You've shit on your shirt... what would you do?

[datter]

A hypothetical scenario;

You are presenting to the Board of Directors of a large outside firm, in a meeting that will make or break your small company. You've been called over to present your case to them, and hopefully win them over to your point of view. It's not a hostile environment, but it's not friendly either. This is a very hard to get, one shot, important meeting.

You arrive and check in with the front desk and are told to have a seat while the receptionist checks in with the boardroom, but she thinks they'll be ready for you in about five minutes. Knowing you have a short time before your presentation you ask her to take your jacket and briefcase of materials into the boardroom while you visit the facilities. She agrees and you part ways, her into the board room to announce your momentary arrival and to leave your things, and you to the washroom. Owing to your nervousness at the situation, you've felt an increasing need to visit the restroom since you got in the cab to come over here. Thankful for the opportunity you rush through it, regretting steak and beans you ate the night before. The smell is something out of a horror movie and it occurs to you how embarrassing it would have been to have any related issues during your presentation.

Unfortunately as you're cleaning yourself up, the tail of your shirt flaps down and you inadvertently wipe your ass with it as you go through the motions. Owing to your nervousness and your haste, this isn't a "light" problem. You completely just wiped your ass with the tail of your shirt such that the entire part that would tuck into your pants is now caked with something unpleasant.

Your jacket, briefcase and presentation materials are now in the board room. You have nothing with you, and there is nothing in the washroom but the standard restroom facilities. As the realization of what's happened sinks in you hear a knock on the door and you hear a voice ask if you're coming, as the Board of Directors are waiting.

What do you do?

[Stroker Ace]

Run it under the sink, squish it dry on the counter, and go to the meeting.

[mystery]

Run it under the sink, squish it dry on the counter, and go to the meeting.

As a father of 3, I can attest to the effectiveness of getting fecal matter out of clothing using nothing more than a washroom sink, hand soap, and some paper towels.

[Stroker Ace]

I forgot.... pics or it didn't happen.

[Adree]

http://jmcdavel.googlepages.com/rimbothrower.jpghttp://jmcdavel.googlepages.com/rimbothrower.jpg

[datter]

For the sake of it... it was foul, and rinse as you might the stain and accompanying odor remain.

[Bill Dungsroman]

http://i29.tinypic.com/i1zdk9.jpg

[Moore]

Go to the meeting nude.

[Stroker Ace]

In that case I'd give up on the juicy contract that's feeding my kids and go sulk about it on Qt3.

What kind of sissy are you?

[Aeon221]

You know, it's kind of sad that not only can I totally see this happening to you, but I also don't really think it's that uncommon for you.

It's okay though, you are special.

[noun]

Cut the offending section away with a knife, you can always buy a new shirt.

[Brad Grenz]

Go to the meeting nude.

Try and work up at least a half chub as well.

[mystery]

For the sake of it... it was foul, and rinse as you might the stain and accompanying odor remain.

You're tucking in your shirt, so no one's going to see the stain.

With enough hand soap, you should be able to mask any odor. I'll never let my son forget the night we went to a Cajun restaurant, and he discovered how his 9 month old body was well suited to coping with all the spices in the vegetarian jambalaya -- by forcibly expelling it into his diaper during the dessert course. He made a grunting noise at the end of the table, and I suddenly had to apologize to a bunch of strangers because a large blue cloud was filling the room.

Twenty minutes later, and a soak in the sink, and his onesy was good to go back over a clean diaper. Sure, he smelled like "rainforest goo" or whatever the soap smelled like that day, but it was a lot better than partially digested okra and rice.

[nutsak]

I hate to use a pun but this is a shit thread.

[Charles]

And here I thought adults could wipe their ass without fucking it up.

Though I suppose this is EE.

[noun]

And here I thought adults could wipe their ass without fucking it up.

Though I suppose this is EE.

Charles wins the thread.

[nutsak]

So he gets to keep it now? Not a prize I'd really want.

[Drastic]

I think this means that Charles accidentally got this thread all over his shirt.

[Kalle]

Stop making stupid fucking threads.

And I mean that both as a reply to the original question and in general.

[datter]

Stop making stupid fucking threads.

And I mean that both as a reply to the original question and in general.

Hissy-fit looks sexy on you.

[ElGuapo]

Just explain the situation to the board, they will understand.

HAI GUYS I WIPED MY ASSCRACK WITH MY SHIRT SORI ABOUT THE SMELL.

[Charles]

Hissy-fit looks sexy on you.

Not as sexy as your visible brown streak.

[Bullhajj]

Shove your shirt tail back up your ass. Go to the meeting and don't sit down. You're home clean (so to speak).

[metta]

Stop making stupid fucking threads.

And I mean that both as a reply to the original question and in general.

Seconded.

Motion carried?

[Bullhajj]

Stop making stupid fucking threads.

And I mean that both as a reply to the original question and in general.

Perhaps you could just avoid the threads you think might be stupid? One nice thing about this thread is that it's got a header that doesn't leaving you guessing about what you might find within.

[Theodore Rex DX]

Perhaps you could just avoid the threads you think might be stupid? One nice thing about this thread is that it's got a header that doesn't leaving you guessing about what you might find within.

Shut the fuck up.

[jerri blank]

I haven't been here very long, but I thought EE was the place for threads that might be, shall we say, relevance-challenged. I'm not defending the thread (although some of the responses have been pretty funny), but isn't Kalle's complaint a little like going to the dump and complaining that there's trash there?

