends after it's far too late.

LAN party bachelor parties are horrible and depraved and wrong and selfish, and all of you who think they're cool should have your head examined.

[Gordon Cameron]

This may be the stupidest fucking thread in the history of Quarter to Three.

[Slainte Mhath]

Wow, so funny, my gf went to a bachelorette party and it was indeed still the phallus-shaped cake and lacy packages. (she showed me the pics) Guess it depends on the girls...

Like she's going to show you the pics of the male stripper and his antics and her possible participation in them. ;-)

The point is, it's become more socially acceptable for the "goose" to get the same thing the "gander" does. Strippers are fine, there is nothing inherently wrong in the enjoyment of "in your face" sexuality. Just realize, if it's all good for you to be enjoying it while Desirae shakes her titties in your face, rubs her ass in your crotch and uses your fingers to touch herself with, then there is absolutely no reason why your soon-to-be bride shouldn't be able to enjoy it while Fireman Kevin let's her play with "the hose".

[Hanzii]

Everyone dreams of finding that mythical stripper who only does it because she loves getting naked. Not because she's saving up for a purple oh now it's green iridescent Pontiac Sunfire, and certainly not because her dad had a crush on her, she's just an exhibitionist who was sick of getting indecent exposure tickets and decided to take her hobby to a professional level. Like a lady whose friends all tell her she should sell those cute little dolls she makes, and then bam. Hummel.

I've talked to a few strippers and they were all like this. Are you saying they all lied to me?

I'm with Epic et al on this. Strippers are a fine tradition and if somebody plugged in a pc at my bachelors I'd shot the guy. Anything beyond looking at strippers is not fine at all, and if that's what you get him and what the groom wants, then the friends should have their heads examined and the groom should rethink the whole marriage thing.

I don't know anybody getting married who weren't by then long into the 'being faithfull' part of the relationship... and I think a cheap whore would be considered worse by most wives-to-be than some random girl at the christmas party, to be honest.

[WarrenM]

It does bring up what each couple individually deems as being unfaithful. My wife goes to strip clubs with me and has no issues with my touching the girls (she likes doing that herself) but that's where the line is. Any more than that and she would call foul. Some girls may permit more, others less.

But I doubt that many women would be OK with full on stripper sex at the bachelor party. I mean, even if she's morally OK with it, what are you bringing home with you?

[extarbags]

Not to pimp my old posts or whatever, but here's my take (http://www.quartertothree.com/game-talk/showpost.php?p=899715&postcount=113) on the usefulness of a traditional debauched bachelor party.

I was so hoping this thread would result in a repost of that. That's probably my favorite forum post of all time. Well done, sir.

[extarbags]

ITT dudes who have obviously never been cheated on talking about how totally awesome cheating on people is.

[Chowhound]

OK, well Chowhound then, my mistake. I most certainly haven't.

Anyway, premarital infidelity is one random act, never to be repeated. Wait until the bride discovers what her hubbie's innocuous little "LAN party" portends for their future together: first, the occasional Friday or Saturday night. Then every Friday or Saturday night. Then it has to be Friday because it usually lasts until just before dawn Saturday morning, so he sleeps all day, then he's up Saturday night late while she's asleep, and he's playing online anyway, so he's mostly useless Sunday too. Onward and downward, ad infinitum.

You ask me, she'd've been better off if he'd've just gotten some quick, slightly scary strange, did so many drugs he almost OD'ed and drank so much liquor his cerebellum stopped talking to him for three days. He'd spend the next week recovering, seeing her, waking up with her, mentally associating his recovery from the debauchery with her. He'd have a head start on converting the guilt and regret from his One Wild Night into the more palatable respect and commitment that a true lasting relationship deserves, as opposed to trying to reconcile several years of lost weekends after it's far too late.

LAN party bachelor parties are horrible and depraved and wrong and selfish, and all of you who think they're cool should have your head examined.

I never specified that "fucking" was going on. There's a number of other ways 2 gals could relieve a condition. In fact, part of my job as the gatekeeper was to make absolutely certain no vag action was going on. Thin line I know, between oral and the actual deed, but for some people, the former is fine and the latter isn't in terms of cheating. *shrug*

[NoWayJose]

I am not against strippers, but I think that if I was going to be marrying someone, I would be to the point that I would really not want any other woman.
This is why you shouldn't get married when you're 18.

[WarrenM]

I never specified that "fucking" was going on. There's a number of other ways 2 gals could relieve a condition. In fact, part of my job as the gatekeeper was to make absolutely certain no vag action was going on.
So you ... watched?

Thin line I know, between oral and the actual deed, but for some people, the former is fine and the latter isn't in terms of cheating. *shrug*
"I got blown by 2 strippers last night" doesn't go over well with many women.

[extarbags]

I never specified that "fucking" was going on. There's a number of other ways 2 gals could relieve a condition. In fact, part of my job as the gatekeeper was to make absolutely certain no vag action was going on. Thin line I know, between oral and the actual deed, but for some people, the former is fine and the latter isn't in terms of cheating. *shrug*

Yeah? Does that line move after the wedding ceremony? Because if getting a double blowjob from a couple hookers doesn't count as cheating as far as a couple is concerned, a bachelor party shouldn't be his special last chance to do it.

[Tankero]

At that point, with the groom completely incapacitated by the various 'circumstances', there's the case to be made that he was actually assaulted.

Ask Bill about that one.

