The Blakemore Prophecy Timeline

[Cleve Blakemore]

Late 2003 : The United States sinks ever closer to full blown depression, the economy goes to pieces, unemployment reaches 8%.

Early 2004 : Riots in the Southwest including California, first early shots of the coming ethnic civil war are fired, widespread poverty creates new tent camps across the U.S.

Mid 2004 : Major international tensions escalate between North Korea, America, China and Russia over territory, resources and hegemony.

Late 2004 : California declares bankruptcy, shuts down all public services ... within weeks there are permanent no-go regions in California like Miami where American law is no longer in effect

Early 2005 : Full blown ethnic wars break out sporadically in the U.S. in various cities on a continual basis, terrorists strike in a major American city, turning it into a desolate wasteland.

Mid 2005 : The Dow Jones drops below 3000 points. The U.S. dollar is now trading 4-to-1 against the Euro, even the Euro itself is ailing against Islamic Gold bonds, the new money of the Middle East. American dollars are being dumped worldwide by investors eager to shed it as it plunges in value.

Late 2005 : A run on American banks as the U.S. dollar suffers runaway inflation. A loaf of bread costs $140.00 U.S. at the grocery store. Unemployment reaches 20% nationwide.

Early 2006 : China, sensing American weakness, blockades Tiawan and announces a mutual defense pact with North Korea. American diplomats try to talk their way out of the mess, the U.S. government is bankrupt and can't print enough money to pay soldier's checks for military payroll.

Mid 2006 : American military attempts coup. President orders missile strikes against North Korea. Jerry Springer is chased by a hostile mob in New York and hung from a lamp post by piano wire.

2006 Year Zero, Day One : Nobody ever does figure out who started it. By the end of the year, there are 14 different nations engaged in all-out thermonuclear conflict using all resources available to them. 500 million people are dead by the end of the first day and three months later there are still missiles incoming on occasion. The United States has completely ceased to exist altogether. A few American submarines prowl the globe firing their remaining missiles before they are tracked down and destroyed.

2007 : The planet is completely unrecognizable from the air except for the basic outline of continents. More than 3/4 of the population has died worldwide, the remainder are dying of famine or disease. Around 5% of the survivalist core are thriving best in Australia, which is the only nation that retains something resembling an infrastructure and some government.

[Gary Whitta]

I've never really had any interaction with the guy, but I don't believe for a second he's sincere about any of that stuff.


Looking at the above, I am now forced to agree.


Around 5% of the survivalist core are thriving best in Australia, which is the only nation that retains something resembling an infrastructure and some government.

And as an added boon the nation's cultural and artistic landscape remains completely unchanged.

[Nathan Phoenix]

Jerry Springer is chased by a hostile mob in New York and hung from a lamp post by piano wire.


Well at least you predict SOME degree of poetic justice

[Ben]

Cleve, as great as all this was, your unemployment numbers reveal you to be the complete moron you are. When the economy goes completely to pieces we get 8% unemployment? 8%?

And you should probably read some basic macroeconomics to learn something about inflation. You've sorta got it, in a watches CNBC sort of way. Anyway, great work, this was really excellent.

[Captain Cookiepants]

The unemployment rate right now is at 9%. Just thought I'd throw that into the ring.

[Troy S Goodfellow]

Wow. Rome didn't collapse all of a sudden in three years, and Outback Nostradamus has the US going to pieces in that time. Everything moves faster in the mind of Superman.

Troy

[Gary Whitta]

"Outback Nostradamus" - LOL! :D

[Cleve Blakemore]

Wow. Rome didn't collapse all of a sudden in three years, and Outback Nostradamus has the US going to pieces in that time. Everything moves faster in the mind of Superman.
Troy

Rome was 80% small independent self-subsistent farmers who owned their own land.

Half of America will starve to death within one month if the incredibly complex food transport system so much as hiccups. America is a nation of renters who live paycheck to paycheck on meal to meal from McDonald's. They are a kind of bizarre animal that requires super-delicate living conditions based on a pile of fake fiat money that must be churned endlessly to allow them to purchase food and water on a daily basis.

Even in the 1930's the majority of Americans owned their homes, had gardens and could subsist on their own means. Today the United States is a land of pink, moist skinned baby grubs who will die in seconds when exposed to light or open air. They need the entire ZOG money merry-go-round to run perfectly 24 hours a day, because if it stops, they die. They have no life support systems to sustain them beyond the next paycheck.