[Houngan]

I haven't been here very long, but I thought EE was the place for threads that might be, shall we say, relevance-challenged. I'm not defending the thread (although some of the responses have been pretty funny), but isn't Kalle's complaint a little like going to the dump and complaining that there's trash there?


Only if you can't remember a time when the dump was still a grassy field.

H.

[Bullhajj]

Dig it. Kale, what do you want from the EE threads? Whatever it is, can you not find it hanging out in Games or P&R? Perhaps you could start threads in EE that you find more pleasing?

[jerri blank]

Only if you can't remember a time when the dump was still a grassy field.

H.

'Nuff said.

[Bullhajj]

Only if you can't remember a time when the dump was still a grassy field.

H.

You said dump in the shit on your shirt thread!

[Theodore Rex DX]

When you make a shitty thread, don't cry when people come in and shit your thread up. That's all. Sure people, could skip your thread, same way you could post your stupid god-damn threads on some other stupid god-damn forum. Just don't goddamn whine when it doesn't go your way, because that just piles more stupid on the already precarious pile you've accumulated.

[Kalle]

Just because EE has been riddled with threads started by idiots who lack the impulse control to stop themselves from posting whatever moronic idea runs through that wastebin they call a head doesn't mean I have to like it.

More to the point. Datter, find a hole, jump in, have someone throw some dirt over you and stop making stupid fucking threads. Nothing personal, you're just the latest idiot to parade your ignorance over the forums thinking that just because everyone else is doing it it's somehow ok.

This is not bloody P&R people, so don't act like it is.

[Aleck]

Drink a cup of your own piss and then knock 'em dead in the presentation.

[Bullhajj]

When you make a shitty thread, don't cry when people come in and shit your thread up. That's all. Sure people, could skip your thread, same way you could post your stupid god-damn threads on some other stupid god-damn forum. Just don't goddamn whine when it doesn't go your way, because that just piles more stupid on the already precarious pile you've accumulated.

WE WANT PEOPLE TO SHIT UP THE SHIT ON YOUR SHIRT THREAD WITH SHITTY SHIT TALK, SHITHEAD. THIS IS THE ENTIRE FUCKING PLAN. THIS IS FULLY HALF THE FUN OF POSTING IN A THREAD TITLED, You've shit on your shirt... what would you do?

So by all means, feel free to post.

[Bullhajj]

Just because EE has been riddled with threads started by idiots who lack the impulse control to stop themselves from posting whatever moronic idea runs through that wastebin they call a head doesn't mean I have to like it.

More to the point. Datter, find a hole, jump in, have someone throw some dirt over you and stop making stupid fucking threads. Nothing personal, you're just the latest idiot to parade your ignorance over the forums thinking that just because everyone else is doing it it's somehow ok.

This is not bloody P&R people, so don't act like it is.

Say you shit on your shirt at work, just prior to the big meeting and you're in the john wondering, what in the hell do I do now. You're saying you're not sure, but that certinally you don't want to ask for help in EE. Is that right? Am I understanding the thrust of your comments?

[Kalle]

I'd suggest he PM an asswiping expert, which would be you, Tim. (http://www.quartertothree.com/game-talk/showthread.php?t=23832)

[jeffd]

I'd suggest he PM an asswiping expert, which would be you, Tim. (http://www.quartertothree.com/game-talk/showthread.php?t=23832)

Consulting flowchart.... (http://www.flickr.com/photos/vjornaxx/294168009/)

Oh, snap!

[Wholly Schmidt]

Cut the offending section away with a knife, you can always buy a new shirt.
This would be my solution as well, or tearing the shirt if you don't have anything sharp.

[ElGuapo]

So Kalle, is this thread your First Contact ready room scene?

HERE! NO FURTHER!

[Leah C]

Storm out screaming about the disgusting, unsanitary condition of the bathroom. Point to the evidence on the back of your shirt. Demand your things. Leave.

[Lizard_King]

This is not bloody P&R people, so don't act like it is.
I fail to see how this comparison works. I understand that P&R remains the gold standard for vehement disagreement, even if I find that reputation a bit unearned these days compared to things I've seen elsewhere. But shit on your shirt is EE reaping what it sows, no more and no less. It's a subject matter issue, correct?

[Kalle]

P&R has been a mess since forever. People go in there expecting that, or stay out knowing that there's nothing in there they want a part of. And that's part of P&R's nature. EE, on the other hand, wasn't always filled with blathering idiocy. And that people are starting to think that this is the way it has to be is just disheartening.

[datter]

More to the point. Datter, find a hole, jump in, have someone throw some dirt over you and stop making stupid fucking threads. Nothing personal, you're just the latest idiot to parade your ignorance over the forums thinking that just because everyone else is doing it it's somehow ok.


Until a moderator, or someone whose opinion matters says otherwise I'll post whatever I like. You are of course invited to throw pathetic internet hissy-fits about it if you like, it actually cracks me up a bit.

Might I suggest you take a breath and try going outside for awhile. You know. OUTSIDE. Talk to some real people, stuff like that. Just chill the hell out, because I'm going to keep doing what I do... in places I think appropriate to do them in.

Feel free to take all of that personally.