Furthermore, another risk of having such 'shenanigans' take place is that one of the Ladies of the Night (since they're as professional as mercenaries who read and advertise soldier of fortune) completely fucking loses it, and decides to thoroughly chew her sausage dinner, or file rape charges herself the following morning.

[malphigian]

This may be the stupidest fucking thread in the history of Quarter to Three.

It might be up there, but it gave us that work of fucking art from Flowers up thread, so all is forgiven.

[Kraaze]

I think a cheap whore would be considered worse by most wives-to-be than some random girl at the christmas party, to be honest.

Nah. This is where the bachelor party excuse is great. It only happens once, it can be waved off as a special case and probably the fault of those wacky groomsmen anyway, etc.

Doing a random girl at the xmas party is not a good thing for marriage. I'm all about donkey shows and sloppy humming solos at the bachelor party but I'd never cheat on my wife at a xmas party.

P.S. Was that really a random example or do you have some lingering guilty secrets you need to share?

P.P.S. If so, was she hot?

P.P.P.S Was she married too?

P.P.P.P.S If you care to reply with the details, can your post start with "Dear QT3 sexpots"

P.P.P.P.P.S It's alright if the details are made up. As long as they are hot details.

P.P.P.P.P.P.S Okay, the whole thing can be made up. And you should probably just PM it to me.

[Slainte Mhath]

Flowers and Bill need to start a weekly column on the interwebs. I would pay to read that shit. So awesome.

[Rimbo]

This may be the stupidest fucking thread in the history of Quarter to Three.

*cough* (http://www.quartertothree.com/game-talk/showthread.php?t=35897)

[extarbags]

*cough* (http://www.quartertothree.com/game-talk/showthread.php?t=35897)

Amateur. Both are behind every single one of these (http://www.quartertothree.com/game-talk/search.php?searchid=1164343).

[Chowhound]

Yep, I watched in bits and pieces to make sure things were going the way they were supposed to. Afterwards, they gave him a bath.

Not my call as to where he (and now she) draw their moral boundaries. For that weekend, the groom was explicitly specific on what he did *not* want to happen, and we made sure everything else happened but that.

[madkevin]

What I want to know is if anybody went to a bachelor party and saw a bunch of ghosts abducted by aliens.

[Hanacker]

Amateur. Both are behind every single one of these (http://www.quartertothree.com/game-talk/search.php?searchid=1164343).

I'm too lazy to find it, but there was also Bill's post of links to every stupid DeepT post ever written.

[Stroker Ace]

Jesus, that's pretty lazy.

[Hanacker]

http://www.quartertothree.com/game-talk/showthread.php?t=31534&highlight=deept

Happy now? I think I'll take a nap. I'm exhausted.

[Jon Rowe]

Happy now? I think I'll take a nap. I'm exhausted.

Thats what she said.

[barstein]

The only bachelor party I've been to involved a friendly kidnapping of the groom who was then required to wear a pink, furry bunny suit from start to finish (well, he took it off after the clubs). The naughtiest he got was a mostly-clothed cage whipping (he was the whipee). All in all I thought it was a little too tame.

The fact that a woman strips for a living should always be seen as a "red flag". Stay away. Same goes for porn stars and scientologists.And art history majors.I can speak from experience that this is all true (can't vouch for the porn stars and scientologists). The stripper was always asking me, during critical moments, to do things like impersonate her brother or pretend we were cats. To her credit, I was according to her the only guy who was not required to don a dress before sleeping together, although naturally I have always wondered since if that was supposed to be some kind of statement about my masculinity.

[Funkula]

This may be the stupidest fucking thread in the history of Quarter to Three.

My hopes were high on that count, but I don't think it's quite worthy of such an honor. I was happy to see the "Someone else not caring about strippers somehow threatens my masculinity" contingent show up, although it took them about a day to muster.

I think Balasarius nailed it. My friends are great, and I love spending time with them, and my boners are great, and I love spending time with them, but my friends would rather not hang out with my boners and vice versa.

[Rimbo]

I've been to a party that had full-on skanky ho's (and I mean skanky) doing a 69 in the middle of the floor, playing "here, groom, eat the whipped cream off of me" and then sucking the groom's dick right after he'd taken a piss (without even waiting for the last drop to fall into the toilet), behind the backs of the bodyguards. It was not a good experience.

We learned from the experience; for his brother, we took him to a strip club, and after enjoying quite a bit of booze and naked bodies we bought him a dance... on stage. With the girls using him as a dancing pole. No flesh-on-flesh touching. One groomsman turned to another and said, "Yeah, I think we've pretty much scared him into knowing he's made the right decision." That's what it's all about.

I was the Best Man for my brother, but I wasn't even able to attend his party (much less attend it) due to being out-of-town and having to fly in the night before with an 18-month old. He was lame, anyhow, didn't want any strippers or nothing. Fucker was born an old tightass codger.

[RepoMan]

My bachelor party fucking rocked. It was in a friend's living room. There were a shitload of my buddies there -- about 3/4 party-hearty troublemakers and 1/4 hip work friends. They got a stripper. She was nervous, but I realized the Most Important Thing was to Make The Stripper Feel Appreciated. After all, she's the mostly naked one in a roomful of drunk guys. Not the time to be an inconsiderate fuckhead to her!

