"Game" widows mourn lost spouses

[SlyFrog]

Ah, the only press we get is good press.

http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/20397322/

P.S. Might I also suggest that any husband is nuts who leaves alone that poor, helpless, hot woman in the picture.

[Jackstar]

No matter how hot a woman is, somewhere there's a man who is tired of her bullshit.

[SlyFrog]

No matter how hot a woman is, somewhere there's a man who is tired of her bullshit.

Or who prefers shitting in a sock to her, I agree.

[WarrenM]

That's pathetic. I mean, seriously, grow up. Stories like that make me embarassed to be a gamer.

[MatthewF]

No matter how hot a woman is, somewhere there's a man who is tired of her bullshit.

Courtesy of 3MG:

Show me the most beautiful woman, in any motion picture/
And I'll show you a man who's tired of sleepin wit her

[Midnight Son]

http://msnbcmedia4.msn.com/j/msnbc/Components/Photos/2007/August/070821/070822_myrow_bcol_4p.standard.jpg

I think I could find an hour for her now and then. :)

(Tom, she's got clothes on!)

[marxeil]

http://msnbcmedia4.msn.com/j/msnbc/Components/Photos/2007/August/070821/070822_myrow_bcol_4p.standard.jpg

I think I could find an hour for her now and then. :)

(Tom, she's got clothes on!)
What exactly is she doing in this picture? Not that I'm complaining - its just a weird posture.

[Crater]

It's a little frustrating to me that the article doesn't mention that the majority of people who enjoy games can do so without alienating their loved ones.

The implication of the article is that these games turn ordinary people into neglectful slobs. Especially when the "Gamers don't get it" section is filled with juvenile e-mails to the 'game widow'.

I think it's in part a perception thing. Unverifiable andecdote: A female friend of mine confided to me recently that she doesn't like it when her boyfriend and I play games over live. She thinks they're silly and a waste of time. We play for a couple of hours perhaps twice a week at most. She just doesn't "get" games, and can't stand that he spends his time doing it, even though he does spend a lot of other time with her.

[RightWrong]

She's doing whatever the lame photographer asked her to do. I hate official photographs.



Although it may be because my last four years have been spent in either Korea or the University of Washington, I've heard more stories of broken marriages due to WoW than alcohol or physical violence. Anecdotal, I know.

It's a little frustrating to me that the article doesn't mention that the majority of people who enjoy games can do so without alienating their loved ones.

The implication of the article is that these games turn ordinary people into neglectful slobs. Especially when the "Gamers don't get it" section is filled with juvenile e-mails to the 'game widow'.


I don't think the article needs to mention that the majority of people don't become addicted. They give the membership of those sites as 2000-3000, not, "the internets". The implication of the article is that there's little to nothing to do about it for the growing number of addicted gamers. The popularity of these sites compared to the hate mail is intended to show that there isn't a solution to their problem yet. Either you're one of the suffering spouses or everyone else is like "What? They're just playing video games. Lay off".

It used to be the people you heard ruin or nearly ruin their lives over games were tech-savvy guys in college who played too much doom. Everyone knows that guy. A lot more games are mainstream now and the results aren't just failed exams from some over-rated liberal arts campus.

[marxeil]

The only thing that separates this from any other reason that makes a person neglect his/hers spouse is the associated 'weirdness'. Wasting your life at WOW is socially worse then spending all your free time with your buddies at the local bar, coming home at 2AM smelling of cigarettes smoke, cheap wine and loose girls.

[Jackstar]

Courtesy of 3MG:
The fact that others have independently arrived at the same conclusion I have simply reinforces my argument.

Thanks!

[Charlatan]

Did anyone check out the top 5 list of addictive games?


1. WoW
2. EQ
3. Peggle
4. Doom
5. Tetris

[MatthewF]

Doom? Yeah, that list is bullshit.

[Njal]

At the most addicted of my time with DaoC my wife was getting moderately upset with my obsession with becoming number 1 RvR Skald on my server (I was no 2 or 3 for several months). However when she finally brought this up to me I took a careful look and realised I was spending far too much time with the game.