Fake rebound of 1931 = Fake rebound of 2003

http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story2&cid=68&u=/nyt/20030621/ts_nyt/smallinvestorsonceburnedleadnewbull&printer=1

That's three years if you're lucky and my modest, reserved predictions unfold in the sluggish sequence I've outlined.

[Cleve Blakemore]

The unemployment rate right now is at 9%. Just thought I'd throw that into the ring.

So we can tick that box right now?

[Captain Cookiepants]

So what's the chances you are wrong Cleve? And what happens if you turn out to be wrong? I say you turn in your Burger King hat with 'Supper Jenius' written across it and sparkles and macaroni glued on and leave the forum for good. And since you're already wrong you should do that right now.

Edit: this hardly qualifies as 'Late 2003', I'll concede 'middle', but not late. You lose already.

[Cleve Blakemore]

So what's the chances you are wrong Cleve? And what happens if you turn out to be wrong? I say you turn in your Burger King hat with 'Supper Jenius' written across it and sparkles and macaroni glued to it and leave the forum for good. And since you're already wrong you should do that right now.

I thought you just said we could tick off my first prediction.

The chance I am wrong about the chronology or trigger events is about 50%. The chance I am wrong about the scenario is zero. The chance I am wrong about the exact dates is 25%. The chance I am wrong altogether is zero.

Better shed some of that lard, Cookiepants, they're coming to eat you! Your neighbors have already photographed you in the nude through your windows to get a good idea of how much meat you can provide them long term. You're a prize, dude! You need to go out and buy some Adidas for your feet and learn to run like hell. You're job #1 when the famine hits.

[DennyA]

You left off an important date...

Will Grimoire ship before we all lose our PCs to EMP pulses in 2006?

[Cleve Blakemore]

Edit: this hardly qualifies as 'Late 2003', I'll concede 'middle', but not late. You lose already.

You should keep a piece of ham taped to the side of your head to tear off and drop on the ground as a decoy if you have to make a dash for it.

Cookiepants, I can see you now waddling along crying with a crowd of about 5000 hungry people following you with steak knives and tabasco. You're like a drive-through window with legs!

[Gary Whitta]

Hard to believe a genius supersurvivalist like Cleve has neglected to factor a strategy for selling his big-headed-baby game in the post-nuclear market into his master plan. I'm imagining he'll sell copies from a desert shack to the few surviving sad souls with solar-powered laptops who want to take their mind off the horrors of bleeding gums, cancer and malnutrition by playing a shit home-made computer game that reminds them of happier times in the 1980s.

[Cleve Blakemore]

Hard to believe a genius supersurvivalist like Cleve has neglected to factor a strategy for selling his big-headed-baby game in the post-nuclear market into his master plan. I'm imagining he'll sell copies from a desert shack to the few surviving sad souls with solar-powered laptops who want to take their mind off the horrors of bleeding gums, cancer and malnutrition by playing a shit home-made computer game that reminds them of happier times in the 1980s.

Grimoire already has a Pip-Boy port underway for the rugged core of survivors worldwide to play on their handheld devices. Once again, Whitta, you are behind the power curve.

[Cleve Blakemore]

You left off an important date...

Will Grimoire ship before we all lose our PCs to EMP pulses in 2006?

You will be afforded one day to enjoy it with air raid sirens blaring away in the background, to see what might have been. Be sure to back your savegame up onto optical storage in the event your heads are snap frozen during nuclear winter and giant ant people revive you out of scientific curiosity in 2500 A.D. by putting your skull into a super-powered microwave device. You'll then be able to ask to continue your game where you left off, of course you'll probably have to use one of those mouth pen pointing devices in place of the mouse.

[Gary Whitta]

So Grimoire is going to be the only videogame available to play in the post-nuclear society? I think I'll just take the blinding flash/blast wave option, thanks - sounds less painful in the long run.

[Peter Frazier]

So Cleve, who will be in charge of the Australian government- Liberal or Labour? I just want to start aligning myself now to be a part of the new Authority.

[XPav]

Late 2004 : California declares bankruptcy, shuts down all public services ... within weeks there are permanent no-go regions in California like Miami where American law is no longer in effect
Thats too bad. I always liked visiting Miami, CA.

[Gary Whitta]

Late 2004 : California declares bankruptcy, shuts down all public services ... within weeks there are permanent no-go regions in California like Miami where American law is no longer in effect
Thats too bad. I always liked visiting Miami, CA.