So, I ingested lots of beer and various other intoxicants, wore a necktie painted like a penis, and murmured in the stripper's ear how sexy she was and how glad I was that she was there while she gave me a (fully clothed, no hands-on) lap dance. Presto, EVERYONE'S having a good time. She made some serious tips, the awkwardness factor was minimized, and I'm left with some fond memories of an extremely festive evening -- everyone said it was Best Bachelor Party Ever. And no, there was no actual sex and not even any actual groping. Bottom line: strippers (reasonably nice, non-skanky ones) can be very fun at a bachelor party if you respect them.

(Anyone who gets embarrassed by their own boner at their own fucking bachelor party needs to get some bigger fucking balls. Either that, or wank off in the bathroom before you get so drunk you can't feel your dick anymore.)

[Jason McCullough]

Did I really just read about a bachelor party where the groom was wearing a pink bunny suit and whipping someone in a cage?

[Hanacker]

Did I really just read about a bachelor party where the groom was wearing a pink bunny suit and whipping someone in a cage?

Of course not. He was the one getting whipped.

[Rimbo]

My bachelor party fucking rocked. It was in a friend's living room. There were a shitload of my buddies there -- about 3/4 party-hearty troublemakers and 1/4 hip work friends. They got a stripper. She was nervous, but I realized the Most Important Thing was to Make The Stripper Feel Appreciated. After all, she's the mostly naked one in a roomful of drunk guys. Not the time to be an inconsiderate fuckhead to her!

So, I ingested lots of beer and various other intoxicants, wore a necktie painted like a penis, and murmured in the stripper's ear how sexy she was and how glad I was that she was there while she gave me a (fully clothed, no hands-on) lap dance. Presto, EVERYONE'S having a good time. She made some serious tips, the awkwardness factor was minimized, and I'm left with some fond memories of an extremely festive evening -- everyone said it was Best Bachelor Party Ever. And no, there was no actual sex and not even any actual groping. Bottom line: strippers (reasonably nice, non-skanky ones) can be very fun at a bachelor party if you respect them.

(Anyone who gets embarrassed by their own boner at their own fucking bachelor party needs to get some bigger fucking balls. Either that, or wank off in the bathroom before you get so drunk you can't feel your dick anymore.)

You know, from what I hear, strippers in general dig bachelor parties, because this is more like the kind of thing that happens than ... what usually happens. Respect. Like even with the nasty in-home chicks, we were not really interested in touching them. And the girls were disappointed.

[Funkula]

http://achewood.com/index.php?date=05272008

[barstein]

Did I really just read about a bachelor party where the groom was wearing a pink bunny suit and whipping someone in a cage?Of course not. He was the one getting whipped.Hanacker is correct, the groom was voluntarily chained to the inside of a stripper cage and whipped by two naked chicks while the crowd jeered at his exposed backside. This was after a long day of mind-fucks which began with a note and cellphone materializing on his desk at work. These instructed him to go into the mens room, don a bunny suit and blindfold he would find there and allow the next person he encountered to escort him to the next juncture of his adventure.

[Kyle Wilson]

These instructed him to go into the mens room, don a bunny suit and blindfold he would find there and allow the next person he encountered to escort him to the next juncture of his adventure.

Anybody who's willing to follow instructions like that deserves to be thrown into a cage, stripped bareass, and whipped.

[NoWayJose]

I think Balasarius nailed it. My friends are great, and I love spending time with them, and my boners are great, and I love spending time with them, but my friends would rather not hang out with my boners and vice versa.
So you prefer to go to strip clubs alone? And don't tell me you don't get all hot and bothered over rare steaks and tabletop RPGs.

[Funkula]

So you prefer to go to strip clubs alone?

Never been, don't particularly care to. But if I ever did, I suppose it would probably be alone. I don't see much difference between going to a strip club with friends and sitting around watching porn with friends. The presence of other people (that you're not interested in boning) is only going to kill the mood.

And don't tell me you don't get all hot and bothered over rare steaks and tabletop RPGs.

Well shit, you got me there. I do love em bloody and/or arguing over who goes first.

[Hanacker]

Going to a strip club alone sucks. I feel like a total perv. Going with friends is much more fun.

[Bill Dungsroman]

I don't see much difference between going to a strip club with friends and sitting around watching porn with friends.

Yikes!

[Rimbo]

Yikes!

Boy, no kiddin'.

[jerri blank]

Do strippers who make house calls at bachelor parties usually take someone with them for backup? I would never say that all men are potential rapists, but it seems a little foolhardy for a stripper to go alone to a home with a bunch of guys she's never met and who may be dangerously drunk and uninhibited.

[Lum]

I don't see much difference between going to a strip club with friends and sitting around watching porn with friends.

Well, porn is designed to arouse you to masturbate, and strip clubs REALLY frown on that, so yeah, there's a few key differences.

[Lum]

Do strippers who make house calls at bachelor parties usually take someone with them for backup? I would never say that all men are potential rapists, but it seems a little foolhardy for a stripper to go alone to a home with a bunch of guys she's never met and who may be dangerously drunk and uninhibited.

They either have a driver waiting outside or call in at regular intervals.

All men ARE potential rapists. As well as potential murderers, potential robbers, potential Scientologists, and potential Nobel Prize winners.

[Funkula]

Going to a strip club alone sucks. I feel like a total perv. Going with friends is much more fun.

Yeah, I would too, which is why I don't do it. I don't see what changes by adding friends though.

Yikes!

Exactly. If I'm not comfortable watching porn with these people, why would I be comfortable in a situation that I see as largely analogous?