[Charles]

Until a moderator, or someone whose opinion matters says otherwise I'll post whatever I like. You are of course invited to throw pathetic internet hissy-fits about it if you like, it actually cracks me up a bit.

Might I suggest you take a breath and try going outside for awhile. You know. OUTSIDE. Talk to some real people, stuff like that. Just chill the hell out, because I'm going to keep doing what I do... in places I think appropriate to do them in.

Feel free to take all of that personally.

The forum and the forum's opinion is what matters.

You obviously don't care about the forum.

Carry on with your "I can't wipe my ass" story though. It humors me to think that there are retards on the forum who can't manage a simple act without botching it.

I look forward to your next post of "So (HYPOTHETICALLY) I peed myself in public. What do I do?"

[Kalle]

There are no "people that matter" here except Tom, but if you think your relative worth isn't measured by the content of your posts here you're sadly mistaken. And the next time you go outside, you know, and talk to some real people, ask some complete strangers what they think about you hypothetically crapping your pants in public and see how they react.

Act like an idiot, get treated like an idiot. It's true here and it's true everywhere else.

[Charles]

The internet does not make it okay to act like a jacktard. If you wouldn't talk about shitting yourself with a group of random peers that you may or may not know well, outside of the internet, then why would you do it on the internet?

And if you would talk about this kind of stuff IRL, then I kind of feel sorry for the people around you.

[datter]

You two take things way, way too seriously. Are you like this all the time, or have I just caught you during "a moment"?

[Kalle]

If you think this forum, the discussions on it, and the people who frequent it don't matter, then why the fuck are you here?

[Lizard_King]

P&R has been a mess since forever. People go in there expecting that, or stay out knowing that there's nothing in there they want a part of. And that's part of P&R's nature. EE, on the other hand, wasn't always filled with blathering idiocy. And that people are starting to think that this is the way it has to be is just disheartening.

Yeah, how could the place that gave us "how do you wipe your ass" and "Chick didn't start the fire" stoop so low? What's this world coming to?

Anyway, I suppose it's hard enough defending your idyllic preserve of civil, high brow discourse without me interfering. Good luck and godspeed, you crazy diamonds.

[Kalle]

What can I say, the place has been going downhill for a long time and there's only so much idiocy I can take.

[datter]

If you think this forum, the discussions on it, and the people who frequent it don't matter, then why the fuck are you here?

So far I've mainly got you two girls throwing what amounts to an embarrassing hissy-fit over a god damned forum post is what I've got. No, your opinion doesn't matter to me in the slightest because you and the other one up there come off as a pair of morons with nothing better to do than troll around the forum trying to cause "new guys" grief. Well guess what, fuck the both of you.

I'll post what I like, and if the general populace of the forum has issue then for the love of God I'll know and will modify my behaviour accordingly. What I will not do is apologize to the likes of you for posting a silly thread in keeping with all the other silly shit that goes on in here just because it happens to he your fucking time of the month.

I hope that's clear.

EDIT:

oh and the day I can live up to your art of shirt-folding (http://www.quartertothree.com/game-talk/showthread.php?t=13238) thread, or links to wikipedia articles about fruit machines (http://www.quartertothree.com/game-talk/showthread.php?t=17814)... that's a day I look forward to. I really wish I was able to bring such quality material to the forum.

[Kareem]

relevance-challenged

Thank you for this word.

[Charles]

No, your opinion doesn't matter to me in the slightest because you and the other one up there come off as a pair of morons with nothing better to do than troll around the forum

Back atcha, champ.

[Kalle]

because people who bitch about you can't possibly be part of this general populace you're referring to....

And I think you'll find that for some reason most new guys don't get grief because they don't act like idiots. Strange, that. Must be a weird coincidence.

[metta]

You two take things way, way too seriously. Are you like this all the time, or have I just caught you during "a moment"?

I agree with them. The community voice is the one that matters and we, all of us, play a role in shaping it. New posters usually hang around for a bit to figure out what the tone of the forum is, then they either a) adhere to it and become a useful member, b) ignore it, spraying their crap all over the place until they are banned, or c) continue to read, making the odd contribution here and there, but generally being polite and considerate.

Choose wisely.

edit:

So far I've mainly got you two girls throwing what amounts to an embarrassing hissy-fit over a god damned forum post is what I've got. No, your opinion doesn't matter to me in the slightest because you and the other one up there come off as a pair of morons with nothing better to do than troll around the forum trying to cause "new guys" grief. Well guess what, fuck the both of you.


Never mind. I see you've already made your choice. Albert Woo will be along soon to collect you.

Selah.

[datter]

because people who bitch about you can't possibly be part of this general populace you're referring to....

And I think you'll find that for some reason most new guys don't get grief because they don't act like idiots. Strange, that. Must be a weird coincidence.

Weak.

[jeansberg]

So what was the outcome?

[WarrenM]

I'll post what I like, and if the general populace of the forum has issue then for the love of God I'll know and will modify my behaviour accordingly.
How many people would that take? Have a number in mind? Why don't you start a poll thread and we'll see.

[datter]

Honestly guys, I'm sorry for getting into a pissing match. I am now fighting a battle I never wanted to be fighting, and of course have no way of winning... so I'm done. I'll go read the "spitball in the back of the head" thread or others like it and just be quiet.

This is ridiculous.

[AndrewM]

This thread is awful. You could at least try to class it up with some euphemisms.