LOL! Maybe Cleve can get a job in the FOX News fact-checking department. They don't care about accuracy either, and it's run by another lunatic Australian-American. Sounds like a perfect match.

From FOX News on the night of the first US bombing of Baghdad, 2003:

"The bombs are now falling at the rate of ten per minute. That's one every ten seconds!"

[Captain Cookiepants]

Oh Cleve, your fat jokes have so devastated me that I can only think of one comeback: a tiny fact (http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&lr=&ie=UTF-8&oe=UTF-8&q=%22universal+genius%22+%22fat+jokes%22&btnG=Google+Search).

[hermyhermit]

Outback Nostradamus


You should keep a piece of ham taped to the side of your head to tear off and drop on the ground as a decoy if you have to make a dash for it.


Ok, I'm sorry, these two were fucking funny.... :lol:

[Brian Koontz]

This is the funniest thread I can remember on Qt3, and to add to the amazement Sparky hasn't even posted!

[Tyjenks]

I would say the tiny quadrant of Cleve's brain that contains the anti-personnel jokes is deficient. He comes up with this comical scenario of a grand, global scale that starts an entertaining thread, but all he gives us when making fun of Cookiepants is that he is fat. I think it goes without saying that a man with pants made from cookies is going to have an admitted weight problem. Surely Cleve can do better than that.

And just so I am clear on his whole wacky ethnic hatred thing, Cleve hates jews and blacks or just jews? What about Mexicans? There seem to be too many of those here as well? When the Ethnic Wars(tm)* break out, how many sides are there going to be? Miami, California has a sizable Cuban population, are they going to fight alongside their brown, Mexican brothers or will that be another group us caucasians are going to have to squash like the disease-ridden bugs that they are?

I, frankly, am most concerned about all the shifty Canadians who seem to be stealing all our good film shoots and then cross into the U.S. to make fat sacks of cash in our movie industry. PLus, they seem to have better weed, now, than any other nation on the planet. Lucky Canadians. THey are white so I guess we can't fight them in Cleve's scenario, but I sure would like to. My distaste for their frenchy, french ways is well documented so I am serving notice now; once those wars start, anyone who says "a-boot" instead of "about" is getting a tire iron to the cranium.

*Ethnic Wars(tm) to be released by Parker Brothers - Sydney after the fall of man, Austrailia's ascension to world domination and the release of Grimoire....in that order.

[Idar Thorvaldsen]

... And what happens if you turn out to be wrong?...
year++; try again.

[Jakub]

If there was any doubt this is a fake, it's been dispelled now.

Nice parody.

[Albert Woo]

I, frankly, am most concerned about all the shifty Canadians...

http://us.imdb.com/Title?0285470

[Tyjenks]

I, frankly, am most concerned about all the shifty Canadians...

http://us.imdb.com/Title?0285470

That's great. I cannot believe I have never heard of it. Did you see it Albert?

[Desslock]

Cleve is a salesman for Dell, effectively telling you now's the time to upgrade to that spiffy system that you've been holding off on, since there's only three years until the apocalypse. No need to be concerned about upgradability!

[Albert Woo]

I, frankly, am most concerned about all the shifty Canadians...

http://us.imdb.com/Title?0285470

That's great. I cannot believe I have never heard of it. Did you see it Albert?

I taped it back when it was first broadcast (I must have been in high school at the time) but haven't really watched it since then. It has some decent jokes mixed in with a few bits of real inspiration, and fans of SCTV would love it.

[Robert Sharp]

I like how there is a 50% chance that his whole time line is wrong, but only a 25% chance that the exact dates are wrong. classic.

[john black]

Cookiepants, I can see you now waddling along crying with a crowd of about 5000 hungry people following you with steak knives and tabasco. You're like a drive-through window with legs!

Now Cleve, the Captian may be a large man but he can't be so large that 5000 could get a snack out of him. Even considering that his pants might add fifty pounds of cookies, it still wouldn't be enough for 5000 people.

[Gary Whitta]

Quick admin suggestion: How about we just rename the "Everything Else" forum to "Cleve's Crazy Corner" or something like that? It'd be a more accurate and less vague moniker, and it should make it much easier for people to steer clear, kind of a like a BRIDGE OUT sign.

[Cleve Blakemore]

The truth is you mental midgets are itching to see me censored, which is the way intellectually inferior people have attempted to cope with their betters for untold centuries. You can try to dress it up as concern for the forum or community, but the truth is at the end of the day you don't have any counter arguments, just ad hominem gibberish.