Well, porn is designed to arouse you to masturbate, and strip clubs REALLY frown on that, so yeah, there's a few key differences.

Porn: entertainment with the purpose of making you horny
Stripping: entertainment with the purpose of making you horny
Porn: typically viewed in a time/place where you can get off
Stripping: getting off explicitly denied
Porn: free
Stripping: insanely expensive

The only differences I see are in porn's favor.

[Bill Dungsroman]

Do strippers who make house calls at bachelor parties usually take someone with them for backup? I would never say that all men are potential rapists, but it seems a little foolhardy for a stripper to go alone to a home with a bunch of guys she's never met and who may be dangerously drunk and uninhibited.

Let me tell you 'bout that.

In Vegas anyway, the girls you call up that have numbers in the phone book or wherever aren't strippers. They're whores. Well, sort of. They're actually scamwhores, a term I will explain anon:

You call up a girl, right? She answers and says "LOL IT'S TWO FOR ONE CAN I BWING A FWIEND? TEE HEE!" and you're like "Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck yeah!"

Hahaha, two for one. Like hell. It just means two scamwhores show up and now you have to pay for two. Oh, and the price she quoted? Complete bullshit. She'll give you a sob story about how she "works for tips" and the "agency" collects the amount she quoted and that amount is just to get her to "show up." Four hundred dollars just to show up? You just do not fucking say, Sweetheart.

And her "tips" aren't like 20 bucks, hahahahaha, no. She'll whine and make pouty faces until you quote ohhhh, something in the several hundreds range. Tips. Oh, yeah, and the same for her fwiend, too. Two for one. Ha.

Well by this time you're talking well over a cool thou and even though you're probably drunk (actually, they're praying you are, because the logic in the business deal I just described is BOOLCHIT), you can probably guess you're not buying a sexy little burlesque dance, now are you? For that amount of scratch? Newp. Especially since they're not remotely going for dancing in front of a group of guys, acting like it's some fucking alien concept to strip in front of a bachelor party, instead trying to cut a deal where they'll "take care" of the money man along with the groom if it's gonna be that way. "Hey you guys wait outside, ok? Me and Anthony, we'll be back out in about 10 minutes! Woo! Ain't this a blast!"

But what if you really did want just a stripper (like I did for my one buddy)? Hahahaha, too late sucka. They're here and they got not one, but two cars with 4 thugs parked outside. Just chillin', you know. Just hangin' out, knowing exactly where one of you idiots lives. Go on, stiff the girls and throw them out, hahahaha, that should work out well over time.

So you pay them the ugh show-up fee ("Uhhhh! We could be at a real deal right now! This is costing us moneeeeey!") and they leave without even having to take off so much as their coats, or you drop sick cash and go Chowhound on them. Or you don't and just try to think of the buzzkill it's gonna be when 4 gorillas (of any ethnicity) come pounding on the door telling you the show-up fee ain't optional, Peckerwood. You could stall the girls and have someone call the cops on them, but Jesus this just gets more and more fun with each passing minute, doesn't it? And if it's a hotel room...maybe they just wait in the hallway or lobby until you guys trickle out later, by yourselves, in twos or whatever. Eeek.

Yeah, I could just be paranoid. I guess. But in my case, we were at the groom's house, ffs.

I imagine it's probably a much easier time in other parts of the world, but not Vegas. Never do this in Vegas.

[jerri blank]

Soooo... that's a no?

[Rimbo]

Let me tell you 'bout that.

In Vegas anyway, the girls you call up that have numbers in the phone book or wherever aren't strippers. They're whores. Well, sort of. They're actually scamwhores, a term I will explain anon:

You call up a girl, right? She answers and says "LOL IT'S TWO FOR ONE CAN I BWING A FWIEND? TEE HEE!" and you're like "Fuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuck yeah!"

Hahaha, two for one. Like hell. It just means two scamwhores show up and now you have to pay for two. Oh, and the price she quoted? Complete bullshit. She'll give you a sob story about how she "works for tips" and the "agency" collects the amount she quoted and that amount is just to get her to "show up." Four hundred dollars just to show up? You just do not fucking say, Sweetheart.

And her "tips" aren't like 20 bucks, hahahahaha, no. She'll whine and make pouty faces until you quote ohhhh, something in the several hundreds range. Tips. Oh, yeah, and the same for her fwiend, too. Two for one. Ha.

Well by this time you're talking well over a cool thou and even though you're probably drunk (actually, they're praying you are, because the logic in the business deal I just described is BOOLCHIT), you can probably guess you're not buying a sexy little burlesque dance, now are you? For that amount of scratch? Newp. Especially since they're not remotely going for dancing in front of a group of guys, acting like it's some fucking alien concept to strip in front of a bachelor party, instead trying to cut a deal where they'll "take care" of the money man along with the groom if it's gonna be that way. "Hey you guys wait outside, ok? Me and Anthony, we'll be back out in about 10 minutes! Woo! Ain't this a blast!"

But what if you really did want just a stripper (like I did for my one buddy)? Hahahaha, too late sucka. They're here and they got not one, but two cars with 4 thugs parked outside. Just chillin', you know. Just hangin' out, knowing exactly where one of you idiots lives. Go on, stiff the girls and throw them out, hahahaha, that should work out well over time.