[Fugitive]

Every time I see the truncated subject in the main forum list, I can't help but imagine some puffy-faced middle manager shouting "You've shit on your shirt for the last time, Kowalski!"

[tromik]

oh and the day I can live up to your art of shirt-folding (http://www.quartertothree.com/game-talk/showthread.php?t=13238) thread, or links to wikipedia articles about fruit machines (http://www.quartertothree.com/game-talk/showthread.php?t=17814)... that's a day I look forward to. I really wish I was able to bring such quality material to the forum.
Huh? The shirt-folding thing was pretty cool when it first hit the tubes, and the fruit machine is pretty interesting and funny. Those are the kinda things I actually like to see in EE.

[Charles]

oh and the day I can live up to your art of shirt-folding (http://www.quartertothree.com/game-talk/showthread.php?t=13238) thread, or links to wikipedia articles about fruit machines (http://www.quartertothree.com/game-talk/showthread.php?t=17814)... that's a day I look forward to. I really wish I was able to bring such quality material to the forum.

One of these things is not like the other. One of these things is not the same. Here's a hint: Two of these things are interesting, the other is you talking about shitting on your shirt.

[Brendan]

If this had to happen to me I'd kill myself.

[AndrewM]

If this had to happen to me I'd kill myself.

I'd wait until after you'd changed into a clean shirt.

[Gladguy]

One of these things is not like the other. One of these things is not the same. Here's a hint: Two of these things are interesting, the other is you talking about shitting on your shirt.

Charles, have I told you lately that I love you?

[Bullhajj]

So, dude. What did you do? Did you stay in the can? Rip off the shit, er I mean shirt?

[Aeon221]

As a resident retard, I'd have to say that even I wouldn't start a thread this lame. Could you at least pretend to be smarter than the average chunk of feces sticking to your backside?

[Bullhajj]

I'd suggest he PM an asswiping expert, which would be you, Tim. (http://www.quartertothree.com/game-talk/showthread.php?t=23832)

AS FORUM EXPERT, MY RECOMENDATION IS TO START A THREAD IN EVERYTHING ELSE FORUM. I WILL PM MY RECOMMENDATION TO THE ORIGINAL POSTER, KALLE, AND CHARLES IMMIEDIATELY!

HA, HA, HA...

[Bullhajj]

As a resident retard, I'd have to say that even I wouldn't start a thread this lame. Could you at least pretend to be smarter than the average chunk of feces sticking to your backside?

I just want to point out that the feces in question is actually sticking to his shirt tail, not his backside.

[jeffd]

"Is your shirt dirty" must be on the next revision of Albert Woo's chart, under "Recently on qt3"

[Bullhajj]

One of these things is not like the other. One of these things is not the same. Here's a hint: Two of these things are interesting, the other is you talking about shitting on your shirt.


Like you've never accidently shit on something you hadn't intended to shit on. Wanting to talk about something like this is healthy behavior, exactly what one should be doing, having shit (shat?) on his shirt tail.

So the question becomes: having shit on your shirt tail prior to the big meeting, do you seek others who may have had a similar experiance or do you shamefully stuff your feelings inside, taking the experiance to the grave? I for one encourage people to talk about it!

This is what the internet is here for, dude. You think the internet is just here for you to access furry sado porn (and it is), but that is not the only use for the internets. There are other uses, too.

[Bullhajj]

This thread is awful. You could at least try to class it up with some euphemisms.

Or dinasour jpgs!

[Charles]

Like you've never accidently shit on something you hadn't intended to shit on. Wanting to talk about something like this is healthy behavior, exactly what one should be doing, having shit (shat?) on his shirt tail.

So the question becomes: having shit on your shirt tail prior to the big meeting, do you seek others who may have had a similar experiance or do you shamefully stuff your feelings inside, taking the experiance to the grave? I for one encourage people to talk about it!

This is what the internet is here for, dude. You think the internet is just here for you to access furry sado porn (and it is), but that is not the only use for the internets. There are other uses, too.


A friend of mine once said that the main problem with the internet, is that it lets seriously deranged people believe that they are fine and normal, because they can gather with other people who are seriously deranged in the same fashion.

Here's a tip: Talking about your experiences with your own shit is only healthy in the same way that talking about your love of bestiality porn is healthy.

[Aeon221]

I just want to point out that the feces in question is actually sticking to his shirt tail, not his backside.

He's already shown that he cannot be trusted to wipe his ass on this occasion. What makes you so sure he's completed the task in previous attempts?

[Hudson]

datter- When a respected forum regular gets goofy once in a while people allow it. When some 210 post permanent goofball(with like 100 of those being bad OPs) does it, he's going to get made fun of. This thread is unbelievably terrible, mostly because it either didn't happen(99% chance, in which case you're pathetic) or it did(1%, and, um, let's say equally pathetic). Either way, EVERYONE LOSES.

Also, contrary to whatever memo they sent to everyone stupid on the internet, the ellipsis is not an all-purpose(and, in fact, a no-purpose) punctuation mark.

[RepoMan]

WORST THREAD EVER.

datter, go die in a fire. (One with flames and lots of excruciating burning.)

[Bullhajj]

A friend of mine once said that the main problem with the internet, is that it lets seriously deranged people believe that they are fine and normal, because they can gather with other people who are seriously deranged in the same fashion.

Here's a tip: Talking about your experiences with your own shit is only healthy in the same way that talking about your love of bestiality porn is healthy.