So I was able to moderate my time online and spend more with my family (mind you my kids loved watching over my shoulder as I wasted those damn Albs/Hibs :). I guess I wasn't quite addicted, since I was able to climb down from my almost catassery but the lure was combated by too gettting bored and the fact that I could look at myself in at least a somewhat unbiased manner.

Still I can understand how you can get sucked in to MMOs. Luckily much of my play time was at early hours before anyone else got up.

[EvilIdler]

I've heard more stories of broken marriages due to WoW than alcohol or physical violence.
I wish I knew enough hardcore gamers for this to be the case for me, too. However, it's the opposite :/

WoW: The peaceful way to divorce.

[Jackstar]

I guess I wasn't quite addicted, since I was able to climb down from my almost catassery
Are you saying that 'addiction' of any kind is an unrecoverable, terminal condition?

[Squirrel Killer]

What exactly is she doing in this picture? Not that I'm complaining - its just a weird posture.
Accentuating her breasteses.

[Slainte Mhath]

The only thing that separates this from any other reason that makes a person neglect his/hers spouse is the associated 'weirdness'. Wasting your life at WOW is socially worse then spending all your free time with your buddies at the local bar, coming home at 2AM smelling of cigarettes smoke, cheap wine and loose girls.

Exactly. The same thing that's brought gaming to the attention of the mainstream media driving this as well. There are a whole lot more than 2000-3000 people in America living in violent, abusive relationships with drug addicts and alcoholics, but that's been done to death in the media. "Gamer widow" is far more hip and trendy, and it's easy to poke fun at the dorks that waste their lives playing video games while their hot wives (as pictured) go unsatisfied.

No mention is made of the millions of people who find time daily to work video games into their lives in the same way others work in television viewing, golf, fantasy sports, stamp/coin/baseball card/beenie baby collecting, woodworking and a hundred other hobbies. Instead the impression is given that if you allow your spouse to pick up a copy of World of Warcraft or SOCOM, kiss him goodbye because he's going to become a lemur-eyed basement dwelling troll by the end of the week.


On the other hand, if there are a bunch of lonely gaming widows as attractive as the woman pictured, I think I may have found a new hobby, joining those sites and seducing poor lonely gaming widows!

[Njal]

Are you saying that 'addiction' of any kind is an unrecoverable, terminal condition?

Ok that is just wrong on my part. What I really meant was it was easy for me to back off so I wasn't quite addicted.

[Jackstar]

You're thinking "dependency" then. Glad to hear you broke the viscous cycle.

[Njal]

You're thinking "dependency" then. Glad to hear you broke the viscous cycle.

Yeah, it was a definitely positive development. However I still miss the rush I would sometimes get during massive RvR raids on relic keeps.

[SlyFrog]

What exactly is she doing in this picture? Not that I'm complaining - its just a weird posture.

myspace angle.

[BobJustBob]

You're thinking "dependency" then. Glad to hear you broke the viscous cycle.

Is the cycle made of some kind of thick oil?

[Jackstar]

Well, not what I was thinking at the time, but, sure!

[Raife]

Accentuating her breasteses.

Yeah. I think it's supposed to be alluring, but it looks more like she's constipated.

[WarrenM]

Yeah. I think it's supposed to be alluring, but it looks more like she's constipated.
... really? Maybe I haven't seen enough constipated faces in my lifetime.

[CJ Martin]

Yeah. I think it's supposed to be alluring, but it looks more like she's constipated.

Or hiding a big o' bootie...

...or a beer gut.

-CJ

[ElGuapo]

What exactly is she doing in this picture? Not that I'm complaining - its just a weird posture.

The picture was taken from a balcony or ladder, and she's standing with her arm on the back of a chair or more likely a stool with a back.

[Njal]

Trust ElG he knows about these things!