So you pay them the ugh show-up fee ("Uhhhh! We could be at a real deal right now! This is costing us moneeeeey!") and they leave without even having to take off so much as their coats, or you drop sick cash and go Chowhound on them. Or you don't and just try to think of the buzzkill it's gonna be when 4 gorillas (of any ethnicity) come pounding on the door telling you the show-up fee ain't optional, Peckerwood. You could stall the girls and have someone call the cops on them, but Jesus this just gets more and more fun with each passing minute, doesn't it? And if it's a hotel room...maybe they just wait in the hallway or lobby until you guys trickle out later, by yourselves, in twos or whatever. Eeek.

Yeah, I could just be paranoid. I guess. But in my case, we were at the groom's house, ffs.

I imagine it's probably a much easier time in other parts of the world, but not Vegas. Never do this in Vegas.

No, that pretty much exactly describes the experience we had in Dallas.

[Dean]

For six years I drove strippers to bachelor parties all over New England. I started as a fresh faced grad student who needed a job with good pay and flexible hours, and a friend was a singing telegram delivery person, so I signed up and got the job.

So by day I ran around Boston singing at kids' parties in a Barney costume, but on Friday and Saturday nights I would pick up one of the strippers and make sure she got to all her shows on time. I would collect the money, make sure none of the lingerie went missing, and, well, make sure she didn't get raped or beat up.

Respecting a stripper is nice, but she really doesn't give a fuck as long as you pay her. Your party was full of assholes? Pay her more. The guy with her is looking pissed off? Maybe you better tip him too.

I was there to make sure no blowjobs were given, no "backroom deals" were made, and the service got its share. Some girls would be booked for a 15-minute topless show ($150 in Boston, further away and extra travel fees accrue) and try to get the guys to go for a 20-minute nude ($250 in Boston). That's great, good work, stripper! Oh, and now instead of getting $50 for the show, you get $70. You wanna blow the groom? Great, fuck the entire party, but your fired, I'm outta here, and you're finding your own way home. My boss did not run an escort service and didn't want to get busted for running hookers.

Oh, and the stripper paid me out of her earnings (my boss was a prince among men). $20 per show plus if I got her to everything on time, got her good tips, and maybe got her out of a scrape, she'd tip me more. If she maybe took a gig from another service and wanted to squeeze it in between our shows, well, if I thought we could do it then I would do it for a little more money.

The only time I ever stayed in the car was when it was 6pm on a Saturday night, and Bob in the suburbs is having a 50th birthday party and his teenage kids thought it would be a hoot to get him a stripper that only goes down to her bra and panties. Sometimes I even went in on those (and then Bob's wife would make me a couple of plates from the buffet so we could have dinner while we were driving to the next show).

I also hustled tips for her. Up front I'd tell them the "minimum usual tip" and then we'd sell polaroids (in any position you wanted! As long as it was one of the three she actually did) for $5 each, or if it was a cop show and the bachelor was handcuffed to the chair, I'd auction off the keys to the handcuffs. Our $5 pair of shitty B&D handcuffs would go for $50 to $100 depending on how drunk the rest of the party was.

Most of the conflicts came from stopping guys from videotaping the show (sometimes it was a straight "no way" and sometimes an extra fee could be negotiated). this was in the early 90's so there wasn't even the thought that it would end up on the internet, most of the strippers just didn't want videos out there, in case they wanted to run for office someday or something.

Hell, I even did some bachelorette parties myself, dressed up as the "6-foot Singing Banana." I'd poke the bachelorette in the crotch with the top of my banana suit, sing something to her, tell everyone that I didn't peel, and introduce the male stripper.

[Bill Dungsroman]

No, that pretty much exactly describes the experience we had in Dallas.

Bummer :(

[Rimbo]

Bummer :(

Well, the one minor difference is that the bouncer -- like Dean here -- didn't want us touching the goods. And there weren't so many guys outside. But the rest is pretty much how it went.

[Brendan]

Yeah, I also gotstripped to my underwear and whipped with belts by two strippers at my bachelor party.,I was then forced to take a cold shower in my underwear in front of the entire strip club. Apparently strippers love getting a chance to clobber us perverts. My ass was purple and swollen the next day.

There was another bachelor who underwent the same treatment and he was cowering, squirming and whimpering like a fucking dog as they dished out half the punishment I got.

Good times.

[BobJustBob]

You guys need better friends.

[Brendan]

You guys need better friends.

It's a rite of manhood. I really do look back on the night with great fondness. I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. So I'm pretty happy with my friends.

Also, sometimes you just need to man the fuck up and take your medicine, just as in marriage.

[NoWayJose]

Porn: entertainment with the purpose of making you horny
Stripping: entertainment with the purpose of making you horny
Porn: typically viewed in a time/place where you can get off
Stripping: getting off explicitly denied
Porn: free
Stripping: insanely expensive

The only differences I see are in porn's favor.
That's because you're concentrating on the differences you can SEE.

[Tankero]

How about the ones you can SMELL?

[Brendan]

There is a big difference between seeing boobies on a monitor and seeing boobies in a strip club in real life. Think the difference between killing a prostitute in GTA IV and killing a prostitute in real life.

[AndrewM]

There is a big difference between seeing boobies on a monitor and seeing boobies in a strip club in real life. Think the difference between killing a prostitute in GTA IV and killing a prostitute in real life.

Is that like the difference between owning a car and EpicBoy-owning a car?

[Funkula]

OK, if I ever have enough disposable income to spend upwards of a hundred dollars on non-durable entertainment, and if I can't think of anything more appealing than buying a set of tame, extremely specific sexual favors, I'll give it a shot.