You may be projecting here, champ. I know because my friend just told me.

[Charles]

You may be projecting here, champ. I know because my friend just told me.

I admit, not wanting threads about your inability to wipe properly does put me in a minority, which may seem deranged to some.

[Matt Bowyer]

If you care so much about public consensus, add me to the list of people who don't want to see stupid threads like this or stupid posters like you cluttering up Everything Else. It's not funny, it's not interesting, it's not worth sharing, it's just stupid.

Just because the Internet lets you say whatever you want doesn't mean you have anything worth saying.

[jerri blank]

I just want to know if the OP is still in the bathroom, tapping furiously on his Blackberry or whatever in the hopes that someone here will tell him what to do (besides "fuck off" or "die in a fire").

[Bullhajj]

Yeah, die in a fire? My word. To me that's more tasteless than a thread about shitting your pants, er shirt.

[Unicorn McGriddle]

Another vote against stupid personal bullshit in EE. I don't need to hear about how bad your day was.

[tiohn]

Here's a tip: Talking about your experiences with your own shit is only healthy in the same way that talking about your love of bestiality porn is healthy.

Not really. Everybody poops, but not everybody has sex with animals.

[Kalle]

But not everybody talks about their poop with complete strangers on a web forum.

[Charles]

Not really. Everybody poops, but not everybody has sex with animals.

Not everyone manages to poop on their shirt. I think that's reserved for a very special subset of people.

[bago]

Shirt sharting is epic.

[Major Icehole]

I wish I still had it, but alas.

In 1997 or so I got an e-mail from a friend who apparantly shit on his own balls one night while passed out on the can. That gave me no end of laughs. This on the other hand....

(With credit to charles:)

lol
lol
lol
lol
lol
shitbonerz

[Rimbo]

http://jmcdavel.googlepages.com/rimbothrower.jpghttp://jmcdavel.googlepages.com/rimbothrower.jpg

No fair -- it wasn't even my post!

[Bullhajj]

I find posting to this thread irresistible. But that's just me.

[Bullhajj]

But not everybody talks about their poop with complete strangers on a web forum.

So if we just knew one another a little better you wouldn't mind these kinds of threads?

Extends hand:: "Hi, my name's Bullhajj!"

Waits::

Waits::

Pulls out shirt tail, wipes hand. Thrusts hand back out there::

Waits::

Waits::

[Kalle]

Maybe you should ask Tom to change your nick back and find out.

[WarrenM]

If only the OP had phrased the topic in the form of a Speed reference.

"Pop quiz, hot shot. You're in the bathroom and you've shit on your shirt. The board meeting that you're hosting starts in 2 minutes. What do you do?"

[Podunk]

I find posting to this thread irresistible. But that's just me.

It really is strangely compelling.

[datter]

What part of hypothetical is so hard to grasp, but alas I've ceased caring. Please continue the beatings, I'm starting to enjoy it.

[WarrenM]

Is that you Rogen?

[Aeon221]

Maybe you should ask Tom to change your nick back and find out.


Kalle WHICH NICK?!?!?!?!!

[Union Carbide]

Kalle WHICH NICK?!?!?!?!!

Tim Elhajj (http://www.quartertothree.com/game-talk/showpost.php?p=555742&postcount=16), of course.

[DoomMunky]

As someone who's posted his share of ill-advised personal threads, I'll just recommend moving along, blending in, and biding your time.

Then, in like 6 months, you should totally post about getting so drunk you pooped on your girlfriend. At work.

IN SPACE.

[Aeon221]

Tim Elhajj (http://www.quartertothree.com/game-talk/showpost.php?p=555742&postcount=16), of course.

Are you sure it wasn't this one (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eBGIQ7ZuuiU)?

[Jon Rowe]

No fair -- it wasn't even my post!

This better?

http://i30.tinypic.com/2gvtzjb.jpg

[jerri blank]

What part of hypothetical is so hard to grasp, but alas I've ceased caring. Please continue the beatings, I'm starting to enjoy it.

If that question was truly hypothetical, you have a hell of an imagination.

[Ryan A]

If you're a mormon and it was your special undergarment that you used, would that make it holy crap?

[datter]

If that question was truly hypothetical, you have a hell of an imagination.

I first saw the same story was posted on another forum I read years and years ago. The idea being to put forth the sort of situation that has no good simple answer, and go from there. I've seen this same thing posted twice elsewhere since then, and each time there was an odd discussion in the vein of the "spitball in the back of the head" thread you'll find here. I realize if I had posted THAT thread, it would have been equally bad so there's a no-win here I think.

Anyway, all this thread has accomplished here is to create another lurker, so there's that.

[Bullhajj]

I first saw the same story was posted on another forum I read years and years ago. The idea being to put forth the sort of situation that has no good simple answer, and go from there. I've seen this same thing posted twice elsewhere since then, and each time there was an odd discussion in the vein of the "spitball in the back of the head" thread you'll find here. I realize if I had posted THAT thread, it would have been equally bad so there's a no-win here I think.

Anyway, all this thread has accomplished here is to create another lurker, so there's that.

Just goes to show that Qt3 is no ordinary web forum.

[Bullhajj]

If only the OP had phrased the topic in the form of a Speed reference.

"Pop quiz, hot shot. You're in the bathroom and you've shit on your shirt. The board meeting that you're hosting starts in 2 minutes. What do you do?"