[Mark Asher]

The only thing that separates this from any other reason that makes a person neglect his/hers spouse is the associated 'weirdness'. Wasting your life at WOW is socially worse then spending all your free time with your buddies at the local bar, coming home at 2AM smelling of cigarettes smoke, cheap wine and loose girls.

People who spend a lot of time staying out till 2am drinking at bars usually don't have stable relationships either. I doubt any of us want to be hooked up with someone who is gone all the time, either by isolating in front of a PC or by being out at bars all the time.

Addictive behavior can be damaging to relationships, no matter what the addiction is.

[Charles]

That's pathetic. I mean, seriously, grow up. Stories like that make me embarassed to be a gamer.


Really? It makes me embarrassed to be a human, because there's shit like this that happens all the time which has nothing to do with gaming whatsoever.

But I can't help but think part of this is because some people don't accept gaming as a hobby. I think it's just bad business for a gamer to hook up with a non-gamer, unless the non-gamer can accept the fact that the other will play a lot of games.

edit: Also, gamers need to realize that if they have kids, people are going to expect them to take care of them. Which is why I'm never having kids. Gaming > crying shitmonkeys.

[Union Carbide]

What exactly is she doing in this picture? Not that I'm complaining - its just a weird posture.

She has Internet Disease (http://www.encyclopediadramatica.com/Internet_Disease).

[noun]

I just wonder how that site managed to get an MSNBC mention. Everything about it is embarrassingly amateurish.

[WarrenM]

Really? It makes me embarrassed to be a human, because there's shit like this that happens all the time which has nothing to do with gaming whatsoever.
Of course. I was commenting specifically as it related to this story which made the gamer part of my personality embarassed. I agree there are hundreds of ways to fuck up relationships, many of which are embarassing in their own right.

But I can't help but think part of this is because some people don't accept gaming as a hobby.
There's gaming as a hobby and then there's your wife calling you from New Zealand and you telling her you can't talk because you're in the middle of a raid. FFS.

edit: Also, gamers need to realize that if they have kids, people are going to expect them to take care of them. Which is why I'm never having kids. Gaming > crying shitmonkeys.
"crotchlings" tends to get a better reaction from the crowd.

[Nick Walter]

But I can't help but think part of this is because some people don't accept gaming as a hobby. I think it's just bad business for a gamer to hook up with a non-gamer, unless the non-gamer can accept the fact that the other will play a lot of games.


There's a lot of complexities to a successful relationship or marriage, so simplifying it down to gamer vs non-gamer is really an oversimplification. People in a relationship need to have an acceptance of and compatibility with the ways the other person likes to spend their time. Regardless of the activities they enjoy.


edit: Also, gamers need to realize that if they have kids, people are going to expect them to take care of them. Which is why I'm never having kids. Gaming > crying shitmonkeys.

The two aren't mutually exclusive, though marathon sessions of any game are not kid friendly.

[fuzzyslug]

They just don't "get it."

[Athryn]

The thing I hate also is that it of course implies that us poor women never game at all, and we just languish around feeling sorry for ourselves.

Some of us women like to game to (well, duh you guys know this) and I very much enjoy playing games with my significant other. We make a very good team.

We also have our own interests, and there will be times where he is playing a game on the 360 that I'm not interested in and I will go read, or do my own thing. Relationships don't have to be all clingy.

[Balasarius]

WoW is great for when my penis is on cooldown.

[SlyFrog]

The thing I hate also is that it of course implies that us poor women never game at all, and we just languish around feeling sorry for ourselves.

The article actually goes into express detail that women are sometimes the problem, and even gives the percentage split between sexes that are the "problem gamer" if I recall.

[Robert Sharp]

I feel sorry for these women, but no more so than women who deal with any compulsive behavior from a spouse (or men who do so, either). I'd be interested to see a scientific study that gave some hint as to the percentage of gamers who become addicted this way and the actual numbers. That there are 2-3k women on one site dedicated to it tells me more about their ability to find the site than anything about the actual numbers.