[Kyle Wilson]

My ass was purple and swollen the next day.... I wouldn't have wanted it any other way. So I'm pretty happy with my friends.

Suffice it to say that we look for different things in a party. And in friends.

[RepoMan]

Brendan's friends sound just fine to me.

[Bill Dungsroman]

OK, if I ever have enough disposable income to spend upwards of a hundred dollars on non-durable entertainment, and if I can't think of anything more appealing than buying a set of tame, extremely specific sexual favors, I'll give it a shot.

Just remember to go by yourself and not with your friends because OH MY GOD WHAT IF SOMEONE GETS A BONER?!?!?!

[Flowers]

At my bachelor party, my best man got a stripper to do that underwear ripping thing, but I was too smart for them, I made a special pair of tearaway underpants so she nearly wiped out when she yanked on them and they gave as much resistance as a tissue paper.

But then, I am usually one step ahead of the game. For example, to make sure no one would try any of that big time harassing the groom shit, I printed out fake invitations to a bachelor party at the same time and place, but with my friend Lee's name on them and passed them around to a couple people. When Lee decided it was time to fuck with the groom, it was not I who was whipped with his own belt. Why would I be lying? I have proof in the way of written documents.

[Athryn]

If Funkula is really that ignorant/naieve etc about the difference between strippers and porn, and seemingly that insecure about his own sexuality, I kinda feel sorry for his bride. :(

[LesJarvis]

If Funkula is really that ignorant/naieve etc about the difference between strippers and porn, and seemingly that insecure about his own sexuality, I kinda feel sorry for his bride. :(

Not finding the idea of going to a strip club appealing makes him insecure about his sexuality? I mean, why don't you guys just cut the foreplay and start calling him a fag now, since that's clearly where we're headed.

[WarrenM]

I mean, why don't you guys just cut the foreplay and start calling him a fag now, since that's clearly where we're headed.
Got ya covered. (http://www.quartertothree.com/game-talk/showpost.php?p=1371096&postcount=30)

[tiohn]

I never thought I'd like going to a strip club, but then I went. Going alone would be sad and pointless, but going with a bunch of friends is a good time. Something entertaining always happens, whether it's your buddy who's been in the back room for almost 2 hours and then comes out cussing because he just spent that month's rent, the drunk stripper who falls over while dancing, or calling your friend Shogun for the rest of the week because a stripper put his hair in a bun.

Entry fee into strip club: $12
Three Heinekens with tip: $30
Realizing that the strippers and bouncers know your boss by name: Priceless

Some people might never enjoy a strip club for good reason, but other people, like me, find they enjoy the experience for a myriad of reasons, both sexual and not.

[WarrenM]

Going alone would be sad and pointless, but going with a bunch of friends is a good time.
Honestly, I disagree. Going with friends sucks because you either have to wait forever for the girl you want to get around to you, or the girl you want avoids your table entirely because packs of guys at strip clubs tend to be loud and annoying.

I have the best time if I go by myself or with my wife.

[Athryn]

Not finding the idea of going to a strip club appealing makes him insecure about his sexuality? I mean, why don't you guys just cut the foreplay and start calling him a fag now, since that's clearly where we're headed.

No, him being horrified at the idea of getting an erection whilst in the company of other men=insecure about his own sexuality. Feeling that any kind of sexual experience is best enjoyed alone to me, seems that he is implying that it's dirty and shameful. And those aren't very healthy sexual attitudes, in my opinion.

[LesJarvis]

No, him being horrified at the idea of getting an erection whilst in the company of other men=insecure about his own sexuality.

How about instead of projecting motivations onto Funkula, instead we pull the relevant quote from him:

I think Balasarius nailed it. My friends are great, and I love spending time with them, and my boners are great, and I love spending time with them, but my friends would rather not hang out with my boners and vice versa.

What about that makes him "horrified?" He doesn't dig it, why is that a problem (other than it making him a homo, of course?) I've yet to see him make judgements about others, he's just not into it.

I mean hey, I've been to a strip club a few times, and I've always found the experience distinctly unpleasant, though not necessarily for the same reasons as Funkula. Probably because I had so many cocks in my mouth, amirite?

Feeling that any kind of sexual experience is best enjoyed alone to me, seems that he is implying that it's dirty and shameful. And those aren't very healthy sexual attitudes, in my opinion.

Can we assume that you only enjoy pornography as a communal experience then? Should I only jack off if my buddies are watching? After all, to do otherwise would be to imply that one thinks it would be "best enjoyed alone," so you clearly think it's dirty and shameful. Not very healthy, Athryn.

[tiohn]

Honestly, I disagree. Going with friends sucks because you either have to wait forever for the girl you want to get around to you, or the girl you want avoids your table entirely because packs of guys at strip clubs tend to be loud and annoying.

I have the best time if I go by myself or with my wife.

What I should have said is that I would not enjoy going by myself.
Although my wife is learning some stripper exercise program, so perhaps I'll have the best of both worlds soon.

[Chowhound]

Do I smell a Qt3 Hot Tub JO party in the near future?

[tiohn]

Do I smell a Qt3 release party in the near future?

Fixed that for you.

[Athryn]

How about instead of projecting motivations onto Funkula

I was projecting nothing, although I find it amusing for you to project onto me, when there are plenty of other people out there in this thread that actually called him gay. I just felt that equating stripping to hardcore porn seemed to be a somewhat prudish amalgamating of the two.