Slaps head::

Shoulda made a poll!

Shit on shirt! What do?

A) Suck up
B) Cut off
C) SHIT BONERZ

[Rimbo]

This better?

http://i30.tinypic.com/2gvtzjb.jpg

infinitely

[Charles]

Anyway, all this thread has accomplished here is to create another lurker, so there's that.

Come on baby, don't make promises you won't keep.

[Qessinge]

its obvious that datter is a viral marketer on Charmin's payroll...

[Bullhajj]

I am a little dissapointed to discover this thread is a sham, but also a little relieved. This is just like that James Frey memoir last year, but a little less epic.

And without any Oprah.

[Bill Dungsroman]

Haha, wait, it's all hypothetical? I'm sorry, but I'm calling shirtshit on that.

[Ed Solomon]

Has anyone suggested that he shoot the hostage yet?

Because that, and nuking the site from orbit, is always the answer.

[VictoriaWong]

Because that, and nuking the site from orbit, is always the answer.

No, nuking the site from orbit is not the solution to two things:
Mathematical problems
and
Black holes.

However, this falls into neither category, so that is precisely the solution to be pursued.

[NoWayJose]

Now can we get back to how that student should turn down a date (marriage?) proposal, or the gay guy threatening to cut someone's lawn?

[VictoriaWong]

Now can we get back to how that student should turn down a date (marriage?) proposal, or the gay guy threatening to cut someone's lawn?
The solution to that was already offered: nuke the site from orbit!

[DoomMunky]

Roger Wong is impervious to orbital nukes.

[tiohn]

Roger Wong is impervious to orbital nukes.

Something just came out of my nose.

[VictoriaWong]

Roger Wong does not create problems requiring solutions.

[balut]

Misanthropes hate all people except Roger Wong.

[Roger Wong]

I am so lost.

[Johan O]

Roger Wong is never lost. It is the world that is in the wrong place.

[Aeon221]

Something just came out of my nose.

It was Roger Wong.

[shift6]

This thread has me laughing so hard I'm coughing and crying at the same time. I CAN'T BREATHE.



Anyway, I thought EE is where we all go to shoot the shit.

[Kyle Wilson]

Anyway, I thought EE is where we all go to shoot the shit.

When Roger Wong shoots the shit, he doesn't miss.

[Bullhajj]

If Roger Wong wipes his ass with his shirt tail, it doesnt' get dirty.

[Jolor]

After reviewing both ISO and CMMI, it was determined that the stink cannot exist unless it is measured first. I suggest that you don't propose any metrics regarding stink. Additionally, if non-stinkage is raised during the RFP phase (Congrats on making it this far!) you simply 'Comply'.

[Jack Black]

Roger Wong doesn't comply.

[Murph]

Yes, this is a horrible thread...but some wonderful things have come out of it.

Most notably, the birth of this phrase:
If I'm getting the gist of what went down, he shit his shirt on IRC.

[Jerry Sizzler]

Print out this entire thread and include it with the presentation. Introduce the name of your presentation as "The Aristocrats."

[datter]

If this were all a real happening, that would be about the best idea ever and at some point it could veer off into a lesson on the word "hypothetical" (among other things) but alas. Now if you'll excuse me, I've got more highbrow things to read, like that spitball in the head thread. I'm always available for beatings mind you, anytime you guys need to make yourselves feel all manly and such.

[RepoMan]

If datter spat on some financial documents, stuck them down the back of his pants, then threw the aromatic spitball at Roger Wong, what would Roger do and how much of datter would be left afterwards?

[Kareem]

Is it fashionable nowadays to assume that other posters are being mean to you because of a machismo culture as opposed to someone simply being a run-of-the-mill moron?

[Drastic]

Yes, this is a horrible thread...but some wonderful things have come out of it.

Most notably, the birth of this phrase:

In alchemy terms, I'm a firm believer that "shit his shirt" and variants of the phrase passing into common use would be transmutating the First Matter of this thread into gold. The ideal would be for it to not only become part of the Qt3 lexicon, but spread beyond it. In 2028, there should be brief notes in obscure etymological papers that point to archives of the thread as its origin point.

[Dean]

If datter spat on some financial documents, stuck them down the back of his pants, then threw the aromatic spitball at Roger Wong, what would Roger do and how much of datter would be left afterwards?

Is he wearing boyshorts or a thong?

[DoomMunky]

Roger Wong invented the thong.

[Jerry Sizzler]

If datter spat on some financial documents, stuck them down the back of his pants, then threw the aromatic spitball at Roger Wong, what would Roger do and how much of datter would be left afterwards?

How aromatic are we talking here? Is Roger a supertaster?

[Drastic]

When a supertaster kisses someone, they don't actually taste everyone they've ever been with. Roger Wong's taste overpowers all the rest, including their own.

[datter]

Can we keep this on topic please. For Christs sake.

[tiohn]

Roger Wong is the only topic.

[datter]

Unless he shat his shirt, and can provide witty insight into the original hypothetical I say you sir are sadly mistaken.

[madkevin]

Ironically, all these Wongs make it so very, very right.

[jerri blank]

Can we keep this on topic please. For Christs sake.

Really? When "on topic" means "datter wiped himself with the tail of his shirt" or "datter is a moron for starting a thread about wiping oneself with the tail of his shirt," I would think you would welcome the Wong digression.