I personally would never want to be in the position of trying to defend racial egalitarianism and other politically correct notions in general. It's whacky stuff with little or no observable evidence to present as credible support for these nutty ideas. You'd expect cries for censorship - what option is left for the people who promote these irrational, pseudoscientific orthodoxies? Certainly such people today are in the majority, however a majority of people also believe in UFOs, so the quality issue concerning the brains in question is pretty major in itself.

[benj]

Cleve..

Sorry bro but you sound like a fukin loner who couldn't get laid with a fistfull of $50 dollar bills in a whore house.

So is this how somebody acts when they have never been laid?

[XPav]

http://www.pavloff.net/entityfanny.jpg
The Entity, complete with fannypack.

[Gary Whitta]

The truth is you mental midgets are itching to see me censored

I merely suggested renaming this section of the forum, Cleve. I don't want you censored, I just think we should put up a safety fence with clearly posted signs, like you would with a deep swamp or other noxious natural hazard. A swamp has the right to spew foul-smelling bile just as you do, but citizens have the right to enough information to ensure they can stay safe and clear of it if they choose to.

[Cleve Blakemore]

The truth is you mental midgets are itching to see me censored

I merely suggested renaming this section of the forum, Cleve. I don't want you censored, I just think we should put up a safety fence with clearly posted signs, like you would with a deep swamp or other noxious natural hazard. A swamp has the right to spew foul-smelling bile just as you do, but citizens have the right to enough information to ensure they can stay safe and clear of it if they choose to.

Funny, that, how you don't interest me enough to provoke same.

[Gary Whitta]

Cleve, to continue the swamp analogy (which works better and better for me the more you talk), it's not a question of interest.

You don't interest me. Neither does a swamp. But I prefer to keep my distance from both.

[Cleve Blakemore]

Cleve, to continue the swamp analogy (which works better and better for me the more you talk), it's not a question of interest.

You don't interest me. Neither does a swamp. But I prefer to keep my distance from both.

Analogies are always a kind of false relationship - drawing parallels between two things that often as not aren't really related at all.

You and your gay 800 lbs buddy Cookiepants want me censored from the forum, it's just a difficult thing to concede for such a repressed personality. So you beat around the bush and pretend to be arguing another point of view. Typical behaviour for a subhuman.

QT3 is where you crawled off to die.

[Gary Whitta]

unsubscribe

[Brian Koontz]

but citizens have the right to enough information to ensure they can stay safe and clear of it if they choose to.

They already have enough information.

You're playing Politics at this stage.

[Ed Solomon]

Hooray for the search current website button on the Google toolbar. I may not have yet found anything about the Wasteland comic, but I am pleased to discover that it's the end of the world as we know it, and I feel fine.

[Dave Markell]

As long as someone else did the thread necromancy----my my, look at all the banned names. Koontz, Cookiepants, Cleve. They were feeding off one another, an insane vampiric daisy chain.

[Adree]

http://cache.valleywag.com/assets/resources/2007/08/altered-beast.jpg

[Lum]

Well, he is correct, it is now 2008 and the shapes of continents are actually visible from the air.

[Andrew Mayer]

Sound of screen door banging shut...

[Funkula]

Also, what's with the Australia business? I thought he had a bunker out in the Mojave.

[Johan O]

Anyone recall the adress to his new website?

Edit: found it, unsuprisingly Ron Paul was his candidate of choice in the primaries.
http://www.vault-co.blogspot.com/

[MikeSofaer]

A reliable system for an end-of-the-world scenario ... built on MS-DOS.

I like it.

[Chris Nahr]

You forgot to link to his awesome Vault OS (http://www.grimoiresystems.com/vos/VaultOS.htm)!


An open source, multi-user, multitasking x86 32-bit networked operating system built on Ethernet & TCP/IP HTTP server designed to provide for the maintenance and management of a civil defense shelter.

[Njal]

Does he have a pip-boy to run that OS?

[Glenn]

Somebody want to explain AmeriKWan to me?

[madkevin]

I think that's Cleve-speak for an America run by those no-good blacks.

[Morkilus]

He predicted Year Zero a full year before its release. Fail.

[Crispus]

Will people never learn? Always build LOTS of contingency into your project plan dates, especially if the project is complex. Original high-level estimates are never accurate.

[Linoleum]

How does he expect to be able to run a network in a shelter after the apocalypse? Store everything in a home-rigged Faraday cage and hope for the best?