My wife is VERY understanding of my gaming. She encourages it because she knows I enjoy it. However, I rarely play before 5pm, rarely stay up past midnight, and never play for even 4 hours straight, much less 14 or more. So I guess that makes a difference.

[Brendan]

"It just got crazy popular," - If my wife spoke like this I'd probably also spend as much time as possible not hearing her talk.

[olaf]

WoW is great for when my penis is on cooldown.
awesome

[bigdruid]

The two aren't mutually exclusive, though marathon sessions of any game are not kid friendly.

QFT. It's why I gave up WoW. I need a game I can pause.

[Rimbo]

i am so totally about to make my wife a "bioshock widow"

[unbongwah]

It's a little frustrating to me that the article doesn't mention that the majority of people who enjoy games can do so without alienating their loved ones.
Who ever sold a newspaper with the headline, "Man NOT Hit By Bus?"

The real question we should be asking: "Is that webcomic bad enough that Rimbo would link it?"
The thing I hate also is that it of course implies that us poor women never game at all, and we just languish around feeling sorry for ourselves.
From the article:
And it's not just women widows out there. There are plenty of men who've lost their wives and girlfriends to gaming as well.

Writes one widower at GamerWidow.com: I'm a young dad with a little boy and baby girl and a wife who plays a whole lot of WoW…My wife plays during every free hour she has…When the baby wakes up during her afternoon nap, which is one of my wife's daily time-slots for WOW…she gets seriously pissed off.

"With these MMORPGs, they will swallow almost anybody," Myrow says, estimating that GamerWidow.com's membership is split 70 percent women and 30 percent men. "They're so user-friendly and so appealing to even a non-gamer that pretty much anyone can get sucked into them."
You go, girls! REPRESENT!

[Marcus]

Those 30% of men that are on the site are only there to pick up on the 70% of women.

[deepruntramp]

If I were married and my wife unplugged my cable modem when I was using it just to fuck with me, I'd unplug my fucking paycheck from her account/our mutual account just to fuck with her.

[Marcus]

If I were married and my wife unplugged my cable modem when I was using it just to fuck with me, I'd unplug my fucking paycheck from her account/our mutual account just to fuck with her.

I laughed.

Games are not the problem with their relationships. Its pretty simple.

[Tyjenks]

What some others said.

Some guys just need an escape from their droning existence. I wonder if the guy gamed before they were married. I bet he did and she still married him.

They, obviously, did not have a discussion about it before marriage and she assumed he would play less because "He has me to entertain him." Well, unless you like to compete and engage in the same type of recreations that gaming offers, he is not going to be able to sub you in for gaming. In fact, he may be unhappy once he got to see what exactly you offered in the way of a spouse and buried himself further into gaming. Maybe your converstion and interests have remained stagnant in the last 10 years. Maybe you say you want to stay fit and do fun stuff, but instead you eat full meals as between-meal snacks and prefer sitting around watching reality TV.

I'm just sayin'. That coulda been the way it went down for these two.

[Rimbo]

I laughed.

Games are not the problem with their relationships. Its pretty simple.

Some games can be addictive, to the point where it affects one's health/relationships like any other addiction -- lost jobs, lost health, ignoring kids & family, etc. We don't know if this is the case here. What I will say is that whether this is a relationship issue or the guy having real problems, she's going about it the wrong way if she wants to salvage anything.

[unbongwah]

Those 30% of men that are on the site are only there to pick up on the 70% of women.
C'mon: they can't all have seen About a Boy (http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0276751/).

[Shadarr]

What some others said.

Some guys just need an escape from their droning existence. I wonder if the guy gamed before they were married. I bet he did and she still married him.
What you said. Too many people expect their partner to change once they get married or get into a relationship. If you want your husband to stop gaming/working on his car/watching sports/going out with his friends, you not only have to tell him (important first step), you have to get him to agree. And even if he agrees, you have to make him want to change, because everyone knows contracts made under duress are non-binding.

But 90% of the time I bet they never even had the discussion. She just assumed he'd change, because getting married fixes everything.