Mind you, I didn't mind the topic that much - I've been having a great deal of fun with it. But by bitching about the thread hijacking, you're just asking for more abuse.

[Jerry Sizzler]

Can we keep this on topic please. For Christs sake.

He's on a deadline here, people.

or developing diaper rash waiting for a response.

[ElGuapo]

Can we keep this on topic please. For Christs sake.

Wow.

You REALLY want to keep the thread on topic about what a giant retard you are?

That you even admitted doing this is . . . inconceivable. And now you want to focus attention on it?

This is like a funny story someone would tell about their kid going through potty training.

[tiohn]

I was hoping that we'd focus on the topic about datter lurking more and posting less.

[datter]

Wow.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, you people take things WAY too fucking seriously.

[tiohn]

I thought you didn't care.

[datter]

I didn't, but some of you people are some incredibly uptight that I think I might just keep bumping this bitch until the end comes.

[DoomMunky]

Roger Wong would slap datter with mouth mush like Neo gets in the Matrix.

http://www.digitalproducer.com/pages/matrix/matrix_mouth.jpg

[Kareem]

Oh, and I called it.

http://www.quartertothree.com/game-talk/showthread.php?p=1276047

[WarrenM]

Roger Wong would shit on his shirt and then wipe it on datter.

[datter]

Real men, all of you.

[WarrenM]

But you don't care, so it's all good.

[Kyle Wilson]

A hypothetical scenario;
...

What do you do?

Okay, here's what I would do.

I'd blow off my meeting and go home, still covered in shit, to post on an Internet forum. I'd ask a bunch of on-line strangers what they'd do in my situation, pretending it was just a hypothetical question. I'd hang out, still swooning at my own rancid stench, and read the replies in which they debated how big an idiot I was. Gagging at my fetid reek, I'd post replies reminding them that the scenario was just "hypothetical." If they didn't believe that, I'd probably mop my sweaty brow with my turd-stained shirt, then make up some lame story about how I'd read this question on some other Internet forum, and it prompted lots of really good discussion there.

But that's just what I'd do. Hypothetically.

[DoomMunky]

And then, after the hive mind had moved on and made the thread fun to read, I'd beg them to drag the topic back to me! Yay!

[datter]

There was begging? I missed that sorry.

[Demon G Sides]

Can we keep this on topic please. For Christs sake.

Unless he shat his shirt, and can provide witty insight into the original hypothetical I say you sir are sadly mistaken.

Wow.

I've said it before and I'll say it again, you people take things WAY too fucking seriously.

I didn't, but some of you people are some incredibly uptight that I think I might just keep bumping this bitch until the end comes.

Real men, all of you.

There was begging? I missed that sorry.

So, not so much begging, but whining for certain.

[Bullhajj]

Well!

If I should ever shit my shirt, I have no illusions about turning to the Qt3 heinie, er, hive!, HIVE mind.

[Murph]

If I should ever shit my shirt,


This reminds me so much of the start of a Dr. Suess book, that I REALLY wish I were clever enough to make something of it.

But, at least today, I am not. :-(

[VictoriaWong]

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own. And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

You'll go into the bathroom. You'll enter with care.
About some stalls you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your bladder full of urine and your colon full of dirt
you're too rushed to be bothered to hold up your shirt.

And you may not be able
to keep your feces down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as rushed
and fecal as you.

And when things start to happen,
don't worry. Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too.

OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL STINK!

The smell'll be on its way up!
You'll be smelling huge stinks!
You'll join the high stinkers
who stink to high heights.

You will lag behind, because you'll have done the deed.
You'll disgust the whole gang and you'll wish you'd just peed.
Wherever you fly, you'll be the one they'll give berth.
Wherever you go, you will stink up the earth.

[Siren]

Fantastic.

[DoomMunky]

Okay, you can stay. :)

[Bullhajj]

YOU SEE! I told you there was a good reason to keep the shit on shirt thread going.

[RepoMan]

FINALLY, this thread delivered. Maybe she IS Roger's wife after all.

[Demon G Sides]

Victoria Wong; The only Wong as good as a Roger.

[quatoria]

I find posting to this thread irresistible. But that's just me.


Yeah, you find a lot of things irresistible. Which is why you're terrified of having a boss google your name, Tim. Maybe that should be a lesson to you about your compulsions.

[Funkula]

Yeah, you find a lot of things irresistible. Which is why you're terrified of having a boss google your name, Tim Elhajj (http://www.quartertothree.com/game-talk/showthread.php?t=23832). Maybe that should be a lesson to you about your compulsions.

Fixed.

[Sol Invictus]

If Datter had bothered to read this post (http://www.quartertothree.com/game-talk/showthread.php?t=23832) on butt wiping etiquette, he wouldn't have shit on his shirt, and this thread wouldn't exist.

Hindsight is 20/20, and it would have certainly helped if Datter had eyes back there.

In an alternate universe, this "shit on your shirt" thread was created before the "how do you wipe your bottom?" thread, with "my shirt" available in the poll as an option.

[Jerry Sizzler]

Real men, all of you.

Now that we have the Dr. Seuss poem, can someone make a "Real Men of Genius" ad?

MR. OFFICE PRESENTATION SHIRT SHIII-IIIITTER!

[Kyle Wilson]

Roger Wong would scare the shirt shitless.