[RepoMan]

Whoa dude, he's getting all biblical (http://vault-co.blogspot.com/2008/03/amerikwa-is-doomed-down-sluice-to-hell.html) and shit.

They think they are too good for simple wisdom, too sophisticated to listen to wise counsel, so these simpletons will now reap the wrath of the Lord they have been storing up against themselves for a long, long time.
Sounds about right, actually. God knows I think I'm too good for Cleve's simple wisdom, and I'm definitely too sophisticated for his wise counsel.

[Johan O]

See what sort of people these are. (Youtube Link) Notice the obsession with sodomy and humiliating others with sodomite blasphemy.
Pluck out the beam, Cleve.

[madkevin]

You can store wrath? Who knew?

[Nick Walter]

How does he expect to be able to run a network in a shelter after the apocalypse? Store everything in a home-rigged Faraday cage and hope for the best?

Pure strength of will.

Duh.

[Ergo]

Oh, yes. Wrath has been providing electricity for my home since the winter of 1992.

[Fugitive]

I keep my wrath on a RAID-1 array so that it's always ready to go and I can unleash it twice as fast. There will be no gaps in wrath coverage, oh no siree...

[madkevin]

Damn. What are your rates like? I might make the switch from spite, which I currently have in large supply.

[Drastic]

The problem I've had with wrath storage is that actually accessing it tends to overload the bus, which makes the frames-per-sodomy drop into single digits. Will investing in dual cards in sodomite link interface mode help?

[BlueJackalope]

The problem I've had with wrath storage is that actually accessing it tends to overload the bus, which makes the frames-per-sodomy drop into single digits. Will investing in dual cards in sodomite link interface mode help?

Have you tried venting the wrath to resonant tesla coils to power a defense perimeter? I find it can keeps the gnashething to a minimum.


The wicked plotteth against the just, and gnasheth upon him with his teeth

Also, what the fuck is wrong with this guy?

[playingwithknives]

So, was he in some kind of flame war, and someone said "well if you don't like it here why dont you move to the Australian Outback and build a bunker there or something"

So he did....

Why oh why didn't they say "Go jump in front of a moving bus"?

[Drastic]

No, he did that too. Maybe it wasn't a bus, but a car. But the important thing is that the vehicle stopped dead, bumper all crumpled, and he was unharmed because of his massive physique. As I recall, it's like he has hams strapped onto the front of his thighs.

Which is probably part of why people gnasheth their teeth on him, because ham is tasty.

Edit: found it (http://groups.google.com/group/comp.sys.ibm.pc.games.rpg/browse_frm/thread/72da164abf10ba9d/3764008951468f5a?lnk=st&q=cleve+blakemore+taxi&rnum=5#3764008951468f5a)! So, not a bus but a taxi. And it's slabs of beef glued to his legs, not ham. But still explains the gnashething.

[Fugitive]

The wicked plotteth against the just, and gnasheth upon him with his teeth
Also, what the fuck is wrong with this guy?

He's been playing his old SNES too long.

http://img229.imageshack.us/img229/9655/aisle2oldenglishfo7.png (http://imageshack.us)

[olaf]

Edit: found it (http://groups.google.com/group/comp.sys.ibm.pc.games.rpg/browse_frm/thread/72da164abf10ba9d/3764008951468f5a?lnk=st&q=cleve+blakemore+taxi&rnum=5#3764008951468f5a)! So, not a bus but a taxi. And it's slabs of beef glued to his legs, not ham. But still explains the gnashething.
Yeah for whatever reason that, to me, is the best post I have ever read on USENET.

[Funkula]

You know, every time I see a Cleve post lately I read it in the voice of the Powerthirst guy.

[Drastic]

TAXIS WILL BOUNCE OFF YOUR ENERGY LEGS! You'll kick THE APOCALYPSE IN ITS FACE WITH YOUR RACIAL GENIUS!

Yup, it works.

[Nick Walter]

Yeah for whatever reason that, to me, is the best post I have ever read on USENET.

Oh man, that is a classic.

[Funkula]

GRIMOIRE WILL HELP YOU WIN AT THINGS YOU'RE NOT EVEN SUPPOSED TO WIN AT. LIKE THE APOCALYPSE! GRIMOIRE WILL HELP YOU WIN AT THE APOCALYPSE!

[Fugitive]

Wait, does winning at the apocalypse bring it on, or prevent it? Dammit, we probably should have researched this a bit more before shattering the last gem...