[nutsak]

because getting married fixes everything.

I can't recall where I heard it but;

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.

[bigdruid]

I stopped reading at "He wants to play games instead of spend time with me - waaah".

If your spouse wants to do some activity rather than spend time with you, I'm not exactly sure why either your spouse *or* the activity is to blame. I mean, WTF, if you can't even manage to make yourself more interesting than running the same fucking instance for the 20th time, you should go look in a mirror.

[Sebmolo]

I stopped reading at "He wants to play games instead of spend time with me - waaah".

If your spouse wants to do some activity rather than spend time with you, I'm not exactly sure why either your spouse *or* the activity is to blame. I mean, WTF, if you can't even manage to make yourself more interesting than running the same fucking instance for the 20th time, you should go look in a mirror.

You haven't spent a lot of time with women, have you bigdruid?

[WarrenM]

She just assumed he'd change, because getting married fixes everything.
If marriage alone doesn't do it, having a baby is the sure fire fallback plan.

[Calistas]

Well, there are a god number who get significantly worse once a certain game comes out or their lifestyle changes a bit. eg, mate of mine and his GF (and entire flat) became quite addicted to WOW once it was out. Before then, neither liked MMOs.

It's to the point where one of his former flatmates quit his job (which he was good at and a junior manager at, with prospects) so he could play WOW all day. He funds his lifestyle with sometime-visits to casinos (he plays... bakarat? He does good at it). I mean, if someone was dating that guy they'd see someone go from a "play the game of the month" a few hours here and there to "sit in your hovel, wrapped in your duvet playing WOW every waking moment".

At the New Years party at that flat I saw him for about.. oh, 20 minutes. The rest of the time he was on a raid. Oh, sure, he kept his door open, i mean, he wouldn't want to be accused of being antisocial.

Even his flatmates and other gamer geeks were laughing about an intervention.

Of course, there are ways to play games 'responsibly'. I find I have to moderate my habits, which is why I stick with EVE, and mostly with working the market (unless my lady is out). I have to game as casually as I web browse, and she sits next to me surfing on her laptop and checking her contacts on various social network sites! It's a lifestyle that works for us when we're not out and about doing things. I'm reluctant to whip out my big PC and lock myself away. Sure, if I only gamed a few hours a week that would be ok, but that would mean cutting down... and it's easier just to muck around on the laptop at evening.

Anyway, we should think about these things. There's no right or wrong answer for all couples. But respect your partner's feelings. What's the point if you don't have respect?

There are definitely people who get sucked in and play <whatever> game too much. And unlike, say, Bioshock, which you can plough through and then put down, folks just don't put the MMOs down.

Anyway, a lot of folks are damning here, but I've seen 2 different lives (one story above, another elsewhere) really messed around due to over compulsive gaming. It's no one elses fault but their own, but as an outsider you watch it and you feel a bit annoyed you can't turn things around. You miss the guy who would go out for a beer, play a board game, go to a movie, talk nonsense over vodka shots.

I very much understand where these wives come from!

[Jackstar]

The common element between compulsive gaming, compulsive drug use, compulsive sexual activity, compulsive spending, compulsive gambling, et cetera... it's not the activity.

It's the inability of a person to manage the emotion of compulsion itself. That's it, that's all.

Some people figure this out on their own. Some people figure it out with help. Some people never do.

Legislation isn't the answer. Education is. And before there can be education, there must be research.

Preferably research that isn't inspired and/or funded by knee-jerk reactionary douchebags. Not much of that these days, is there?

[Angie Gallant]

It could be worse. They could be losing their husbands to something like Furcadia.

Actually, Second Life probably counts too.

[RightWrong]

What you said. Too many people expect their partner to change once they get married or get into a relationship. If you want your husband to stop gaming/working on his car/watching sports/going out with his friends, you not only have to tell him (important first step), you have to get him to agree. And even if he agrees, you have to make him want to change, because everyone knows contracts made under duress are non-binding.