[LesJarvis]

I was projecting nothing, although I find it amusing for you to project onto me, when there are plenty of other people out there in this thread that actually called him gay. I just felt that equating stripping to hardcore porn seemed to be a somewhat prudish amalgamating of the two.

LOLWUT? You explicitly called him out as being insecure about his sexuality, and then apparently not satisfied with that decided to take a cheap shot at his relationship with his SO:

If Funkula is really that ignorant/naieve etc about the difference between strippers and porn, and seemingly that insecure about his own sexuality, I kinda feel sorry for his bride. :(

[Bill Dungsroman]

You can still be insecure about your sexuality while being totally heterosexual, Les.

[Funkula]

If Funkula is really that ignorant/naieve etc about the difference between strippers and porn, and seemingly that insecure about his own sexuality, I kinda feel sorry for his bride. :(

You know, you may be on to something here. I think I read that most marriages are based on a firm understanding of the various strengths, weaknesses, and distinctions between strippers and porn.

No, him being horrified at the idea of getting an erection whilst in the company of other men=insecure about his own sexuality.

I'd like to see some examples of this horror that I've supposedly shown. It's less a matter of OH NO I'VE SPROUTED A BONER WHILE OUT WITH FRIENDS WHAT DO I DO and more "I don't see the upside of a group activity designed to produce boners when the participants are uninterested in one another's tumescences."

Feeling that any kind of sexual experience is best enjoyed alone to me, seems that he is implying that it's dirty and shameful. And those aren't very healthy sexual attitudes, in my opinion.

Replace "alone" with "with mutually-attracted participants only" in that sentence and it comes a little closer to what I've been saying. Except for the dirty and shameful part.

Edit: One more

I was projecting nothing, although I find it amusing for you to project onto me, when there are plenty of other people out there in this thread that actually called him gay. I just felt that equating stripping to hardcore porn seemed to be a somewhat prudish amalgamating of the two.

Congratulations, you win the "First person to use the word 'hardcore' in the thread" award! I didn't specify, but the obvious porn comparison would be softcore, since they largely consist of the same kind of thing (unless of course we break out the dildo helmets). I guess I overestimated the general ability to not make counterintuitive leaps of logic.

[LesJarvis]

You can still be insecure about your sexuality while being totally heterosexual, Les.

Granted, and I realize I'm probably coming on too strong here, but "insecure about your sexuality" is a pretty loaded phrase Bill. We can generously interpret it to mean a variety of things, but by and large it's used to mean one thing in particular, and in the context of this thread even more so. Taking it a step further and saying you feel sorry for his SO because he isn't enamored of strip clubs is both nonsensical and just plain shitty, and it deserved to be called out.

[Lum]

It's possible to be uncomfortable in a strip club and still RARR BENGAL TIGER in private. The two experiences are entirely seperate. Which, you know, was sort of the point we were making in the first place.

Generally the people who enjoy strip clubs are the same people who enjoy blowing hundreds of dollars on entertainment whether or not strippers are involved. And there is a VAST difference between the rowdy drunken group of friends in a club and the guy off by himself, in shorts in the middle of winter.

[Brendan]

Suffice it to say that we look for different things in a party. And in friends.

It was six good lashes. Anyone who has ever experienced corporal punishment in school could have handled it. It is your duty as a bachelor to be a good sport about whatever your best man has planned.

I don't have a beef with people who generally aren't into strippers, but come on, you can't expect to boast about a non-alcoholic LAN bachelors party and expect to get away with it. What, is the groom thirteen?

[Athryn]

Replace "alone" with "with mutually-attracted participants only" in that sentence and it comes a little closer to what I've been saying. Except for the dirty and shameful part.



My apologies then. The way you worded it previously, it sounded a little different than what you've said now. :)

[zengonzo]

I don't have a beef with people who generally aren't into strippers, but come on, you can't expect to boast about a non-alcoholic LAN bachelors party and expect to get away with it. What, is the groom thirteen?

I say, that just means more booze and strippers going to the people who really enjoy them.

As far as memory serves, thirteen-somethings are really into the notion of strippers and booze, the supreme significance of which fades somewhat in time.

But I've only been to one bachelor party. I'd also recommend against going to strip clubs in the Florida Panhandle ..

[NoWayJose]

Honestly, I disagree. Going with friends sucks because you either have to wait forever for the girl you want to get around to you, or the girl you want avoids your table entirely because packs of guys at strip clubs tend to be loud and annoying.

I have the best time if I go by myself or with my wife.
I finally agree with EpicBoy about something. I've always had the best time at strip bars when I've gone with his wife.

[Flowers]

The best time I ever had in a strip bar was when I saw a stripper dancing for an empty room to the sounds of Tracy Chapman's, "Fast Car."




Why yes, yes she did come sit next to us with her stripper clothes balled up in her little fist and start crying because the club wouldn't give her time off to visit her sick grandmother.

[Supersport]

I can understand those guys that want to have a nice, quiet party, but for me, my brother knew that was exactly what I didn't want.

I remember getting totally hammered, putting a lollipop in my mouth and holding it by the stick with my teeth and the stripper bobbing up and down on it while I lay on my back. Ah good times right there!

oh and she looked like Christina Applegates sister ala Married with Children years.

[Funkula]

http://img178.imageshack.us/img178/1899/autauxbm5ea11f09b8576e6up7.gif (http://imageshack.us)

Reading through the Achewood archives (the leadup to the wedding mostly) and I just had to post this.

