Text Adventure - Leaving "the bomb" at someone's house.

[jpinard]

eek...

[mono]

Are you texting from the bathroom right now?!?

Hop in the shower to clean your nasty butt and let the hot water run over the soap to generate some sort of mitigating scent.

[Bill Dungsroman]

http://img225.imageshack.us/img225/2884/giantpsypopax0.gif

[mlatin]

why in the world would you even bother posting this kind of shit anywhere? is your life that boring? do you have no more game manuals to sweat yourself to sleep on? die already.

[jpinard]

Yikes, thought it would be funny.

[DanielElliot]

Well I thought it was pretty funny. I didn't think it was true.

[Bill Dungsroman]

OH NO YOU DON'T:

So you go to someone's house and your innards are having a rough day. You ate all the greasy stuffing from Thanksgiving dinner (meant for 8), and finished your meal with a baker's dozen of cream-cheese, green-onion wraps. The onions were a bit randy, and you feel as if a bicycle pump is inflating your gut. You get to your friend's house for a lovely evening dinner, and one little bubble of gas accidentally eeps out while your getting out of the car. It is so foul Homeland Security threatens you with a cease and desist order.

An hour later, you're bloated and the methane bacteria have been working like meth addicts in a heroin factory. You ARE ready to burst as your intestines are estrew with unspeakable ill contents that must be voided ASAP.

You excuse yourself and nonchalantly race to the bathroom. As you make a 4-point landing on the toilet to allow the Gods of War their release, you see to your horror that:

A. This bathroom has no fan
B. This bathroom has no deodorizing spray.

But it's too late, you have planted a sludge-bomb the likes no mortal has ever encountered. Your eyes are watering and you've got to get the door open soon before you suffocate. To your relief the toilet does flush, but it does nothing for the smell. Worse, it's time to to clean up, and your hosts didn't stock the bathroom with enough toilet paper to clothe a hamster.

Things you see:

* Washrag in the shower.
* Guest handtowel.
* Bath Towel over side of shower curtain.
* Liquid dispenser soap.
* Gaseous haze.
* Empty toilet paper tube.

Your goal:

1. Hide the evidence that the Anti-Christ was just born in their bathroom.
2. Minimize skidmarks so your remaining visit is somewhat tolerable.
Don't be a puss, dude.

[jpinard]

No it wasn't true, it was a "worst case scenario" thing. Like preparing for a national disaster with FEMA. Thought the QT3'ers would come up with some clever and funny responses for the situation.

I can never figure you guys out. jpinard go too far?

Ohh sheesh... thanks BD.

[Adree]

http://www.chariotaku.com/images/backpedal.jpg

[tromik]

OH NO YOU DON'T:

Don't be a puss, dude.
Wait, what? How'd you do that Bill? Did you have his post in your clipboard for some reason? Some sick, sick reason?

[Bill Dungsroman]

No it wasn't true, it was a "worst case scenario" thing. Like preparing for a national disaster with FEMA. Thought the QT3'ers would come up with some clever and funny responses for the situation.

I can never figure you guys out. jpinard go too far?

Ohh sheesh... thanks BD.
Dude come on, that's awesome stuff. What, you're gonna let some fruity lurker like mlatin boss you around?

[mlatin]

i'm not a lurker, i'm just a hate machine.

[stusser]

So the story is, you took a dump at your friend's house and he's out of TP and you don't know what to do? Is this a bad sitcom plot? Why not ask him to bring you some?

If you were on a date or you shit your pants or something, I could see wanting to hide the evidence. But dinner at your buddy's place? Who cares?

[Bill Dungsroman]

Wait, what? How'd you do that Bill? Did you have his post in your clipboard for some reason? Some sick, sick reason?
*Drops smoke bomb and waves arms around mysteriously*

[mlatin]

ya know, if it were anyone else, i'd have agreed that yeah it's a hypothetical. given that it's jpinard, what with all the random pieces of advice he asks for, whether it's medical, woodworking, sweat related, etc, i'm gonna just go with "this happened, and jpinard wants to use qt3 as his personal blog to tell everyone about it."

[tromik]

*Drops smoke bomb and waves arms around mysteriously*
1. Do you have a DeLorean?
2. Is it true that they stowed coke under the rear seats?
3. Can I borrow it?

[demagogue]

This reminds me of a scene from Trainspotting where one of the main characters is staying over at his girlfriend's place and loses control of his bodily functions in the sheets. Then when he tries to sneak them to the washroom through the dining room, the mother intercepts out of politeness and in the struggle for the sheets their contents are unleashed over the room and the occupants.

I recommend you try for some result along these lines, perhaps using the large towel to substitute for the sheets, and hope that everyone is so embarrassed that it is never mentioned again.

[Lunch of Kong]

In case you go to Sudan or something, let me tell you how the majority of the people in the world clean up after defecating (and why they don't get skid marks in their underwear):

They wash their asses.

What you do is sit on the toilet -- or squat over the hole in the ground -- and pour water down your butt from behind with one hand while you rub at your feces from the front with the other. The agitation of your hand dislodges the feces that would otherwise adhere to your skin or to your hairs, and the water flow rinses the feces off your fingers.*

When your anus and surrounding area is clean, give your posterior a good shake, then use whatever toilet paper or cloth is around to dry.

* - This is why Saudi Arabian culture considers the left hand to be unclean, because if you're right handed, you pour the water with your right hand and rub the feces off using your left hand.

[Brad Grenz]

Dude. Hop in the shower.

[Hanacker]

* - This is why Saudi Arabian culture considers the left hand to be unclean, because if you're right handed, you pour the water with your right hand and rub the feces off using your left hand.

Indian too. Probably any culture where they do that.

[Rward]

time to lose a sock .........

[secretary]

Don't feel bad, jpinard, a similar thing happened to me in college right after I had my appendix out. One of my favorite professors invited our class over for an end-of-the-semester party, and I was still pretty sore and on painkillers, but what could I do? It was my favorite professor, and we were going to discuss our final projects with him during the party anyway. I had some pizza and then spent the next half hour in the bathroom while my body purged itself noisily and pungently of the offensive grease. Even worse, the bathroom shared a thin wall with the main room, so I'm sure everyone heard me. Absolutely humiliating at any age, much less a very self-conscious 18.

[Charles]

If this happened, the cell phone would be a handy item indeed.

[jpinard]

Trust me. I'm dumb enough to say I did it if I did. But I was feeling sick yesterday and it got me thinking about absolute worst-case scenarios while not at home.

Lunch of Kong - thanks for trumping my post. No wonder Howie Manel is afraid to shake anybody's hands.