But 90% of the time I bet they never even had the discussion. She just assumed he'd change, because getting married fixes everything.

What article did you guys read? It's not as though I'm surprised to find this bias on a gaming forum, but the issue isn't whether playing a computer game is okay with your shrewish ball and chain. To quote: "He wasn't eating or sleeping. He wasn't cooking — and he loves cooking." Not, "He wasn't buying me enough Prada". Painful as is it to hear, there is the shocking concept of too much gaming. What are the first things both women notice? The guys lost all other hobbies. Yet gamers just don't differentiate the addiction between an unending MMO and a forty hour RPG.

[Nick Walter]

Thanks Angie. Now that your post has caused me to look up Furcadia, I'm stuck knowing what it is for the rest of my life :(

[Matthew Gallant]

One of her many talents.

[BobJustBob]

Shouldn't the thread title be 'game "widows"'?

[BobJustBob]

I'm pretty sure it should. Unless you're trying to imply that WoW isn't a game, in which case "game" "widows" would be appropriate. Or perhaps you're quoting "game widows".

[SlyFrog]

I'm pretty sure it should. Unless you're trying to imply that WoW isn't a game, in which case "game" "widows" would be appropriate. Or perhaps you're quoting "game widows".

Or it could be emphasizing "games" that actually drastically affect the lives and health of those who play them.

Who knows. Maybe you could go ask on www.whogivesafuckaboutpunctuationuse.com? I'm pretty sure there's a good forum there for this sort of thing.

[Mark Asher]

The common element between compulsive gaming, compulsive drug use, compulsive sexual activity, compulsive spending, compulsive gambling, et cetera... it's not the activity.

It's the inability of a person to manage the emotion of compulsion itself. That's it, that's all.

Some people figure this out on their own. Some people figure it out with help. Some people never do.

Legislation isn't the answer. Education is. And before there can be education, there must be research.

Preferably research that isn't inspired and/or funded by knee-jerk reactionary douchebags. Not much of that these days, is there?

Yes, and apparently there's research still ongoing that shows there may be some brain function causes behind addictive behavior related to the level and release of those feel good chemicals like endorphins and other natural substances produced by the brain.

[Slainte Mhath]

It could be worse. They could be losing their husbands to something like Furcadia.

Remember what I said in the GenCon thread about you not being as bad as these guys made you out to be. I take it back.


;-)

[Slothrop]

Some guys just need an escape from their droning existence. I wonder if the guy gamed before they were married. I bet he did and she still married him.

They, obviously, did not have a discussion about it before marriage and she assumed he would play less because "He has me to entertain him." Well, unless you like to compete and engage in the same type of recreations that gaming offers, he is not going to be able to sub you in for gaming. In fact, he may be unhappy once he got to see what exactly you offered in the way of a spouse and buried himself further into gaming. Maybe your converstion and interests have remained stagnant in the last 10 years. Maybe you say you want to stay fit and do fun stuff, but instead you eat full meals as between-meal snacks and prefer sitting around watching reality TV.
Let it out, man. We're here.

[Tyjenks]

What? My scenario was purely hypothetical. I swear.

[Angie Gallant]

Remember what I said in the GenCon thread about you not being as bad as these guys made you out to be. I take it back.


;-)

Insert maniacal laughter here.

And for future reference, if you have a delicate constitution just don't google anything that has "fur" in it. Nothing good can come of it.

[bigdruid]

You haven't spent a lot of time with women, have you bigdruid?
Heh, I've been in serial LTRs for the last 17 years of my life, so I'm painfully aware of the delicate balancing act maintaining a gaming obsession while not pissing off your partner requires.

But, yeah, you have people who really screw up their lives as a result of playing MMOs - the stories you read in that article are pretty severe, and go beyond the typical "waah, my partner has a new hobby that I have zero interest in" complaints.

[Fussbett]

I can't recall where I heard it but;

Women marry men hoping they will change. Men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.
You probably heard that saying when jafd made it up on his own.