[shift6]

Roger Wong doesn't shit, he has disciplined his body to digest everything.

[Aeon221]

Since there is now poop in the penis thread, I figured it'd be a good idea to get penis in the poop thread.

[Nengjanggo]

Since there is now poop in the penis thread, I figured it'd be a good idea to get penis in the poop thread.

When I saw the text of your post, I wondered for a second why my connection was so slow, because it wasn't loading the MS Paint penis picture I expected.

[Aeon221]

When I saw the text of your post, I wondered for a second why my connection was so slow, because it wasn't loading the MS Paint penis picture I expected.

Hah! My evil plan is working perfectly!

[Demon G Sides]

why bump shitty threads.

[Sarkus]

DIE THREAD, DIE !!!!!!

(I can hope.)

[UncleSmoothie]

DIE THREAD, DIE !!!!!!

(I can hope.)

Sage goes in the email field.

[Aeon221]

Aww dung, I was hoping people would be excited to see this thread come back.

[tiohn]

Since there is now poop in the penis thread, I figured it'd be a good idea to get penis in the poop thread.

This is also a symptom of a prostate infection. I can tell you first-hand just how not fun they are. One in particular caused my prostate to swell so large that I couldn't shit.

[Albert Woo]

More advice for newcomers:

http://i3.photobucket.com/albums/y92/ephemera3000/BlundersX.jpg

[Ed Solomon]

The legend continues.

[Sarkus]

While that's funny Albert, the thread had almost died. Was the joke worth having it's revival on your conscience?

Next time start a new thread.

[triggercut]

While that's funny Albert, the thread had almost died. Was the joke worth having it's revival on your conscience?

Next time start a new thread.

whatthefuckever.

It's funny and on topic and belongs.

[Jack Black]

While that's funny Albert, the thread had almost died. Was the joke worth having it's revival on your conscience?

Next time start a new thread.

At least his contribution isn't whiny bitching.

[Sarkus]

At least his contribution isn't whiny bitching.

And you call this a contribution?

Seriously, I'm not trying to be an ass, but this is IMHO one of the worst threads I've ever seen on QT3 and I really wish it would go away. It's hard to ignore it's presence with the mental image the title creates.

[Jack Black]

And you call this a contribution?

Seriously, I'm not trying to be an ass, but this is IMHO one of the worst threads I've ever seen on QT3 and I really wish it would go away. It's hard to ignore it's presence with the mental image the title creates.

Oh noes! Bad mental images. Seriously, I'm not trying to be an ass, but if anything this thread shows that qt3 has some standards and hopefully datter will cut off his hands before even thinking of posting again and so it's a net win.

[Sarkus]

Oh noes! Bad mental images. Seriously, I'm not trying to be an ass, but if anything this thread shows that qt3 has some standards and hopefully datter will cut off his hands before even thinking of posting again and so it's a net win.

That would make sense except that datter hasn't posted in this thread for a week (4/22). In fact, he hasn't posted anywhere on QT3 since then. It appears he's learned his lesson. And he's not the one that's been bumping this thread.

[Albert Woo]

It wasn't much of a bump, Sarkus. The thread was part way down on the first page of EE. If you didn't like it because it showed up in your list of new posts, well good luck trying to avoid all the posts in other threads referencing this one. If I had started a new thread (e.g. "Helpful Hints for Newcomers") and you had clicked on it, guess what, you still would have been reminded of this thread. Next time I'll know to make a new thread titled "Sarkus, don't read this."

[AndrewM]

Yeah, don't shit your shirt, dude.

[Raife]

That chart is awesome, Albert, and Sarkus, what the fuck?

[jerri blank]

That chart is awesome, Albert, and Sarkus, what the fuck?

It IS awesome, Albert. In fact, I'd like your permission to use it in the opening post of my soon-to-be-posted poll, "Which of us forum newbies has fucked up QT3 the most?"

[Nellie]

I'd like to bump this thread just to annoy sarkus because it's friday, everyone else has gone home and I'm still in the office managing not to poo on my shirt before a meeting.

[Raife]

Now you've done it!

[Aeon221]

Oh shit! He's throwing brown now!

[shift6]

bump

(tee hee)

[Sarkus]

Bump away. You're only hurting yourselves.

[DoomMunky]

This thread being bumped also hurts the baby Jesus.

[bago]

It ain't "bump". It's "Back that ass up".

[Aeon221]

http://nedroid.com/sketches/hilaritoons1.JPG

[magnetic_rose]

Roger Wong doesn't shit, he has disciplined his body to digest everything.

Not precisely. I have it on good authority Roger Wong eats flour and shits cupcakes.

[Raife]

I guess we can stop now since we're only hurting ourselves. Oh, whoops.

[Sol Invictus]

What ever happened to datter?

[DoomMunky]

He said something about having to do laundry and took off.

[Raife]

http://img166.imageshack.us/img166/817/shitbegonevi4.jpg

[triggercut]

What ever happened to datter?

Not sure. I wanted to ask whether "shit" in the thread title was a noun or verb.

[Sol Invictus]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n1vvi0oa1QY

Remember the man who got stuck for 41 hours in the elevator? Here's what datter would do in the same situation.

[Funkula]

Not sure. I wanted to ask whether "shit" in the thread title was a noun or verb.

So you're trying to find out whether datter is from the US or UK, but in a roundabout fashion.