[WarrenM]

On a side note, I'll be hitting the titty bar this weekend. The wife is out of town visiting family and I have a free pass to enjoy some strippers. Best. Wife. Ever.

[Mordrak]

On a side note, I'll be hitting the titty bar this weekend. The wife is out of town visiting family and I have a free pass to enjoy some strippers. Best. Wife. Ever.

Doing your part for the economy, eh?

[WarrenM]

Economic stimulus.

[tiohn]

Dude, the Foxy Lady is offering free gas.

But then you have to go to the Foxy Lady.

[WarrenM]

Fuck that. Men's Club FTW.

[tiohn]

We were all about it when it was Thee Dollhouse, but the Men's Club was just depressing the last couple of times I went. In fact, we really did go to the Foxy Lady the last time, and it ended up being far, far more entertaining than the Men's Club. And the women were actually much more attractive.

Although I really expect that that was a fluke. Oggle a breast or two for me.

edit: My wife doesn't agree, but I think the best thing about our new house is that we are less than five minute from either place. Strip club proximity FTW!

[WarrenM]

Yeah, Thee Dollhouse was fucking awesome. Just amazing. It's a shame they sold it to Men's Club. It's not as good now but it's still the best place I can find in the area.

[Tankero]

You folks in Raleigh sure are leading a life of debauchery.

[Kraaze]

You folks in Raleigh sure are leading a life of debauchery.

Don't let em convince you with their big talk. Raleigh can't hold a candle to Bogota if a person wants to debauch.

[WarrenM]

Hey, nobody is claiming debauchery titles around here. Besides, anyone from Vegas will step in and automatically win anyway.

[Tankero]

Don't let em convince you with their big talk. Raleigh can't hold a candle to Bogota if a person wants to debauch.


We don't have strip clubs!

...

Well, not legal ones.

...

And.. they're not really...

But I'm getting ahead of myself here.

[spiffy]

Montreal is strip club king of north america.

[Kraaze]

We don't have strip clubs!

...

Well, not legal ones.

...

And.. they're not really...

But I'm getting ahead of myself here.

I've got no idea about the legality, but they are sure are fun!

[WarrenM]

This sounds interesting. What's the deal here? You guys have illegal strip clubs in the back woods or something?

[Lunch of Kong]

Montreal is strip club king of north america.

True story. In Quebec, strip clubs don't have 'no touch' rules, and there really is champagne in the champagne room.

[Slainte Mhath]

Socialized medicine AND better strip clubs? Canada really is made of awesome!

[Ephraim]

True story. In Quebec, strip clubs don't have 'no touch' rules, and there really is champagne in the champagne room.

Yes, I live in a province of blessed permissiveness. I was going to hop into defend Sin City: Canada but I see others have beaten me to the punch.

I should specify that there are clubs with "no touch" rules. In fact, one with the arguably best looking women is "no touch". It's the exception rather than the rule, though. If you're coming for a visit, drop me a line and I'll offer up a suggestion or two.

[WarrenM]

True story. In Quebec, strip clubs don't have 'no touch' rules, and there really is champagne in the champagne room.
Well, we have 'no touch' rules here but they're really more of a suggestion. Plenty of touching goes on.

No champagne though. Not sure I'd want that anyway though, to be honest. Seems sort of like a town bicycle situation...

[NoWayJose]

On a side note, I'll be hitting the titty bar this weekend. The wife is out of town visiting family and I have a free pass to enjoy some strippers. Best. Wife. Ever.
Unless she goes too and brings a stripper home with you, she's not even in the running.

[Mordrak]

Unless she goes too and brings a stripper home with you, she's not even in the running.

Are you guys really swinging your wives' sexuality around like an e-peen? Jesus.

[WarrenM]

No, just NWJ. Can we get this post added to his greatest hits in one of his many tribute threads?

[The Chinese Lawyer]

On a side note, I'll be hitting the titty bar this weekend. The wife is out of town visiting family and I have a free pass to enjoy some strippers. Best. Wife. Ever.
Likely I do not fully understand American customs but notice many men needing permission to visit strip clubs. However I thought that strip clubs contained no sex in America. Are these nudity only clubs illegal? Hehehe this is embarassing me!

[tiohn]

Likely I do not fully understand American customs but notice many men needing permission to visit strip clubs. However I thought that strip clubs contained no sex in America. Are these nudity only clubs illegal? Hehehe this is embarassing me!


This post wins some sort of award.

[Mordrak]

Likely I do not fully understand American customs but notice many men needing permission to visit strip clubs. However I thought that strip clubs contained no sex in America. Are these nudity only clubs illegal? Hehehe this is embarassing me!

No, nudity only clubs generally aren't illegal. However, generally men don't visit them with the knowledge of their spouse, except in specific circumstances. The permission they are talking about is from their spouse.

[NoWayJose]

Once a year the cage is opened and we get to do something fun! Best. Wives. Ever!

[Brendan]

Unless you are fucking me with an anti fuck prteggo wife with blueballs the size of John fucking beckhams soccersballs.

[Matthew Gallant]

Unless you are fucking me with an anti fuck prteggo wife with blueballs the size of John fucking beckhams soccersballs.
Is this post a tribute to bago?

[WarrenM]

He started another thread - he's drunk. Pretty awesome posts so far!

[WarrenM]

Unless you are fucking me with an anti fuck prteggo wife with blueballs the size of John fucking beckhams soccersballs.

Just for the archives...