Regional leader tells citizenry to ask Allah for rain

[Matthew Gallant]

WHEREAS, Alabama is suffering from a devastating drought that threatens the livelihood of many of our citizens and reduces the quality of life for all citizens; and

WHEREAS, Alabama’s largest industry, agriculture, is dependent on sufficient rainfall; and

WHEREAS, low stream flows and lake levels are negatively impacting water use, recreation, navigation and power generation; and

WHEREAS, throughout our history, Alabamians have turned in prayer to God to humbly ask for His blessings and to hold us steady during times of difficulty:

NOW, THEREFORE, I, Bob Riley, Governor of Alabama, do hereby encourage citizens of Alabama to pray daily for rain and proclaim June 30 – July 7, 2007 as Days of Prayer for Rain.

During this time, I encourage all Alabamians to pray individually and within their houses of worship for sufficient rain.
Shouldn't he specify how much is sufficient? Or is he depending on God to know? Because right now, God thinks none is good.

[Lum]

It's an interesting theological dilemma. If you believe in predestination, God has already determined that Alabama's agriculture was set to suffer through this drought, so there's not much you can do about it. And of course if you're a millenarian I'm pretty sure longterm drought is right up there in the list of plagues signaling the onset of the Antichrist. Perhaps they should pray for locusts instead.

Followers of Llolth, on the other hand, should be proactive and sacrifice the weak and infirm on altars to the Spider Queen. This will also help reduce demand for water - a win/win! And followers of Marx think this is an excellent time for the collectivization of Alabama's agriculture, or what little of it isn't already owned by agri-megacorps.

[chet]

Maybe god wasn't sure, how is he supposed to know unless someone speaks up? huh? Huh?

[Flowers]

So God is like DeepT's coworker?

[Lurb]

Hey... every little pueblo here trots out their wooden Saints, Virgins and Jesuses followed by the priest, the mayor and every soul as soon as the authorities announce that the dams and reservoirs are under 40% full.

[Not One Of Us]

http://notoneofus.com/images/spain.jpg

[Nellie]

You can have some of ours if you want it.

[arctangent]

Since the whole idea with religion is that if you suck up to the Deity, maybe He/She/It won't beat you up, and might even help you if He/She/It is feeling generous, this makes perfect sense.

[DeepT]

So God is like DeepT's coworker?

The stories I could tell you. Don't get me started! Talk about a self-righteous, arrogant SOB. He always thinks he is right. There is no point in arguing with him. He is like, "Hellooooooo! I am god, the all knowing one!" I am like, "FU! If you are so all-knowing, why the fuck are you asking me such stupid questions all the time?!" Yeah, he doesn't have an answer to that one.

Recently someone sent me a DVD of this show "The Office". Only watched a few episodes, but you know the office boss, Micheal and that weasel guy, Dwight? Roll their personalities into one, and you have an idea of who the "big" G is. BTW he always uses 'finger quotes' and talks about himself in the third person all the time.

[Unicorn McGriddle]

Followers of Llolth, on the other hand, should be proactive and sacrifice the weak and infirm on altars to the Spider Queen.

You must not be one of the devout. Lolth (81,000 google hits) is the common name for the diety that her principal worshippers, the Drow, know in their dialect as Lloth (113,000 google hits). Llolth (2,720 google hits) is nobody. This is like being a straight-edger who tells people that the "Three Sacred X Letters" stand for "Xtreme Xtian X-ess." Ablahu Akbar gaffes of this kind cannot be tolerated in the Underdark.

[Lum]

You're right, I suck at spelling words from languages that R. A. Salvatore made up.

(yes, I know, he didn't write AD&D module Q1, deal)

[Ephraim]

You're right, I suck at spelling words from languages that R. A. Salvatore made up.

(yes, I know, he didn't write AD&D module Q1, deal)

Spelling aside, you insulted Lolth with your mockery, so not only will She not be sending water to the Alabamans, She WILL be sending a spider to lay eggs in your mouth as you sleep tonight.

Pleasant dreams!

[Drastic]

Great. All these people are going to be praying so hard that God's going to oversteer, and we're going to get another record-setting hurricane season.

[Nellie]

Maybe god(s) got confused and rained on Birmingham, England rather than Alabama?

Oi cloth ears! wrong country.